For those in long term A

[Chica80]

I'm doing laundry tonight and bills.... I've been in a cleaning mode! Cleaned out fridge. Actually putting laundry away not just taking it out of the clean basket... I hear you. .... with a glass of wine though...

[spideywoman]

I'm doing laundry tonight and bills.... I've been in a cleaning mode! Cleaned out fridge. Actually putting laundry away not just taking it out of the clean basket... I hear you. .... with a glass of wine though...

 

Ha! Like you and Midnight this is also what I did last night with a glass of wine and my dog at my side waiting for the renegade sock to fall to the ground

 

Cleaning can be symbolic. As in cleaning up the "mess" ... very possible. Goes hand in hand with the hopeful feeling you're experiencing. He will very likely reciprocate with equal resolve. This is new for him. Remember, you've changed, he hasn't.

 

I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop as well, kind of like an anxiety. But then I think, what's going to drop? What's there to drop? How could there possibly be anything else? And if there is, what makes you think you can't handle it? Yes, seeing xMM again next week after five months I'm sure can be considered a dropping shoe but I'm prepared for it. I've been through a divorce, have gotten news of several friends being diagnosed with terminal illnesses, had a colleague resign in the midst of a really bad time at work, felt betrayed by my BFF, worst fight I've ever had with my mom which resulted in a few weeks of us not talking.

 

So, I think I can handle it and from what i've 'known' about you Sunshine is that you can, too.

[Chica80]

Ha! Like you and Midnight this is also what I did last night with a glass of wine and my dog at my side waiting for the renegade sock to fall to the ground

 

Cleaning can be symbolic. As in cleaning up the "mess" ... very possible. Goes hand in hand with the hopeful feeling you're experiencing. He will very likely reciprocate with equal resolve. This is new for him. Remember, you've changed, he hasn't.

 

I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop as well, kind of like an anxiety. But then I think, what's going to drop? What's there to drop? How could there possibly be anything else? And if there is, what makes you think you can't handle it? Yes, seeing xMM again next week after five months I'm sure can be considered a dropping shoe but I'm prepared for it. I've been through a divorce, have gotten news of several friends being diagnosed with terminal illnesses, had a colleague resign in the midst of a really bad time at work, felt betrayed by my BFF, worst fight I've ever had with my mom which resulted in a few weeks of us not talking.

 

So, I think I can handle it and from what i've 'known' about you Sunshine is that you can, too.

 

 

Thanks Spidey so far so good...

Ya I agree about the cleansing.

 

I'm not sure if you can really be "prepared" for next week. BUT I think you've had some distance and time away and you seem really strong.

I've learned its all in the frame of mind you are in. When I've done LC or NC before or whatever. It always seemed in moments of anger, of hurt of frustration...thus NC.

 

This time it's not emotional. I don't feel the emotion behind it....just this is not working anymore. It's not going anywhere and it's time to move forward. Maybe its different when you make the choice vs it being forced on you.

 

Good luck to you too!! I know you will do great. Keep posting!

[spideywoman]

Thanks Spidey so far so good...

Ya I agree about the cleansing.

 

I'm not sure if you can really be "prepared" for next week. BUT I think you've had some distance and time away and you seem really strong.

I've learned its all in the frame of mind you are in. When I've done LC or NC before or whatever. It always seemed in moments of anger, of hurt of frustration...thus NC.

 

This time it's not emotional. I don't feel the emotion behind it....just this is not working anymore. It's not going anywhere and it's time to move forward. Maybe its different when you make the choice vs it being forced on you.

 

Good luck to you too!! I know you will do great. Keep posting!

 

Thank you. You're right so I'll amend - can't prepare for an onslaught of emotions but at least i feel that i'm in a strong enough place and ready to deal with it. definitely the distance and time helped. and also the fact that i ignored and essentially rejected his attempts to open the line of communication makes me feel much less vulnerable. while he may have ended things with a lowercase 'e' i have chosen to continue with it being the End with a capital 'E.'

 

i think you hit the nail right on the head - making the decision vs. it being made for you. and also the time and the place from which it comes - stability or volatility. once the acute hurt numbed down (and boy was it painful) it suddenly dawned on me that when i told him i wanted to be with him, and that this situation wasn't working for me anymore, i stood in my bare truth and decided. i kind of lost sight of that initially but it has come back to me now. so at the very least when i make a decision i stick to it, always have, which is one thing i cannot say for him. that will be his issue to handle and not mine.

 

i'll keep posting it's good to have backs and forths.

[Chica80]

Ya....I'm the same. I don't know what it is. Just the last month. Especially the last two weeks. Something just clicked.

Two weeks ago, was the last time he came over. We had talked. I cried alot....I kept thinking of that song

"Say something, I'm giving up on you"

There's never been ILY from him. No future faking. It's always been there's no future for us and I want you to move on be happy, I can't give you what you need. Something just shifted. Finally. I'm the same. Once I make up my mind.....and I let it go.

I miss him, but not enough. I'm not sad to see him. I don't really feel anything when I see him. It's strange. It's different than other times. I'm afraid, afraid to go back.

 

Last year. Was the longest we went NC it was me two weeks. That was actual NC. I didn't see him or talk to him for two weeks. All it took was one text from him. I had been feeling pretty good then. I don't know if this is different because I still see him.

But this is different.

 

Lots of love and hugs! I agree Spidey the back and forth is nice.

[spideywoman]

Ya....I'm the same. I don't know what it is. Just the last month. Especially the last two weeks. Something just clicked.

Two weeks ago, was the last time he came over. We had talked. I cried alot....I kept thinking of that song

"Say something, I'm giving up on you"

There's never been ILY from him. No future faking. It's always been there's no future for us and I want you to move on be happy, I can't give you what you need. Something just shifted. Finally. I'm the same. Once I make up my mind.....and I let it go.

I miss him, but not enough. I'm not sad to see him. I don't really feel anything when I see him. It's strange. It's different than other times. I'm afraid, afraid to go back.

 

Last year. Was the longest we went NC it was me two weeks. That was actual NC. I didn't see him or talk to him for two weeks. All it took was one text from him. I had been feeling pretty good then. I don't know if this is different because I still see him.

But this is different.

 

Lots of love and hugs! I agree Spidey the back and forth is nice.

 

i was telling my therapist about the "clicks" i have and she was like what, explain please? don't get me wrong she's a great psychologist but i think she was genuinely surprised at what i said. then i tried to explain and she got it. i think this might be the same with you - it's not an overnight click, but it feels like it because one day i just get up and as you said, i've shifted. and of course it's a process, a subtle one, over lots of time, but the end result is jarring and definitive nonetheless.

 

i was put off LS by a few bad apples some time ago but came back to participate again recently. and i'm glad i did. some posts from different people in this triangle really resonate with me. there were ILYs but the fact that there was no future-faking with us either, or the fact that he never belittled or dismissed his wife or spun tales of not having sex with her, initially somehow in my mind it made him a "better" person. don't think that's the case. while i still think that at the end of the day he's a good guy, none of the above is redeeming. i'm still trying to figure out what made me do what i did (beyond the simplistic 'no ethics, morally corrupt' blah blah.) i have an idea but i'd like to dig deeper. him, on the other hand, is doomed since he has his head stuck in the sand and as someone who loves him, it's painful to watch. i have no enmity or wish any ill-will on him nor will i minimize the relationship we had by dismissing him as an ar$ehole because it's easier and it'll make me feel better. i have to live with the fact that we're two people who just went about things in an utterly wrong and potentially devastating way.

 

i believe you when you say it's different this time. you're feeling that because it is.

 

more rambling

[Chica80]

i was telling my therapist about the "clicks" i have and she was like what, explain please? don't get me wrong she's a great psychologist but i think she was genuinely surprised at what i said. then i tried to explain and she got it. i think this might be the same with you - it's not an overnight click, but it feels like it because one day i just get up and as you said, i've shifted. and of course it's a process, a subtle one, over lots of time, but the end result is jarring and definitive nonetheless.

 

i was put off LS by a few bad apples some time ago but came back to participate again recently. and i'm glad i did. some posts from different people in this triangle really resonate with me. there were ILYs but the fact that there was no future-faking with us either, or the fact that he never belittled or dismissed his wife or spun tales of not having sex with her, initially somehow in my mind it made him a "better" person. don't think that's the case. while i still think that at the end of the day he's a good guy, none of the above is redeeming. i'm still trying to figure out what made me do what i did (beyond the simplistic 'no ethics, morally corrupt' blah blah.) i have an idea but i'd like to dig deeper. him, on the other hand, is doomed since he has his head stuck in the sand and as someone who loves him, it's painful to watch. i have no enmity or wish any ill-will on him nor will i minimize the relationship we had by dismissing him as an ar$ehole because it's easier and it'll make me feel better. i have to live with the fact that we're two people who just went about things in an utterly wrong and potentially devastating way.

 

i believe you when you say it's different this time. you're feeling that because it is.

 

more rambling

 

It's nice when you feel like you can "relate" when someone gets it. I feel the same way all of it!!!

Many times people try to focus on things I was not trying to discuss. Or say things that just don't apply.

I can sit here and say how awful he is etc.....but it's not the truth. I can sit here and think about the whys. But in the end it doesn't really matter.

He never talks or says anything about his wife. In the beginning he said he loves her. His reasons have always been I don't know or it doesn't matter. I know my reasons. And I know what I need to do to change. But if you don't actually do anything to change it, how will anything ever be different. How will anything ever be better.

 

 

Last night I read a post from jenkins it was about the anatomy of the end...something like that....

Read it. I think you will appreciate it.

 

Always good insight Jenks

[spideywoman]

It's nice when you feel like you can "relate" when someone gets it. I feel the same way all of it!!!

Many times people try to focus on things I was not trying to discuss. Or say things that just don't apply.

I can sit here and say how awful he is etc.....but it's not the truth. I can sit here and think about the whys. But in the end it doesn't really matter.

He never talks or says anything about his wife. In the beginning he said he loves her. His reasons have always been I don't know or it doesn't matter. I know my reasons. And I know what I need to do to change. But if you don't actually do anything to change it, how will anything ever be different. How will anything ever be better.

 

 

Last night I read a post from jenkins it was about the anatomy of the end...something like that....

Read it. I think you will appreciate it.

 

Always good insight Jenks

 

it is nice isn't it when there's someone out there that gets your overall predicament? many here are genuinely trying to help. sifting through those who aren't can be a challenge. like your original post on this thread: such an interesting question. and the way it ebbed and flowed differently for those of us here does show that not every situation is the same. similarities exist of course, but not all are to be dismissed as "just an affair" or "just sex."

 

and i totally agree about jenkins - thoughtful and eloquent guy. i found that thread and will read it now.

 

meantime minimariah has posted a few things on the epic josh / jen thread that i'm following like some people watch young and the restless. they really, really opened my eyes even further to this whole situation. i have cut and pasted them in an email to myself so i can go back and read it when i feel rejected.

 

xxoo. happy new year sunshine!

[Chica80]

it is nice isn't it when there's someone out there that gets your overall predicament? many here are genuinely trying to help. sifting through those who aren't can be a challenge. like your original post on this thread: such an interesting question. and the way it ebbed and flowed differently for those of us here does show that not every situation is the same. similarities exist of course, but not all are to be dismissed as "just an affair" or "just sex."

 

and i totally agree about jenkins - thoughtful and eloquent guy. i found that thread and will read it now.

 

meantime minimariah has posted a few things on the epic josh / jen thread that i'm following like some people watch young and the restless. they really, really opened my eyes even further to this whole situation. i have cut and pasted them in an email to myself so i can go back and read it when i feel rejected.

 

xxoo. happy new year sunshine!

 

Ya I hear you It's been harder today. I saw him briefly at work. I remained the same. I wanted to text him today....didn't. I don't even know what I would say. Or what the point would be. I've been on LS today like every 5 seconds because I don't want to text him.

I'm so tired right now...but don't want to sleep. Can't.

 

Happy New year to you too Spidey

[spideywoman]

Ya I hear you It's been harder today. I saw him briefly at work. I remained the same. I wanted to text him today....didn't. I don't even know what I would say. Or what the point would be. I've been on LS today like every 5 seconds because I don't want to text him.

I'm so tired right now...but don't want to sleep. Can't.

 

Happy New year to you too Spidey

 

i'm in a totally different time zone than you, wide awake having coffee so PM whenever you feel that urge. i'll respond since i have plenty of time on my hands today i'm proud of you for not texting. SUNSHINE COMES FIRST.

[jenkins95]

Hey spidey, sunshine. I was just reading your brilliant exchange and then learned that you had found one of my previous posts (anatomy of an affair, or whatever it was!) useful. I'm so pleased! It was written just few pmonths after the A ended when emotions were high, and it is really from the heart.

 

Equally, your excellent, analytical posts really help me and give me insight.

 

Like sunshine alluded to, it really helps me to bond with people from "the other side". The one person I can't ever discuss this (or anything else) with is of course my own xOW, so by getting to know others who were in that role, I feel I understand her better, why she did what she did and what she may have gone through and still be going through in recovery. I'm 100% committed to my marriage, but it doesn't stop me caring about her, regretting her (and others') pain and wanting nothing but the best for her. Just as I want nothing but the best for you - and your recent posts have been so positive.

 

Keep them coming x

[spideywoman]

Hey spidey, sunshine. I was just reading your brilliant exchange and then learned that you had found one of my previous posts (anatomy of an affair, or whatever it was!) useful. I'm so pleased! It was written just few pmonths after the A ended when emotions were high, and it is really from the heart.

 

Equally, your excellent, analytical posts really help me and give me insight.

 

Like sunshine alluded to, it really helps me to bond with people from "the other side". The one person I can't ever discuss this (or anything else) with is of course my own xOW, so by getting to know others who were in that role, I feel I understand her better, why she did what she did and what she may have gone through and still be going through in recovery. I'm 100% committed to my marriage, but it doesn't stop me caring about her, regretting her (and others') pain and wanting nothing but the best for her. Just as I want nothing but the best for you - and your recent posts have been so positive.

 

Keep them coming x

 

hey jenkins! glad you enjoyed the back and forth like i said, you're a stand up guy. the fact that after all this time you just wrote that you're still trying to understand your OW's perspective says a lot. and for me, it means a lot. as the ow to another mm, particularly on these boards, i have felt and have been made to believe i basically amount to nothing (not personally, but in general regarding OWs.) i know that is not the case and know that's not how i'm viewed by xmm but still it helps be reaffirmed i guess, at least through you, that i'm not in a complete la la land months down the line. not that everyone is the same and not that every mm or ow is the same, but as i mentioned in one of my posts there are similarities which help the process along in its due course.

 

i agree that both sunshine and i have made great strides, if i say so myself and it'll only get better. i remember when i became active sunshine was one of the first people i engaged with. she was still in the throes of her affair then, and mine had just ended. that was about 5 months ago. how things change.

 

big hug to you.

[Chica80]

I was at work yesterday, talking with a fellow co worker, one day I was at work he has only been there a couple of months. A few months back he kept teasing me about dating I just need to get the first one out of the way (in regards to my separation). One day I was so upset and just started crying. I told him about MM, etc. Although he doesn't know its my MM. I lied and said we did not work together. But I talk to him about it. He is the one who convinced me to go OLD. He said I'm never going to get over him unless I find someone else. The only other person who knows at work is a mutual friend. I told her last year, before he was married. She knew as 1. she let me stay with her for a month or so. 2. I hate lying 3. I don't hide my feelings well at all 4. She was/is a friend.

I was living with her the night he left to go get married (they got married in another country). She saw me fall apart she saw me at the worst.

 

Anyway when I first told her, he was really angry we got in a big fight. How could I tell her. What will she think of him etc.

After he came back we talked a bit about it, that is was really hard seeing him being around him etc. Things had not restarted. But I didn't talk to her and don't anymore. She doesn't want to be put in the middle. Which wasn't my intention.

 

I think about these things. I think about the fact that my M was falling apart and his was just starting. I think about that no matter how much pain I am in. His reputation and how he looks to everyone else is what matters to him the most. And the thing is I would protect him. I did protect him above myself. Why do I do that? Why is he more important than I? Why does he deserve more than I?

 

I've been thinking about these things. They are what's on my mind.

When he got married. He was in Europe. I was in a third world country on the western hemisphere. I'd gone on a mission trip. I sent him a text the day of his wedding. It was not an I miss you any of the sort. I was exited. Happy I was getting to do something that I had wanted for a long time. I wanted to share that with him. I said congrats. He said he was exited for me that I was going to do great things. A week later he was still on honeymoon. I was still on my trip. And sent a text about All I was seeing and doing. etc. We talked a bit. The next day he sends me a picture of artwork. "you would love all this crazy art". Etc.

I don't know why this is all on my mind today. And I'm rambling. But mostly its this: In and of itself the text were not wrong, right they could be construed or seen as innocent. Text and things you would talk to a friend about. But it's not. Because underneath it's not. Because he's the one I want to tell my most exciting news to. When I'm sad and something happens and I've had an awful day. He is the one I talk to. Before I go to sleep. And it hurts sooooo much! But not as much as knowing that he has someone to talk to share these things with and it's not me.

[DKT3]

hey jenkins! glad you enjoyed the back and forth like i said, you're a stand up guy. the fact that after all this time you just wrote that you're still trying to understand your OW's perspective says a lot. and for me, it means a lot. as the ow to another mm, particularly on these boards, i have felt and have been made to believe i basically amount to nothing (not personally, but in general regarding OWs.) i know that is not the case and know that's not how i'm viewed by xmm but still it helps be reaffirmed i guess, at least through you, that i'm not in a complete la la land months down the line. not that everyone is the same and not that every mm or ow is the same, but as i mentioned in one of my posts there are similarities which help the process along in its due course.

 

i agree that both sunshine and i have made great strides, if i say so myself and it'll only get better. i remember when i became active sunshine was one of the first people i engaged with. she was still in the throes of her affair then, and mine had just ended. that was about 5 months ago. how things change.

 

big hug to you.

 

I believe the problem is you place so much self value in how MM sees you that when someone suggests that he isn't in as deep you take it as meaning your not worth it. I don't think anyone is suggesting that....

 

Jenkins from what I see is a decent enough guy...However the fact remains when the rubber hit the road he stayed with his wife. In the end does the reason really matter? Does quantifying his love for OW really matter? The results are the same.

[jenkins95]

 

Jenkins from what I see is a decent enough guy...

 

Thanks DKT3!

 

 

However the fact remains when the rubber hit the road he stayed with his wife. In the end does the reason really matter? Does quantifying his love for OW really matter? The results are the same.

 

It matters to me.

 

Also, in those awful conversations at the end, I got the impression (although I do not know for sure) that she got comfort knowing that I had genuine feelings and wasn't just coldly throwing her under a bus because I'd had enough of her and would forget her immediately.

 

As you say, same result, but perhaps acceptance, recovery and some kind of closure comes quicker in cases where at least some care has been taken to handle the end with love and sensitivity?

[Chica80]

I believe the problem is you place so much self value in how MM sees you that when someone suggests that he isn't in as deep you take it as meaning your not worth it. I don't think anyone is suggesting that....

 

Jenkins from what I see is a decent enough guy...However the fact remains when the rubber hit the road he stayed with his wife. In the end does the reason really matter? Does quantifying his love for OW really matter? The results are the same.

 

 

And this is what you could never understand...ever....

 

You question how your wife could have an A, if it wasn't love.....because YOU can never understand this

[Chica80]

Thanks DKT3!

 

 

 

It matters to me.

 

Also, in those awful conversations at the end, I got the impression (although I do not know for sure) that she got comfort knowing that I had genuine feelings and wasn't just coldly throwing her under a bus because I'd had enough of her and would forget her immediately.

 

As you say, same result, but perhaps acceptance, recovery and some kind of closure comes quicker in cases where at least some care has been taken to handle the end with love and sensitivity?

 

Yes it matters. It mattered to me too. It matters to him, MM.

[FoundMyStrength]

However the fact remains when the rubber hit the road he stayed with his wife. In the end does the reason really matter? Does quantifying his love for OW really matter? The results are the same.

 

It matters. Regardless of what else affairs are, they're a bond between two people. And how that bond is broken matters. Feeling like you're a piece of garbage being thrown out is a lot different than feeling as though you were loved and cared for, even if that love and care amounts to nothing because of timing, circumstance, and xMM's existing bond to his wife.

 

I think Jenkins is right, it matters for the healing process. I regret immensely what I did as the AP, and feel such guilt and shame, but at least I can remember xMM fondly and wish him well in repairing his marriage and life. I hope he is able to feel the same toward me, even though in the end, I was the one to break the bond because my feelings of guilt were too much.

[Poppy47]

You hold the power,sunshine.

I know you love him. I think most OW here went NC or otherwise ended their affairs while still in love with MM. They made it, you too will survive.

I really wish you the best and hope you find peace and happiness much sooner than you expect to!

 

Yes Sunshine,

 

You have the power.

 

Walking away from somebody you love and going NC, takes great courage and will power.

 

It also means you HAVE the power to do it. You have taken it away from MM.

 

Poppy.

[Chica80]

Yes Sunshine,

 

You have the power.

 

Walking away from somebody you love and going NC, takes great courage and will power.

 

It also means you HAVE the power to do it. You have taken it away from MM.

 

Poppy.

 

Thanks Poppy!

 

I've been sitting here crying all morning. Laying in bed.. I cry I'm sad and it hurts. But I told myself it will pass. I will not text him, I will not contact him, I will not look where we communicate, that tells me when he as last "active" and therefore thinking of me.

 

Because I am choosing to move on. I'm choosing different and I'm choosing me.

[DKT3]

And this is what you could never understand...ever....

 

You question how your wife could have an A, if it wasn't love.....because YOU can never understand this

 

Never said I didn't understand my wife, only that it would make it more understandable if she were in love with him.

 

Which is a.back handed way is what OM/OW are looking for, that it meant something. No I get it....But still, in the end it's the same result. Let's be honest (know you will deny) but you left your marriage to be with this other guy. You can say you didn't but you can never truly know the answer, you didn't leave before the affair. His response was to marry his girlfriend. My point is does it really matter why he married her, or why you left your marriage? How does.it help you heal? The result is the same that person didn't choose you, beating yourself over the head about why and how they felt about you doesn't change that, it doesn't help you heal, not really. Maybe, a slight ego boost or you feel slightly less bad about your choices. But no way it helps you heal, because it keeps you stuck.

[elaine567]

His response was to marry his girlfriend. My point is does it really matter why he married her, or why you left your marriage? How does.it help you heal? The result is the same that person didn't choose you, beating yourself over the head about why and how they felt about you doesn't change that, it doesn't help you heal, not really. Maybe, a slight ego boost or you feel slightly less bad about your choices. But no way it helps you heal, because it keeps you stuck.

 

I agree and it is why so many are completely stuck too. He loved me sooo much, it was circumstances that got in the way, so there is no real closure.

In a normal break up, even if there is left over feelings they soon dissipate when the "loved one" gets a new partner. Hope fades, reality hits and it is all over, there is no option but to move on.

 

With the MM, there is always hope, the "ending" is not usually "final", the affair may kick off again at any moment, so the what ifs, the buts and the maybes, never really go away.

[Chica80]

Never said I didn't understand my wife, only that it would make it more understandable if she were in love with him.

 

Which is a.back handed way is what OM/OW are looking for, that it meant something. No I get it....But still, in the end it's the same result. Let's be honest (know you will deny) but you left your marriage to be with this other guy. You can say you didn't but you can never truly know the answer, you didn't leave before the affair. His response was to marry his girlfriend. My point is does it really matter why he married her, or why you left your marriage? How does.it help you heal? The result is the same that person didn't choose you, beating yourself over the head about why and how they felt about you doesn't change that, it doesn't help you heal, not really. Maybe, a slight ego boost or you feel slightly less bad about your choices. But no way it helps you heal, because it keeps you stuck.

 

I didn't leave my M to be with him. I never expected him to not get married, did I hope for it of course I did. Did I wish we could be together of course I do.

Not that it is pertinent but I had told my stbxh I wanted out about a year before A ever started. He threatened I could leave but I would not be allowed to take my children. That he would never allow that to happen. He controlled everything. In a way he controlled me and not that you would understand because you don't really know me my ex or the dynamics of our relationship. You come from a BS spouse pov. You think I rewrite history to justify. I don't need to rewrite anything. I was there you were not.

 

When circumstances where different you didn't really choose different. You can deny whatever you want and convince me whatever happened between you and that poster didn't mean anything. Somehow if you can convince me it didn't mean anything you can absolve yourself of whatever pain you caused someone else.

 

I know. My reasons I know what is true. I know why I did what I did and make the choices I made. You see snippets of what I write or pour out here on LS. But you don't know ME.

 

I should not have had an A. I should not have used it as a way to get out. But í did. It was my choice and something I deal with. There were points in my M when I would rather have been dead than continue to be where I was. Contemplated it thought about it. Is it all my ex fault no, it's not.

But in a strange way I finally found my voice I found a way to say enough. I won't do this anymore I won't be treated this way anymore. It's difficult to let go of the thing you feel in your mind "saved you" pulled you out of that darkness.

Only to find myself in another darkness. I see that now. And why I'm choosing to get out.

[Chica80]

Well getting ready to head out for NYE fun.

 

Here's to looking forward. Happy New Years LS!!!

[spideywoman]

I believe the problem is you place so much self value in how MM sees you that when someone suggests that he isn't in as deep you take it as meaning your not worth it. I don't think anyone is suggesting that....

 

Jenkins from what I see is a decent enough guy...However the fact remains when the rubber hit the road he stayed with his wife. In the end does the reason really matter? Does quantifying his love for OW really matter? The results are the same.

 

it does matter, even if the end result is the same. if i thought / knew i meant nothing it wouldn't help move the process along any faster, either. it is what it is. it matters to me. the reverse wouldn't help get me 'unstuck.'

 

let's say you're on a weeklong road trip from point a to point b. one route takes you through landfills, abandoned railroad tracks, dirt roads ramshackle pit stops day after day. the other takes you through scenic valleys, lakes, on paved highways and snow-covered mountains. but your end point is the same. the journey does make a difference in the destination, so it matters.