saw the ex for the first time in a month *bad*

[smile]

So my ex came by yesterday to pay the phone bill. We called the phone company about getting everything sepereated and getting insurance on his phone. Since I am the primary on the account eventually the guy had to talk to me.

 

He came on and said "I sure hope you two can work it out, I mean whatever he did couldn't be that bad. You're together right now , talk about it, work it out". I said that it wasn't my decision to break it off it was his and then he said that it didn't sound that way because I sounded happy and giggly and he sounded very sad. So as I tried to go on about the phone the phone guy said "give him some space and time. Let him see that the grass isn't as green as he thinks it is on the other side. The grass will never be as green as it was with you, I can tell. I have been there and done that and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Give him time and maybe one day you can work it out, I dont know you guys but I just wish you would."

 

Weird huh? Anyway I got off the phone and went on my merry way. I am done by the way. DONE DONE DONE. I didn't talk to him for a month and it was the best month of my life, I saw him for an hour yesterday and I have been crying since then. It's just not worth it.

 

I didnt talk to him, I needed space , I asked him to go away. It felt good ya know? And when he called everyday that week I didnt answer. And when he talked about us hanging out I didnt say anything. I called him about the phone bill twice and thats it. And this jerkoff has the nerve to take my roomate aside while I am in the other room on the phone and ask her to help me get over him.

 

My roomate said "dude she is doing just fine without you." and then she told him that everything isn't about him and he should realize with my grandma dying and my whole security being shaken that I have way more to deal with than him. And that I was the one who asked him to go away and if he wanted me to get over him maybe he should stop calling.

 

He said nothing to her. I came out and he stayed there for an hour. Then asked if I wanted to go to his dad's house to see his brother and neice before they went home... he also said he was going to buy me something from disneyland.. WHAT?

 

Does this crap make sense to anyone? Not me. That is why I am cutting him off. I am splitting the phone bill and when I move in Sept I am not telling him where I am moving to. After the way everything has been between us lately... him needing me calling me sleeping with me, what a jacka** to not even see how I may have felt misled.

 

I dont know him anymore. My roomate has noticed it too. He is different. He was overweight and messy and stinky. All of his stories were about being on this drug or being drunk. When he was with me he said he finally felt he didn't have to do that crap.. he just didnt want to anymore. And now I have no idea where he is.

 

It hurts so much to see someone you care about turn into someone you arent even sure you like very much. Especially when you know they are better than that. Or at least they were.

 

My roomate said I just looked so uncomfortable the whole time he was here. I sat far away and I just looked like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. That's how I felt.

 

Anybody have anything to say? I would even take an "i told you so " if you got it.

[ladybird]

All I can say is that if you don't like the person he has become then it should make getting over him alot easier.

 

but I can't help but sense that despite everything you have said, you would have him back, and it sounds like he wants back..sorry if i am wrong in that assumption.

 

maybe the phone guy is right..if you want him back, have a good period of no contact which it sounds like you both need, especially you.

 

either way, no contact is the way to go as it really is the only way to get over someone and move on.

 

I know that I would still be a complete mess if I was in contact with my ex. He said that he wanted us to be friends because I am his best friend, blah blah blah! - but we all know that really is a guilt-reducing exercise and not a genuine offer of friendship.

 

I reckon that when the say '..but I want us to be friends', they are secretly praying that we will say no!

 

I gave my ex what he really wanted - for me to disappear quietly out of his life as if I had never existed but I sometimes wish I had taken up his offer to be friends and actually made him do things with me, just for the fun of watching him squirm. ha!

 

you sound like quite a strong person...I think you will be ok.

[smile]

when i went away and couldn't be his friend in the first few weeks of our breakup he acted like I had hurt him so much. In ways I would never understand. He seemed so sad. So , when a friend of his died it started our friendship up again.

 

Now I just feel like it's a mess. He doesn't respect me or my feelings. And I just keep thinking... he let whatever bs it was that he heard or ws tripping on convince him to throw this all away. In the last year he hasn't been able to let me go even tho he is the one who broke it off.... I don't think he has ever fully felt the consequences.. it has been a week here and there bc of the phone bill.

 

But now I am splitting it and then there will be no reason to talk. I deleted him from my AOL buddy list and he IMed me today. Just as if nothing was different , as if we were best buds. I didn't realize he could still see me and IM me. gessh

 

my life is starting to look up. I have a raise, I am getting a new place , a new car and it's all without him. It's nice to see that I can be a success and I have control over my life.. whithout him. It's very empowering. And it does make the space easier.

 

You think I would take him back? I am in love with him and I always will be. I know and accept that. In my heart my future is still with him. And that would be my ideal. But I can see reality and I need to move on.

 

Does he want back? Who knows. I am not even sure if he knows. And I guess I can't allow myself to care about that. Or at least not dwell on it. I do know that we are close and he has counted on me for emotional support through good and bad even through this last year of us not being together. I do know that he considers me his best friend.. and I do know that he has told me things he has never told anyone else. We know eachother better than anyone ... sometimes even better than we know ourselves.

 

But as someone said, while it looks good on paper you can't win an ex over with logisitics. He is in a place where I can't reach him. And when he reaches out to me its with sharp claws that tear me up inside. I can't take that pain anymore.

[Universe]

I didn't talk to him for a month and it was the best month of my life,...

Imagine not talking to him for a year. Maybe that would be the best year of your life.

 

Your month away from him has clearly made you stronger. It seems pretty clear to me now that you need to dump this guy. He really doesn't seem to do anything for you. You're growing up and he is not. I think there are much better guys than this out there for you. You've wasted enough time on him. It's been a year since you guys initially broke up and he really doesn't seem to have changed one bit. You've simply outgrown him. It's ok to be sad about it. But don't mistake your sadness for anything more than that. The world has better things for you. Stay strong and positive. Be on you own for a while. Before you know it, you'll find someone new who can actually love you the way you need to be loved. This guy is simply not making you happy and isn't showing signs of changing.

 

I'm glad to hear you sound so healthy. You'll be fine, Smile.

[smile]

Universe I am so glad you think so. I am sad but it's not the same kind of sad. It's not a devestating "why doesn't he love me" sad... it's more of a pain that comes from an inablitiy to reach him. On any level. It hurts me to see and kind of disgusts me a bit.

 

I know I need to be alone. It's kind of like I am on the verge of (corny enough) the rest of my life. Because what comes now doesn't belong to anyone but me. My car, not the one my dad bought, MY place , not mine and my roomate's, MY life and MY friends..not my bf's friends. I want to be alone.

 

I want to paint again, and write and draw and just be creative. I want my space again. Before I was so afriad to be alone and I used to crave it so much. I crave it again...

 

Thank you both for thinking I am so strong. All I hear from my ex is that I am dwelling and I need to let go. I think I may be the only one who actually has.

 

Thanks again. Makes it easier with this kind of support. I guess so long second chances yeh? And I am ok with that.

[smile]

I was just thinking. He was the one who called me all that time after I asked for time away right? AND he then had the nerve to act like I was chasing or pining or whatever. And he even had the nerve to ask my roomate to help me get over him.

 

Well is it possible that he said that not because he felt I was chasing but bc he felt like I wasn't? What I mean is do you think the idea of me moving on and leaving on my own as my own decision hurt his pride so much that he had to somehow make it seem like it was HIS idea? So he felt better and looked better?

 

What do you think? Is that a typical dumb exbf guy thing? BTW I went out last night to a club and saw some of his acquaintinces... ppl who knew him but weren't friends... just kinda in the scene. Anyhoo, they were nice to me and I totally had the sweetest little gal who just wanted to dance with me all night . She is married but she is just like this little funtime spritey fairy kinda girl. Made me feel good to be singled out like that on my first night out. Even if it wasn't a boy .

[Universe]

Is that a typical dumb exbf guy thing?

No. But given your ex's previous behavior, it would not surprise me at all if that were the case. In fact, it's probably the case that all these people who know him think he's a real jerk and wonder why a cool girl like you has wasted so much time on him. I can't believe he sad those things to your roommate. That's not normal. The fact that he went so far as to say that to her is definitely a big chunk of evidence that he is only out to save his pride. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

Forget him. You deserve better.

 

Stay strong. I know you will.

[smile]

Thanks. Unfortunately I live in a freaking small area where his band is kinda big news. Or at least they were. Who knows. Luckily, starting in Sept they are gonna be on tour for the better part of 6 months.

 

Anyway I just wrote here to say I did it. I got the phone split set up.. all he has to do is accept financial responsibiliy and all ties are severed. I have to say it feels kinda good.

 

And now no answering his calls or emails. I am moving soon so no worries about him showing up. I feel like I am finally in control of MY life. Feels good.

 

Thanks Universe. I didn't think it was normal but who knows with guys. It hurts that he has turned into this when I know he is better. I just hope he figures his life out someday.

 

Thanks again.