What does he want?

[smilesweetly]

My ex broke up with me in October and we had been together since March. We used to work together and we had known each other for a year before dating. We had a pretty good relationship. We met each other's families, always hung out at least once a week, and talked every day. He told me he loved me after meeting my parents. We hit a bit of a rough patch towards the end of September. His roommate stopped paying his half of the bills and said he paid them when he didn't. The house that they lived in almost got foreclosed on because of it. It caused some stress on the relationship because he kept everything bottled up and didn't tell me.

 

We moved past it and things were good for another month. Then one day, he told me he loves me and he hopes I have a good day. Then, twelve hours later he said he needs to have a talk. He called me when he got off of work and said he wants to break up. He never gave me a reason as to why he wanted to break up. He kept saying he doesn't know what to tell me and he hates to do this to me. It was completely unexpected. He met up with me the next day to reimburse me for some tickets I had bought for us. He kept hugging and touching me. He was saying he hated to do this, but he still loves me. As we were saying goodbye, he kept saying he will see me soon.

 

I kept NC for about a week when I sent him a text just asking for closure so that I can move on. No response. During that time and December 9th, he kept viewing my snapchat stories. He wanted to stay friends on snapchat because he said we had a great relationship and I'm the only ex he ever wanted to actually keep in contact with.

 

On Dec. 9th, he sent me a text. I ignored it because I was out drinking with some friends and I wasn't going to make the mistake of texting my ex while intoxicated. I was updating my snapchat story instead. His text basically said that he had been thinking about me lately, he wasn't expecting me to text him back, and he wanted to see how I was doing. The next morning, I woke up to two more texts from him. They said that he doesn't mean to bother me because it's obvious that I don't want to talk to him, but if I change my mind he would like to meet up to talk. It turns out he viewed my story and thought I was deliberately ignoring him.

 

I responded back and told him why I didn't text him. We texted for the rest of the morning and decided to meet up the next day. We met up at Panera and we talked for a couple of hours. He told me he broke up with me because he got scared of commitment. He was the one bringing up marriage and babies and he realized he wasn't where he wanted to be in his life financially and whatnot to live that kind of life with me. I went back to his place to see the cat we adopted together and nothing happened between us. He told me he didn't bring me to his place to hook up or to immediately get back together. He said he would like to take things slow and for us to get back to where we were if we were able to. While we were hanging out he kept saying that he likes me and he wants to continue to hang out and talk.

 

Well, after that meet up he would snap me and I would respond, but he wouldn't answer my responses. This went on for a few days until I got tired of it and stopped answering them. I sent him a text a week later just saying I hope he's doing well. He said he was and that he was busy. We texted for a few minutes before he stopped answering in the middle of our conversation. He sent me a text the next night, but I was being petty and didn't answer until the next morning. We got on the subject of the new Star Wars movie and I told him I saw it and it was alright. He said if he knew I wanted to see it, he would've asked me if he knew I wasn't going to refuse. I told him I wouldn't have refused if he had asked me. Then he just stopped texting me again. I went out last night and posted some pictures on my story. He sent me a chat saying I looked beautiful in the dress I was wearing. I replied back saying thank you and how badly my feet hurt from the shoes I was wearing. He opened it up and hasn't responded.

 

I just want to know y'all's opinions on this. If he wanted to take things slow, then wouldn't he want to talk to me and not just randomly stop talking to me? Also, if he does ever contact me again, should I ignore it or confront him about him just never responding to me?

[Logo]

Are you sure there's no one else in the picture?

 

This whole hot and cold leads me to believe that he is either telling you the truth about commitment or he enjoys the attention or he's trying to make up his mind about who to stay with.

 

I'm not trying to make you feel paranoid, but ya never know what the other person is hiding from you.

 

Why is he not responding to your texts if he loves you the way he claims he does? Why can't he communicate with you openly? He loves you so much, but he's too busy to send you a quick text?

 

When you're into someone, you make the time.

[RocketQueen]

I went through a similar phase with my ex and obsessed over the reasons he was doing this hot and cold thing. It drove me crazy.

 

I never did get any answers. I would go no contact and wouldn't hear from him for a while then he'd crawl back out of the woodwork and I would respond.

 

I realised there was a pattern to the contact, he would check in and ask if I had any plans, if I didn't I'd have little to no contact. The times I was out and he'd see me on friends shapchat or Facebook check ins (I don't have him on any social media now) he'd make his presence known by whatsapping me to wish me a good night or comment I looked pretty blah blah blah. I stopped responding to any messages, I decided not to block him and found not responding more empowering for me- at a time when I needed to regain a little control.

 

The mistakes I had made in the beginning re: responding made me realise he didn't want ANYTHING but also felt uncomfortable seeing me out and living life.

 

In my case, I don't ever think there was anyone else for him but he wanted to make sure there wasn't for me either. Now he is clueless about my life and still tries to find things out.

 

Not responding to him will give you your answer, be strong and don't cave to these little strands of nothing.

 

Getting contact from him helped me by thinking I still meant SOMETHING to him but I never lost sight of I didn't mean enough to him and I deserved more.

 

So do you xxx