DumpedGuy9617 Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 Hello - I was wondering if any fellow introverts out there have some keys to look for in other people. As an introvert, it can be difficult to meet other people, especially other introverts. Also, it can be difficult to connect with someone on the deep level I crave. Any tips on how to meet other introverts, or to form a relationship that works with an extrovert? I have found that many of my relationships fail, even if I have a lot in common with the other person, because of introverted qualities. For instance, not wanting to go to every single family or friends event that comes up, or not wanting to listen to the other persons day to day stuff. I would also be interested in how to improve these traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitkatia Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Hi! I have had the same thing as you. I never even realised I was an introvert until last year. I moved to a different country to live with my aunt because I wanted to study abroad after a year (I moved here just before the end of highschool). I met a lot of people in school and I bonded with some of them but I never realised that most of them were only hanging out with me because I was new and interesting for them since I was foreign. I also met my boyfriend with whom I am still going out now and we are now living together since the beginning of this year when we started university. I thought that once I joined uni, I would meet a bunch of new people and that I would constantly be at parties and happy and bla bla bla... What everyone expects you to do. But I didnt. Instead, I have not made a single good friend in those past few months and things havent been so great for me. The tough thing about this is that my boyfriend, having lived here his whole life, has all sorts of friends but I dont seem to bond with any of them and trust me Ive tried. But no one is interested in having a long and deep discussion. All the want is for me to be like them, to love clubbing and go drinking all the time. As you can understand it is not easy for me to pretend all the time that I am someone that I am not so I have just gave up on sosializing. And you're probably wondering why I even replied to your question since I dont have anything positive to say. But I want to tell you that you're not alone and its perfectly normal sometimes to feel like no one understands you and trust me I know from personal experience. But one thing I learned is that you should not try and force yourself being more of an extrovert, in fact you should embrace being an introvert ! Instead of stressing out about how I can find friends that are more like me I just focus on doing things that make me happy and sometimes reaching out to new people, even strangers, and have a casual conversation with them. You never know, it might grow into something bigger ! Anyway, thats what I try and do, and its not easy, but I do believe that there is a lot of people out there that are exactly like us and know how we feel. Also something else that I have to say, is that in order to get along with an extrovert you do not necessarily need to compare yourself to them. What I mean is , that you do not need to compare things that each others likes and see the one or the other as flaws. Instead just try and share your interests with others and hope they will understand and if they don't, oh well , it's their loss! My boyfriend and I are really different people, and he doesnt always understand why it is hard for me to socialise. But we have found a way to make us both happy: sometimes we go out with his friends and sometimes we stay in and have a chill night where I dont have to worry about talking to other people if I dont want to. It isnt always easy, since for him, socialising has never been a problem, but when I explain to him that for me, some things that he might find appealing, might make me feel uncomfortable, he tries to be supportive and meet me half way. I'm sorry I went on a rant. I hope this helps you in some way. It is important to never forget who you are and what your interests are, and always remember that all you have to do to get other people to want to hang out with you is to be your wonderful self and try meet people half way, NOT ALL THE WAY ! xx Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Why do you find it hard to listen to the day to day stuff? I would give this some practice if I were you. Practice small talk with people you see in shops, friends and acquaintances. This would be a good skill to develop as many women like to come back home and talk about their day with their partner. I get not wanting to go to every family gathering but this can be worked around and there are lots of family who don't do a tonne of large family events (my family's like this for instance). Good luck from a fellow introvert 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddhaWithMace Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Ugh, yes! I know! I'm in a city where everyone loves the outdoors and to be social and all that. I am quite the opposite, so when I meet someone who is an extrovert, it's embarrassing to explain that I don't like to attend parties or huge gatherings or go tubing, etc. I've also had several people drop me as a friend over this as well. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I don't know how to meet other introverted people lol The last guy was an extrovert, and honestly, we would't have met if we had both been introverts. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 It doesn't really matter if you call yourself an 'introvert' or an 'extrovert' or something in the middle - the facts of relationships and friendships are that we need to be kind, caring, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, trustworthy, loyal...AND we need to be willing to develop and consistently express our genuine interest in the 'stuff' that is important to the other person - their likes and fears and dislikes and peeves, etc. So...it does require us to make our commitments and put in our own efforts - even when we find it difficult, inconvenient or scary; otherwise, we cannot really expect high-quality, equal and mutually fulfilling relationships. At the end of the day, if we're not willing to give what we desire to have, then we are asking for a 'free ride' - and, of course it's understandable and should be expected that others will, sooner or later, get tired of carrying the whole or the bulk of the load. NOT that we need to always do everything they want, or never disagree with them, or cater to their every wish and whim - we just need to take responsibility to develop and bring our own personality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hello - I was wondering if any fellow introverts out there have some keys to look for in other people. As an introvert, it can be difficult to meet other people, especially other introverts. Also, it can be difficult to connect with someone on the deep level I crave. Any tips on how to meet other introverts, or to form a relationship that works with an extrovert? I have found that many of my relationships fail, even if I have a lot in common with the other person, because of introverted qualities. For instance, not wanting to go to every single family or friends event that comes up, or not wanting to listen to the other persons day to day stuff. I would also be interested in how to improve these traits. Try events or meetups that focus on the things you like. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Hello - I was wondering if any fellow introverts out there have some keys to look for in other people. As an introvert, it can be difficult to meet other people, especially other introverts. Also, it can be difficult to connect with someone on the deep level I crave. Any tips on how to meet other introverts, or to form a relationship that works with an extrovert? I have found that many of my relationships fail, even if I have a lot in common with the other person, because of introverted qualities. For instance, not wanting to go to every single family or friends event that comes up, or not wanting to listen to the other persons day to day stuff. I would also be interested in how to improve these traits. Being introverted is not the same as being uninterested in other people's stuff. I don't see how you can form interpersonal relationships of any kind if you're not interested in learning the things that interest the people you like. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts