Should I continue to trust him?

[DiamondHeart]

Before you reply, please read this story to its entirety in order to understand the situation fully. It is long. Grab some popcorn or whatever snacks you feel like. The names of people have been changed to protect their identity. Thank you for reading...

 

My boyfriend on occasion would talk about this guy at his work. He would hint to me how handsome he was. He claimed this guy had a girlfriend, was straight, drove a BMW and was a carpenter at his work (to give you some details that will play a role later on in this story). In addition, my boyfriend was not publically out at his work to protect himself from being ridiculed. He told everyone that he had a "girlfriend".

 

One day, I accidentally found in the history tab of our computer that he was going on Craigslist - Missed Connections. I knew exactly who he was trying to get in connection with so I made a fake profile and claimed to be Joe, the guy at his work. I, "being Joe," sent a message to his coworker, Scott (my boyfriend), requesting if Scott would like to go out for drinks sometime (granted if he saw the message on the site). My boyfriend, Scott, bit the bait. Here are the EXACT text messages between the two of them:

 

Joe: I would like to get a few beers with you. We work together sometimes and I'm one of the carpenters. I've noted your nice blue eyes to you before. You got rid of your truck and bought a Toyota Camry. If you can tell me the make of my ride and the first letter of your name, I'll know it's you. I'd also like to show you my new place in Sunny View.

 

Scott: Hey Joe. Sorry I flagged your message by accident. What's happening? Yes would be cool to grab beers. Told the other half about you (NOTE: he did not tell me about this as he claimed to have) and thought it would be cool to hang out. We could all go out sometime. Was going to ask if you wanted to grab drinks sometime but we were always having people around and talking. Lol. This is Scott (XXX) XXX-XXXX. Let's bring this discussion over onto our phones. I'm not supposed to be on this site lol but that's between you and I. Also so you know it's me. You drive a greyish blue BMW and you just bought a house and I live on south side.

 

Joe: Hey Scott. Joe here. Shocked I got a response. Thought I was talking to a 4x4 for a second. Surprised I found myself on the m4m but can't help you're the first guy I'm attracted to. I'd say you are also otherwise I wouldn't have found you. Nice you told your girlfriend but I'd like to get drinks just you and I. Not sure where you and your girlfriend stand but my gal and I do actually have an open relationship. Makes sense for how long we've been together. Her and I aren't seeing anyone else at the moment though. With whatever you and your gal got worked out I'm willing and wanting to keep things on both our sides discreet and on the down low.

 

Scott: Hey Joe. Please keep this between us but I'm actually in a relationship with a guy but at work I have to say girl or I'd be ridiculed badly so don't say anything. He told me not to go on here but I was curious to see if anyone is on here I know that's why I check. He's very religious and if he saw me on here he would kill me. We're closed relationship but I emailed back to see if you wanted to grab a beer and chill not anything else. You are very attractive and very attracted to you but I can't stray from my relationship. Thanks for being discreet.

 

Joe: I see, Scott. Too bad a guy like yourself is under strict tabs. If I invited you over to my house just you and I sometime and we had a couple beers along with a little head action would we be able to blame it on the alcohol? I also would never had guessed you were seeing a guy. Very hot. So you and I experimenting even if under the influence is never gonna happen? It's ashame I do have a big dick.

 

Scott: I can't. If only I were single. I couldn't do that to my man. Yes he's a handsome 22 year old and doesn't want open relationship. Yes it's been 4 years since I had a woman. It's tough cause everyone at work wants to see a picture of a girl. Haha. Probably why I'm taking anxiety meds. Lol. So you never been with a guy?

 

Joe: Yeah I always wondered what your gal looked like. That explains it haha. Never been with a guy before. When I met you though I got confused. Them baby blues got me. Haha. Well it's good that you're stickin to your guns and not gettin with my sorry ass. Shows how loyal of a guy you are.

 

Scott: I know you got me too when I saw you. Made the mistake of saying how good looking you were so he thought I would cheat. I could never cheat on my boyfriend. If he knew I was on that site he would never trust me that's how serious he is. I need to block that site but I had a feeling you would be on there and was curious. Would still be cool to grab drinks all of us sometime if interested.

 

Joe: Very good. Very good. All four of us will have to get drinks soon. We'll keep all this between you and I. Deal?

 

Scott: Sounds very good. I can't say a word at all to my boyfriend how we got in touch and won't say anything to anyone. I promise. When we hang out story is I got your number at work and nothing about attraction. My boyfriend is like a woman he would start on me. Lol. Maybe Friday or next Friday we can all catch up.

 

Joe: Haha. Very well. Sounds good Andy. Next friday sounds good. My gal and I have plans this friday. I'll catch up with you later.

 

Scott: Awesome. One more thing. Just wanted to say how weird it is I found you on there cause actually I was checking out that site to see if you were on there. Just had that feeling for some reason that you were curious. Lol. I'm good at reading people. Have a good rest of day. Catch up later.

 

Joe: I thought the same with you. I have one more thing to say myself.. are you interested in me at all? I would have thought so as I can't believe myself I found you. Reason why I was looking was because I am sexually interested in you. What was your reason?

 

Scott: I would have been if I were single but unfortunately were not in open relationship so I feel it's my duty to remain faithful. Otherwise I'd be sexually interested in you. You're very hot. I just am curious when I went on there to see if I have missed connections. I just was glad to see other construction guys on there and was hoping you were on there because I think you would be a lot of fun to hang with and I should have said that at work I guess but too many people around.

 

Joe: I think you're hot. Well just gonna say right now when theres a time when your boyfriend isn't with you and I invite you over to my place my gal and the other one may not be there. With us drinkin who knows what will happen. I may not hold back. Is this the risk you're willing to take?

 

Scott: I can't take that risk. I want to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. If it's too hard for you to hold back might be better off not getting together because I know how that can be.

 

Joe: I understand Scott. With us knowing how we feel about eachother I wouldn't put it past us that we would wake up butt ass naked in the same bed from bein **** faced the night before. I'd be okay with it but don't want to put you in that situation. It's best we don't hang out at all then. I'm a risk for your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

Scott: I know if I were single I would love to be butt ass naked with you. That would be so hot but thank you for respecting that. That would be it for us if he found out. He told me that from beginning as his dad did the same thing to his mom. He would know that you were interested in me if we all hung out. He has that keen like me. Thank you very much for understanding.

 

Joe: Damn. You got me all worked up. You sure you don't want to work something out? It would be discreet and no one will know. I can tell you want it. Bad.

 

Scott: I should have never emailed you back it was wrong. Now I know. I'm sorry I teased you. I wish I could but I'm in a happy commited relationship.

 

Joe: What can I say to convince you to see my 9" donger? I'm dying here.

 

Scott: I just can't and that's final.

 

END OF MESSAGES

 

Scott then calls me up the next day and tells me that Joe was hitting on him at work in the bathroom (which was a lie) and how he shut it down before anything happened.

 

I then called my boyfriend out on his dirty laundry in person the next time I saw him. The look on his face was in distraught. I confronted him as to why he was flirting with "Joe" and his reason was because he didn't want to hurt "Joe's" feelings. He told me Joe was being all flirtatious with him and he wanted to let him down gently.

 

This all being said, should I trust him even though he WAS flirting with this guy and teasing him? What baffles me is how he knowingly was going to put himself in a very risky situation with "Joe" when "all of us would go out for drinks" and how he said he was willing to keep things under tabs. This makes me wonder what really WOULD have flourished between the two of them if all of us were to hang out.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Thank you for staying loyal and reading this story to it's entirety.

 

- Josh

[winny]

Listen, please don't create drama when there is none.

Why would you put the poor guy in such a situation and test his limits? I think he did very well.

What is so wrong if he found someone else attractive.... ?

I would continue to trust him because he did not give in to the temptation.

 

You are actually right now deceiving and lying to him by doing all this. Should he trust you anymore?

 

Heck... I go and check missed connections sometimes just for fun...!! Doesn't mean anything.....

Edited December 23, 2016 by winny

[vanhalenfan]

Looks like you've got nothing to worry about here. It's a little disturbing you went through great lengths to deceive him, though. You're lucky he still wants to be with you after admitting to that...I know many, if not most, would be so humiliated and angered enough to leave the relationship.