Read my old posts from 6 years ago

[angel.eyes]

It all starts in the mind.

 

Read her threads from six years ago! Same great intentions voiced. Claimed she was going NC and blocking him. Claimed she was getting a new job. Nothing changed except she's now a middle-aged woman in an affair and not 33! So much for it all starting in the mind!

 

Actual action, making different choices, and changed behavior is what makes the difference! Otherwise she'll be a senior citizen, still making poor choices, sneaking around behind the wife's back to see him, all while "rising from the ashes." YouTube clips of Rocky are great, but what's actually needed is choosing differently.

[angel.eyes]

Thank you for your post. He is blocked and the email account we used to communicate has been terminated. I long ago three out gift he gave me (there weren't many). He generally didn't come back; I always reached out to him. Instead of doing that I'm posting here. That's the biggest difference between my attempts to end it - posting here. This is my way of being held accountable.

 

You need more than just posting here. That was your solution six years ago. Obviously, it was an unsuccessful strategy. What are you going to do differently this time around to make sure that you don't reach out again to continue the arrangement?

[JustWannaStop]

You need more than just posting here. That was your solution six years ago. Obviously, it was an unsuccessful strategy. What are you going to do differently this time around to make sure that you don't reach out again to continue the arrangement?

 

I changed jobs in 2010 so I no longer work with him. I don't know what else to do. I'm so sick of him and this stupid affair and feeling guilty for hurting people and feeling like a total assh*le. I don't see a future for us and realize I don't even want one. It would never work and he would just cheat on me. I guess to answer your quiestion about what's different is time. Since 2010 I've had 6 years of the same BS and maybe it's finally sunk in. Maybe now I see how negatively this affair has impacted my life. I'm depressed and unmotivated and what kind of example am I setting for my daughter? And holy sh*t I do not want her to ever be like me. I'm 41 now and have been going through the same sh*t for so long and I am just tired. Once my daughter goes to college I plan on moving to a different state, not to escape him but because California is so expensive and crowded. But it will have the side effect of getting even further away from him than I am now (he lives about an hour from me now). I don't know what else to say or do. If you have any advice I would appreciate it. I appreciate the 2 x 4s and all but help me out, man. I know I f*cked up and wasted years and years. You don't need to tell me that. So help me! Give me advise and tips and help me be successful! Please?

[JustWannaStop]

My mom died suddenly last year and I think that's when I really started examining my life and seriously wanting to make a change. Her death showed me how delicate life is and how it can end in an instant. I want to live it to the fullest and honor her memory (she was a BS, which makes me being an OW all the more horrible). So I'd say that's the biggest catalyst.

[angel.eyes]

I am so sorry to hear that! (((HUGS))) Having a parent die forces us to re-evaluate our life. Now that you have the impetus to quit again, the key will be to prevent backsliding into old habits.

 

For starters, tell his wife. You will hear arguments for telling or not telling. But in your case, my advice is to involve his wife. Let her know that the affair continued for eight years after D-Day. Here's why:

• Affairs thrive on secrecy. Get it out in the open if you truly want things to end.
  
• If they choose to work on their marriage, he'll be under a much more watchful eye, once she realizes they have had a false reconciliation. That will make it harder for you to connect when either of you wavers. And waver you will despite the best of intentions.
  
• If the marriage implodes, the scrambling he does during the process, will hopefully open your eyes and drive home in your heart (not just your mind) who he truly is.
  

 

You mentioned in your original threads that you had quit drugs but restarted when the affair continued after D Day. Have you quit again? If so, what types of things did you do to prevent another relapse?

 

I ask because an affair is a lot like a drug. Whatever worked to prevent a relapse it's likely to work for you as you try to quit this affair.

 

Wishing you the best this holiday season and the strength to accomplish a new beginning in 2017.

[freengreen]

It IS sad that you beleived him. YOU lost the time in your life account, YOU had the pain. Yet, you must just embrace all of it because you are the OW.

 

Dust yourself up. Take care of YOU. It will be fine. You think 41 is late but my friend only had 27 years in her account. Everyday is a gift. Start from today, you will be fine. Hugs .

[BluEyeL]

Not in a relationship with a MM but I also stayed and wasted years of my life on a man that didn't deserve it and in a relationship that was clearly a train wreck.

 

I wanted to tell you that I also finally woke up at 41 and I went no contact, started dating other men and I'm turning 45 in January and getting married in July. I have never been so happy in my life, and while I'm grateful for how great things turned out, I beat myself up over wasting half of my life being unhappy.

 

You can do it too! One thing though, don't start dating without getting very healthy inside otherwise you'll get from a bad situation into another. Dating is very tough at an emotional level and you need to be strong. You need to have the strength to cut off all men who aren't treating you great, and know what type of qualities to look for in a partner and not chase chemistry as another drug. Cutting off the men who treat you bad would be the hardest part for you . Get some therapy.

 

Anyway I wanted to tell you that at 41 it can be done and yo can be happy but you have to give yourself a chance by getting rid of this man .

[Satu]

Here's a poem for you:

 

 

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

 

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

 

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

 

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

 

 

- Derek Walcott, Love after love.

 

 

Take care.

[Poppy47]

JUstWanna Stop,

 

Don't despair about your age.

 

I just turned 69 , woke up and decided I didn't want to be a 70 year old in an A and wasting anymore years.

 

If you were my age you would seriously have something to worry about. LOL

 

Oddly though, I am not worried. I have picked myself up out of that mess and life is beginning to look half way normal again.

 

If you want to stop, then just do it. No "ifs" or "buts".

 

Poppy.

[JustWannaStop]

However, he did manage to email me what I assume was a Christmas greeting. Block, delete, move on I appreciate everyone's support and advice and I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. You've all helped me so much in this short time.

 

Here's to moving forward and staying healthy and clean and on the road to continued recovery and happiness!