Hows the 2016 search been?

[ZA Dater]

Positives, negatives and learning experiences?

 

 

I guess anything can be sugar coated if you distort reality enough. 2016 brought a few dates, none really lead to anything and looking back I feel a tremendous amount of bitterness about that. You ask, why bother, really why if the result is always the same.

 

 

I went way out of my age group and the result was the same (38) and I went way under (19) and the result was the same. The common thing being me.

 

 

Positive, well I don't feel so terrible about myself some of the time, just on holidays where I all alone and everyone has someone. Seeing what I wanted and knowing I cant get it, recurring life them this.

 

 

What's your 2016 search been like?

[Weezy1973]

2016 was very eventful indeed, but a ton of fun and adventure. A nine month relationship ended in May and then started dating again in July. Went with a bit of a different strategy in that I started multi-dating. I used to be opposed to it, but now see that really, especially for OLD, multi-dating is the way to go.

 

In the month of July I probably met around 10 different women, and at the end of July I met the woman that I'm in a relationship with now. She's great!

[Mrlonelyone]

Uneventful mostly just working all my romantic interactions were sensible and reasonable. The only funny thing to happen was an ex hacking my cell phone and inserting themselves into my porno collection. This was around my birthday.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Without a doubt the best year romantically wise in my now considerable lifespan.

 

I had dates with a few different women I was talking to in the beginning of the year. All of them had a pretty decent flaw, and none of them really stood out as being a storybook perfect match by any means.

 

At least one was accepting dates and taking the initiative of setting up dates as well. I decided to chase that one through. Well, that one ended up becoming my girlfriend.

 

A woman I dated years ago I might have had more of a 'connection' with, but it was fraught with conflict and a lot of miserable days.

 

In contrast, me and this woman have had maybe 1 or 2 squabbles (if you can call them that), and the rest have been mostly good times. She definitely never brings me down. Which is not say every moment with her I feel she is the absolute best fit, but we'll see how the gaps progress. She has an amazing heart and sense of loyalty which is (IMHO) extremely rare.

 

All in all though, a great year.

Edited December 27, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[LightWave93]

****. The rest of my life will be just the same.

[mia251]

At the start it was average. Nothing special. Then I failed my exams at uni. So, was really disappointed. Started talking to a guy on a dating app. Re-took my exams. Had a great time away in the summer with the family. Me and that guy drifted apart. Stopped talking. Passed my re-takes!! So back at uni. Life is **** again. I met a on a dating app again. He's incredible!! Made the last couple of months to this year amazing for me. I'm meeting his a week today!!! Fingers crossed for 2017!

[Newcitygirl]

I was too busy to look or date. I have been single for 3.5 years. Yes I want to date but I'm not going to right now. Just moved to a new city and started a new job. My main focus is my friend base right now. Being the new girl I've been the shiny new toy. So I've been extra careful of being open to dating. If I meet someone Yay, if not oh well!

[ASG]

Can't say that I've really searched... So it wasn't great.

 

Was kinda seeing this guy, but has to call it quits a few months ago, as some of his circumstances are changing.

 

Other than that it's been pretty uneventful... Bordering on sucky.

[CommittedToThis]

Ah, 2016 -- the most difficult year of my life, no question about it.

 

I figured out I'd spent 10 years in a narcissistic cycle of abuse and that the relationship I worked so hard to maintain was all a facade, was all fake.

 

Coming to this realization not only resolved all the questions I had about specific details (ie. did she really give the neighbor a hand-job in our front yard that day she was wasted and ignored my request to come inside?) but helped me realize EXACTLY what I needed to work on, personally, to be a better and stronger man.

 

I went on to buy a house, get my own life in order, and began dating again. My new lessons were put to the test and my new boundaries were enforced to my satisfaction. I proved I had value and that's all I needed.

 

Mainly, I realized I'm not even into dating just yet; I've found a couple of FWB's and those needs are being met so all good. I'm learning to live the single life and to love it, and myself, above all else.

 

So far, so good.

 

Hoping to meet some wonderful women in 2017 and if something serious develops, that would be wonderful assuming I feel ready.

 

Otherwise, 2017 is all about me.

[thecrucible]

I've not achieved a great deal with dating as I haven't been focused on meeting anyone. I've had interest but I've probably only been on one date all year. Oh my goodness! Well before I was really iffy and flaky with guys but recently I've just felt that the time is right to meet someone. One of my best friends has just got engaged and another friend is trying for a baby with her partner. The desire has hit me so much more strongly now! I was putting it off before because I didn't think I was perfect enough or ready but I just know now that there's never going to be a perfect time and I have to make it work any way that I can.

 

I want to meet men more in real life than online but I'll keep my profiles open for now. However this weekend, I'll draw up some goals for the year and I'm going to research new social avenues. I'm going to feel really drained though. I get tired a lot due to work and volunteering I am doing so something is going to have to give. Most of my outreach socially is going to have to involve me traveling to the closest city as I live in a small town with not much going on socially. This will be expensive and time-consuming.

 

Speaking of which, I want to move on career-wise. I'll have been doing my part-time job in the industry I want to work in for 2 years this June. I want to get into full time work in my industry (or another as I feel stuck due to my income and resources). I feel loyal to my work because we are understaffed and someone is on maternity leave but I'm desperate to find something else. If I worked somewhere in a city with more social opportunities, it would open up dating for me too.

 

I want to better at approaching men and not let fear get in the way. My assertiveness with men has improved a lot. I think it would be cool to throw caution to the wind more and just approach a guy I see that I like. I've learned that you can do this without being too OTT just to get on his radar. I need to have less self-doubt and just put put myself out there.

 

I'm also hoping to get fitter as I've put on over 30lbs. It's all the stress and having to rush around with no time to sit down and even have a proper meal most of the time. I wanna start my running regime again and focus on eating healthier with the eventual goal of losing that weight.

[Blanco]

Absolutely nothing by choice. It's been strangely great. I've got a ways to go, but I've learned so much about myself and grown as a person, as a man, over the last two years. I know this wouldn't have been fully possible if I were preoccupied with trying to find a girlfriend or an active part of the dating scene.

[Mysterio]

Nothing has really panned out for me, a man looking for a romantic relationship.

 

The only thing that has changed is that my perception of what I can have has changed. I met a woman that is at my Gym. She has re-calibrated how I look at a woman. She to me is warm and sharp. She is married. These days you never know who are solid or not. So until she says she is free or the universe puts us together. I just keep it to myself. She knows that I like her, as I always light up when I see her.

 

So other than keeping my eye out for a woman that is warm/sharp. I go on with my life and keep open for opportunity.

 

At age 45. I am now way more aware of how my dating life will be. A woman that is with me has to at least be Single/Widowed/Divorced without a child. Or the same thing but with one/two child at the most.

 

If she is seprated. That Divorce has to be pending in the near future. 3-6 months. After that. I make no promises after that. I also will not be having any common-law situation or surprise pregnancy occuring.

 

If I had to time line it. Go out for 2 yrs. In yr three get Engaged/Married. Kids or no kids will be discussed and planned for.

 

Too many people out there with the wrong people.

[Ronnys93]

Honestly, up until September not much was going on for me dating wise. I'm now speaking back and forth with a guy that lives about 10 hours away from me since then and I'm really excited to meet him in the coming year. I don't know where it'll pan out, or how it'll end up. I'm just going to be taking it really slow from here on out. It's excited and nerve wracking all at the same time!

[five2nine]

It was a good year for me as far as dating goes. I joined eharmony in january and started talking to someone. Met after 3 weeks and kept seeing each other every week. At 7 months we bought a new house together (not planned at all it just kind of happened), moved in at 8.5 months... now it's been almost 11 months together.

 

He was the first person I met online. We're early 30s and don't want kids. We've talked about marriage and stuff. We're both happy.

Edited December 29, 2016 by five2nine

[Cora]

It's been pretty uneventful for me. Only had one new romance start up this past February. Nothing serious...I was more into him than he was into me. We dated on and off until September. Haven't heard from him since. One of those things that just fizzled out. Other than that, just kinda been flying solo. I'm at the point now where it would be nice to find someone, but I'm not proactively looking.

[redbaron007]

I've been single since mid 2015 after ending a 12 year marriage. So I find myself single mid-40's which is a completely different ballgame than when I was single late 20's early 30's.

 

Positives:

- I didn't know what I wanted after my marriage ended. I now know I would like some casual relationships till my divorce is final. So I atleast know what I want.

- Throughout my adult life, I did not engage much with strangers at all. I had to build my communication skills from scratch talking to strangers of all ages and both sexes. I can now confidently approach any woman I find attractive in broad daylight without using alcohol as a crutch. It's funny to see men hovering around me when I talk to an attractive woman at a Whole Foods, trying to eavesdrop on what we're talking about.

- I have defined what "success" means to me in an interaction with a woman I find attractive. It means I have conveyed the "right" signals that I'm romantically interested in her, whether directly or indirectly in a playful way. Her response is of no consequence.

 

Negatives:

- My area demographics are lousy, with most single women being in the 18-21 age group (high school seniors or local community college students). Even the bars are full of women predominantly 21-22. I'm now in the process of seeking a job in SF and endure the 1h+ daily commute just to be able to hangout in the city daily. (need to be in the area to be close to son).

- Since I'm interested in casual relationships, the 21-22 age bracket should not be a problem, but I still have a mental block about flirting with such young women, even when slightly tipsy women have flirted with me at the local bars. My 2017 plan is to fix this.

 

Learning experiences:

- I had my first experience hiring an escort earlier in the year and it was a fun enjoyable experience for me.

- If you pay a woman a sincere compliment, she will thank you with a smile and spend atleast a few minutes making basic conversation with you. Your age, race, looks don't matter at all in this interaction.

[Philosopher]

For me it was a very disappointing year dating wise. It definitely was the worst year I have had for dating since I properly started dating a few years ago. Although I went on 15 dates, I got no second dates at all. The four women I tried to set a second date either said they just wanted to be friends or kept making excuses when I suggested a second date. For all the other dates the chemistry just was not there, except one whom for silly reason I did not make any attempt to progress things further.

 

The odd thing is that in 2014 and 2015 I was quite successful in terms of dating. Sure I had a lot of dates where there was no chemistry in those years, but at least when there was, I was usually getting to the second and third date.

 

I think in 2017 I need to be a bit more selective in whom I date and to show more interest in those whom I am dating, as I think this may have been a cause of at least some of the rejections I had this year. Hopefully 2017 will be a lot more successful.