seeking clarity and advice plz help!

[guest]

ok well im new here. and i have a long story and need some advice. I hope no one looks down on me because I may have caused some of the problems in my marriage.

 

ok.. I am 20 years old my H is 23. we have been married about a year and a half now. we have a 7 month old son. when H and i first met it was wonderful. he spoiled the hell outta me.. we we're only together about 6 months before marrying. he would so so many sweet things for me.. but back then he had the time. over the course of the past 1.5 yrs we have delt with an unplanned pregnancy. a newborn, our son having mild health problems, and now a toddler. and we remained strong.. yea things got worse bit by bit over this time.. but I thought it would all get better after life calmed down over the new baby. well.. it hasnt.. he started a new job in jan as a supervisor for a security company. and with this job came a TON of hours. granted every hour hes said hes worked has been on his check. so that hasnt been a problem up until recently.

I guess i should take a step back and give you a little more background now. my H and I sometimes "swing" when we get a little bored <im a leo and hes a libra.. we both love lots of attention> we did this once when we first got married and it worked out wonderfully.. we got what we wanted and the girl we brought to the bed got what she wanted and that was the end of it. neither of us ever talked to her again. it was great. well about 2 months ago we decided to do this again but with a guy this time. my H coworker "ben" and again it was fun we had a good time and everything worked out fine. well a few weeks later the guy calls us and asks if we would like to have a 4some with him and this girl he knows. we say sure.. we'll try pretty much anything. now heres where it get sticky. the girl was shy and unsure about the whole deal so I took it upon myself to call her <"dana"> and chat with her a few times so she felt a little more comfortable. so it finally happened everyone had a good time blah blah blah. well "dana" decided she had a thing for "ben". well she started calling my H regularly to check up on "ben" <my H works with him and "ben" decided that he didnt really like the girl after all> this i didnt mind.

ok back to 2 weeks ago. my H has been working about 80 hrs a week the past 2 weeks. and the problem is he never seems to be home when he says hes gonna be. weather it be 15 min late or not coming home at all <the excuse was he ran out of gas on the side of the interstate and had to walk to a gas station and ask ppl for money to get gas> <we are VERY finantially burdened right now because he ALSO has to pay CS to his daugter from a fling before me > <we just got the paternity test 4 months ago> anyways i beleive his story. but now theres been 2 more times hes not come home because he was called in to another shift while he was at one already <and hes not turning any hrs down because we really need the money> <and his cell is broken right now because I accidentally washed it so he cant call me and tell me where he is> so I end up worrying all night and fretting and wondering where he is.. which is causing huge problems in our marriage because I'm begining to not trust him <I have a trust issue with men anyways because of my father which is a whole nother story> well on top of it all hes working so many hours that we never really have time to sit down and talk about it all.

ok back to present. well i found out yesterday that my H is still talking to "dana" and hes been talking to her about OUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS! which I think she has a thing for him anyways since "ben" ditched her. so I flipped and he left here mad and went to work. well get this that bitch brought him dinner last night to his post because my H and I share a car so I couldnt do it and he wouldnt be home to eat. this had made me very suspicious.

i'm so afraid this is the end of my marriage. i'm going to call on monday about counseling and he has agreed to go, but what do u think i should do about "dana" I had a friend tell me to tell him to call her in front of me and tell her that this friendship is inappropiate and her bringing him dinner is too and it has upset his wife and it has to stop. but i'm afraid he wont do that without an ultimatium.. i just dont know anymore.. and advice would be great.

[Teag]

I would definalty talk to your husband about that. I would be pissed too. If nothing is going on other than just friends he shouldn't have a problem telling her to back off. You do need some counseling so good luck. But Talk to him & tell y=him it makes you uncomfortable.