10132 Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 My wife had an 5 month affair five years ago..I joined here back then and read everything...i chose to contact the OM wife...it wrapped up that drama in two days...we reconciled and made our marriage better...i insisted no contact between them and on we went with our lives...Wife and I share everything...passwords to all accounts freely exchanged...anyhow, this past Thanksgiving she received a holiday greeting from him at her work email account....she says it's Spam to her and has been deleting them...i believe her as it seems the OM is fishing for her to start recontact....that is not happening...she replied to him saying holiday well wishes only open up old wounds and that they both were to blame for hurting their marriages and please remove and stop all contact....he replied i,m so sorry it was a mass teXT from a old list...fcucken loser...anyway, i want to reach out to his wife just to touch have base on the NC violation...is it worth it? Let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 My wife had an 5 month affair five years ago..I joined here back then and read everything...i chose to contact the OM wife...it wrapped up that drama in two days...we reconciled and made our marriage better...i insisted no contact between them and on we went with our lives...Wife and I share everything...passwords to all accounts freely exchanged...anyhow, this past Thanksgiving she received a holiday greeting from him at her work email account....she says it's Spam to her and has been deleting them...i believe her as it seems the OM is fishing for her to start recontact....that is not happening...she replied to him saying holiday well wishes only open up old wounds and that they both were to blame for hurting their marriages and please remove and stop all contact....he replied i,m so sorry it was a mass teXT from a old list...fcucken loser...anyway, i want to reach out to his wife just to touch have base on the NC violation...is it worth it? Let it go? Pick up the phone and call the OMW right now. This very minute. There is no reason why her name was not removed from an old mailing list from years ago. OM was fishing. OM needs a consequence for breaking NC. Call OMW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Pick up the phone and call the OMW right now. This very minute. There is no reason why her name was not removed from an old mailing list from years ago. OM was fishing. OM needs a consequence for breaking NC. Call OMW. I agree he was probably fishing. Only the strong survive infidelity and strength comes from having boundaries and enforcing them. Any time you allow a concession or look the other way, you sanction the violation and give permission for them to continue with the contact. If you give an inch, they will take a mile. This was not a simple accident. Why was she still even in his contacts? This was fishing to see if there is still an opportunity. I also recommend notifying his wife. Don't threaten to do it or give any kind of warning or any kind of "next time" or "or else..". Just do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 It depends what is your goal. If you wish for revenge, or to continue digging in the past, call his wife. If you want a happy life with your wife, why would you want to do something? You are in a good position. Your wife was honest and told you immediately, and replied as she should have. Your wife is what you should care about, why would you bother yourself with losers like the OM? You know, sometimes I witness ugly behavior in traffic when i drive, or Sometimes people "steal" my parking spot. If i'm dragged into an argument, or try to punish them, I've learned that I mainly punish myself, dirties my life with dust and pollution. I advice you to take a big breath, hold in, and do nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 I agree he was probably fishing. Only the strong survive infidelity and strength comes from having boundaries and enforcing them. Any time you allow a concession or look the other way, you sanction the violation and give permission for them to continue with the contact. If you give an inch, they will take a mile. This was not a simple accident. Why was she still even in his contacts? This was fishing to see if there is still an opportunity. I also recommend notifying his wife. Don't threaten to do it or give any kind of warning or any kind of "next time" or "or else..". Just do it. Are you sure he is still even with his wife? A lot changes in five years. You might want to consider that before you just have a knee jerk reaction. Also, does his wife really care if he would reach out again (not all marriages are like yours... some wives see it as a competition and actually get some sort of kick out of knowing their husband pursues other women)? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovedawg Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 It depends what is your goal. If you wish for revenge, or to continue digging in the past, call his wife. If you want a happy life with your wife, why would you want to do something? You are in a good position. Your wife was honest and told you immediately, and replied as she should have. Your wife is what you should care about, why would you bother yourself with losers like the OM? You know, sometimes I witness ugly behavior in traffic when i drive, or Sometimes people "steal" my parking spot. If i'm dragged into an argument, or try to punish them, I've learned that I mainly punish myself, dirties my life with dust and pollution. I advice you to take a big breath, hold in, and do nothing. I agree, let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
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