Feeling worse after feeling better

[Nox]

We broke up in August, and I found out he has been cheating for months. Soon I learned his new girlfriend is pregnant.

After the initial pain, I was relieved because I didn't have to deal with his crap anymore. I don't wanna get into details, but long story short - everything about his behavior for a very long time has been bad and not being with him anymore feels like I dodged a bullet.

 

Yet recently I started feeling some wierd mix of melancholy and nostalgia when I think of our old days. It is not about him as he is right now in my eyes, it's about the way he was in the past. I wouldn't go back to him now even if he tried to talk to me into it (in all fairness, he isn't trying to do that) and I don't miss him in my present life.

But thinking of the way we were back in 2013, 2014... Wow... It's like this pure and melancholic feeling takes over me. Just a flashback of us walking down a street in his town is enough, and I feel instantly overwhelmed.

And it's really really pure. Like I feel the pure beauty of having what we had, and the melancholy only comes from the fact it is not real, it's lost, it's a dream and an illusion. Sometimes I get those flashbacks on its own, sometimes it's triggered by some nostalgic song about past loves (not even the one that necessarily describes "us"), sometimes something in the news reminds me of us...

 

I don't even try too hard to analyze it in any way, I just let it be.

I just wonder if it means I still love him (or the illusion I had of him), or is it a normal part of the process.

[PLT]

I think it's a normal part of the process. My ex and I also split in August, and the past few days have been hard. I also get those vivid memories from 2010 onwards when I met her. As you say it can be something as seemingly insignificant as walking down the street with them.

 

I'm quite certain that I do still love her, but again, I think that's kinda normal. Some of us take our time falling out of love. In my opinion people that can 180 their love in the blink of an eye weren't in love in the first place. Not really.

[Nox]

I also think it's normal... But it just feels as a major setback - it means once this period is over, I can go a month or two feeling ok and still not be sure if I'll go back to feeling this way again.

 

Not to mention that he is expecting a baby with his new girlfriend, his life and his relationship are making a progress, and here I am feeling nostalgic over an illusion from years ago I know I shouldn't make such comparisons, but I can't help but think how sad my position is compared to him.

[Logo]

I'm feeling the same thing now after a little over 3 months post breakup.

 

She cheated on me and I was feeling better, I was feeling an improvement. But now I get a mix of emotions where I'm hurt and upset at what she did, but I also miss the old us, the good fun times we had. I miss parts of her personality, but I wouldn't want to be with the person I saw on the last day of the relationship. I didn't recognize that person. She was cold as ice. She was indifferent and showed no remorse. It was painful.