IfonlyIknew Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 First let me say, I'm in a loving relationship with my boyfriend. I want nothing to do with another man. I have posted my story here on someone else's thread a couple of months ago (I'll copy and paste it), this man was my best friend from high school. He contacted me yesterday (text) about 8pm, I have not responded. I can either ignore it (he WILL be back) or tell him what I really think "I respect my relationship as you should respect your marriage, please do not contact me again - (you disgusting man you)" lol I can hold the last part but this man feels entitled to contact me whenever he feels like it. He knows I am with someone (he was on my snapchat after all of this and seen me with my boyfriend, soon after that he deleted me) He seems to come to me when he is bored in his marriage. I have blocked him but he always finds ways to contact me. I have 0 desire for him to be in my life in any way. I know we can't control others but we can control ourselves I just feel like I have no control here, what if I'm out to dinner with my boyfriend and he tries to contact me? I don't need the drama. This guy has got to go. So put my foot down and tell him off? Or ignore? (Copy and pasted below for the back story) This is actually what led me here back in January, been a lurker up until recently. "My story was different". My best friend (NO longer) of 13 years is a married man. We met in high school. We were inseparable. We kept in touch through out the years. I was always the girl of his dreams but always had a boyfriend. He respected that and always was there for me when I needed him. I loved him, but there were a lot of factors that made me choose other men. He went on and got married and had kids yet still would text me/email me confessing his love for me will never die. I respected his marriage and cut off all contact. Fast forward years later, he sends me a text out of the blue asking if it was me. I said yes, he said he has been looking everywhere for me, he asked if I was single, I said yeah I am, he said this is his chance to take what's his back for good, that he's "going through a divorce", he lives 3 hours away mind you, he says "I will make all of the changes necessary so we can finally be together" I was thrilled. He said he doesn't live with his soon to be ex wife, he lives at his business, he showed me on facetime! This guy is serious! He came out to visit me but he was 2-3 hours late, he had cuts all over his face and a fresh bruised black eye, he said he stopped by the almost ex wife to get his suitcase and she wouldn't let him leave. Ok? Strange. So we go on our planned date, his phone was hooked up to the navigation, "Wifey" (with their photo together) shows up on the screen calling 10-12 times in a row, umm? Ok... so his phone is laying there, WIFEY texts "I miss you" ummm really dude. So clearly this doesn't add up, yet in the moment i was just trying to process everything, I haven't seen him in forever hes here for the weekend, I'm just going to enjoy our time. A couple weeks go by, I ended up going to visit him, got a hotel, and hung out a bit. He was very back and forth with his time. Nothing added up. We then facetimed through out the next couple of weeks I notice he has his ring on he says "oh no that's just so the kids don't ask questions" but wait.. you don't live there.. "yeah they know I'm busy with work and always see the ring on me". UM WOW. OK DUDE. So his lies are just continuous, I caught him saying "once the papers are in it'll be a smooth ride" wait.. I thought you filed? "I did.. I meant the rest of the paperwork" LMFAO you POS! I'm so done at this point but he of course tried to pile on the lies. I let it go another week, he was supposed to visit me, 11pm the night before, I texted him "are we still on for the morning?" "yes" he says. Morning comes around, no word from him. I sent him a text saying are you coming he says "no Im moving" HA!!!!!!!! You got a house with ur wife? "NO" Cut the BS DUDE! That was it for me. 2 weeks later he tries to communicate with me saying "how can I just walk away from my kids? divorce is like a death, you have no idea the pain I would go through" WAIT you were the one that presented a BS story to me, and now it's all different, you were just bored in your marriage and sought me out for some excitement, then realized wait, nevermind. HA enjoy! Haven't spoke since. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Could you not respond with Do Not Contact me anymore, if you do so I will go to the police and file a stalking report. If you respond to this text my next action is to go to the police right now. Than you follow up with this statement with the above action. No more drama for you if you really want that! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
notmyselfnow Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Send his wife a copy of the email he sent you (hopefully with an apology). She deserves to know, and it should stop all the drama on your side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 This seems like a pretty easy fix. If you REALLY don't want to hear from him again, tell him outright that you are in a relationship and do want any contact from him ever again. Goodbye. Then block him from EVERYTHING. I don't know why this has to be so complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Can't you just send an 'eff off, liar' text and be done with it? Or, you could befriend his wife, let him come home to you two having coffee and chatting. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 CHANGE your number. Of course he wants a reaction out of you so don't reply, ignore! If you reply, you're asking drama and bullcrap to come back into your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I don't usually say this: but ignore this man. Don't answer. Stop and think about it for a minute. This WAS your best friend for 13 years. I know all the stuff I shared with my friends from school and into my 20s. They were my rocks, they kept me going, they knew my secrets and I knew theirs. And now? Maybe he has had this mad crush on you, but he wants to put you in a position where you get treated awfully. I mean, he loves you, but he lies to you and bails on you. It's just bad. It bothers me that he thinks it's okay to treat a friend like this. I don't think you should contact the wife. Not because I think you're in danger (although the bruises and scratches are bad news), but just don't give him the satisfaction of you making the time and taking the effort. I'm probably not making sense, but the less you have to do with this man, the better. He's showing himself to be a man of limited character. He's trying to cheat on his wife (you know, that whole vows thing) and to put one his oldest friends in a mistress position. Geez. If you still aren't ready to cut ties with him ( dear God, please be ready) then send him a text that he is NOT to contact you AT ALL until he is divorced and has the papers and proof to show it. I do have to tell you, I avoid dating men who are going through a divorce and widowers. I've seen it too many times where widowers aren't truly over their deceased wife. Oh - they want sex, lots of sex, but they don't want to make an emotional connection. No matter how harmonious and mutual a divorce is, it can still take something out of you. There can still be bad feelings. There are days I still despise my exH and we didn't have kids, have been divorced 15 ish years. As I type this, I'm remembering how he turned people against me and caused problems, even though he was in the wrong, This guy has kids. This guy has a wife who calls him 12 times and says she misses him. This guy is still wearing his wedding ring "for show". I doubt that he is going through a divorce, but if he is, it ain't gonna be pretty. He's going to be filled with negativity on a daily basis. I dated during my divorce and I had a week from hell. He was making unreasonable demands, he was trashing me to people. He was being awful. The man I was dating had been divorced for about a year. He finally told me that he liked me a lot, he wanted to keep seeing me, but he just couldn't handle hearing about my process since he was just starting to get to a good place. We tried to see each other for a couple more weeks, but I was just too miserable and couldn't talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 This guy sounds like a low life loser. Whey would you bother? Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Absolutely ignore. If you see a message from him delete it without reading..or show your boyfriend, maybe he would like to have a word with the man trying to convince his girlfriend to have sex with him. Up to you what you do, the only thing about ignoring it is he will continue to fish with pause. Deleting texts might look suspicious especially to your guy. I'd get your guy to have a word with him. If he's still contacting you after that change your number, if he's still contacting you after that well you truly have a stalker type. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I think it depends how often he's been contacting you, for how long, and what he's been saying. (Wow I'm being soooo helpful today! ) If it's early on I would ignore. I would continue to ignore and would only respond if it became life disrupting harrassment/feared for my safety rather than just an incredible annoyance. Any attention, even if it's negative, is still attention. He still gets a 'result' of sorts from contacting you, encouraging him to continue. Most people will eventuallly get bored of being ignored and desist. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Delete, don't respond at all. Block the number or address he used to initiate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 He's the flaming candle, you are the moth. That always ends up bad for the moth. He is a proven liar, and not a very good one. He is a cheater, or at the very least wants to be a cheater. Is that type really what you want? Do you know how to block calls, emails, texts? It's not hard to learn and would be a valuable skill. Life isn't the script of Sweet Home Alabama where old love conquers all Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 If someone disrespects you as a relationship begins, as he has done, that's reason enough to shut it down then and there. I wouldn't respond to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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