How can you forgive yourself?

[disneyfan90]

Throughout my life, I was always the one to follow the rules. As a young person in school, I never misbehaved, and I never got in trouble for anything. Everyone knew me as the "good kid."

 

Which is why I can't forgive myself for something that happened recently. I don't want to go into major details, but at work, I did something without even realizing at the time that what I had done was wrong. A few weeks later, I went up to my boss and told him about what I had done, and explained the whole situation--still not realizing that it was a big deal. I did get reprimanded, but the situation was a lot more serious than I thought. When I think about it now, yes--what I had done was very wrong. Wrong enough that something like that could go on my record I think (I'm not sure about this part), but so far, I've not been made aware of any consequences. I guess it helped that I was not caught in the act--I went up to my boss myself and explained the whole situation. For the several years that I've been there, I've also otherwise been a very diligent and honest employee.

 

I apologized profusely to all of my bosses and told them that it was never my intention to commit any wrongdoing. I was just naive and unaware, and absolutely learned a lot from this situation.

 

Basically, I feel so stupid. I don't know what I could have possibly been thinking, and I can't forgive myself for making this mistake. So I guess my question is...when you make a mistake, what do you do to forgive yourself?

Edited December 20, 2016 by disneyfan90

[IfonlyIknew]

If you truly didn't realize what you were doing at the time, it was an accident, a mistake, no one is perfect. You accept that fact and be conscious of it next time, now if it happens again then that's different.

[GorillaTheater]

If you're anything like me, you learn from the mistake and avoid repeating it, and that's good, but you also spend an inordinate amount of time beating yourself up over it until you reach a point where you're either sick of the punches or find something else to beat yourself up over. Don't be me. Simply accept the fact that you're as capable of being a screw-up as anybody.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think you need to relax a little bit. Honestly, being that uptight is not good for you.

 

It was an accident and yet you are beating yourself up over it.

 

Honestly I think you need to live a little go break some rules. Do something bad. Not at work, but just in your life.

[disneyfan90]

I think you need to relax a little bit. Honestly, being that uptight is not good for you.

 

It was an accident and yet you are beating yourself up over it.

 

Honestly I think you need to live a little go break some rules. Do something bad. Not at work, but just in your life.

 

Lol I tend to do this too much when I make the simplest of mistakes. I actually come from a family of uptight people, so perhaps this is where I get it from. I know I need to stop.

[disneyfan90]

If you're anything like me, you learn from the mistake and avoid repeating it, and that's good, but you also spend an inordinate amount of time beating yourself up over it until you reach a point where you're either sick of the punches or find something else to beat yourself up over. Don't be me. Simply accept the fact that you're as capable of being a screw-up as anybody.

 

I'm glad I'm not alone. Regardless, I'm working on accepting the mistake, moving on, and learning from the situation without beating myself up over it. It is true that anyone can screw up.

[Satu]

snip

So I guess my question is...when you make a mistake, what do you do to forgive yourself?

 

You change your inner dialogue/self talk.

 

You switch your self-talk from critical parent, to loving friend.

 

Then you can forgive yourself.

 

It takes a while, but its worth the effort.

 

 

Take care.

[whichwayisup]

You learn from it since you are remorseful and regretful of your unintentional mistake.

 

I think you're being way too hard on yourself.

 

What good does pooping on yourself do? Keeps you down, keeps you feeling bad, guilty and whatever negative feelings you may feel.

 

Forgiveness has to happen so you can move on and learn from this mistake.

[whichwayisup]

Lol I tend to do this too much when I make the simplest of mistakes. I actually come from a family of uptight people, so perhaps this is where I get it from. I know I need to stop.

 

So if you know and are fully aware, then stop! I know, it's not that easy but still..

 

YOU have the power, not your parents or how you were brought up, you know better.

[disneyfan90]

So if you know and are fully aware, then stop! I know, it's not that easy but still..

 

YOU have the power, not your parents or how you were brought up, you know better.

 

This is so true! Right now, I'm thinking about what my parents and other family members would do if they found out what I did. They'd probably never be able to look at me again lol And this is probably because what I did was more from a lack of common sense than anything else--that's what they'd reprimand me for. But you're right--I have the power, not my family

 

So I do have to face consequences now--nothing as terrible as this going on my record and affecting the rest of my life, but I was written up. Regardless, the HR person also told me that everyone makes mistakes and that I need to relax. He told me that while my mistake was a big one, it wasn't the worst ever, and the important thing was that I learned from it.

 

I can say his words put me at ease slightly, but not entirely. I'm still working on trying to completely forgive myself. I'm not sure when I'll get there, but hopefully soon

[GunslingerRoland]

There seems to be a disconnect here. At first you describe the mistake as something that didn't even occur to you to be a big deal, and yet now you describe it as something that your family couldn't even look at you if they knew.

 

I know you don't want to discuss the details of the issue which is fine, but that is a huge gap. Either you aren't being honest with yourself about how big an issue you knew it was from the start, or you are over-exaggerating the seriousness of it now in your mind.

[disneyfan90]

There seems to be a disconnect here. At first you describe the mistake as something that didn't even occur to you to be a big deal, and yet now you describe it as something that your family couldn't even look at you if they knew.

 

I know you don't want to discuss the details of the issue which is fine, but that is a huge gap. Either you aren't being honest with yourself about how big an issue you knew it was from the start, or you are over-exaggerating the seriousness of it now in your mind.

 

I don't know, I may just be over-exaggerating the seriousness of it. It was a rather complicated situation with lots of factors involved, but one thing is for sure--I misinterpreted the situation when it happened, and thus didn't use common sense to handle it appropriately.