DonJuan` Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Example: You will tell a guy that you want to be with him so much and that you will do anything to keep him (not loose him) BUT When you ARE with him you dont act like you want to be with him (all the time) More detail example: A guy and a girl like each other, the girl tell the guy she LOVES him and that he is so special to her, yet, when he asks her out, she says she does not want to commit/not ready for a relationship? She does not have any bad relationship experiences, nothing holding her back, besides for her immaturity (she is 18) ... so can it be that THATS the only reason? or is there something she isn't telling me? (this has nothing to do with my other posts/threads, just something that happened in the past to my best friend and i am curious to knowing the answer / whats going through the girls head, because i'm in a similar (not the same) situation myself) Your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 besides for her immaturity (she is 18) ... That could be your answer? I amstarting to learn that words are only words and actions are what count. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 16, 2005 Author Share Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 words are only words and actions are what count. AMEN!! Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by DonJuan` A guy and a girl like each other, the girl tell the guy she LOVES him and that he is so special to her, yet, when he asks her out, she says she does not want to commit/not ready for a relationship? I'm not a girl but it could be that she doesn't love you the way you think she does.. Love can be in many forms and can have many facets. She might just love you like a friend but because she is only 18 and unexperienced in Love doesn't know how to express herself just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 A guy and a girl like each other, the girl tell the guy she LOVES him and that he is so special to her, yet, when he asks her out, she says she does not want to commit/not ready for a relationship? This doesn't sound like confusion. A confused person dates someone they don't love. A person who is not confused does not. That doesn't mean they don't care about the other person any less: they just don't love them in the way they need to in order to want to be in a relationship with them. The problem isn't confusion on her part, it is lack of clarity in expressing her feelings toward dating this guy. She is telling him that she cares about him, because she probably does. What she is failing to say is that "I don't care enough about you to date you". Unfortunately, too many people are willing to say they are 'confused' because the truth would be hurtful to the person they are telling it to. Using 'confused' as an excuse makes it look like the person saying it is ultimately at fault, when really it is a matter of them finding fault with the person they are saying it to. A person who is truly confused does end up dating a person they don't really love, and staying in relationships they don't really want. People who avoid relationships with someone do know how they feel - they just don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 16, 2005 Author Share Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia A person who is truly confused does end up dating a person they don't really love, and staying in relationships they don't really want. People who avoid relationships with someone do know how they feel - they just don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you. I told er this, and she said to me that its bulls*** and that she swears on her life that its NOT the case.... so what now? who do i believe? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 You'd be surprised what people will swear "on their life", "on their children's lives", "on their parent's lives" and be lying right to your face. Swearing on someone's life is meaningless, because its an empty swear. Lying or telling the truth will have the same impact when it comes to the life she's sworn on. Basically, she doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. She likes him, doesn't want to lose him - but doesn't want to be his girlfriend and doesn't want to date him. It sounds horribly shallow, but girls keep 'friend guys' like this around because they are useful - they provide all the perks of having a man around, with none of the obligations. It sucks for the guy though, because the friendship isn't genuine. Should you ever want to see just how much of a true "friend" this girl is, just start giving your attention to some other girl. She'll act like anything but a friend. All of a sudden you'll have a jealous girlfriend on your hands - a jealous girlfriend who won't even date you, but will prevent you from dating others. Horrible situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 16, 2005 Author Share Posted July 16, 2005 LucreziaBorgia: your last post kinda made my heart stop, because u might actually be right .... I just hope to god that you are wrong about this arg! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by DonJuan` LucreziaBorgia: your last post kinda made my heart stop, because u might actually be right .... I just hope to god that you are wrong about this arg! I've seen it happen. I know a woman who slept with a guy primarily as a means of screwing up his relationship and getting him back into the cosy role of her constant and loyal companion. Ask her and she'd deny it of course, but oddly enough the moment the girlfriend was out of the picture, they were straight back to being "just good friends". Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Great post Lucrezia. It made my heart stop too in terms of what I am dealing with. I too think you are right on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 She wants her ego fed by you. The mere fact that you have feelings for her keeps the monster ego going......ignore her and she comes back for more. End the cycle of a situation that is going no where. If she LOVED you she would go out with you, date you, spend time with you, SHOW you that she wanted to be with you in some way. This is a game. The threat for her is that you will WAKE UP and find someone that DOES want to be with you. Stop her game. Don't play it. NC is in order. Show some self respect. If she wants to date you ( personally I would NOT even if you get what you think you want later ie: nice committed loyal girlfriend ..) because it seems to me that she is playing you. Why wont she go out with you ? She wont and thats a fact. She does not want to her your feelings. I think she cares to some degree but not enough to be your girl... Should you care anymore ? No. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 17, 2005 Author Share Posted July 17, 2005 I just told her its over. She has not stopped calling and sms'ing me begging for me to reconsider.... what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by DonJuan` I just told her its over. She has not stopped calling and sms'ing me begging for me to reconsider.... what do i do? I'm not sure, but what I'd be inclined to do is respond to one of the calls and ask her to clarify why she's having so much difficulty letting go of this friendship. Don't get into what you're thinking and feeling - because from the sound of things, she already knows. Get her to voice exactly what it is she wants and needs from you. Then you can decide whether those wants and needs are things you're able or willing to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
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