11 months post break-up, feels like it will never end.

[luluv13]

Well, it have been very close to a year since my break up of my boyfriend of almost 6 months. It was a whirlwind romance in which both of us fell hard and fast. The break up was extremely sudden and unexpected for both of us. We kept in contact off and on until the end of august which is when I asked him for no contact because I found out he was dating someone and we were still hanging out a bit. I've only spoken to him once since then for his birthday. I still check his FB occasionally and he still comes to my mind every single day.

 

I am SO ready to be done with this. I have been on plenty of dates, like at least 20 first dates this year. a handful of 2nd dates and very few 3rd. No one has stuck. I just can't make a connection with anyone. I know it is me and not them. I have kissed one guy and haven't had sex with any since my ex. I am attractive and intelligent so I have plenty of interest, I just can't.

 

I feel pretty damaged and honestly kind of disturbed that this is still affecting me as much as it is considering how short our relationship was. I know it is because I don't want to let go. But how do I make myself want to let go when I don't?

 

Obviously I know I need to stop looking at his FB. I've been staying busy and taking care of myself. I am still attempting to date. I have a job I love and that keeps me so busy. I have an appointment scheduled with a therapist for the first week of January. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO to get over this?!?!?! Never ever would I have thought that I would still be where I am come 2017. I just can't help but dwell on the fact that we were spending christmas together on the beach this time last year. . .

[VeveCakes]

I have no advice really except that you are not alone.

 

I am on month 4 of my break up from someone I dated 5 months...and it comes in waves for me....I think I am over him and the next day I am crying my eyes out.

 

I think just keep doing what you are doing (minus the social media stalking, I deactivated my FB to stop this and it helped).

 

I think therapy is a good idea...it helped me a lot in the beginning.

 

Just try and stay positive.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I'm in the same boat but only 2 weeks-ish out of a 6 month relationship and sadly I don't have any advice for you either but I'm totally with you. I think it almost makes moving on harder when the break up wasn't due to something like cheating or mistreatment because you have all those what-ifs running through your head and there's a small spark of hope that is awfully hard to stomp out.

 

I think therapy is the right move and all the other things you're doing (besides checking his social media, of course) will all be to the good in the end. Other than that, time and space are your friends and eventually your feelings will fade.

 

I wish you luck and peace. <3

[BlackCherry]

Every time you speak to him, or look at his Facebook page, you're ripping open the wound and undoing any healing you've achieved since the last time you had contact with him.

 

You need to go full no contact immediately. Block him everywhere. I do this as soon as a break up is confirmed, leaving only email open if there are issues to tie up like bills and rent. Not kidding here, in June my boyfriend of nearly three years left me seemingly out of the blue, within fifteen minutes of knowing it was over I had blocked him everywhere, deleted the photos on my phone and ceased any contact other than businesslike emails. I got over him fast because I gave myself chance to live my life without him in it. You need to do the same. It works a charm, trust me.

[jorgeg3d]

I have to say, BlackCherry that is pretty cold blooded! But I commend you for your effort! I wish I had the same character to do that about my ex when she dumped me.

[BlackCherry]

I have to say, BlackCherry that is pretty cold blooded! But I commend you for your effort! I wish I had the same character to do that about my ex when she dumped me.

 

 

Meh, I can be cold blooded and it's served me well! I fought like hell for that relationship and did everything I could to fix it, only to be treated like crap by him when he decided it was over (lying to me, bringing me round his friends who knew he was breaking up with me before I did, trying to secretly move out and securing a new apartment before telling me he was leaving me... yeah he was a coward). So when I knew it was over, I was done, and nothing he could have said would have persuaded me to give him another chance.

 

I have done the cold block and delete method with a few exes and it's always enabled me to get over them very quickly. It's a way of stopping feeling like they're a person who loves and cares for you, and starting to take care of yourself, getting used to being single again. I wish more people would consider it, rather than spending months drunk texting their exes and creeping on their social media then wondering why they can't move on emotionally. I'm an incredibly loving and committed person in a relationship but once I'm done, I know I'm done.

[sorano]

I have to say, BlackCherry that is pretty cold blooded! But I commend you for your effort! I wish I had the same character to do that about my ex when she dumped me.

 

That's how you have to be. When I got dumped I deleted my Facebook, her pictures, all the gifts I got from her in the garbage even a expensive watch. Out. Garbage. They meant nothing. All lies and bs behind those gifts. Sometimes you have to be that way and cut them out at that very moment.

 

People say forgive and forget. Don't be angry. Etc. yes to a point. But when you lie to me, my family, play me, or CHEAT ON ME and throw me out like a piece of trash? There is no forgiveness or mercy. May you feel the wrath of god and suffer. Not even animals in the amazon act like that. Your done, ghost, dead. Blocked.

[umirano]

I have to say, BlackCherry that is pretty cold blooded! But I commend you for your effort! I wish I had the same character to do that about my ex when she dumped me.

 

It's really the only way to go about it. I've done it twice in just over two years, and I'd be a lot worse off if I didn't. In fact, that I'm not even better is only because of when I was somewhat lenient about NC.

 

They need to disappear from your life. It's not a punishment. I don't want to make them less comfortable. I don't care about them really. I want to make myself less uncomfortable.

[keiji]

I don't think it's cold-blooded at all. You do it precisely because you're hurting and want to avoid hurting even more. I block them on all social media and throw away every single reminder. I've never regretted it.

[MeadowFlower]

Well, it have been very close to a year since my break up of my boyfriend of almost 6 months. It was a whirlwind romance in which both of us fell hard and fast. The break up was extremely sudden and unexpected for both of us. We kept in contact off and on until the end of august which is when I asked him for no contact because I found out he was dating someone and we were still hanging out a bit. I've only spoken to him once since then for his birthday. I still check his FB occasionally and he still comes to my mind every single day.

 

I am SO ready to be done with this. I have been on plenty of dates, like at least 20 first dates this year. a handful of 2nd dates and very few 3rd. No one has stuck. I just can't make a connection with anyone. I know it is me and not them. I have kissed one guy and haven't had sex with any since my ex. I am attractive and intelligent so I have plenty of interest, I just can't.

 

I feel pretty damaged and honestly kind of disturbed that this is still affecting me as much as it is considering how short our relationship was. I know it is because I don't want to let go. But how do I make myself want to let go when I don't?

 

Obviously I know I need to stop looking at his FB. I've been staying busy and taking care of myself. I am still attempting to date. I have a job I love and that keeps me so busy. I have an appointment scheduled with a therapist for the first week of January. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO to get over this?!?!?! Never ever would I have thought that I would still be where I am come 2017. I just can't help but dwell on the fact that we were spending christmas together on the beach this time last year. . .

 

Keep going luluv13, keep going

 

 

It is hard, I still feel it from my breakup (he dumped me). And like you it was a short-term relationship, around 5 months. It has been 5+ months since he broke up with me. I have to see him at work which doesn't help and also the girl he likes works there too.

 

 

My advice would be to DEFINATELY stop looking at his Facebook, but you said you know that already . I actually deactivated my account, which you could do if you wanted.

 

 

Also the less you think of him the better, don't let yourself for ONE MOMENT think about any possibilities of reconciliation. Also realize that you may never know all the reasons and answers, but be okay with that.

 

 

Little by little let the attachment flow away from you. Don't yank it out that may hurt, just let the feelings flow away. And know that this won't last.

 

 

It sucks though aye...At least you know you are not alone.

 

 

Keep going

[jamili]

The shortest relationships can hurt the most and for the longest, because they are often unexpected and right in the middle of when the brain chemicals and "feels" are at their highest.

 

And Blackcherry.. I envy you and your strength. It took me weeks after my b/u to finally muster the courage tell my ex to stop contacting me and apply NC.. but even now 3 months later I still miss her and think about her daily, and deep down hope she comes back in the future. I've deleted photos, social media, dating other women, etc. but I find myself unable to just forget about her and I still want her back. I feel terrible about this because it's clearly a one-sided love; if she loved me or missed me, she would come back, but she hasn't. Brutal to know that you are the only one who cares. I think we all strive to become more like you !

[Raina314]

The only advice I can give is just to keep living. I'm a year out of a year long relationship and even though I've thought I was over it probably half a dozen times now, it always comes back. So I've stopped expecting/looking for a day where I won't care about him anymore. I allow myself to be happy on my happier days and trudge through the sadness as best I can when I'm sad. I don't know if I'll ever meet someone I feel like dating again and even though it's hard to accept that, it's easier than trying to date all these new people I've never met before when I didn't even want to.

 

I'm lonely. But I felt more lonely when I was out with these new guys because even being on a date made me think of my ex and it's much easier to sit calmly by myself and wait, even if I don't always know what I'm waiting for. So, my advice I suppose is to stop dating for now and just live. I know it sucks to be lonely and I still don't know if it's possible to get to a point where you don't desire romantic companionship at all, but I think the calm sadness is better than the antsy, anxious sadness that comes with constantly being reminded that no one seems to be living up to your ex.

 

People often say that meeting other people helps take your mind off your ex, but I found the opposite to be true. I was comparing everyone to him and it was so painful and frustrating. You say you're smart, pretty, and interesting. People will probably come to you. Don't stress yourself out by doing all the work right now.

[BlackCherry]

The shortest relationships can hurt the most and for the longest, because they are often unexpected and right in the middle of when the brain chemicals and "feels" are at their highest.

 

And Blackcherry.. I envy you and your strength. It took me weeks after my b/u to finally muster the courage tell my ex to stop contacting me and apply NC.. but even now 3 months later I still miss her and think about her daily, and deep down hope she comes back in the future. I've deleted photos, social media, dating other women, etc. but I find myself unable to just forget about her and I still want her back. I feel terrible about this because it's clearly a one-sided love; if she loved me or missed me, she would come back, but she hasn't. Brutal to know that you are the only one who cares. I think we all strive to become more like you !

 

Thanks for the words! I never had to tell or ask an ex to stop contacting me, I just informed them that I was blocking them everywhere and if they needed me for anything practical they could reach me via email. If I got an email unrelated to something practical and necessary I either ignored it or didn't bite. My recent ex said something like 'I have so many things I want to say to you to explain, but I doubt you want to hear them', I was tempted to say 'no, I don't' but felt that simply ignoring expressed my wishes more firmly.

 

It's more than okay to still be missing her, thinking about her etc only a few months into it, you know. It was a huge part of your life with a lot of emotion invested. What matters is your actions. That you're holding yourself with strength and dignity, carrying out NC. Even in my sad moments when I missed him, I took strength from knowing that he didn't know I felt that way, all he knew was we ended it and I disappeared. NC isn't about hurting anyone or punishing, or retribution. It's about self care and love. I didn't do it to harm him, in fact I think that going full throttle engaging with him and telling him how much he hurt me and raging at him may have hurt more. As it was, he got to treat me so poorly and I walked away quietly with my dignity intact. We were both able to move on swiftly and cleanly.

 

Keep acting as if you've moved on and your emotions will catch up, I promise. And next time you go through this it'll get easier. With each new break up I move on faster and more easily. Once you know you can survive the pain it becomes a matter of doing the right stuff and waiting for your emotions to catch up, rather than the running in circles in agony you experience with your first heart break.

[luluv13]

This is such a late reply but thank you for all the words of support.

 

Another 7 months down and I am doing pretty good. The ex and I are in communication again after 8 months of no contact. At first it was jarring and a little difficult but i think it was the right thing for us to try to be a little bit friends. I have seen him once and while it was nerve-wracking at first, it sure was good to see him and catch up.

 

I have started dating and found a magical connection with a new person (after countless dead end first dates) and it is going pretty well. I still think of my ex and not going to say that my past relationship is not still trying to creep into my new one but over all I think I am really starting to put a nail into the coffin of my ex and our relationship. Thank goodness because it has been a ridiculously long time.

 

But I will say that 8 months no contact was totally necessary and really helped me get over the hardest part of this journey. I hope all of you that responded that were still struggling have also made some progress into being happy.

 

Thanks again! <3

[JDPT]

Hang in there, keep working on yourself and learn from this experience. Develop a set of skills that you will need and use when you go through your next break up. It'll be ok, take deep breaths and be gentle with yourself.