I've lost my best friend

[Fulgrim]

One of my closest friends now seems to avoid me at all costs. She's either busy or cant spare more than a few minutes.

After her wedding [which I was not invited to], she seems to be avoiding me at all costs. She wont answer any messages, calls or cards I have sent her.

Is it just because her new life has made her very busy or does she now avoid me because she might think I'm the scum of the earth or something?

Edited December 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[dpass]

Does she have a new boyfriend?

 

But really, if you "can't live without" a friend then you need to get into counseling. Being that needy can cause many people to run off.

[preraph]

Is this a friend or is this someone you lust after but doesn't reciprocate? Because anyone with a brain will not let that go on. It's uncomfortable for the lusted after one.

 

If it's a regular friend, well, people move on or sometimes their priorities change. It does suck, but it's a fact of life you must learn to deal with. The key is be social and make as many friends as possible. You know, one thing is giving me a clue here. If you had a group of friends and she was one of them, then it's not easy for her to just disappear on you because you are still friends with the group and so is she, so you'll see each other. This is giving me a clue that you maybe aren't very social and have gotten overly reliant on this person to be your friend (or are lusting after her), and that's an unfair burden to put on any one person.

 

Go be social and make yourself able to to do that so you can have a group of friends and not be needy for one so much.

[preraph]

She's half of a unit now and she's probably in the middle of making her house a home and all of that, plus busy with her spouse and I assume job. If she's talking to you at all, she's not trying to dump you, but she just can't spare as much time. Obviously, all the "single" things you used to do together are now off the table. She can't be running around like she's single with you anymore.

[Fulgrim]

I see now, I just didn't take it into consideration that so soon after her wedding she might just want some time with her husband

I guess she's just busy

[stillafool]

You have to wonder how good a friend she considers you to be since you weren't invited to her wedding. I think you should find a new friend.

[Shanex]

Unless you aren't or weren't very close, you should have been invited to the wedding.

 

Is there further information about you and her? Something went wrong between you at some point?

[whichwayisup]

One of my closest friends now seems to avoid me at all costs. She's either busy or cant spare more than a few minutes.

After her wedding [which I was not invited to], she seems to be avoiding me at all costs. She wont answer any messages, calls or cards I have sent her.

Is it just because her new life has made her very busy or does she now avoid me because she might think I'm the scum of the earth or something?

 

You have no idea why you weren't invited to her wedding? Did you two have a fight or disagreement in the past? Something changed. People usually just don't up and disappear out of someone's life unless they're just screwed up and jerks.

 

Anyway she has ignored you and as painful as it is for you please for your own sanity and self respect, leave her alone. Chasing after someone who wants nothing to do with you only will hurt you more...She's made it clear by her silence that the friendship is over.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

[Fulgrim]

The wedding was kept very small with immediate family to keep it as cost effective as possible.

I don't think I've ever done anything to hurt her? She was very thankful for the wedding gifts I got her. If I have hurt her; then I don't think I deserve to live anymore

[stillafool]

The wedding was kept very small with immediate family to keep it as cost effective as possible.

I don't think I've ever done anything to hurt her? She was very thankful for the wedding gifts I got her. If I have hurt her; then I don't think I deserve to live anymore

 

My goodness, why do you care that much?

[amaysngrace]

If I have hurt her; then I don't think I deserve to live anymore

 

You can't just blurt that out if you care at all about other people since caring people are reading this. Please explain yourself.

 

Would you really harm yourself to try to hurt her as a revenge?

[anika99]

She is your closest best friend but you weren't invited to her wedding and you have no idea why?

 

I really think there is far more to this story and you are holding back the important info. That's fine, you have no obligation to spill your guts here, but nobody can advise you or even give an honest opinion when you are handing out such little tidbits of information.

[whichwayisup]

The wedding was kept very small with immediate family to keep it as cost effective as possible.

I don't think I've ever done anything to hurt her? She was very thankful for the wedding gifts I got her. If I have hurt her; then I don't think I deserve to live anymore :(

 

Don't wrap your self worth up in someone else! What you've just said is very negative and playing the martyr. Are you a negative person overall?

 

You say it was a small wedding, immediate family only so there's the reason why you weren't invited. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Fulgrim]

I thought she'd been avoiding me because she was so busy with her husband and job but no, I spoke to her today and she told me to 'Get out' of her life.

I feel so horrible. Thinking about suicide

[winny]

I thought she'd been avoiding me because she was so busy with her husband and job but no, I spoke to her today and she told me to 'Get out' of her life.

I feel so horrible. Thinking about suicide

 

Calm down.

Live your life, dont be so dependent on friends.

[whichwayisup]

I thought she'd been avoiding me because she was so busy with her husband and job but no, I spoke to her today and she told me to 'Get out' of her life.

I feel so horrible. Thinking about suicide

 

Your friend is not worthy of YOU.

 

DO NOT kill yourself because she has ended the friendship. Your self worth can't be wrapped up in her or anybody else.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, but please don't do something so final and something that will hurt the people in your life you have now. Other friends, family etc., they are the ones you should focus on, those who care about you not ones who don't want to friends.

 

Not sure what country you're in, but call 911 if you really are feeling so bad so you can get help.

 

1-800-273-TALK (8255) The number for National Suicide Prevention. Reach out and do talk to someone, don't isolate yourself.

[Fulgrim]

Thank you.

I thought long and hard about suicide but chose not to do anything as that would be stupid and it would make her feel horrible if she heard.

Although she doesnt want me in her life anymore, i dont wish her any harm in any way.

The breakup was my fault anyway. Although we're both in our early 30's, i was too busy acting like a child to notice i was hurting her

[whichwayisup]

Thank you.

I thought long and hard about suicide but chose not to do anything as that would be stupid and it would make her feel horrible if she heard.

Although she doesnt want me in her life anymore, i dont wish her any harm in any way.

The breakup was my fault anyway. Although we're both in our early 30's, i was too busy acting like a child to notice i was hurting her

 

You're welcome. Happy that you're not going to harm yourself.

 

Please don't bare all the responsibility of this, she has issues and just because she's chosen to end things with you doesn't minimize who you are. It's HER loss, not yours.

 

Not sure why you think you were hurting her? If anything she's hurt you by treating you poorly and ignoring you instead of talking things out way back when IF there were issues...seems she let it build up and then walked away without communicating. Unless there's more to the story that you've not posted about.

[Fulgrim]

^

The story behind our friendship is more complicated and difficult than anything you'd see in a mid day soap.

Long story short, I was the third wheel for years [about 15 years altogether] and she finally snapped. I was too stupid to realise she would want to be with her husband at this time of year. In general, I was always acting too stupid and selfish whenever I was around her.

I don't wish her any harm in any way. I hope her marriage is long and happy. I've ruined our friendship with my antics. If anyone should have been punished it should have been me and she did punish me by telling me to 'GET OUT' of her life.

She's better off without me anyway