She's dead sexually and she's not even 30.

[Mr. Lucky]

Lack of sex is the cause of all these problems. You can't fix this relationship without addressing that first!

 

Boy, if lack of sex or other marital problems cause cheating, I'd say we're all doomed to unfaithful spouses and broken homes.

 

And yet, some don't cheat, choosing instead to accept responsibility for their part in the disconnect and work with their spouse to make things better.

 

I wonder what the difference between them and the OP is :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[eye of the storm]

My xH will tell you I hated sex. Yes I did. With him.

 

It is hard to get turned on by someone that makes you feel bad about yourself, when the responsibilities of running the home and taking care of the family are not shared, when you don't feel valued.

 

Sex then just becomes another chore like scrubbing the toilet.

 

The sex problem wasn't my fault. It was my fault for putting up with it. But why I hated sex was all on him.

[TrustedthenBusted]

While I agree with most on this subject, I will at least tell you I sort of understand where you are coming from. When my wife's libido and interest level hit their protracted, and all to common lows, I feel very distant from her. I feel like I'd be happier with someone else. I feel like getting my needs met elsewhere.

 

Even when the sex is more regular, its extraordinarily vanilla, which leaves me feeling very unsatisfied sexually. So I don't say as many nice things, or show as much affection as I could.

 

I'm not saying you are in the right here. You aren't. In fact you're being a real jerkoff - pun totally intended - and solving the wrong problem with the wrong solution.

 

That said, from one man to another, I get where you're coming from.

[CobraX]

I did read the posts and I don't think that a sexless marriage is an excuse to treat a spouse disrespectfully.

In fact, cheating and porn addiction will often worsen a sexless marriage.

Women do not want to have sex with men who clearly do not respect us.

The OP needs to do the right thing and leave his wife if he can't stop being unfaithful.

 

How can you worsen a sexless marriage? You can't have negative sex... at least as far as I know.

 

Being respected is not generally a necessary component of the female sex drive. Respecting the man is much more important. Ladies don't want sex with a guy they can't respect. This likely became an issue LONG before the cheating or the porn... and would persist long after. This relationship is dead.

 

Boy, if lack of sex or other marital problems cause cheating, I'd say we're all doomed to unfaithful spouses and broken homes.

And yet, some don't cheat, choosing instead to accept responsibility for their part in the disconnect and work with their spouse to make things better.

I wonder what the difference between them and the OP is :confused: ???

Mr. Lucky

 

Well... you are right that shutting your spouse off from sex does not force them to cheat, but not everyone has an iron will. I think it also comes down to opportunity. Some guys are more attractive physically and personality wise, and are more aware of their options when faced with forced celibacy. I mean that is what we are talking about... right? Involuntary celibacy. I don't think it's acceptable to put your spouse in a chastity belt and toss the key. I also don't think there is a point to working on any part of a relationship while this kind of thing is going on.

[Calmandfocused]

I'm actually Gobsmacked at this post.

 

Op, I have 2 very young children (oldest is 5). Let me tell you that I have not seen 3am in the morning since before he was born ... Tell a lie.. The only time I have seen 3am is when I've done night feeds or have taken my little ones to the toilet in the middle of the night.

 

What on earth are you doing, wanking off at 3am at the morning when you have 3 young children? Do you not have to get up with them? Do you even have any idea that young children wake up early? I'm assuming you don't, because of you did you would be asleep at 3am and sex would be the last thing on your mind.

 

Here's my advice;

 

Go to bed at a decent hour, help with the kids, starting from when they wake up and all day through. You won't have time for porn, then your wife, just maybe might have some energy left to give you what you want.

[VeveCakes]

Actually a lot of people are ok with more than one person satisfying you in life, but the key is to be open and honest about it.

 

So go ahead, date more than one woman, but divorce your wife first, so she can get what she wants - which Im going to assume is a faithful and loving partner.

[SmartDude]

If you live in an area that is sex-positive and progressive, you might try paying for the services of a sex worker. I think it is a lot cleaner that starting an affair, and you will get more variety and no messy relationships forming on the side.

 

I know the situation your in. You just want some sex and you don't necessarily want to have to romance your women every time to get it. Maybe you just want a little variety. You might be having deeper relationship issues but they are compounded by the lack of physical contact. You don't mind fulfilling female desires but your tired of not acknowledging your own desires as a man. Perhaps you are able to differentiate between "just sex" and "lovemaking", and find it absurd that others are not able to do so.

 

Some women just don't like sex that much and they see no point in it. Others use it as a form of control. It seems like finding women who can fully appreciate sex are in the minority. As men we need to acknowledge our differences instead of being the post-modern feminist slaves that we have been so far.

 

Sex workers can level the playing field for married men under certain circumstances.

[popz]

I've been away for a few days and look at all your judgemental responses cornering me and pinning me down. Anyways, without going into each and every reply, I am glad I came here. I have learnt some hard truths, thank you. As for some replies, completely inapplicable I'm afraid to the situation at hand. Sorry, not your fault. You don't have much background, and I can't possibly go into heart of the problem right here, right now. Too much to write. But many of you are totally off in your diagnosis, sorry.

 

I do appreciate though. No offence was taken I will come back few weeks from now, and update if any of you would still be interested.

 

Let me go back to watching OUR porn

[ladydesigner]

OP you sound like a sex addict. If my WH started wanking next to me while I was asleep (I mean talk about creepy) I would kick his a** out of bed. No way! In fact you sound a lot like my WH had an extra high libido but expected me to do all the work and take care of the kids without giving me any kind of incentive to want or desire him. My WH likes porn star sex too but unfortunately I cannot connect emotionally when it is just porn star sex so that too led to me disconnecting from sex.

 

Sounds like you both need some therapy and to get on the same page. The fact that you cheated and are still cheating does not bode well for your future!

[Els]

The horniest woman in the world would probably find her panties drying up after reading your opening post.

 

Why not just call it a day, divorce your wife, and go to prostitutes if that's what you truly want? Instead of sneaking around being a cowardly cheater.

[Lady2163]

Wow. You're like a 13 year old boy. YOU don't get it. YOU are the problem.

 

First of all, it is really disrespectful to wake someone up in e middle of the night. It is even worse if you have three small children. Evidently, nobody ever told you that.

 

Do you not realize how disgusting and again, disrespectful it is to jack off in the bed next to her? And to wake her up doing it. I'm pretty wild sexually and I would be so turned off by that. Let me guess - cleaning up after your pur pounding session doesn't happen. Boy, I'd just love to wash those sheets, underwear and pick up that towel or tissue.

 

Secondly...porn is FICTION. Do you not understand that? That means it isn't real. Even the amateur clips. Hell, ESPECIALLY the amateur clips. I'm an old, fat woman and I could fake a better orgasm than that.

 

I've done the swinging thing and I've been around gangbangs, trains, threesomes and moresomes, whatever you want to call it. The woman doesn't spend hours on her knees encircled by penises happily sucking away. Nope, more often than not there's a man on each breast and one guy lapping her to a silly orgasm. But that's not what most men want to see.

 

It's fake.

 

You've had an affair, you watch porn, you hound her for sex, you focus only on your pleasure. I mean, you remind her every single day how inadequate she is.

 

And you seem to have this sense of entitlement. That's what is totally mind blowing.

 

Affairs don't just get fixed right away. And you were stupid enough to get caught.

 

She's too tired for sex? Well, here's a rule of thumb. Your workday doesn't end until hers does. Period. End of story. That means you are hands on with the kids, the housecleaning, fixing supper, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, everything. You don't get to sit and watch porn while she is taking care of YOUR children.

 

God, I didn't think I'd find a bigger jerk than my ex husband. You just made him look like a prize.

 

Seriously? Who jacks off in bed with a sleeping partner?

[Lady2163]

The horniest woman in the world would probably find her panties drying up after reading your opening post.

 

Why not just call it a day, divorce your wife, and go to prostitutes if that's what you truly want? Instead of sneaking around being a cowardly cheater.

 

I think my southerly region just died in sheer horror and empathy for his wife.

[popz]

Oh stop mouthing off with your priggish analysis of my few paragraphs. I certainly hope you don't get paid to this because you need to issue refunds.

 

Frankly, I just don't have the time to respond properly to your stupid reduction of my marriage to porn, jacking off and hounding demands for sex.

 

Go fix your own ****ty life and get back with your ex prize of a hubby. You deserve no better.

 

Poes!

 

 

Wow. You're like a 13 year old boy. YOU don't get it. YOU are the problem.

 

First of all, it is really disrespectful to wake someone up in e middle of the night. It is even worse if you have three small children. Evidently, nobody ever told you that.

 

Do you not realize how disgusting and again, disrespectful it is to jack off in the bed next to her? And to wake her up doing it. I'm pretty wild sexually and I would be so turned off by that. Let me guess - cleaning up after your pur pounding session doesn't happen. Boy, I'd just love to wash those sheets, underwear and pick up that towel or tissue.

 

Secondly...porn is FICTION. Do you not understand that? That means it isn't real. Even the amateur clips. Hell, ESPECIALLY the amateur clips. I'm an old, fat woman and I could fake a better orgasm than that.

 

I've done the swinging thing and I've been around gangbangs, trains, threesomes and moresomes, whatever you want to call it. The woman doesn't spend hours on her knees encircled by penises happily sucking away. Nope, more often than not there's a man on each breast and one guy lapping her to a silly orgasm. But that's not what most men want to see.

 

It's fake.

 

You've had an affair, you watch porn, you hound her for sex, you focus only on your pleasure. I mean, you remind her every single day how inadequate she is.

 

And you seem to have this sense of entitlement. That's what is totally mind blowing.

 

Affairs don't just get fixed right away. And you were stupid enough to get caught.

 

She's too tired for sex? Well, here's a rule of thumb. Your workday doesn't end until hers does. Period. End of story. That means you are hands on with the kids, the housecleaning, fixing supper, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, everything. You don't get to sit and watch porn while she is taking care of YOUR children.

 

God, I didn't think I'd find a bigger jerk than my ex husband. You just made him look like a prize.

 

Seriously? Who jacks off in bed with a sleeping partner?

[Mr. Lucky]

Frankly, I just don't have the time to respond properly to your stupid reduction of my marriage to porn, jacking off and hounding demands for sex.

 

You're right. That leaves out cheating, hook-ups with sexual "soulmates" and a "dead" partner at age 30.

 

Why post in a relationship forum ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lady2163]

Oh stop mouthing off with your priggish analysis of my few paragraphs. I certainly hope you don't get paid to this because you need to issue refunds.

 

Frankly, I just don't have the time to respond properly to your stupid reduction of my marriage to porn, jacking off and hounding demands for sex.

 

Go fix your own ****ty life and get back with your ex prize of a hubby. You deserve no better.

 

Poes!

 

If by priggish, you mean prudish as well, then you only read what you wanted to read. Did you gloss over swinging? I guarantee I've had a lot more sexual experiences than you have.

 

I don't think anyone here has been on board with you waking her up at 300 AM by jacking off in the bed next to her.

 

My life is a lot better. My ex husband is a better man at 55 than he was at 30. He will even admit that he was a lousy husband. Obviously, at this stage, you can't admit that.

 

I do think I hit a nerve, simply because I'm either very, very right or very, very wrong. Since you confirmed most of the details, I'm more than likely totally correct.

 

Move back home, little boy. You're not ready to be a man and your wife deserves one.

[Lady2163]

You're right. That leaves out cheating, hook-ups with sexual "soulmates" and a "dead" partner at age 30.

 

Why post in a relationship forum ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Sheesh, that's funny, Mr. Lucky