Could do with Input

[Nowty V]

I could do with some input.

 

I had a relationship that ended in 2004, see posts from another life under the name 'Returning'

 

I took up with the woman in 1990 and she had an 18 mnth old daughter at the time.

 

The mother was very guarded with her daughter and Mother and Maternal Grandfather maintained strict dominance over daughter throughout the relationship.

 

I treated the daughter with respect throughout The daughter was dismissive of me as she grew and treated me with contempt [encouraged by maternal grandfather].

 

I supported the daughter in ways I was able, in infant school we made some fantastic hats for the Christmas hat parade which she won each year.

 

Chose her puppy when she wanted one, a German shepherd, and trained it so it was an exceptional pet for her, she still has the dogs ashes.

 

In high school I represented her successfully at tribunal when the school were trying to expel her for bad behaviour on numerous occasions.

 

I took risks to ensure her criminal biological Father was available to her, he lived abroad but when in town he began to contact her from age 12 onward. She has since stopped contact as he is a waster.

 

I treated her as an equal from day one.

 

When daughter was 15 onwards she mixed with Crack dealers from out of her ethnicity.

 

After arrest by police she was put on curfew and Mother allowed her to move a boyfriend into the property.

 

Daughter had weekend job and boyfriend used to stay in bed all weekend awaiting her.

 

Weekends had been my intimate time with Mother, Daughter boyfriend put a stop to this.

 

I said he goes home while daughters in work or I go.

 

Mother said You go.

 

I could have bought the lad a drink, I had been trying to remove myself from the dysfunctional relationship for many years.

 

The daughter holds herself responsible for the end of the relationship and the mother still carries a torch for me.

 

The daughter has sent me xmas cards for the past 5 years. I have bumped into her a few times at the shops recently.

 

Daughter has a well paid civil service job and lives with a Catholic man from her own ethnicity, she turned her life around and lives a clean life.

 

Maternal Grandfather has dementia and is Ga Ga. Mother is a gambling addict with massive debts.

 

Daughter has expressed, in front of her partner, how valuable were the lessons on life she learnt from me, mainly how to manage money and live a life with 'the man' off your back.

 

I stay away from daughter, no requested contact, as I want nothing to do with her Mother.

 

Daughter has no reason to need me in her life, in my eyes, and it is a ploy to get me back with her Mother.

 

She wants more input from me in her life, wants me to keep in touch and call at her house.

 

Mothers life is a shambles and Daughter may see me as a way of getting her back on the straight and narrow path.

 

What do you think.

[introverted1]

So the daughter is 28?

 

I am not sure that it is either/or - either the daughter now has the maturity to understand the value of your steady hand in her youth OR she wants you to rescue her mother. It may well be both.

 

I don't see any reason you cannot maintain contact with the daughter, but it would be best not to do this at her house, unless you are interested in the role of rescuer for the mom.

[Nowty V]

Yes she must be about that age.

 

Mother lives in different part of town to where the daughter lives with her boyfriend.

 

I think it's safer for me if I stay well away.

 

I'm pleased she's turned her life around.