vanillexhope Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 I was going to write a quick introduction. That quick introduction became a novel. Here's the thing. I'm 30. No children. I haven't worked in five years. I moved with my husband to a state I hate and became isolated and depressed. We have decided to part ways. He is giving me the car, 20k, the cats, and anything I can fit in the car. I'm thinking of moving out of state with some friends until I get a feel for the area and get an apartment. This will be my first time living alone. We have been together for 15 years. How do I start over at 30? I've spent half of my entire life with one man. He was there when my dad died and I was there when his died. We know each other better than anyone. We are best friends. We have some bad memories but also great ones. I don't want to replace him. I just want to figure out who I am without him. I quit working five years ago under the assumption I would finish my training for my profession faster. It is skill based. My finish time is directly correlated to how much I practice. I didn't practice enough. My hope is that being alone, I will be in a sink or swim environment. My laziness won't be enabled by a wonderful husband who provides a comfortable life for me and is patient. I have developed the persona of "housewife." I don't want that. I want to be a professional. I want a career. I want to invest. I want to create. I want to support myself and have the nice things that we had together, but have them because -I- deserve them from working for them. Man, even though I deleted the first novel, I still feel that I wrote a lot. I hope my rambling makes a little sense. I'm trying to figure out how to shed my watered down persona of housewife and discover the real me. We recently decided to end things. At the moment, we are cohabiting still. We are working on selling stuff and getting me ready to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 We have decided to part ways. Was this your idea or his? Third person involved? The details have a lot to do with your frame of mind exiting a relationship... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 This a snapshot of where you need to be to fulfil your goals: Sense of Agency "Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behaviour, are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change." (Credit due to Mary C Lamia.) Aim for that target by demonstrating your abilities to yourself. Keep a journal to write about challenges that come up and how you dealt with them. Write a list of things you've achieved every day, even if they are quite small things. Doing this will increase your feeling of self-confidence. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 don't think of it as "starting over", think of it as "just starting". You will finally be free and be able to do all the things that you want. Sure it will new and hard but give it a few months and you will settle nicely wherever you decide to go. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 What do you remember when you were born? Were you alone? What were your first thoughts?? Wha do you want to be your last? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Satu That your belief? Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I was going to write a quick introduction. That quick introduction became a novel. Here's the thing. I'm 30. No children. I haven't worked in five years. I moved with my husband to a state I hate and became isolated and depressed. We have decided to part ways. He is giving me the car, 20k, the cats, and anything I can fit in the car. I'm thinking of moving out of state with some friends until I get a feel for the area and get an apartment. This will be my first time living alone. We have been together for 15 years. How do I start over at 30? I've spent half of my entire life with one man. He was there when my dad died and I was there when his died. We know each other better than anyone. We are best friends. We have some bad memories but also great ones. I don't want to replace him. I just want to figure out who I am without him. I quit working five years ago under the assumption I would finish my training for my profession faster. It is skill based. My finish time is directly correlated to how much I practice. I didn't practice enough. My hope is that being alone, I will be in a sink or swim environment. My laziness won't be enabled by a wonderful husband who provides a comfortable life for me and is patient. I have developed the persona of "housewife." I don't want that. I want to be a professional. I want a career. I want to invest. I want to create. I want to support myself and have the nice things that we had together, but have them because -I- deserve them from working for them. Man, even though I deleted the first novel, I still feel that I wrote a lot. I hope my rambling makes a little sense. I'm trying to figure out how to shed my watered down persona of housewife and discover the real me. We recently decided to end things. At the moment, we are cohabiting still. We are working on selling stuff and getting me ready to leave. I think your in for a rude awakening Link to post Share on other sites
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