jerrycn Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 I dated a girl for about a month we, went on 5 dates. We're very compatible and our personalities are similar. We get along very well she's always smiling and happy. I thought she was the one. On our third date we talked about our past relationship and she told me she just got out of a relationship 2 months ago but they still remain in contact and she told me she not sure if she is over him. They been together for about 8 months and I think this was her first relationship, that why its hard for her to let go. The reason she and her ex broke up is because his career requires him to always travel so he didn't have time to spend with her so she broke up with him and it hurts her. After our 5th date she send me an email saying her that recently her ex contacted her, she wasn't over ex and they are trying to work things out. As a result she says she is taking a break from dating because she wasn't ready and it wasn't fare to me too to continue seeing me but wants to keep me as a friend and wish me very best in finding someone else. She think I'm an amazing guy, very thoughtful, kind, and nice person and she was very happy to have met me. It's been 5 days since I last text or call her. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do because I really liked her. Can you guys advise me what I'm supposed to do let her go or try to win her back? 1
Shanex Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Seems you are in a rebound situation and it's common enough. Maybe she was looking for another guy (too) quickly to make her ex jealous, and say ex bit the bait and got back to courting her successfully. 4
ShyLove Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do. She has her mind set on getting back with her ex at this time. I will tell you that there is a good chance that it is not going to work out with her ex but in the meantime you have to be patient. If you keep contacting her after what she told you, you will lower your value in her eyes and come off as kind of desperate. She will probably be back in a few weeks or months but you should focus on dating other girls. Good luck!! 1
Author jerrycn Posted December 25, 2016 Author Posted December 25, 2016 I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do. She has her mind set on getting back with her ex at this time. I will tell you that there is a good chance that it is not going to work out with her ex but in the meantime you have to be patient. If you keep contacting her after what she told you, you will lower your value in her eyes and come off as kind of desperate. She will probably be back in a few weeks or months but you should focus on dating other girls. Good luck!! Thanks, I am seeing someone new this week. Should I not contact her completely or should I text her once a week to see how she is doing and her Birthday is coming up in a few weeks? 1
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Walk away. Even if they can't sort things out or not right away, she will still have that emotional attachment. Let her go. There's no telling what will happen down the road....it could turn into a yo-yo situation with her being pulled back to him. She will NOT get over him in a couple of weeks or a few months. Plus anything looks good on the menu when you haven't had something different in awhile. It's possible you were just a rebound and the attraction is over. Stop investing in her, and focus on dating others. She knows where to find you, you don't need to keep in contact. It would be better to be absent so she doesn't use you as emotional support and friend zone you. Leave her alone and move on. 2
QueenDafine Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 You're best to forget about her. It's never a goo idea to pursue anyone who still has feelings for their ex. 1
ShyLove Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Thanks, I am seeing someone new this week. Should I not contact her completely or should I text her once a week to see how she is doing and her Birthday is coming up in a few weeks? I would not contact her at all, not even on her birthday. I'm not sure how old you guys are but this sort of thing happened to me 10 years ago when I was 23. I went back to an ex after a few dates with a guy. I didn't do it to the guy deliberately but when he kept contacting me it really turned me off bc all of my energy was focused on my ex and I didn't understand or care at that time that someone would keep contacting me bc they had actual feelings. In my eyes I just thought it came off as kind of desperate. I just lacked the maturity and empathy to understand this sort of situation. I'll be happy to answer any more specific questions. Good job setting up a date. I hope it works out with the new girl. Let us know!! 1
carhill Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 It's been 5 days since I last text or call her. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do because I really liked her. Can you guys advise me what I'm supposed to do let her go or try to win her back? Date other women. Oh, old fart tip. Women can and do change their minds, for any reason, or no reason at all, at any time, yup, even after they're supposedly 'locked in', like being married. No guarantees in this area of life. Enjoy the interactions as is, where is. If life success for you turns on hanging on to a partner and having the skills to manipulate that, OK, go for it; learn and experiment. Some are quite good at it. Society appears to validate and applaud that and you may be able to learn something about it from the ex she's now back with, apparently, since he 'beat' you in this round of the mating game. Everyone loves a winner, right? Perhaps you can beat him at his own game. Watch politicians for ideas. They're professionals. Good luck!
Author jerrycn Posted December 25, 2016 Author Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) Thanks for all the support. I'm going to stop giving myself false hope she'll return. It's not going to happen. I just don't understand why she can't get over him. Their relationship isn't that long it's only 8 months and the ex is always flying to different places every month. They don't see each other than often I don't know why she can't get over him during the 2 months. Edited December 25, 2016 by jerrycn 1
Satu Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) When it comes to "getting over someone," time has nothing to do with it. Two months, two years, it makes no difference. It's about an internal shift. That shift comes when you reach a place of peaceful acceptance, and stop holding on to the little pieces of a person that you kept. She just didn't know how to make that shift. She kept too many little pieces. You'll be ok. Take care. Edited December 25, 2016 by Satu 3
Marc878 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Typical rebound you mean nothing to her. Go dark
marcelah Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I think you should leave her be. It sucks to be in a rebound situation. But if her heart is set on her ex, and especially if he is her first, shes not going to get over him.
BAcK Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 You should be thankful that she didn't string you along for too long. I have been a rebound in the past and trust me mate it really sucks. You dodged a bullet here. Be happy that you did not get too attached to her. I did the forbidden bu constantly contacting my ex and demonising her. It leads nowhere. She was always connected to her ex and there is nothing you could have done. Let her be. And now you are free. Date others. There are a lot of women out there. You will find someone better and with no emotional baggage from the past.
joseb Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 Thanks for all the support. I'm going to stop giving myself false hope she'll return. It's not going to happen. I just don't understand why she can't get over him. Their relationship isn't that long it's only 8 months and the ex is always flying to different places every month. They don't see each other than often I don't know why she can't get over him during the 2 months. Because she is into him. She isn't into you, so you need to walk away. Sounds like you are doing that, so good. Don't contact her, and especially don't go doing anything soppy like getting her something for her birthday. In future, avoid people just out of relationships if you are looking for one yourself. Two months is nothing. 1
phineas Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 never be friends with a woman who left you for another man. does not matter if he's an ex or not. you think if she really thought you were so awesome she'd of dropped you for a guy who can't be around to see her all that much? 2
Gaeta Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 Thanks for all the support. I'm going to stop giving myself false hope she'll return. It's not going to happen. I just don't understand why she can't get over him. Their relationship isn't that long it's only 8 months and the ex is always flying to different places every month. They don't see each other than often I don't know why she can't get over him during the 2 months. How funny you don't understand she has trouble getting over an 8 month relationship when YOU cannot get over only 5 dates with her. It takes the time it takes, It took me 1 year to get over a man I dated 6 months. It's more than just 'get over it'. It's about mourning a man, a relationship, a dream, what could have been, their familiarity, their smell, their voice, it's about mourning their family, kids, friends when they were involved and much more. 4
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 They split up out of frustration from their situation....not because they fell out of love. Most cases they gravitate back to the relationship.....even after months of separation.
Popsicle Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 ... she told me she just got out of a relationship 2 months ago but they still remain in contact and she told me she not sure if she is over him.... Red flags! I would have ran from her then. 1
Author jerrycn Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 It's been 10 days since I last contacted her. I was browsing my match on dating site and I notice that her profile is active recently. She hasn't logon after sending me the email that she was taking a break from dating and trying to work things out with her ex. Does this mean things didn't work out with her ex or was she making the whole story? I doubt she would make up that story it just not like her. Should I break the no contact and ask how she's doing? If she really think I'm such an amazing guy she would have contacted me but she's the shy, quiet, conservative type I don't think she'll make the first contact. I still do have feelings for her but not as much as before.
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