gf left after six years over gaming..how do I show her she comes first??

[game-addict]

Well I've read at least 100 threads throughout loveshack.org and I can't really find one that fits my situation exactly.

 

My girlfriend walked out on me earlier in the week, and we have NOT observed NC though she claimed to want extreme space at first (but we still met up a few times after and have chatted and cuddled and that stuff). I took our breakup very very hard and nearly ended up in the hospital cos I couldnt eat or drink. I wasn't eating or sleeping very healthy beforehand which really made things worse. But I've gotten a bit better now, can hold down food and drink and talk to someone without breaking down finally.

 

We have been together for just a hair over six years now. We moved in together a few months after first dating and it surely wasn't a bed of roses. We had great times in the beginning, but I started to drift away from her more and more into my computer games and crap. We had quite a few major fights over that stuff, and it always went back to the same crap of me drifting into my own world. Even in those fights, I never really understood what I had and stood to lose, even when she first walked out on me (came back within a week). Now that it's happened, I have been able to step back and examine our life from outside my shoes and see how much I didn't do that I could have and should have.

 

This woman has a heart of pure gold. She did say things or do things just to hurt me in the past, but it was for my attention which did work but got the wrong attention. I'm not saying she was wrong, cos I was for making her go to those lengths.

 

Anyway, our current status is that we've been exchanging txt msgs and calls, and almost every night (up to her being out of town this weekend w/family) have hung out. She never really says 'i love you' even when it was great, she is kind of shy and feels awkward saying it, but she has made it very clear she loves me to death and said flat out she loves me and still wants to be with me. However, she says she can't be with me and she needs to get away to straighten out her life. Her life really isn't all that bad, aside from the crap I put her through. She has a little debt, but nothing we couldn't manage with things going how they should have been. She wants me to get off my arse and get a good job, and get my things moving too.

 

As for our future, she kept telling me that 'I don't know what the future will bring' over and over, and that maybe we can date again a long road into the future. She told me a year, and she won't move back in with any bf until right before getting married. I let her know I can deal with not living together, and I promised her once we fix things up I will put the ring on her finger she has wanted for so long.

 

I was torn to pieces when this happened and the days after (still am now but I can bite down and deal with it at this point, until bedtime at least) and begged her to give me another chance. I told her I know she won't stay, but I just want to know she will be there for me when I straighten up what I need to and her the same. I see now I should have given her more space off the bat, and fear I damaged my chances at our future by being so pressing. However, on the flip side, she was also very pressing and even called me screaming in tears from my driveway when I was out two nights after it happened asking why I wasn't home to hold her (not accusing like, but more like 'please come here now!') so I do think that perhaps we still hold a good chance.

 

 

I have so many ideas to keeping her at my side for the long haul, and I fear pushing her further away with every one. I already told her I am very very sorry for all I did and at great lengths explained every way I should have been a better bf, and how I intend to correct these things to give her all she deserves and then some. I grabbed her ring finger (wrong hand the first time!!) and promised her a ring once we work things out. She had mentioned a few times about wanting the ring and I always said 'too soon, let's get our lives moving more before that step' and made it clear there wasn't anyone else, and I wasn't trying to save the chance for another or anything like that. I thought she understood, but during the breakup she opened up to how much she wanted a ring on her finger. I told her I would dedicate myself to her, I made arrangements with the clan I lead for my absense, and got huge support from them (which was in her favor too as in a romantic getaway for us if we want to take it) and made it very clear that no matter what happened I was distancing myself greatly from my gaming addiction. It's just not worth it, and I told her that flat out.

 

The problem is that she doesn't totally have faith that I can do what I've promised. She also says she doesn't want to make any plans for us right now because she doesn't know what can happen in the future. I've suspected her (privately) of not being faithfull once before so that does worry me in itself but her eyes tell another story when we're together (even after this).

 

I fear losing her completely. I feel I need to DO something to keep her interested. I am not a fan of NC, and anyone that suggests it please do explain how that will keep us close as we have remained. I fear NC greatly. I have come to realize I can't call her 24/7 or spam her with txt's, and that's fine because I too don't like being smothered (but I wouldnt mind it now from her!!) and she needs her space that she's asked for. I think she's the type to where she will be waiting as much as I will be for a call, and if both of us sit here like so it's silly. I've made it very clear to her to call any time she wants to, and that I'll be here for her like she has always been there for me.

 

She has a very complicated past, being adopted and abused as a child, and thus does have some more difficult issues to deal with any time she's upset. That's one of the largest reasons, above even my love for her (or I guess they might go hand in hand), for not wanting NC as I know she will want to talk still..We've been each others universe for six years for the most part, and I can't see her tucking tail and hiding out ya know?

 

To add to my confusion, I spoke to a mutual friend of ours (whom I called and asked to talk to her when this happened) whom said she said she wanted 'a couple months probably' to straighten things out and then we could give it a shot, but she said to me 'I can't say what the future will bring, but maybe in like a year' (indirect quote). So on one hand I have high hopes we can patch things up in the near term, but on the other hand is the sinking feeling she will grow apart from me.

 

A few days after this happened, I called her first thing in the morning to ensure she was up for work and stuff and got no answer. So I went about my day, and ended up calling her about five times within a few hours. I justified a few of them though cos I was nearby to her work and wanted to see if she was up for a quick smoke and chat. Well since I got no answer, I stopped by her work and walked to the door but saw someone sitting by her desk, thought it was a customer, and turned around for my car. She came bolting out of the back door screaming at me I can't be getting angry cos someone's chitchatting with her. I promptly explained in panic that I just thought she was busy with a customer and was going on my way. So she calmed down a bit, and we smoked and chatted a little, and it ended with 'I really need my space, just get out of here' pretty much out of nowhere. I took off without hesititation and txt'ed her later to apologize for upsetting her. I thought it was done and over right there, but sure enough she called and came over, half-asleep as she was so drained, and we cuddled until after 2am (even though we both had very important things in the morning to do), said our goodnights, and she went home. So I feel we overcame that misunderstanding, but with that explosive of tension it makes me very nervous saying anything to her.

 

The thing is, the issues she left over were not present in the beginning, it's something I developed over time and really need to fix. I have already swore off my gaming in pursuit of more constructive things, and am 1000% sure I can hold up my end if I have her to look forward to. My gaming was 99.9% of it. I

 

Anyway, I'm just looking for some feedback as to what she could be thinking and what I should expect. I am on my way to bettering myself already - got a spiffy haircut (which she said was a good step in the right direction, right off the bat when she saw it), actively job hunting for something full time, and already started getting the house in shape (its always been a mess, even though she tried to keep it somewhat orderly), and I know this is a good start to keeping her eye. The NC idea is tempting to 'force' the i-miss-you's but we honestly already are at that point as far as I can tell thus far. She told me when this happened straight to my face that she does NOT want to leave, and she does still love me, and the hurt in her eyes was too real to be anything else. It already feels like we are forcing the breakup, and I think that's why it hurt so bad as it did. We did the 'rehashing' for a few days, analyzing what happened (mostly me, her just nodding and sobbing), and she told me she's come to terms with what she did and the crying is done for her. She still hurts, and loves me to death, but wants her space. Ok fine, but how much space is too much space? She still contacts me, so I am trying to pretty much go with the flow, but it's hard with so much unknown in our future.

 

 

I can say now and always that I love her to death, and that we really can have our happy life back without my gaming no problem..I just need her back to show her we (I) can. I'm at wits end with what to say, how to say it, I'm pretty dry on what to say really. I laid my heart out for her to read and I can't do much more. Anyone else been in this sorta situation? How'd it turn out? What did you both do to try to keep the relationship going?

 

She's all for going out and hanging out to do stuff with me still, which I must say again is a huge plus itself I think. I suspect a pity offer sometimes on it, but looking at her I can't find a shred of that thought in her eyes or face or words and I think I know her kind of well after all these years. I've finally came to grip that she will not come home, and that our bed will remain empty at least for quite some time, and though it is so very hard, I have set myself out to use my unhealthy energy for something to better our possible future relationship. I've pretty much told her, whatever it is consider it done. Though, she told me she can't believe me because we've been down that road a few times already. I can say its not the same til I'm blue in the face but it doesn't sway her opinion of my claims. I know actions speak the loudest, and I'm striving to do all I can, but I just need to know in the meantime she will be there and offer me the consideration I ask for when she is ready.

 

 

Sorry for the really long post..I'm really put out over this though and really could use any insight. Anyone that knows me or her can tell ya we both have the most golden intentions, and even make a really good couple, but I've yet to find anyone that knew us both (as an item) that can say anything like 'maybe you both should just move on'. I know my hope isn't all false, and I desire to make that hope into the reality.

[amandine]

Wow, gaming over a real live girlfriend. I dunno, are you sure you're mature enough to handle a girlfriend? Sounds like you want to change, but did I hear you right? You informed your "clan" that you're off to make time for her? You know if you truly have an addiction to something and leave the door open you will likely come right back to it. I like video games, but I like real people better.

 

If you really want THIS girl back, you're going to have to get serious and cut back on it. If not, then she deserves someone who will give her time, and there are lots of guys out there who would rather a girlfriend than a video game for sure. And hey, maybe you'll find a girl who's into gaming.

 

Make the steps to change and only then should you come back.

[SummerRae]

Wow, game-addict, you have a v. good story and I really want to respond to it (I usually wouldn't read such a long post... however your story kept me captivated...)

 

You seem to have really good perspective on the situation. And it's hard for me to sit here and say what I think will/could/can happen with your situation. You two have been together 6 years, obviously there is still a lot of love there. The only thing, in my eyes, that you can do is wait it out. Either one of two things will happen: (a) she'll realize how much you two still have or (b) she will no longer feel "in relationship" to you. It is really hard to say what will happen.

 

Sometimes relationships run their own course with their own timelines and no matter how much you two love each other, it may not be enough. I don't want to cast a negative light on your situation, it's just it sounds like you have to also prepare yourself for the possibility of it not working out. You need to give her the space she has requested. I know it's hard because you love her but you have to! The harder you push, the more she's going to drift away, so YOU MUST GIVE HER TONS OF SPACE.

 

Though your natural inclination may be to love her and do everything you can for her to make it work, you must tread lightly on those grounds. I know from past experience that when this happens, when one person starts giving so much, there is a natural tendency for the one who is giving less to feel smothered or sufficated. And thus drift away from the relationship. The best thing you can do is TRY, and TRY HARD not to be available to her at every call. Make yourself happy in other ways. Consentrate on YOU. Keep busy, look for more work. Set some concrete personal goals whether it be working out, going back to school, pursuing a career, anything you can that will not only make you feel better but also make you look more attractive to you.

 

I know all this advice is easier said than done, but if you want it to work, you have to let go. And see if it comes back to you. All you can do is your best and you are clearly doing that! Hang in there and keep posting!!

[Blackfrost]

O dear.....I guess that makes me the crack dealer in your eyes game addict: As I am, and have been, an Art Director for numerous PC, Xbox, and Nintendo games for the last 10 years. If I may ask, I'm curious what game was the last big addiction that you sufferend through.......maybe World of Warcraft?

 

[game-addict]

Its not MMORPG, rather first person shooter and it isn't 100% gaming its just the balance between pc-time and her-time. I found lots to keep me busy on the PC here, especially seeing as that's how I've earned my way all these years thus far (not gaming, but PC services). I think one problem is that I do use it a lot for work and it snowballs with my 'leisure' time in her eyes. I'm not trying to say my time invested in it was right, but that if I was in another line of work the time I did spend on it wouldn't have been as bad.

 

I've totally 'cut back in it'. I'm a founding member of this 'clan' whom has put a lot of time and effort into maintaining a top10 NA squad, with over 30 active members, to help justify why I 'keep the door open'. She can understand some PC time no problem, she mucks around online some herself. She can deal with some gaming no problem, as I said above it's just the balance of how I spent my time that was the issue. I'm also taking away one major temptation to play and that's my video card, since I need the money anyway and only need it to game. I've got a spare that sucks, not much fun to game on, that I can use for the occasional game at least til I get everything else worked out and can play a few games without getting sucked in for hours upon hours upon hours. I have a long PC history..Been an online addict since my 2400 baud modem used to sit and suck down .txt mags from LD BBS's around the nation. I took some years off in between, but still this was always my hobby..Just got too into things..And don't get me wrong, I haven't always been all not-so-social -- I had quite a few friends into PCs at the time, and partied my HS education away, so I wasn't like some social reject..Just after moving away from a lot of folks, and others moving (or going to jail) I never really replaced the lost friends with new ones..A few here and there, but no-where near the groups we used to hang out in. That's one thing I've already started back up on is going out, and I've actually already looked up quite a few friends around the area and am hanging out w/them. Just got VIP tix to a nearby club from a friend, and things in that dept are actually looking cool! She's a big one on going out so I know this is a big one in her mind (and its fun, which is definatly a plus!).

 

Anywho..

 

We went mini-golfing tonight with one of her friends and hung out for a while and stuff..Half the folks I've talked to say don't be available but dangit that's so hard to do when she's there and wanting to still hang out til the wee hours (we ended the night with a half hour stroll around the town chitchatting).

 

Women sure don't say what they mean..If this is her wanting space I honestly can't even guess what half of the rest of it means..heh!

 

Blarg...I try so hard to give her space even while hanging out (not sitting right next to her, not trying to hang on her or any of that mess) but I mean even tonight we're sitting in the same room and she txts me 'whats wrong?' cos I was staring out the window for a moment thinkin' so I really don't want to send the wrong signals ya know? She knows me _very_ well even in spite of our communication and such issues and I'm not the type of person to really cut anyone off unless they've done something stupid. When I shut up and stop paying attention to everything going on around me (when I wasn't fraggin' away or writing scripts for things or w/e else I spent my time on) I normally have something pressing on my mind, and I'm read like a freaking book to anyone that even halfway knows me..But not to the point of what's wrong obviously..Just don't want her to feel uncomfortable thinking I'm withdrawing from her for any reason but to let her do her thing. I've told her a few times flat out - take your space. I won't go stalking her, and she knows how to get ahold of me any time of the day when she's wanting to hang out. I'm not alienating her, as I'll still send her the random txt and made it clear that I'd like to spend time with her but only when SHE wants to..I don't want pity company from her, as comforting as it would be for the moment. *shrug*

 

I've cried all the tears possible over this, and though I'll still bang my head on the wall over how it is currently, I do know it'll work or it won't and all I can do is fix what I can on my end, then hope for the best. I really want to be very gentile with what tiny bits we have left of our relationship, and if it was all I think it was it should work out eventually..

 

 

I still have to say though the fact we can walk and talk and everything makes me hopefull. At least we have *that* left, which really is what we had to start with..

 

 

And no frost, I have much respect for those that develop the games (not publish, develop!). I have no-one to blame but myself.

[game-addict]

I can't edit since I haven't registered nor has my post appeared yet, BUT - I do apologize for the lengthy posts but I can't really ask what I came to without some detail to the background. Thanks to anyone that braved the read..It wasn't ment to be that long either, but that's what happens when you don't have line wrap on when preparing a post!

[ButtonPusher]

O dear.....I guess that makes me the crack dealer in your eyes game addict: As I am, and have been, an Art Director for numerous PC, Xbox, and Nintendo games for the last 10 years. If I may ask, I'm curious what game was the last big addiction that you sufferend through.......maybe World of Warcraft?

 

Lol damn you Blackfrost, I've been sucked into world of warcraft, lucky Im on holidays lol.

 

As for you game addict Im sorry to say it, but despite the reasons being a little different, your situation sounds much the same as most peoples. Even though they say they love you doesnt mean that they are in love with you. Perhaps the gaming was just one of many reasons why she felt the need to leave, but like most people who have lost their partner, you are seeing things in her actions that you want to see. If you strip the details away the core of your situation is that she left you because the relationship wasnt making her happy for whatever reasons, and she may not be in love with you anymore. Like most people you are having difficulty letting it go. Of course she is going to cry and say she loves you, you were together for a long time. It doesnt mean that she wants you though.

 

To add to my confusion, I spoke to a mutual friend of ours (whom I called and asked to talk to her when this happened) whom said she said she wanted 'a couple months probably' to straighten things out and then we could give it a shot, but she said to me 'I can't say what the future will bring, but maybe in like a year' (indirect quote). So on one hand I have high hopes we can patch things up in the near term, but on the other hand is the sinking feeling she will grow apart from me.

 

This what they say when they dont want to admit to you (they dont want to hurt you) or themselves that they dont want to go back to the relationship. Over time they will have the determination to say straight out that they dont want to be with you.

 

Sorry dude, but not all relationships last. I may be wrong about this case, but my advice is to move on. I know it sucks, but probably the sooner you do this the sooner you will be start to feel better.

[game-addict]

I called her today (stupid me) cos I was by her work and offered to grab her a bite to eat along the way. I had a great time the night before and wanted to do something a little nice that wouldn't totally overstep any bounds..Well that turned into a blowup on how we 'cant be doing this (talking every day etc)' and ended up with her coming over again to talk and we talked in our circles and ended up with the same thing that she wants her space and that if fate brings us back together, we can see what happens. She just gives me that hint for some reason that she wants to totally forget about me. Maybe I'm paranoid about it, probably. She knows I am worrying 100% on the future and can deal with the current situation well enough. She keeps telling me she can't make any promises, and I'm not really asking for much of one..Just that she will give it a shot down the road once we straighen ourselves out.

 

Another thing mentioned by her was to the tune of 'But what if we are both out with dates, and we run into each other? Or what if one of us has someone, and the other doesn't? We'd get angry and upset over it'. That's just another thing that kills me, cos that means FOR SURE there is something still there then if that happens. I wouldn't get angry and upset, I'd probably end up upsetting my date very badly, but I wouldn't regret it I'm sure. I pretty much told her that too, that really if that did happen why get upset over it, and instead why not use it as a chance to give it a shot? I then pretty much asked her, do you really love me? Do you hate me for any reason? and pretty much bit my lip with '...think about it...'. We chatted a little more, mostly just going back and forth (agreeing about space, disagreeing on how we handle the future). I know I can't force her to talk to me, and I really wouldn't want to force her to do anything. I just don't want her taking space and figuring she should just live with any sort of regret about not working things out, if the regret did indeed occur. It's not fair to either of us in that case.

 

No one knows what the future will bring, as she's said plenty, so I guess I'm at the mercy of her for any hope in the future. Another thing that came up was that 'it really sucks that you can do all of this now, and couldn't before this happened. why!?' and I really can't answer that as well as I wish I could..I was honest as I could be and told her flat out that I screwed up big time. I didn't realize all I put her through and what I was doing to myself, her, AND 'us'. Told her as well that I truely am very sorry I didn't come to my senses sooner, and that I really wish I could undo the hurt that's been caused.

 

So we parted on the notes 'i hope i see you again and that this isn't the last time' and she said something like 'we'll see'. Gah. When she drove away I was pretty much in pieces and she just looked once, and I so tried to look at her and be as strong as I could, but we both just exploded into tears and she drove off. It hurts so much to leave it on such a note..Double Gah.

 

Then a while later, after getting nothing but voice mails and busy signals trying to find someone to talk to, I finally got a call back from someone (a good person to talk to at that) and we talked a few minutes and I got a call from a number I so didn't know..Well it was the ex's best friend. She had called my ex asking for my number cos she 'wanted to see how I was doing' and offered to chat. I see this is pretty much my only window to my ex, and really let her know exactly how I feel just as I've told the ex herself. I even went as far as to ask that she do reassure my ex that I would talk to her and all that if she ever asks for advice if she should call, in relation to how I'd react. I really want her to swallow the nervousness if the time comes and call, and not wait six months worrying 'should i shouldn't i' when she coulda just called from the start. I dunno, I guess I am pretty paranoid about this.

 

So anywho, "fate" spat in my face a few hours later. I'm sitting around the house getting more and more upset over it, and decided to go out. So I'm finishing a phone call outside a friend's place when I look up in time to see headlights coming down the road a while away and I just knew it was her! Ouch! She pulled up and I couldn't do anything but say sorry and that I'm not sticking around, just stopping by for a few minutes anyway. I went inside expecting her to leave really, seeing as she said flat out we shouldn't even see each other at least until she's ready, but she came in..I was by the door and we chatted shortly (stepped back out) but all it was really was me apologizing for the runin, and her just hardly responding at all. So I went in for a sec and left with haste. Haven't heard from her since. Against most folks' advice I battled with sending her a txt, or a call, or neither all night long.

 

Many hours later, I got home and called back her friend. After talking to her and frankly asking, 'can I txt her?' I was advised to be very careful and don't like spam her with them if I do..that's about all I got so after another 30 minutes of writing a txt, erasing it, over and over I finally said screw it and sent two (only cos they aren't freaking long enough, so annoying!!!). I basicly told her sorry for sending it in the first place, but I had to tell her I didn't leave because I didn't want to be around her, and that I'm sorry if she felt that way. The second one finished my sentance and left it as 'just know that because I don't call doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you..'. I'm not sure that was the best thing to do, but if this is the end of our communication for quite a while I at least want to reassure her that I do want to give her the space and that she should call if she ever is considering doing so instead of worrying about if I want to hear from her.

 

 

 

So that was my day. Got a job interview in a few hours..All I wanted was a good luck from her, not that she won't even hear if I get the job or not (at least for a while).

 

 

Re-reading this, I feel I'm giving the impression she really wants nothing to do with me. Everyone that I've talked to, have said the opposite and that she just doesn't know what she wants and needs 'her time' to sort things out. A lot of you are probably thinking that I should just listen to them, but I am a paranoid basketcase about this. Normally, I'm very easy going and it takes a lot to get me worked up..I can't recall ever being this worked up over anything, ever, nothing even close. I just really really want to know 'something'...Some kind of hope, even if it is only a chance that may or may not work..At least that way I can look back and say that I DID give it my all, and that it just didn't work.....Or end up being very happy and fortunate. Either way, I can live with the outcome. It's the waiting in between that is tearing me up.

[game-addict]

Well she called me and wanted to come over and get a bite to eat and stuff..We did..She ended up losing some money sometime today and got really upset and just broke down at the food place, and tried to run out because she said 'ill only be a bitch now, i hate this'. But I was thankfully able to calm her down somewhat and we were able to hang out and chitchat..Nothing big, more just being there for each other and honestly, the feeling from our first night together six years and two weeks (give or take some days) is still there strong as ever, and looking into her eyes I can tell it's there on her side too..She wouldn't have came back over, let alone as many times as she has, if she didn't feel that somewhere deep down. Most of the nights that we have hung out we end up getting really close, cuddling and everything, and it ends with her saying something like 'ok after this we can't see each other all the time and talk and that every day' but the next day, just as I'm looking at the phone she calls and comes over again. I told her that I confided in a few friends and told her what they said -- Most of them said flat out 'she doesn't know what she wants' -- Including her best friend. We have been sharing what others have said, I suppose trying to pool our thoughts and sort this out. She got quiet when I said that, and said 'we'll see what happens' which pretty much confirms to me she's not really sure if she should put herself out in the limb to give me that shot. It's cool though, as I told her I would rather see her take her time and think it through correctly than to find herself regretting something. At the start, she was totally 'i dont want to see you again..Im getting my stuff and that's it' but each time we see each other, it seems we make a baby step of progress towards forgiveness and mending of the hurt feelings.

 

I had a really good idea today, I think. She always wanted to do things with me, and we really don't have much for hobbies, so I'm going to ask her (wrote a letter for her to read after us not seeing each other all weekend -- She's out of town at her biological mother's for the weekend from fri-sun). I want to join a health club, start jogging, take some kickboxing, something physical, healthy, and fun with her. Even if it is just at friends, she can see that I am dead serious about her and really am not just blowing smoke or trying to make her hurt..That I'm for real in every thing I've said. I have a feeling if she is willing to do that, it will score major points with her as well as give me something I really need..excersize, a way to clear my head, and a real chance to spend good quality time with her -- Something that has been long overdue. She really wanted to do something to that tune, never discussed exactly that (hindsight sucks!) but I do think this may be a positive thing for both of us.

 

I have been giving her space. I sent her a few txts but have been letting her initiate the calls and stopping by. I made it very very clear and made sure she understood, that I am not calling her only because I want her to have the space she wants and that it is not because I don't want to hear from her. It hurts so bad to have to stare at the phone all the time I want to talk to her, but it sure beats making her more upset and confused and frantic. She's a very emotional woman, moreso than most I would have to say, and well frankly just very fragile. I've learned this over the years for sure, and I am so trying to be so very delicate with her and her wishes.

 

I probably sound like a pushy guy with all this, but I do know her and know that deep down she doesn't want to do this. She only said it once, and it was so hard for her to say it, but I *know* we have a shot if I make the right changes and moves. She's already praised me a few times for some good 'small steps' right off the bat, and she has found out in the recent days just how much I do understand about what was done wrong, and what I can do to do it right in the future. Last night she was visably hurting (sore back neck etc) and I told her, I know you may not want one but I'll offer -- Great massage, all yours, just lay down if ya want it. Not ten seconds later, she's in bliss on the couch and ended up falling asleep. Nice two hour massage, and a short nap next to her before she had to get up and go home. She thanked me, and for once we actually parted without all the tears and crying. Sure, we whined about having to be apart when she was going, but we were so much more strong than the previous times. *shrug* It's still in her court, and everyone says never to leave it up to her, but for all I've done to her I refuse to play any game with her. I tell her everything straight from the heart, and she accepts it even if she really didn't want to hear what I had to say. Gotta see where she wants to take it, especially after this weekend. Last weekend when she went out of town, she txted and called me a few times after swearing she wouldn't and couldn't. I have high hopes on one hand, and slim hope on the other..Maybe I'm reading too much into her actions and words, but woman do like those little hints.

 

 

Thoughts? Anyone even reading this? Heh..Probably too long for most, but it's good to get it out and hopefully someone else down the road will take comfort in knowing it's not totally insane to feel how we have thus far..All hope isn't lost!

[game-addict]

I really should register.. I left a bit out between those two posts. On that 'fate' thing, she admitted to me after the fact that she feels that was one of those signs, and that if it was indeed it won't be the only one..I'm not a big faith person..I tend to take it as it comes, but I can't help but start believing in it especially since she's always had huge faith, in God, in things working out ok, and that everything happens for a reason.

 

Since writing her a long 4-page letter, sealing it, and deciding to have her read it Sunday or Monday, on her 'alone' time so there's a lot less pressure from having someone standing there staring at her for a response on the spot, I feel quite a bit better. I said a lot in that letter that I just couldn't say on the phone, and maybe it will be taken more to heart since I wrote it all out in detail and let my heart do the leading in what to say. I didn't beg, and I didn't harp on the bad, but moreso ideas for the future and reassurance that I still have the feeling from our first 'date' every day and it is not going anywhere anytime soon, assuring her she can take the time she needs, and that we can start it back off really slow and pretty much on her terms. I can imagine it would be hard to come back to the same house, and one thing she wanted for a while was a roommate, and I told her I'm more than willing to take on a roommate and move out of this place if that time came..I can't say I want to be here anymore as it is, seeing as all the bad stuff that occured took place right between these walls and the change of scenerary might be something Very Good to have. I never wanted a roommate, I was always a really private person, but she's got a friend she wants to move in with currently that I could totally deal with and I think that might actually happen down the road..That was a big thing in her mind, and it would leave her with more of a feeling of security knowing there's someone else around to break the awkward silences and that stuff that is inevitable at this point. I've pretty much offered her everything she's wanted, sealed with a very very honest and sincere promise, and told her to think about it and see what happens.

 

*shrug*

 

I hope she comes over tonight..I think I'm able to put away a lot of the pain in light of the shreds of renewed hope, and we can have a bit more of the Good Times we've had every night I've seen her, minus the uber pain.

 

Ah, the lengths we go...She's worth every ounce of it and then some, though.

[chad]

im reading it... and you wont believe this... but i am going through EXACTLY the same thing as you... except she kicked me out... i got hooked on WOW. done nothing around the house, paid her no attention, didnt take her out anywhere etc... im such a fool... took her completely for granted.

 

stick with the no txt/no call routine. thats what im doing. she calls or txts me its different. actually things are looking up for me... i moved back to my apartment, she still has her house, she comes over quite a lot, she is gonna be here in a mo, as i said id make dinner as she tidyed the apartment and done shopping etc for me today, so i said id cook her summat to say thanks.

 

still dont know whether i will ever be able to convince her to give me a second chance and show her that i have learnt by my mistakes. time will tell i guess. we are just `friends` right now. but she does cuddle me and kiss me and tell me how much she misses me and loves me! so im guessing im doing something right.

 

i did tell her something i read in here.... `you decided to walk away, its only you that can walk back` thats why i dont txt you or call you, its not because i dont want to hear from you, i do. just i feel that if we do go somewhere from here, you have to want to do it, not because of me hassling you.

 

that made her cry.. so i guess i hit a nerve.

 

wish me luck for tonight! determined to make sure she has a good night!

[game-addict]

Lots has happened -- If you're still here Chad, good luck!

 

I spent some time with some old friends and an ex from high school and gave the more recent ex more NC than she wanted in fact..Didn't answer on a few calls, was a bit distant and just took it fairly slow..Well until two nights ago! We're back together, though I stand to lose a lot (long story short) in the process we're going to try..I'll live, even if it doesn't quite work out, and what I lose will either come back eventually or be regained so no biggie..

 

Keep on the NC until she's ready, and be sure to decide if YOU'RE ready/willing before jumping back in, and even if she isn't quick to do it just live to make yourself more happy..

 

No lie, pretty much overnight I shook the sadness for the most part..sure it was there nagging a little here and there, but largely it lifted after a really good night's sleep after about two and a half weeks..*shrug*

[chad]

Thanks for those words of wisdom, however my relationship with my ex took a turn for the downside. as it was clear to me that she wanted to be just friends, but still keep all the emotional dependancy on me, dont get me wrong, i know i am in the wrong, but i begged her, cried everything. and she still wasnt interested, so have switched to nc, and after day 4 now, im starting to feel a lot better. its very hard, because we have been together for 5 years, and spent nearly every single day together. not hearing from her for so long is very strange.

 

I Hope that this time she has now, that she will notice how much she misses me, and perhaps we can think about trying again. however, i am not building my hopes up on that, instead i am concentrating on myself, and getting used to the fact that there is no more `me and the ex` anymore.

 

i think the sooner i can get past that fact, the better.

 

Im really happy that you have sorted things out, and got a second chance, really I am. Maybe i will? Maybe I wont? god knows i tried hard enough to get a second chance, and havnt got one yet.

 

I really hope it works out for you m8.