Wife cheated, I'm divorcing.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Don't be guilty of the same thing she is - revising history to suit your present perspective.

 

As tough as it is, force your thoughts forward. You've got plenty on your plate and many good things ahead of you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not revisioning history. I remember it in the moment, I remember when she said it I thought "you didn't appreciate me before, why does me taking you on a date night make you appreciate me?". At the time I remember there was just something wrong about her saying that. I didn't like it and it made me angry towards her.

 

Now revising history- she was probably already planning her escape. The date night was to see how things went. When she said "I appreciate you so much more" was her way of trying to convince herself that this will work. Now that is all guessing.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Vegan, the NPD described in the diagnostic manual is simply a description of behavioral symptoms, i.e., a group of behaviors everyone exhibits to some degree. NPD is not a description of the disorder itself. Indeed, the "disorder" causing NPD may be the very same disorder causing the other 9 PDs.

 

Until scientists determine what it is that causes personality disorders, it will be impossible for psychologists to write a diagnostic manual that actually describes the disorder itself. The result is that nobody knows whether the ten PDs are caused by several separate disorders or, rather, all ten PDs are caused by a single underlying disorder.

 

I mention all this to explain why it is not surprising that, if your W is exhibiting NPD, she also exhibits at least one other PD. Recent studies show that the vast majority of people exhibiting one full-blown PD also exhibit one or two other PDs as well. Because the PDs are only behavioral symptoms, saying that a person is exhibiting several PDs does not imply that she has several underlying causes or diseases. Rather, you are only saying that she exhibits multiple symptoms. It's like saying that a person having a fever and upset stomach also has body aches, tiredness, and headaches.

 

Vegan, you are describing emotional instability. Of the ten PDs, the only one listing emotional instability as a defining symptom is BPD (Borderline PD). Indeed, of the 9 defining traits for BPD, at least four of them contain terms describing emotional instability. I mention this because a 2008 study of nearly 35,000 American adults found that 41% of the female narcissists (i.e., those with full-blown NPD) also exhibited full-blown BPD. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

 

I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. An excellent concise description of what it feels like to live with a BPDer for 23 years is provided in Salparadise's 3/23/16 post. If those descriptions ring many bells, I would be glad to join Sal, Committed and the other respondents in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for NPD and BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, Vegan.

 

All of this makes sense and I thank you for taking the time. Actually 1 week after D-day she sent me a link to a BPD article and said "I think I have this". I didn't think too much into it then, decided to re-read your post and it all makes sense. What was hardest to understand was how after 4+ years I'm a stranger to her (she split me black).

 

Yes she has strong traits in most (if not all) of the 18.

[Downtown]

I remember when she said it I thought "you didn't appreciate me before, why does me taking you on a date night make you appreciate me?". At the time I remember there was just something wrong about her saying that.

Vegan, what was "wrong" about her statement is that she clearly did not appreciate -- indeed, did not even remember -- all the sacrifices you had made on a daily basis for her. If she is a BPDer as you suspect, this attitude is exactly what you should expect. With a BPDer, the appreciation is short lived and you're quickly back to "What have you done for me lately?"

 

No matter how much you sacrifice yourself to help her, it will be impossible for you to build up a store of good will that you can later draw on during the hard times. BPDers are too immature to maintain such a store of good will -- and too immature to be able to restrain their bad feelings toward you by considering their good feelings toward you.

 

They are too immature to tolerate experiencing strong conflicting feelings at the same time. To avoid that intolerable situation, a BPDer will flip -- in just ten seconds -- from adoring you to devaluing you. And she will flip back again, perhaps a day or a week later, just as quickly. This behavior is called "black-white thinking," which is one of the hallmarks of BPD symptoms.

 

As occurs with BPDers, this same behavior also is evident in the behavior of young children -- who will adore Daddy when he is bringing out the toys but will immediately flip to hating Daddy when he takes one away. Like young children, BPDers are too immature to handle strong mixed feelings, ambiguities, uncertainties, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships.

 

Hence, trying to build up a store of good will with a BPDer is as futile as trying to build a lasting sandcastle beside the sea. It is certain to be washed away by the next tide of intense feeling that floods her mind. As is true of young children, a BPDer's perception of "reality" is whatever intense feeling she is experiencing AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Vegan, what was "wrong" about her statement is that she clearly did not appreciate -- indeed, did not even remember -- all the sacrifices you had made on a daily basis for her. If she is a BPDer as you suspect, this attitude is exactly what you should expect. With a BPDer, the appreciation is short lived and you're quickly back to "What have you done for me lately?"

 

No matter how much you sacrifice yourself to help her, it will be impossible for you to build up a store of good will that you can later draw on during the hard times. BPDers are too immature to maintain such a store of good will -- and too immature to be able to restrain their bad feelings toward you by considering their good feelings toward you.

 

They are too immature to tolerate experiencing strong conflicting feelings at the same time. To avoid that intolerable situation, a BPDer will flip -- in just ten seconds -- from adoring you to devaluing you. And she will flip back again, perhaps a day or a week later, just as quickly. This behavior is called "black-white thinking," which is one of the hallmarks of BPD symptoms.

 

As occurs with BPDers, this same behavior also is evident in the behavior of young children -- who will adore Daddy when he is bringing out the toys but will immediately flip to hating Daddy when he takes one away. Like young children, BPDers are too immature to handle strong mixed feelings, ambiguities, uncertainties, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships.

 

Hence, trying to build up a store of good will with a BPDer is as futile as trying to build a lasting sandcastle beside the sea. It is certain to be washed away by the next tide of intense feeling that floods her mind. As is true of young children, a BPDer's perception of "reality" is whatever intense feeling she is experiencing AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

 

Reading more about BPD the "walking on eggshells" really rings true to me. This woman left me for another man our first month of dating, I had the "she's the one" feeling then and now and see how them mirroring made me feel this way and how quickly she split me black and I'm a stranger now. When she came back I had a different mindset that changed over the years and having our son...I went from "my needs come first" to "never saying no to her". When I would do things in the past to put my needs first she would attach more to me (abandonment) later down the road I felt her contempt when all my " yeses" did not satisfy her and my reaction was more "yeses" and reminding her I never say "no" to her which obviously just created more contempt. I also remember telling her to never speak in absolutes "always, never, etc." This was subconscious on my part, and I learned this is a therapy tactic for BPDers, but as the years went by I stopped telling her.

 

We had a conversation about 2 weeks ago and I asked her what was so bad in our relationship and it was like I was the worst person in the world and all the reasons were so shallow: I didn't get excited about Christmas, I didn't appreciate all the nice things she bought, talked about how I was horrible to her son (I've done a lot of good for her son which she's forgot), although I'd hang out with her friends/put on a show, but I didn't really enjoy it. I did not try to convince her otherwise about the things she was telling me, I knew there was no point in that.

 

I'm glad you posted on my thread, I'm glad I learned about BPD. She wants to move back to Texas and I can't wait till she's gone, I think my true healing will start then. I'm just way to busy with my son and work to truly focus on myself.

 

Also, and I'm going to get lambasted... I've decided to let her take our son with her back to Texas. She has family there and a support system. When I move for my job I will know nobody, will be working long erratic hours, and my son will grow up with hired help instead of family. I'll take some input on this as well

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Oh man has the mask come off! She talks to and treats me like I cheated on her. Called her to discuss our son twice today, both times she answers "what do you want" "uhhh, what". Now I don't want anything from her, it's upsetting that the day before D-day she is so in love with me and now I'm a stranger... but I KNOW she's doing me a favor in the long run. She's not the person I thought she was, that person is dead.

 

Update: signed the paperwork for custody and filing for divorce with fault (her assault). She went to my lawyers office and signed the same stuff, lawyer said it would be filed this week. Hopefully over soon.

[Downtown]

I've decided to let her take our son with her back to Texas. She has family there and a support system. When I move for my job I will know nobody, will be working long erratic hours, and my son will grow up with hired help instead of family.

Why the change of mind, Vegan? In post #10, you said she had already agreed to give you full custody of your son so you could move away in five months to take that FAA job. If she really does exhibit strong NPD and BPD traits, why do you think it will be healthier for your son to be raised in Texas by a disordered woman than to be raised by you together with "hired help"?

[whichwayisup]

 

I'm glad you posted on my thread, I'm glad I learned about BPD. She wants to move back to Texas and I can't wait till she's gone, I think my true healing will start then. I'm just way to busy with my son and work to truly focus on myself.

 

Also, and I'm going to get lambasted... I've decided to let her take our son with her back to Texas. She has family there and a support system. When I move for my job I will know nobody, will be working long erratic hours, and my son will grow up with hired help instead of family. I'll take some input on this as well

 

DO NOT do this to your son. Put him first. You're about to mess him up for life if you follow through on this awful idea.

 

You're going to regret this for the rest of your life and have a son who will HATE you.

 

Respectfully be the father you're meant to be. Don't let your ex take that from you and don't let responsibility of being a single parent run away from your own flesh and blood. Just don't.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

@Downtown and @whichwayisup

 

I wrote a novel and deleted it. She changed her mind about giving me primary custody after I went on the "you're going to pay me max child support" rant. Before that even happened I've really been considering that this is the best for my son and me right now. Him growing up around family and friends just sits better with me as opposed to a non-blood babysitter. My schedule will be crazy, I can't even conceptualize how I'd get him to/from school working around the clock.

 

She really is a loving mother to our son. She's very protective. This decision was NOT easy decision but it is shared custody, I'm not giving her primary, I'll have him for summers and when I get established at wherever I go... maybe more.

 

When my son was born and when I married my wife I didn't want this life for him, I didn't want him growing up in at broken home... it was/is my biggest fear. I would've probably stayed with her for him no matter what, yea after she cheated if she would've said the right things I would've tucked my tail between my legs, handed in my "man card" and tried to work it out... but she didn't. Now I didn't make that decision for him, she did. I just feel deep down for now this is the best option that puts the best support system around him. Yea I may regret it, we will see what the future holds.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

You're going to regret this for the rest of your life

 

You have no idea how true this is.

 

In the beginning I had a lot on my table. Full time parent of an autistic son who was acting extremely bad when she left, I couldn't take him anywhere without a flip out. I had a wife that cheated on me and left me, I was lonely, 1 of my dogs became ill and I had to put him down... so I was searching for relief, that's why I made this decision.

 

Since I last posted: I put my dog down, no longer cleaning up 3-10 piles of vomit a day, my son is fantastic! Leaps and bounds better than 2 months ago. He tells me he loves me now, I'm his best friend, he's so much better behaved, and now that my time with him is running short (move in 2 weeks)... I am having SO MUCH REGRET for making this decision. I cried on a daily basis... I would cry into the mirror pointing at myself, calling myself weak, a POS, "you made this decision, you failed!" Each time he would try to say something new, gave me a hug out of the blue, I'd cry for the fact that I wouldn't be able to see my boy grow up on a daily basis. I set up a Skype account on an iPad that I'm going to give to him just so I could talk to him... and I cried the entire time while doing it knowing this would be the only way I'd see him for a while

 

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

2 days ago the world righted itself. Now I have tears of joy, not pain. My now ex-wife... yea that was fast huh, Maryland moves fast when you file for divorce under cruelty (50/50 custody, no child support either way)... decided to attempt suicide. Took a bunch of pills, got scared, called 911, on suicide watch for 72 hours or so. She's fine, she told me she called 911 immediately after taking the pills (attention seeking I'm guessing). Apparently her new BF broke up with her and she couldn't deal with the pain (btw the therapist at the hospital told her she's most likely BPD).

 

I IMMEDIATELY call my lawyer, I have a chance to have my son.

 

me: "xxx is what happened over the weekend, chances I'd get full custody"

lawyer: "no court will give her custody until she's been through tons of therapy and a therapist provides a written bill of good mental health"

 

Yes divorce is finalized, custody set... but I still have the restraining order which the final hearing is next week. Lawyer says the restraining order will trump custody set by family court, the judge can and will extend it for a year, give me full custody and her supervised visitation. Then when I get to Arizona I can reopen custody at family court armed with the restraining order which outlines my full custody and her "suicide attempt".

 

Yes lady's and gents I'm keeping my boy, and now that I have him I'm going to do everything in my power to keep him forever!! To be honest I'm scared to be a single dad in a city where I will know nobody... but I will figure it out. I am closing on a nicely upgraded house in AZ in like 2 weeks, it has a pool and my boy loves to swim. I'm scared but more excited about the future for me and my boy!

[Downtown]

Now I have tears of joy, not pain.... I'm keeping my boy, and now that I have him I'm going to do everything in my power to keep him forever!!

Vegan, thanks so much for returning to give us an update. I was wondering how you and your boy are doing. What a wonderful outcome! Arizona for the both of you. As I said two months ago, it likely will be much healthier for your son to be raised in Arizona -- even if you supplement his raising with "hired help" -- than to be raised in Texas by a disordered woman. I am very happy for you and your son and wish you the best when the court revisits the custody arrangement a year from now. And I hope he enjoys the swimming pool at your new home!

[road]

Lemon to lemonade.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Last update for a while:

 

- Just got back from court. Judge made my temporary restraining order permanent (1 year) I am awarded full custody.

 

- Moving to AZ this Saturday. My son needs to be a resident for 6 months prior to filing for permanent full custody... I've already set 5 month and 6 month calender reminders to get a lawyer and file respectively.

 

- She's allowed supervised visitation only and only by my approval.

 

- Going to continue to gather evidence (I'm sure she'll give me enough in the next 6 months), that along with my belief that she will not get help, and my restraining order "golden ticket" which outlines her suicide attempt/mental instability (yea it says that)... should be enough to get it done.

 

See you in 6 months!

[Cephalopod]

If you are moving to the Phoenix area it is a great place to raise a kid. One of my sisters lives there and she has been trying to get me to move there from California for years. They have great schools, the neighborhoods are safe, and Phoenix is a very modern, clean town. Not a lot of atmosphere or soul like other older cities, but it has all you need to make a good life there. The heat takes some getting used to.

[Marc878]

Now the divorce us over you need yo fix yourself. If you do too much in a relationship you are apt to get taken advantage of and lose respect. Relationships should be balanced @ 50/50

 

No More Mr Nice Guy needs to be a permanent way of life!!!!

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

If you are moving to the Phoenix area it is a great place to raise a kid. One of my sisters lives there and she has been trying to get me to move there from California for years. They have great schools, the neighborhoods are safe, and Phoenix is a very modern, clean town. Not a lot of atmosphere or soul like other older cities, but it has all you need to make a good life there. The heat takes some getting used to.

 

Tucson. Phoenix has been my ultimate goal, got offered Tucson and jumped on it, even took a temporary pay cut to get back to AZ. Hopefully Phoenix in a couple years but who knows, I may love Tucson.

 

Now the divorce us over you need yo fix yourself. If you do too much in a relationship you are apt to get taken advantage of and lose respect. Relationships should be balanced @ 50/50

 

No More Mr Nice Guy needs to be a permanent way of life!!!!

 

I agree 100%!!! I discovered how easy it is to stray... I'm a NMMNG disciple but I would say the last year of this marriage I severely got away from Dr. Glover's teachings. Looking back: I stopped making my needs a priority, stopped setting boundaries, developed a "if I'm good, good things will happen to me" mentality.

 

I don't know if me straying sped up the inevitable end of the relationship or delayed it, but I know that when it ended suddenly/horrifically... I was lost and lost my self identity/integrity that I believe I would have retained if I hadn't reverted back to a "Nice Guy".

 

I'm actually ready to get back out there and date but nothing serious for a while. I also realized that I need to work on my self worth. I have issues with knowing I'm good enough just as I am... I'm working on that.

[bubbaganoosh]

I wouldn't worry about dating until your ex is completely out of your system. Have fun with your son and be the best dad you can. It will pay off in the long run.

 

Anytime you start thinking about your ex, just remember why the cops hauled her ass off. No excuse what's so ever for hitting. That isn't a woman

[Oberfeldwebel]

BPD is a horrible condition, which can be controlled to a certain degree with medication However, most refuse or sporadically take medication and eventually go manic. The BPD person can make you feel that you are the one going crazy. She has to decide to go on and stay on medication to treat.

 

Tucson is a great town. I lived in Tempe and Mesa years ago, I think if I moved back I would go to Tucson. You are doing well, stay focused on son, career and new life in AZ. In time things will settle down and you two will find a new normal.

[Downtown]

Ober, the "BPD" that Vegan and I have been discussing refers to Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar Disorder. Like you, I have fond memories of Tucson and Arizona in general.

[lolablue17]

I understand how you feel, while everything turns to be in your favor. while considering all the horrible things she's done, remember, she is weak, your are strong. Now she is probably in the lowest point of her life, ever. She is your son's mother. It's not the best for your son to see his mom like this.

 

You might want to be mercy with her, be generous, and try not to step all over her, although you can.

[somuchfortheone]

So D-Day was almost 2 weeks ago. We were together for 4+ years, married less than 6 months. She slept with an ex-boyfriend during a recent trip back to her home town. I've had bad history with this woman before, she broke up with me and dated another guy within 2 months or us starting dating. Month with the other guy then came crawling back to me, and (in hindsight) like a fool I took her back.

 

Ok I'll keep this short. So she cheats, doesn't tell me but tells me she's leaving me and moving back to Texas with our son. I tell her no she's not, in my state I can block her from taking my son. She flips out, starts punching me and while we are waiting for the cops to arrive (yea I called 911) she tells me that "oh btw, when I was visiting Texas I slept with xxx and it was amazing". Cops come, arrest her, I tried to not have her arrested but in my state the state presses charges if there are signs of domestic abuse... I had bruises everywhere (I never laid a hand on her). I have a restraining order on her that was just extended to 90 days, she's been living at a friends house. I give her liberal visitation of our son. I lawyered up, filing for divorce.

 

So the other day we have a convo and I give her the chance to keep our family together if she's willing to do A LOT of work and I tell her that after she does all that work that it still may not work out and I may never trust her... she agrees, we sleep together, same thing the next day, then she says... "I woke up this morning and I asked myself is this what I want and the answer was NO". She then tells me that she wants to be single, go back to school, all that BS. I thought we had a great relationship, 4+ years in and we still had sex all the time, we got along well, date nights all the time, we were always laughing and having a good time so for me... this whole thing was out of the blue. Obviously wasn't that great for her.

 

The good news... yesterday I decide that I AM LETTING GO OF ALL HOPE! I tell myself that this is broken beyond repair, I don't want her back anymore and I am going to dive into the hell of transitioning from "relationship me" to "single dad me". Keep in mind the restraining order.. I tell her that I'm changing the rules and that she can only contact me for picking up and dropping off my son. I start googling "how to emotionally detach from someone FAST" and even though there is no consensus way of doing it, I keep seeing actively grieving (which I'm familiar with). So a lot of active grieving last 2 days, no more convos about her ****ing day. Today I told her to get whatever she needs from the house because I am moving EVERYTHING she owns into trash bags and into the basement (my lawyer advised me against selling anything).

 

Today was a great step forward. I had to remind her again to stop contacting me unless it has to do with our son, I followed through and put all of her stuff in the basement (I cried on and off while doing it), been working out like a mad man, I have a plastic surgery that I've wanted to get done for a long time scheduled for February. I'm in the hate phase and it's really kicking in that she cheated on me, I'm choosing to give up hope on a reconciliation, I'm choosing to look forward and move on with my life with my amazing son... but then again it's less than 2 weeks in and I'm still an emotional wreck but I'm trying

 

?????so proud of you! I'm going through he exact same thing... read my post. God I wish I had your strength. I'm getting there.. slowly. This weekend I made a lot of headway after he spent the whole weekend in a hotel with her (and calling out of work to do so). That was my breaking point. I have to move on. Research the 180. I'm doing that...it'll be hard but I have to fake it until I make it. I have to act like I've moved on until I actually do completely move on. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Believe me, I know your pain.

[somuchfortheone]

Reading more about BPD the "walking on eggshells" really rings true to me. This woman left me for another man our first month of dating, I had the "she's the one" feeling then and now and see how them mirroring made me feel this way and how quickly she split me black and I'm a stranger now. When she came back I had a different mindset that changed over the years and having our son...I went from "my needs come first" to "never saying no to her". When I would do things in the past to put my needs first she would attach more to me (abandonment) later down the road I felt her contempt when all my " yeses" did not satisfy her and my reaction was more "yeses" and reminding her I never say "no" to her which obviously just created more contempt. I also remember telling her to never speak in absolutes "always, never, etc." This was subconscious on my part, and I learned this is a therapy tactic for BPDers, but as the years went by I stopped telling her.

 

We had a conversation about 2 weeks ago and I asked her what was so bad in our relationship and it was like I was the worst person in the world and all the reasons were so shallow: I didn't get excited about Christmas, I didn't appreciate all the nice things she bought, talked about how I was horrible to her son (I've done a lot of good for her son which she's forgot), although I'd hang out with her friends/put on a show, but I didn't really enjoy it. I did not try to convince her otherwise about the things she was telling me, I knew there was no point in that.

 

I'm glad you posted on my thread, I'm glad I learned about BPD. She wants to move back to Texas and I can't wait till she's gone, I think my true healing will start then. I'm just way to busy with my son and work to truly focus on myself.

 

Also, and I'm going to get lambasted... I've decided to let her take our son with her back to Texas. She has family there and a support system. When I move for my job I will know nobody, will be working long erratic hours, and my son will grow up with hired help instead of family. I'll take some input on this as well

 

 

This is unreal... my husband doesn't have many things to say that were so wrong with me either but not liking the holidays is one of his big complaints about me too.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

First, thank you! However I'm not going through anything anymore, I've already gone through it. Divorce is over, custody is over, I'm already moved and settled in my house in AZ... which btw I bought virtually sight unseen and it's 10x better than I expected. 4th day in town and I'm already meeting friends.

 

Advice from me to you if you'll take it. Now I wanted my ex wife to beg to come back, I wanted her to say she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake but I never got that. Now she tried to come back to me right after her "suicide attempt" but I could tell she was just doing it because she was at her lowest point and I was the easy target. There was a guy in this forum who had 2 user names "Gibson" and "Homebrew" and he taught me what I needed to know going forward with my most recent mess. I think he got in trouble because most of his stuff got deleted... but this one right here is the truth. When you accept this truth then the path forward becomes more clear... NOT EASIER, just more clear.

 

There is no foolproof / guaranteed method to get someone to want to be with you, stay with you or to get them to come back.

 

1. Love is a choice.

 

2. People have free will.

 

3. You cannot beg, plead, convince, guilt, negotiate, threaten, manipulate, etc. someone to want to be with you.

 

4. All you can do is be yourself. Some people like who you are and some people won't.

 

5. Some people are looking / want to settle down and are actively pursing that. Others are just looking for / having fun, dating around, entering and leaving relationships, etc.

 

6. If someone does not know who they are, want they want or what love is... You can't tell them who they are, what they want and make them understand what love is.

 

I'll add one more which is really a modified #3

 

Do you really want to be with someone you had to beg, plead, convince, guilt, negotiate, threaten, manipulate, etc. to be with you?

 

Good luck to you!

[somuchfortheone]

First, thank you! However I'm not going through anything anymore, I've already gone through it. Divorce is over, custody is over, I'm already moved and settled in my house in AZ... which btw I bought virtually sight unseen and it's 10x better than I expected. 4th day in town and I'm already meeting friends.

 

Advice from me to you if you'll take it. Now I wanted my ex wife to beg to come back, I wanted her to say she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake but I never got that. Now she tried to come back to me right after her "suicide attempt" but I could tell she was just doing it because she was at her lowest point and I was the easy target. There was a guy in this forum who had 2 user names "Gibson" and "Homebrew" and he taught me what I needed to know going forward with my most recent mess. I think he got in trouble because most of his stuff got deleted... but this one right here is the truth. When you accept this truth then the path forward becomes more clear... NOT EASIER, just more clear.

 

 

 

I'll add one more which is really a modified #3

 

 

 

Good luck to you!

 

 

I definitely do not want that...I'm not fighting for him to stay or anything...of course, like you, I have that hope that he'll wake up and want the family to be back together...but definitely don't want to be a plan B....or a false reconciliation. I'm glad to hear that you are in a much better place...I look forward to be there soon.

[Glhx]

I'm going through this right now.

 

My ex has narcissistic personality disorder of the mid range. The passive aggressive silent treatment ones. It's hell to be thought of as worthless and discarded in a day. One day they love you the next they......just don't and have other men to triangulate. I've been through emotional hell and went crazy to the point I literally froze numb in screaming rage.

 

The separation and the destruction is devastating. She doesn't feel a thing. She compartmentalizes it all and has no empathy or remorse. I envy you in your new life. I'm glad you got your son. Hg Tudor will tell you a lot of how they think. If not for his videos on you tube I'd be lost or worse. I'm at an all time low.....my job, house, girl, kid, are all gone. I'm now broke and living at s friends house trying to get my head right

 

I'm 4 months from dday and have lost everything including my kid so far.

I cry every day and feel exactly how you felt about the breakin up of the family.

It doesn't stop.

 

I haven't seen my daughter in three weeks now and they have been teaching her to hate me. She's 4 and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm sitting here crying because I miss her so much......her mom too. I never knew.....

She loved me one day and split me black the next. He married lover sent nudes of her and said some of the worst things you will ever hear.

 

She's now working on getting him to leave his wife.....he wants to and replace me as my kids father. I was told this yesterday. Like you

 

I gave my identity.....my self.....

 

Narcs find you when your happiest and drain you slowly. I don't know what I'm going to do next. I'm in a pretty bad place.

 

37 and have to start completely over. Your story was inspiring as to the fact that it can get better. She's like a drug.

 

When I talk to her it's like it does something to me that lasts for days. Yesterday was the worst because she told me that she wants this terrible man around my kid.

 

$&@?

 

Anyway......thank you for updating this.

[Cephalopod]

How do you like Tucson?