Multiple divorces

[DisasterInPA]

I expect to receive a lot of negative replies to this post, but hope for a few constructive responses. All thoughts are appreciated.

 

I am in my mid-30s and have been divorced four times, no kids. Generally, I am a pretty decent person. Great job, great education, solid group of friends who I care for deeply, etc.

 

Even still, I am a disaster.

 

Here are the cliff notes:

+ Marriage 1: I joined the military after college, and found the barracks culture toxic. There were a lot of things going on every night that I wanted no part of, and the only way out was to be married. So, I found a willing woman and got out. It lasted three days. Disaster 1.

 

+ Marriage 2: This story is similar to the first. I met a great girl and began working toward a healthy relationship. Military culture makes it hard to date in a regular fashion, so we rushed things. The relationship ran into trouble during my year in Iraq, and imploded after I was hurt and spent several months in the hospital. Disaster 2.

 

+ Marriage 3: At this point I think I had just become accustom to rushing things. Another great woman who I should have dated, and nothing more. We married after a year together and it lasted two year before she decided that she would rather be with women than men. Disaster 3.

 

+ Marriage 4: I thought I did this one right. A year after Disaster 3, I started dating again. Met a great woman, dated for two years, got married. After two years of marriage, she was ready to have kids. I asked her to defer for a year because I felt like we had more growing to do as a couple. She told me that if I wanted to wait then we could not be together. Disaster 4.

 

I have nothing negative to say about any of these women. There is no drama with any of them, no financial ties, and as mentioned earlier, no kids.

 

I have been in therapy following the end of the 4th marriage, and genuinely like who I am as a person. Even so, I cannot see how a good person would want to be in a relationship with me given the history. I want a healthy relationship and family, but feel like I'm doomed to be in an intimate relationship with business instead.

 

Is there a way through this? How would this story not send a sane woman running for the hills? Do I even deserve another chance?

Edited December 27, 2016 by DisasterInPA

[amaysngrace]

Are you kidding me? Most women would love to hear how unafraid of marriage you are!

 

You're a rare commodity indeed.

[DisasterInPA]

That is very kind of you to say. : )

[carhill]

What I've noticed is people who have this history tend to take a long break at some point, generally in 30's-40's, not from relationships rather from marriage, and either never get married again or wait many years to do so.

 

For people who didn't get along and didn't feel that marriage was a death do part thing, but marriage was important socially, they would get married and divorced numerous times in life, more significantly in the past than now.

 

As far as women running for the hills, if you're attractive, they won't. You're divorced. Enjoy being single and dating. Everyone has a past in one form or another. Mid-30's is a great time of life. Enjoy it.

[Miss Peach]

I know for me, I would want answers about YOUR role in this (marriage and divorce). If you couldn't articulate it and what has changed I would run as I don't want to me ex-wife #5.

[carhill]

I had to chuckle, remembering my exW telling the psych in MC that part of her reservations regarding a D was that she didn't want to be known as a 'three time loser'. Yet, as soon as we split up, as my best friend's wife put, there were a new pair of boots parked at the door, meaning her new boyfriend was living in the house I fixed up. Apparently, being a three time loser, or worry about it, was premature!

 

Like I said, OP, be attractive and don't be unattractive. Women love an attractive guy, even if he's divorced a zillion time. They'll be the one that sticks. Hey, my exW and that guy are still together over seven years later so boom, bang. Worked for them!

[ladydesigner]

Why do you have to get married? Surely you don't NEED to.

[jellybean824]

Of course you deserve a chance. Maybe you were in such a hurry to "be married," that you didn't take the time to develop the actual skills that it takes to be married. Obviously it takes two people to make a relationship work. It's hard to stay committed to anything that is one sided. My guess is that you have reached a point in life where you are wiser and know more what NOT to do. Take some time to enjoy this phase. A lot of personal growth happens when things do not turn out the way we wanted.