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Want to ask my exGF back

jdaniel

By jdaniel,
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jdaniel

jdaniel

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Hi,

 

I am 23 and dated exgf for only a few month,

She is a sweet cute girl, we had good times together.

At that time i was studying and under a lot of pressure,

i did not knew what i felt towards her and i decided to stop seeing her before she get more attached to me.

I sent her a message saying i am not ready for this relationship.

she replayed, as you wish.

Now after it passed 5 month i realized i loved her and i did a stupid thing.

All girls i tried to date i compared to her.

so i sent her a message asking for a coffee with me and talk about us.

she never replayed ( i sent her this at 11 PM stupid me)

now it is ~10 month and i still think about her every day.

 

I know she is single and i am fairly sure she loved me.

 

Would i be an ******* if i will call her asking her back?

I know i hurt her,

but if i will call her this time i will probably marry her. she is one of a kind girl.

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DarrenB

DarrenB

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Even to an ex, you don't want to seem desperate. In this case, she hadn't replied to you anyway... Sending her a text now or calling her randomly after months, I don't think that's going to suit well with her at all.

 

You made a mistake, trial and error. Stop allowing yourself to be in-denial and accept the fact that she has forgotten about you and doesn't want to reconcile. Tough to hear, especially when you have false hope (even when it's not necessary in the slightest) but with the right mindset you'll be able to do the same as her.

 

Leave her to her own life. Focus on yours.

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Popsicle

Popsicle

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When you sent her a message 5 months ago, did you really say you wanted to "talk about us" or did you just ask her for coffee? I'm just curious.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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When you sent her a message 5 months ago, did you really say you wanted to "talk about us" or did you just ask her for coffee? I'm just curious.

 

I said i was thinking about what we had and i wish we could talk if you are interested.

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DarrenB

DarrenB

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I said i was thinking about what we had and i wish we could talk if you are interested.

 

Her 5 months of not attempting to initiate contact with you essentially gives you the answer to all your questions, I'm afraid.

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dumbass2

dumbass2

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Give her a call, but don't get in deep with her on the phone. Just tell her you were thinking about her and ask how she is and ask her if she would like to get together and catch up sometime within the next week. Don't bring up the past relationship. Don't beg and plead. If she flat out says no, than accept graciously and get off the phone. If she's hesitant, don't push. It's up to her. Don't be pushy or needy.

 

Chances are that you will have to leave a message. Again, don't get deep in to it with a message. No begging or pleading. Just let her know that you were thinking about her and calmly ask how she is and if she would like to get together to catch up some evening next week and then let it go. You'll be waiting and hoping for a reply that's why you put a time frame on it so you can move on and let it go after the week has passed.

 

I do not suggest you do this as she has already ignored you, but if by doing this you can then move on, then go ahead. It was only a few months and she sounds like she is well over you or she would have contacted you. You've been apart now much longer than you were together.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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it is so god complicated to explain all.

 

- She is over me for sure, i know it

- She is a complicated person, in a good way, it is hard for her to find guys who share the same world view. and share the same interests as her. (nerdy girl)

- I did not harmed her, i just told her the truth.

now i am ready to be with her.

- If she is single and if had feelings for me, she probably give me a chance to talk to her. i do think she considered my message not serious enough to respond.

 

but i am afraid to call her.

i know i sound pathetic but i can't date other girls.

I think about her every day.

I have a cute hot girl at my work which is flirting with me but all i can think is about my ex.

Yes this is a problem, yes this is unhealthy for me.

but my heart aches.

Mainly because reality is a bitch.

 

What is killing me is the fact she keep my photo with her on Instagram.

and it is not memories album bullsh*t for her. if she started dating she would delete my photo the same day. she is using regularly to watch other uploads.

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dumbass2

dumbass2

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Take some time to get yourself together and call her. A call is more serious than a text. You need to do this so you can know and then be able to move on. You need to get this out of your system. Just be calm. don't practice it over and over in your head because you don't know how the call is going to go. Just keep yourself from being needing and don't beg or plead. Just keep that in mind. Don't get mushy or go too deep. Whatever she says, just accept it. You wont know if you don't try and I sense that you really need to do this before you can move forward. Just tell her about why you enjoy her company and that you would like to date her again and see where it goes.

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angel.eyes

angel.eyes

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You just want what you can't have. When you had it, you didn't value it. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them in the next relationship. Move on.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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You just want what you can't have. When you had it, you didn't value it. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them in the next relationship. Move on.

 

i had other ex girlfriends, one girl i really liked.

I dumped her because she was too far away, later i saw her with

a new bf. she is happy and i am happy for her as well.

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Popsicle

Popsicle

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I think you should try to contact her again because you'll never know until you try and some people really respect drive and persistence but I'm guessing if you're even asking here then you are somewhat apprehensive and scared of rejection and rejection is a possibility.

 

As a side note, for some reason I have had two exes try to come back to me in the last month. I don't know if something is in the air or what, because my exes NEVER come back. Anyway in both cases the mistake they both made in their attempt to come back was waiting too long. They both waited to long to "come to their senses" and I'm just over them now. Not warm to them anymore. I would have definitely been if they had tried to come back sooner. Too much time has passed.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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It's a bit of an awkward situation because it's not like the excitement of a new relationship anymore, you can't just ask her out, it has to be serious from the get-go and that creates all kinds of complications. It's hard to go from serious to break up to serious again. But doing more casually is probably not a good idea either.

 

I had a guy do this, and he had basically started seeing another girl and he contacted me 5 months later. I assume that relationship didn't work out for him and he wanted me back because he was lonely. I don't think of him at ALL the same way anymore.. We only dated a few months and we didn't have that attachment bond and trust yet so it was hard for me to give him another chance. I chose not to because I have him labeled as "jerk" in my head now. And I have zero feelings for him anymore. You might try calling and leaving a message saying you are interested in taking her out for dinner.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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What was wrong with the others girls you dated after her?

 

I try to date other girls but i can't get attached to a new girl.

Deep down i know i won't love her. i can't.

No matter what i try the ex gf will be in my heart.

So i stop it after first date.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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I understand deep down there is a small chance she will answer me.

at best she will ignore me, at worst she will say she hate me.

After so long time she probably stopped thinking about me long ago.

 

but there is a part of me which is believing she will give me a chance because she loved me. and wanting for me to call her.

cause she did not blocked me on FB/ WhatsApp ( some girls did)

And she keep our photos on Instagram.

Just sending a message is not what she expected me to do.

She probably willing for me to call her.

maybe if she will know what i am feeling right, that i will give my life for a second chance to be with her she will think about it.

It is not because i am desperate, it is because i believe she is the one i want to live with to the last breath of air in my laughs .

through joy and sorrow. life which has no meaning with out her smile.

empty and pointless as the abyss.

 

i do understand these are the fantasies of a madman.

No need to emphasize on that, it won't make me sane.

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dumbass2

dumbass2

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I understand deep down there is a small chance she will answer me.

at best she will ignore me, at worst she will say she hate me.

After so long time she probably stopped thinking about me long ago.

 

but there is a part of me which is believing she will give me a chance because she loved me. and wanting for me to call her.

cause she did not blocked me on FB/ WhatsApp ( some girls did)

And she keep our photos on Instagram.

Just sending a message is not what she expected me to do.

She probably willing for me to call her.

maybe if she will know what i am feeling right, that i will give my life for a second chance to be with her she will think about it.

It is not because i am desperate, it is because i believe she is the one i want to live with to the last breath of air in my laughs .

through joy and sorrow. life which has no meaning with out her smile.

empty and pointless as the abyss.

 

i do understand these are the fantasies of a madman.

No need to emphasize on that, it won't make me sane.

 

If you talk like this over the phone that is exactly how you will come off. You are obsessed right now. You have to be clam and cool and not be expressing your endless love for her. That's she is the one. She doesn't have those same feelings for you so you will forever chase her away. This isn't like you guys were together for years and about to get married. You just want to be able to try and just date her again, not marry her.

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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I understand she might forgot about me completely and my words will mean nothing for her.

But-She is nerdy and read a lot of books, she love romance and i do think being open with her about my feelings will give the best result.

She is not the best at playing love games. or the dating game.

I am not coming back just so we can be a couple, i want her back to marry her (after proper dating for 1 or more years)

 

I do know that the only chance i have is to call and asking her how is she right now.

telling her i was thinking about her, and if she is willing to go out on a coffee with me.

 

But thinking about her voice again, saying my name and rejecting me is more then what i can handle right now. i am broken as it is.

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kztar

kztar

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Try calling and if she doesn't respond move on. Also if she is completely over you as you say you have NO chance.

 

In my experience when im over someone, there is no way that I will revisit that territory. I could be single, dry, anything. I would not.

 

Ironic because some people say that you can only try again once you're completely over the person. But I feel like if you are over them completely, they become the next stranger on the street. Meaning they are that irrelevant for you to even acknowledge them to try again.

 

My two cents anyway.

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kztar

kztar

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I think you should try to contact her again because you'll never know until you try and some people really respect drive and persistence but I'm guessing if you're even asking here then you are somewhat apprehensive and scared of rejection and rejection is a possibility.

 

As a side note, for some reason I have had two exes try to come back to me in the last month. I don't know if something is in the air or what, because my exes NEVER come back. Anyway in both cases the mistake they both made in their attempt to come back was waiting too long. They both waited to long to "come to their senses" and I'm just over them now. Not warm to them anymore. I would have definitely been if they had tried to come back sooner. Too much time has passed.

 

I feel the same way. My ex and I are together again but thats because he came back to his senses RIGHT on time but if he waited longer, I probably would have forgotten about his existence. Once you are over someone it's hard to turn that switch back on. Out of curiosity how much time passed?

 

Its like been there, done that, NEXT. The way I look at it is like when I travel. I don't visit a country twice because theres the whole world out there to experience. Im off to the next country. :D

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jdaniel

jdaniel

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i am not calling her because i am afraid she will say to me every thing

she felt since then, what a d*ck i am etc..

This is the reason i don't have the guts to call her.

Should i let her say it all or tell her my side as well?

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