wife repeatedly tore out my heart need

[arniet800]

Hi, I was wondering if I could get some advise with a situation that occurred a while back and still plagues my mind. I might as well give you the full story so you can give me an informed response. Sorry it's long winded.

 

I met her when I was 14 and she was 16. She had a previous partner who she was orally active (i hate that fact) however she is my first and my only, we are now the age of 27 & 29.

 

When I was around 18 I told her I wanted her help with my addiction to porn. I had been watching it since around the age of 12/13 because one day I broke into my mum and dads locked chest (i wasn't allowed near it) they were copying movies and music and swapping it with work colleagues but there was a large section of porn movies. The chest was so easy to break into, all I needed was a ruler and I was away exposed to all kinds of things I really wished I'd not seen.

 

My now wife was very unsupportive and shocked me with her response. She threatened to leave me and wanted some space to think it through. She was off with me for weeks and she really didn't help me at all she just played the victim. I understand why she was upset but It was a massive ordeal for me to come clean and she threw it in my face. I thought there was something wrong with me because I'd masturbate everyday and over porn given half a chance. I now realise I was just a horny teen who was exposed to dirty media too young.

 

Anyway, she signed up for a two week course at uni. She made friends with a bunch of people and wouldn't shut up to me about this one particular guy, saying he's so funny and that I'd get along great with him as he's so cool and into the arts (i'm a musician). She went out with them maybe 5 times drinking which was extremely uncharacteristic of her as we used to spend our time chilling out and studying in my bedroom (living with parents at time) anyhow she came back after a night out around 1am stinking of alcohol and I heard her phones text tone go off. Something compelled me to check her phone and the text was from this guy saying he wishes she wasn't coming home to me and that he wished she could spend the night with him amongst some other rambling about how fit she is and he really likes her.

 

Obviously I was furious and asked her if she could explain and for her to stop seeing him all together. She played dumb and got annoyed with my request to have her cut ties with him. She was still speaking to him behind my back as I caught her messaging him on facebook but she deleted the message before I could read it (that annoys me to this day because she won't tell me what it said) she then met up again a few times after with the group behind my back but I found out somehow, I forget now. I feel my request for her to stop seeing him was justified as he completely insulted and disrespected me in that text. She says he was just drunk and that nothing happened.

 

She also sent a message to another feller on facebook reading "will you come out tonight" he replied " i'd love to but I'm skint" she then responded with "I'm buying don't worry" this was obviously behind my back and I eventually found out. She says it was nothing and her mate was there as well along with one of his so nothing happened. First of all I don't know whether I believe her and second of all I feel it is besides the point. For me she asked a guy out behind my back and he was a complete stranger to me but obviously not to her. She says these days that it was to get back at me for the porn and telling her who she can and can't see but I have a hard time accepting this because I think I was quite reasonable given the circumstances.

 

It all kind of just got swept under the rug because her grandad who we both loved very much died and I decided to comfort her rather than to argue. Now we are married with two children and are in a great relationship. However I still don't know what went on all those years ago, I have not been given a straight answer and I worry about the things I don't know. It really has mentally scarred me as it often plays over and over in my mind. She says I must be guilty of something to keep bringing it up but genuinely I have never cheated or tried unlike her in my opinion. Yes I watched porn and have since but I never actually met up with anyone behind her back.

 

She threatens to leave me when I bring it up and falls out with me. I feel like a complete idiot and feel now that in hindsight no matter how beautiful our children are and how great our relationship is other than this one blip I probably should have left her. I wasn't strong enough to walk away and I loved her plus her grandad died so I felt a duty to comfort her.

 

What do you think? how can I just accept I'll never know the truth.

 

There is literally no information I can find on the internet as it is always the guy doing this kind of thing to the girl it seems.

[umirano]

Ditch her, NC, work on your happiness, find new GF