Will she change her mind?

[alexdusty]

She is 18, I am 20. I was her first "real" boyfriend, she was my 4th girlfriend. We were together 22 months. We had a lovely amazing relationship and while we do show absolute equal love to each other, she would always find a way to out do my affection. Anyways she broke up with me the first time 4 months ago over a long argument one night. She told me she would never come back, regret her choice, etc. I was in shambles and an emotional wreck and she knew that. The next day she texted me telling me why she broke up, because I was asking her friends,and we had a talk about it but i asked her if she wanted to do some soul searching and about an hour later she realized she made a mistake and we reconciled. She told me her friends (who are in long term relationships) told her that sometimes feelings happen when you think your current partner is not the "one", but you just have to remind yourself of what you have now. And that helped her realise she wanted me back. It was a fine reunion and we were "better than ever" from that point on wards.

 

About two weeks ago I was missing her and she was choosing to go out with her girlfriends/family instead of seeing me (we live about 90 minutes apart, but have been managing it fine for the duration although it has been a bit difficult) and I would get quite upset and not treat her the way I should have been. I was in this mood (constant cold shoulder over text) for about 3 days but she persisted to show me she loved and care. One morning she was different, I asked what was wrong, and she hit me with "I just don't feel the same anymore/the connection isn't there/I love you so much but i'm not in love with you/I want you in my life forever but as a friend/please don't be an emotional disaster like last time because i care about you so much). She asked me if I still wanted to be friends and if she should delete our public photos on FaceBook and Instagram. I replied with good terms saying it's okay, delete the photos, return my Christmas gift, that she can't change that feeling, and a few more questions regarding why she felt like this and for how long. She responded and said to not attempt to change her mind again, and that she wont regret her decision this time, and that it was final. (She said the same things the first break up). We have had NC for about 5 days and I am just trying to feel better and move on.

 

Although I am sad, she was the type of girl to instigate a life journey with me (marriage/kids/holidays) which I agreed with because I loved her so much. She is a firm believer of "everything happens for a reason" and optimism and she really started to love her independence about 3-4 months after she turned 18 this year in February. Everyone tells me she is young and doesn't want to be tied down, which is most likely true, but I know for a fact I mean a lot to her and even if in 3 months when I am healed and feeling happy, I would still feel like a relationship with her because of all her amazing qualities. I have the thought in the back of my mind she would change her mind again, perhaps tomorrow or in a week or month or year, which is the a strong reason of hope that i'm holding onto and a reason for me to be happy.

 

The funny thing is we had a cruise holiday booked for march 2017. She only finished paying off the remaining $320 about 2 days before we broke up. The cruise was cancelled during the breakup and we lost a total of $670 in cancellation fees, I just don't know why she would pay the cruise off when she said she has had the feeling of breaking up with me for about two weeks.

 

She said she has been trying so hard to block out feelings of seeing me as a friend, losing the connection, and the spark etc. But she was sick of trying to force love and I know deep down she loves me so much but she said she would not see me as a soul mate

 

I have been working on myself, trying to block out the reminders, thinking of the future and hanging out with friends. I have dealt with many break ups and it's becoming a bloody ritual for me. I'm scared to ever try to talk to another girl again because of what might happen.

 

I am thinking of waiting a month or two and seeing how I feel. If i feel like I still miss her madly, I would do my best to move on. But If i feel happy and miss her casually (and could handle rejection), I would go to her house with flowers and have a chat to see if she would like to re continue the relationship.

 

Sorry for the post being long and annoying. I know 99% of you guys and girls active here probably see this and think "ahh another stupid young kid who thinks he/she has been in love". I have been in relationships (long ones) before, when I would look at the girl and would know I wouldn't want to marry her. However this one was different and my best by far. I wasn't ready to end it any time soon and was really thinking we had more in store for us.

 

I don't plan on contacting her within the next two weeks but I find it very hard sometimes. I need to call her dad (parents divorced) and pick up some of my clothes/dvds/laptop from his house, however she told me not to tell her family we have broken up, and that she wants to do that when she is ready. (I have only just blocked her out of social media after I found myself checking her FB & Instagram every 20 minutes to see if she has deleted our photos yet, which she hasn't, but I wont know from now on).

 

I just want to know what you guys think. I know it's impossible for anyone to know what she's thinking. But many of you may have more experience about such topic, how a girl's mind & chemistry works when she says these things, etc. It is my first post here so go easy on me please!

 

Thank you very much for listening.

Edited December 21, 2016 by alexdusty

[Superchicken]

OK, first, GOD, I hate long stories.

Second, mate, she's 18.

That's it !.

 

 

She's 18, again !.

You, your 20, again 20 !.

You and her will make the most dumbest and say the dumbest things.

Say good bye, and move on. If she wants to get back together (50% chance), then good. If not, move on.

I really didn't read too deep into your story, because you will get over it, and as long as you realize this, know it will happen again, even though it may not be with her, it will happen.

Just work though it, as that's how you obtain the experience, and ability to work it out yourself.

 

 

Hang out with your friends, and spend time with them. Because, for men, friends is like having hair. The older you get, the lesser you have !.

Thankfully I still have my hair !.

 

 

Ted.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Superchicken

[alexdusty]

Thanks for your reply Ted. I am slowly getting there, I know now to not worry about it and just move on. Thank you

[BAcK]

Do yourself a favor man, move on. It is difficult but try to. The reason behind this is very simple. You are both very young. I wouldn't say immature but certainly not very focussed in life. You don't know exactly what you want from life.

She might want new things from life, meet other people, experience new things. She might regret it but trust me by that time you would have moved on. You will also meet new people, date others and even experience more heartbreaks by the time you are 25.

Personally, even I went through this pain but with time it wanes. Just know that uou are very young and the best is yet to come.

[alexdusty]

Thanks for the reply BAcK. The more I hear the same thing from different people, the easier it is. I know i'm only 20, she's only 18. Hell, we don't even know what love is really. It's still a tough time for me because I'm one hell of an emotional and anxious boy who thinks good things last forever. Getting out of the routine SUCKS. Having no one to talk to all day, feeling lonely and lost. And that's the hardest part. But i'm doing better each day.