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Once a cheater, always a cheater until they fall in love?

Sally'sworld

By Sally'sworld,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Sally'sworld

Sally'sworld

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My current boyfriend and I haven't been together very long but we moved very fast and are practically living together already. In the beginning of our relationship he was still talking to his crazy (I don't use this word lightly) ex telling me it was because she was suicidal and he didn't want her to hurt herself over him.

 

I later found out the texts between them weren't pure and there was talk of practicing sexual acts together and swapping provocative pictures. He swore it would stop and proceeded to block her on his phone. I later found out they were still talking and she was asking if she could come spend the night (which I know didn't happen because he hasn't spent a night without me). There was another incident where his roommate walked in on them, her bra on the floor and my boyfriend in his robe. He denies everything saying she had done drugs to cope and had a bad trip, but there was evidence of it being more than that and even she is telling people they had hooked up.

 

He once again blocked her on everything saying he was finally done. Two weeks ago I found out they were talking on a messaging app still. He claimed he was going to tell me and that he was only doing it because she was showing off self harm marks to him and his friends and he couldn't take the guilt because of his past. I'm trying to believe him that nothing happened but it's so hard. He said he finally is really done and quit his job (they worked together) and completely blocked her from his life.

 

From what her friends are telling me they think it might be true because she's been extra depressed lately, but this girl is relentless. I found out she was trying to get my boyfriend to sleep with her so she'd get pregnant and he'd be stuck with her. She even said she'd poke holes in his condoms. I really love and care about him and everything about how he treats me says he wants to be with me forever and really cares about me. But how can I move on from all of this? Will he really stop cheating now that he's in love with me?

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VeveCakes

VeveCakes

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No, he won't.

 

This relationship started with three people.. you can not have a healthy functioning relationship with this extra person constantly hanging around.

 

He is full of it...and you know that.

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Sally'sworld

Sally'sworld

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Trust me, I don't take anything he says lightly. I'm constantly suspicious and seeing signs in everything. But right now I kind of believe he really is done. The other woman and I have a best friend in common and the best friend says the other girl is talking about how she lost everything and is now seeking out a relationship with another guy. I'm just lost and confused.

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VeveCakes

VeveCakes

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Even if he has....where is the time for him to heal etc? You would just be a rebound. Look at all this drama and suspicion. Healthy relationship can not grow from this.

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coolheadal

coolheadal

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Move on, find someone else who's less complicated. This has toxic written all over it. Why settle for someone like this! Doesn't even make sense! You know already, what's going on and just making the drama more into a daily episode in your own life. Is that what your really want please say no, because if it's yes then you have to live like this always. NO one should be and not even you!

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anika99

anika99

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I believed people get what they deserve. If you are going to stick around and put up with such blatant dishonesty and disrespect then I guess that's what you deserve to get. Or at least you think it's what you deserve because if you believed you deserve better you would dumped his sorry lying ass a long time ago. So think long and hard on what you think you deserve in this life. If you think it's this guy then I'm sorry that you have such a low opinion of yourself and your worth.

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HereNorThere

HereNorThere

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Love has nothing to do with impulse control and morals. If you look around the infidelity forum, you will find most people continued to love their spouse even when they were in an affair.

 

This argument about "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is silly. I'm going to settle it right now.

 

The real answer is - "Once a cheater, statistically more likely to cheat again"

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LD1990

LD1990

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He has lied to you multiple times about talking to her, covered his tracks with different messaging apps specifically to hide their communications from you, swapped sexual pics with her, and he had sex with her (nothing happened my ass). This guy has shown you exactly who he is, and fortunately for you he has done so early in your relationship. If you want to avoid a lot of future pain, you'll dump him.

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Superchicken

Superchicken

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Your in big trouble if she still has feelings for him.

Its just a matter of time before he starts to remember what it was like with his ex in the early days.

Then, on one night, when you maybe have had an argument, he call her up to get some "Soft shoulder" to cry on, and she puts on the "Moves" to get him interested, and BAM.

May not be the first argument, or second. But it will.

I know I will most likely do exactly that. Has nothing to do with will power. Its got to do with the time, place and argument that will determine the results.

You cant have someone in the background when you want to move forward with your relationship.

 

 

Ted.

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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Will he really stop cheating now that he's in love with me?

 

No

 

I doubt very highly that he is in love with you. Maybe he has feelings for you but he certainly has stronger feelings for his ex.

 

It is why she is and wiil always be in the picture.

 

Plus cheaters do one thing really well...they lie really well.

 

I am afraid your relationship is never really going to take off, because this chick is still around. Sure they may not be in contact for a few weeks but she'll be back.

 

So don't sign a lease on an apartment with him because as luck would usually have it, about the time you do, she will show back up like a bad meal at a truck stop.

 

Your relationship is already crashed on the pad, you just don't know it yet.

 

You will soon enough...although girls want a lot of things from one guy...guys want one thing from a lot of girls. And with his track record if it isn't her it will be another girl.

 

I am sorry that this is happening but you would be better off cutting your losses now...this guy seems like he is not the type you want to hitch your star to. Life is too short to be second choice.

 

Please love yourself enough to not settle for being treated like this. No one deserves it. No one.

 

Good Luck.

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elaine567

elaine567

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....everything about how he treats me says he wants to be with me forever and really cares about me.

 

Really???

So cheating on you again and again with his "crazy" ex, tells you he wants to be with YOU forever and ever???

 

She may or may not be obsessed with him, but he cannot say no to her, and that is always going to be trouble with a capital T for you.

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CobraX

CobraX

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Trust me' date=' I don't take anything he says lightly. I'm constantly suspicious and seeing signs in everything. But right now I kind of believe he really is done. The other woman and I have a best friend in common and the best friend says the other girl is talking about how she lost everything and is now seeking out a relationship with another guy. I'm just lost and confused.[/quote']

 

Very few guys are going to be able to turn away a girl like that. I think what your BF did is fairly normal and if he does cut contact with her then this shouldn't be a problem.

 

Listen... there is a difference between a guy who goes out looking to cheat, and a guy who is struggling with a crazy lady throwing herself at him. Obviously you see that difference too otherwise you would have dumped him. Unless the guy is Brad Pitt he won't have women throwing themselves at him in the future... and to be very honest... men are not wired to handle that kind of situation.

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gorf

gorf

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Trust me' date=' I don't take anything he says lightly. I'm constantly suspicious and seeing signs in everything. [b']But right now I kind of believe he really is done.[/b] The other woman and I have a best friend in common and the best friend says the other girl is talking about how she lost everything and is now seeking out a relationship with another guy. I'm just lost and confused.

 

He was talking to his ex cause she was suicidal, or whatever reason.

Caught him sexting her.

He said it would stop

It didnt stop.

So.. why exactly should you believe him this time around?

 

As for the ex seeking out another relationship, so you wont have to worry about her... yeah. For now. For how long too.. she will sext a guy who is in a relationship, so what makes you think she will not do it while in her own?

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gorf

gorf

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Very few guys are going to be able to turn away a girl like that. I think what your BF did is fairly normal and if he does cut contact with her then this shouldn't be a problem.

 

Listen... there is a difference between a guy who goes out looking to cheat, and a guy who is struggling with a crazy lady throwing herself at him. Obviously you see that difference too otherwise you would have dumped him. Unless the guy is Brad Pitt he won't have women throwing themselves at him in the future... and to be very honest... men are not wired to handle that kind of situation.

 

"I later found out the texts between them weren't pure and there was talk of practicing sexual acts together and swapping provocative pictures."

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CobraX

CobraX

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"I later found out the texts between them weren't pure and there was talk of practicing sexual acts together and swapping provocative pictures."

 

Yeah... it's bad. I'm just saying 90% of the male population would do the same.

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HereNorThere

HereNorThere

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Yeah... it's bad. I'm just saying 90% of the male population would do the same.

 

 

Okay, let's see your data then.

 

That's right, you don't have any because you're just making up statistics and making us men look bad.

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HorseLuck

HorseLuck

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Nope, you caught him lieing to you multiple times. Don't even waste your time entertaining this. You need to run for the hills. It won't improve.

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Miyoko

Miyoko

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Nope, you caught him lieing to you multiple times. Don't even waste your time entertaining this. You need to run for the hills. It won't improve.

 

I agree, she needs to break it off with him.

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