Breadcrumbs or not?

[Logo]

How do you tell the difference between breadcrumbs and a desperate I regret what I did and I now realize that I might never find someone as good as him/her?

[alexdusty]

- The context of the breadcrumbs (what did they say? in what form text/phone/email)

- How often the breadcrumbs occur (once a month? once in total? every week?)

- External factors (facebook status's/telling their friends they miss them/photos uploaded)

- The reasons for the breakup can help you understand as well (was it a bad breakup over a little mistake? did they simply fall out of love with you? needed space?)

- How long after the breakup did you get breadcrumbs?

 

At the end of the day though, it's hard to tell what the person is trying to signify or convey to you.

 

It is possible they are leaving crumbs/contacting you just to see if you're still there, or if your still around and willing to go back to them in a heartbeat. Once they know you are still around, they get a sense of relief in their mind because they were either a) worried about how your coping or b) seeing if you have changed since the break up. \

 

After this process they might just think that "oh he/she is still there and they're doing okay. well that makes me feel better, back to no contact because i still don't want to get back with them" and if that occurs, your out of luck. That's the test that our ex's do. They test our strength, confidence and willingness to move on. They do this to make themselves feel less guilty about the break up. But it's not about them, it's about YOU.

 

OR, it's completely possible that they miss you, and have convinced themselves somehow that they might just have one last effort at reconciliation. If this is the case (which you will have a hard time figuring out), then it's up to you to pursue the situation. Show willingness to talk to them, but don't show willingness to hop right back into a relationship. You need to convey the feeling that you are a changed man/women, that your just OKAY without them, but don't show this by saying something for example "Hi im doing great, working 2 new jobs, bought a new car, own 3 houses, won Olympic gold" etc etc. If you choose to pursue, pursue with caution. That's why we do NC. Because a lot of the time, after a few months of NC the dumpee is in a much better state and is over the initial break up trauma, and they don't even want that person back. GL

[basil67]

How do you tell the difference between breadcrumbs and a desperate I regret what I did and I now realize that I might never find someone as good as him/her?

 

If it's the former, you will be wondering what their intentions are.

 

If it's the latter, they will give you a heartfelt apology and clearly ask for another chance. They will leave not a tiny bit of doubt as to their intentions.

[dumbass2]

For some, a breadcrumb is the way of opening the door. Not ever everyone is so straight forward. It depends on how the relationship ended and the other persons personality. It doesn't have to be a " I want you back I made a mistake". Not everyone can do that. You have to decide for yourself if a message is worth replying to. They're not all the same. You have to know for yourself if you want back.

[Logo]

Thanks for all of the great perspectives.

[Logo]

Today, I went down memory lane and recalled the last few weeks of the relationship. I really didn't miss the friction we had between us.

 

Things went from flowing smoothly to hitting bumps every so often. It wasn't fun. I don't know how we got to that point. I have my guesses. But from her perspective, I don't know what was the trigger, or maybe I do, but it's just a guess.

 

It really doesn't matter at this point. She betrayed my trust in the end.

 

Onward.

[Been]

Exactly. Because some that betrayed you your not going to know if they are Breadcrumbs or not. And even if you THINK it's s a heartfelt apology you'll never know because they LIED in the past to you and everything is now suspect. And that's the way it should be.

You have to have a line that you will not accept ANYONE to cross. And you have to make known the consequences if it is crossed.

I think we get are selves in a dilemma because we move the line to appease are SO.

[marky00]

After 5 months of NC, my ex GF who ghosted me shortly after taking her to a trip to the Maldives (paid by me), I get an sms saying "Mark, how have you been?"

 

 

This message came through about midnight a few days ago. She's not much of a drinker but I guess being the festive season she may have had a glass or two.

 

 

Honestly, I am astounded that she could just dust off what happened and send that sms.

 

 

Normally, I'd say it's just a breadcrumb but can someone be that narcissistic?

 

 

The way I see it, its either she is a narcissist or its not a breadcrumb? So odd.

 

 

At this stage I haven't responded since I have fallen down this trap before. However, this message has been different to the others in that she included my name and I feel like it was sent with more confidence (almost like she assumes I'd be ok to handle it).

 

 

Surely, she couldn't expect a friendship?

 

 

Guys, what do you think? Unless I am 100 per cent sure its not a breadcrumb, I'd prefer not to respond.

[Logo]

After 5 months of NC, my ex GF who ghosted me shortly after taking her to a trip to the Maldives (paid by me), I get an sms saying "Mark, how have you been?"

 

 

This message came through about midnight a few days ago. She's not much of a drinker but I guess being the festive season she may have had a glass or two.

 

 

Honestly, I am astounded that she could just dust off what happened and send that sms.

 

 

Normally, I'd say it's just a breadcrumb but can someone be that narcissistic?

 

 

The way I see it, its either she is a narcissist or its not a breadcrumb? So odd.

 

 

At this stage I haven't responded since I have fallen down this trap before. However, this message has been different to the others in that she included my name and I feel like it was sent with more confidence (almost like she assumes I'd be ok to handle it).

 

 

Surely, she couldn't expect a friendship?

 

 

Guys, what do you think? Unless I am 100 per cent sure its not a breadcrumb, I'd prefer not to respond.

 

 

What do you stand to gain by responding?

[kendahke]

How do you tell the difference between breadcrumbs and a desperate I regret what I did and I now realize that I might never find someone as good as him/her?

 

 

you watch for consistency in behavior and word over a course of time.

[kendahke]

Unless I am 100 per cent sure its not a breadcrumb, I'd prefer not to respond.

 

 

Don't respond period. It's none of her business how you are.

 

What she sent isn't hardly enough to give her the keys of access to your audience... in fact, she should have been on block.

[AT15]

After 5 months of NC, my ex GF who ghosted me shortly after taking her to a trip to the Maldives (paid by me), I get an sms saying "Mark, how have you been?"

 

 

This message came through about midnight a few days ago. She's not much of a drinker but I guess being the festive season she may have had a glass or two.

 

 

Honestly, I am astounded that she could just dust off what happened and send that sms.

 

 

Normally, I'd say it's just a breadcrumb but can someone be that narcissistic?

 

 

The way I see it, its either she is a narcissist or its not a breadcrumb? So odd.

 

 

At this stage I haven't responded since I have fallen down this trap before. However, this message has been different to the others in that she included my name and I feel like it was sent with more confidence (almost like she assumes I'd be ok to handle it).

 

 

Surely, she couldn't expect a friendship?

 

 

Guys, what do you think? Unless I am 100 per cent sure its not a breadcrumb, I'd prefer not to respond.

 

I went on a date with guy who admitted to sleeping with a woman then ghosting her...

 

He contacted me for another date and I never responded. I think it's the most awful behavior. So self serving and nasty.

[marky00]

What do you stand to gain by responding?

 

 

Well,

 

 

That's why I haven't responded.

 

 

On the other hand, I struggled with the breakup for a long time because in my view it occurred due to external issues in my life. I realise this happens quite a lot but it's the first time where I felt like I wasn't able to be myself which lead to the end of the relationship.

 

 

There still remains this part of me that wants to try a proper re-connection now that the external issue is well and truly past. Wishful and probably stupid thinking but there it is.

 

 

If you knew the whole details and the way things unfolded, I think you guys would be as surprised as I am as to how on earth she could contact me now. Bearing in mind, we live in different countries.

[Logo]

you watch for consistency in behavior and word over a course of time.

 

 

Can you please elaborate?

[umirano]

I regret what I did and I now realize that I might never find someone as good as him/her?

 

There's no difference, it's also a breadcrumb.

 

I want you back, now and forever

 

is not a bread crumb.

[Mrin]

one word: vulnerability

 

Without it, it is just a breadcrumb.

[umirano]

one word: vulnerability

 

Without it, it is just a breadcrumb.

 

Aye

 

[10 char]

[Logo]

Thanks for the insights.

[jamili]

Mark,

 

I wouldn't respond, and see if she contacts again. If a person wants to be with you/reconcile, show them that they must put in more effort. Your mindset should be "I'm a freaking catch, if you want me, prove yourself to me". I'm convinced you should adopt this mindset when single, while in a relationship, and especially post-breakup upon receiving breadcrumb texts. This mindset is attractive to the opposite sex, and they will notice. Maintain that mindset, give it more time. If she wants you back... she'll try again. Keep us updated!

[Logo]

There's no difference, it's also a breadcrumb.

 

I want you back, now and forever

 

is not a bread crumb.

 

But sometimes, it's a way of opening the door.

 

For some, a breadcrumb is the way of opening the door. Not ever everyone is so straight forward. It depends on how the relationship ended and the other persons personality. It doesn't have to be a " I want you back I made a mistake". Not everyone can do that. You have to decide for yourself if a message is worth replying to. They're not all the same. You have to know for yourself if you want back.

 

 

A lot of the advice and support I got on here has been very helpful in helping me recover and overcome and stand on my own two feet again.

 

But sometimes I wonder "I know her better than anyone else on here, so should I follow my heart and mind or just make a clear cut, black and white decision and stick to it?"

 

What if she was trying to reach out? Am I not valuing myself enough and respecting myself enough by even asking this question?

 

What if she felt my absence, realized she made a serious mistake and wants me back now and forever? Am I deluding myself?

[aileD]

Breadcrumbs have no actions to back them up.

 

Look for the actions.

[RocketQueen]

Sometimes the very thing that clouds your judgement that we don't have is that you (think) you know her.

 

I thought I knew my ex, and I did know him but had obviously never met the break up version of him. I knew the in love version, warts and all but once you break up with someone a lot of that changes- he said the same of me too.

 

I found when I cut to the chase and actually asked him what he wanted and didn't try to decipher the hidden messages I managed to pull from his vague statements that he didn't actually have that much to say that would make me investing any more energy in him worth it.

 

But yes, the keywords are consistency between what they say and what they do. Forget the past you both have, think of how much effort a prospective partner puts in to getting that first date / your interest, we wouldn't be swayed by someone being sketchy and coming and going out of our lives...we shouldn't accept it from our exes either.