A right mess ( a long one)

[merrmeade]

Be vigilant. Block her in anyway you can, but not before sending her a message that makes it crystal clear that you wish her well but you want no further contact with her in any form. No phone calls, no emails, no facebook or social media messages, no showing up at school student pick up times or anything else.

 

Be extremely clear and spell it out for her that you do not want to hear form her ever again, and if she doesn't respect your wishes, you will seek legal redress. You don\t have to be cruel or unkind, just direct.

Next time ( there will be many next times and especially when you least expect),delete the email without reading.

....

So how are you going to protect your wife ? On your own you might be able to deal but it will widen gap between you and your wife.

Huh? Did OP not send a no-contact letter that his wife approved and mailed? If not, why not? And why are you advising him how to deal with OW contact on his own?? Where's his wife in this discussion and planning? Did I miss something?

 

This should not be a dilemma that OP has to agonize over on his own. It's a matter-of-fact process with steps and rules that he and his spouse agree on. The basic process are that WS writes the NC letter, BS approves, BS mails.

Link for examples of NC letter

Links for process: LS threads in 2013 and 2014 and other sites.

 

WS and BS decide together what to do if there's any AP contact after the NC letter. BS would have the last word.

Example:

If AP calls, texts or emails,

WS

doesn't read or answer

but passes on to

BS

;

BS

deletes.

 

I don't understand advising WS how to handle OW. If it's done, there shouldn't even be a choice. OP actually got this already:

I hear what you are saying and absolutely heed your advice. However,I really don't want to even engage in any kind of correspondence with her. IKnowing her,any kind of signal will be all she needs.

I hope he does not heed their advice and involves his wife in handling this. Edited January 4, 2017 by merrmeade

[wmacbride]

Huh? Did OP not send a no-contact letter that his wife approved and mailed? If not, why not? And why are you advising him how to deal with OW contact on his own?? Where's his wife in this discussion and planning? Did I miss something?

 

This should not be a dilemma that OP has to agonize over on his own. It's a matter-of-fact process with steps and rules that he and his spouse agree on. The basic process are that WS writes the NC letter, BS approves, BS mails.

Link for examples of NC letter

Links for process: LS threads in 2013 and 2014 and other sites.

 

WS and BS decide together what to do if there's any AP contact after the NC letter. BS would have the last word.

Example:

If AP calls, texts or emails,

WS

doesn't read or answer

but passes on to

BS

;

BS

deletes.

I don't understand advising WS how to handle OW. If it's done, there shouldn't even be a choice. OP actually got this already:

I hope he does not heed their advice and involves his wife in handling this.

I agree that keeping his wife in the loop is important, but the reason I suggested sending his ex-ow a clear and concise nc letter is because of something I learned through personal experience.

 

His ex-ow sounds like a serial ow who has some issues when it comes to boundaries, so it's important that he let her know, in his own words and language, that he does not wish to have any further contact. This way, if it ever becomes necessary to report her actions to legal authorities, he'll be able to prove he didn't wish to hear from her, and she ignored that request.

Having his wife read the message before e sends it so that she knows about it is a smart idea, but it has to be written in his own words and language, not hers. If it's in hers, and his ex-ow sees that, it can backfire. She'll think that his bs forced him to write it,. She can twist that into he doesn't really mean it, she's making him write it so she'll ignore it or it can make her hold on even tighter and harass his bs.

[mikeylo]

Is this a joke? Protecting your exOW?!

 

It's man talk for : the OP won't spare the OW if she chose to say or do anything harmful to his wife. He will take strong steps to protect his wife from the OW. The OW will need protection from OP if she did anything to his wife.

 

I hope I cleared it.