Trends I have noticed on Loveshack

[TheLoveBelow92]

As much as I love Loveshack, I have noticed repeating trends being on this site and as each case is different the foundation and feeling is always the same, some points I have noticed from myself included:

 

Two types of people: People who feel very deeply about things and feelings are 99% of users on here, the other are the people we speak about, partners, ex's mainly from them being the dumper or likewise

 

We preach about "Time" and "Acceptance" and these are the fundamental facts for us all to let go and move on. I heard it when I joined a long time ago and accepted it but didn't understand it, Learn to play the hand your dealt, its not fair its unexpected but its where you are and we are, Another is fighting what your mind already knows but what I found that takes so long for us in from what I found and only my opinion is that there is a comfort in sadness and if we let go of the sadness theirs nothing left so I held on for dear life I feel,

 

We are all in a place we never thought we could be emotionally and all of us in some sense feel we where blind sided, some more so than others and that is the facts.

 

Once you look where you are regardless of your situation, It can be as long or as short as you want, but where you are now is where you are.

 

You can decide where to go from this point and start fresh mentally by that i mean think with out emotion where you are, and see where you can go from here but your going somewhere anyway so choose which way, age and experience play factorsY

 

You beat yourself up to the point where nothing changes and the life you planned or all the things you wanted haven't gone that way and thats just life, moving on keeping your head up no matter what is what counts, keep going because a step is a step and your going in the right direction just keep going for you and no one else,

 

Easier to preach than practice and its just my opinion but once the cloud clears it all becomes clear again

 

Hope this helps someone

TheLoveBelow92

Edited December 29, 2016 by TheLoveBelow92
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[Deadmeat]

Thanks for communicating your observations.

 

For me, you nailed it in the head when you mentioned the comfort in sadness. I'm in that place now. This misery is all I have left of her and if I were to let that go, it would mean the true end of our relationship. I hang on when I know in my mind that it is over.

 

As you say, we just have to accept where we are at this point in time and go from there. We are all feelers and that is why we struggle.

 

Thanks for sharing,

[TheLoveBelow92]

Thanks for communicating your observations.

 

For me, you nailed it in the head when you mentioned the comfort in sadness. I'm in that place now. This misery is all I have left of her and if I were to let that go, it would mean the true end of our relationship. I hang on when I know in my mind that it is over.

 

As you say, we just have to accept where we are at this point in time and go from there. We are all feelers and that is why we struggle.

 

Thanks for sharing,

 

Thanks for your reply,

 

The worst part is I was no different to anyone else, I battled through it for 18 months because it was all new, For new users they will read it and understand it but just wont accept it, like I also did... You fight to hold on and you fight to hold on, and with little or no experience your in no mans land but regardless of age as much as I hated hearing the most hurtful is a building block, the worse kind but we all went through it and are...

 

I laugh at the fact I never in my life thought about how in depth emotions hit us and its always when we are not ready but it will hit us all change us all, but hopefully we wont sit around to long with it because life dont stop and we cant sit around either, life isnt a fairytale as much as I hate sounding dramatic but really crap things happen to us all in life, no ones different, smile keep going, This Life is a Gift and not a burden over a lost love,

 

Most of us know this and it comes in waves but until you "Chuck it in the F**k it bucket" then your on your way

 

[NotASkunk]

Thank you for posting this. I feel I am in that place of sadness and for some reason I can't let go – – your thoughts were helpful for me to hear.

[CDJ]

Two types of people: People who feel very deeply about things and feelings are 99% of users on here, the other are the people we speak about, partners, ex's mainly from them being the dumper or likewise

I think it's inevitable that most people on this forum will be as you described because you have to be an empathetic person - and someone who is open to the thoughts and feelings of others - in order to want to share your experience with strangers.

 

My ex would never come on a forum like this because she is a narcissist who doesn't feel heartache or pain in the same why many of us here do; nor does she value the opinions or feelings of other people. And I suppose the irony (if that's the right word) is that it is it is people like her who need a forum like this the most - to learn how be empathetic when you can't be sympathetic, and to learn how to be open about your thoughts and feelings.

 

I think another attribute that most of us here share is that of rationalising - trying to understand every thought and action, and ignoring our gut instincts (even when they are correct) because we want to give others the benefit of the doubt and to be logical about our relationships with them. Which of course can lead us to getting hurt (gut feelings come from instinct that develops through experience in your sub-conscious and is usually correct) and in struggling to get over someone (because we are desperate to understand everything, and for answers).

[PLT]

 

You can decide where to go from this point and start fresh mentally by that i mean think with out emotion where you are, and see where you can go from here but your going somewhere anyway so choose which way, age and experience play factorsY

 

 

Hope this helps someone

TheLoveBelow92

 

This is quite a profound observation in my opinion, and is something that I think every dumpee comes to realise sooner or later. For me personally, it was this realisation that was the turning point. But we can't force it. We all know it internally. I knew it a year ago when I was in a right state, I knew it 5 months ago when I was in a right state. It was only over the past few weeks that I've actually begun to accept it, and REALLY know it.

[PLT]

I think it's inevitable that most people on this forum will be as you described because you have to be an empathetic person - and someone who is open to the thoughts and feelings of others - in order to want to share your experience with strangers.

 

My ex would never come on a forum like this because she is a narcissist who doesn't feel heartache or pain in the same why many of us here do; nor does she value the opinions or feelings of other people. And I suppose the irony (if that's the right word) is that it is it is people like her who need a forum like this the most - to learn how be empathetic when you can't be sympathetic, and to learn how to be open about your thoughts and feelings.

 

I think another attribute that most of us here share is that of rationalising - trying to understand every thought and action, and ignoring our gut instincts (even when they are correct) because we want to give others the benefit of the doubt and to be logical about our relationships with them. Which of course can lead us to getting hurt (gut feelings come from instinct that develops through experience in your sub-conscious and is usually correct) and in struggling to get over someone (because we are desperate to understand everything, and for answers).

 

I feel exactly the same about my ex. I've been here for a while, and there are so many threads I see that I wish my ex would read. But then I think, even if she read the whole forum, she wouldn't understand any of it. It would be like reading an alien language to her. It would also tell her things about herself that she would never accept, so it's no surprise really that she would never find herself on a forum like this.

[StrangerThanFiction]

This post is so true! For awhile I clung to the sadness over my ex leaving me for someone else because I knew that once I let it go the relationship would well and truly be over for me and I didn't want it to be even though I knew it was for him. My injured ego didn't want to accept that he didn't want me and had found someone "better". I think I've been coming to terms with it and realizing that just because this guy didn't want me doesn't mean I'm any less as a woman. I say "coming to terms" because I still have a little ways to go before I'm fully there, but I'm getting there in leaps and bounds.

 

So thank you for putting this all so eloquently! It really helps seeing it written out and I'm sure it will help a lot of people.

[divegrl]

I am a highly sensitive person. I feel too much in most areas of my life and breakups are almost overwhelming. I read some of the comments on here and I'm in total disbelief. How could someone dump someone and then, oops, I changed my mind and now I want you back. We are human beings with emotions not robots. Maybe I'm just too loyal?

 

Anyways what you say makes complete sense and has really helped me this morning. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

 

Thank you.

[arsenalfan77]

Thanks for communicating your observations.

 

This misery is all I have left of her a

Thanks for sharing,

 

I completely understand how you feel. It's like if you were to stop hurting, she would cease to exist completely, and it's better to hold onto what you have no matter how painful.

[DannyCA]

As much as I love Loveshack, I have noticed repeating trends being on this site and as each case is different the foundation and feeling is always the same, some points I have noticed from myself included:

 

Two types of people: People who feel very deeply about things and feelings are 99% of users on here, the other are the people we speak about, partners, ex's mainly from them being the dumper or likewise

 

We preach about "Time" and "Acceptance" and these are the fundamental facts for us all to let go and move on. I heard it when I joined a long time ago and accepted it but didn't understand it, Learn to play the hand your dealt, its not fair its unexpected but its where you are and we are, Another is fighting what your mind already knows but what I found that takes so long for us in from what I found and only my opinion is that there is a comfort in sadness and if we let go of the sadness theirs nothing left so I held on for dear life I feel,

 

We are all in a place we never thought we could be emotionally and all of us in some sense feel we where blind sided, some more so than others and that is the facts.

 

Once you look where you are regardless of your situation, It can be as long or as short as you want, but where you are now is where you are.

 

You can decide where to go from this point and start fresh mentally by that i mean think with out emotion where you are, and see where you can go from here but your going somewhere anyway so choose which way, age and experience play factorsY

 

You beat yourself up to the point where nothing changes and the life you planned or all the things you wanted haven't gone that way and thats just life, moving on keeping your head up no matter what is what counts, keep going because a step is a step and your going in the right direction just keep going for you and no one else,

 

Easier to preach than practice and its just my opinion but once the cloud clears it all becomes clear again

 

Hope this helps someone

TheLoveBelow92

 

I completely agree with you. You stated that time and acceptance are fundamentals in healing and moving on; also that you didn't understand it despite accepting it. I think everyone is or was in the same boat, including me.

 

You also stated that there is comfort in sadness, that if we let go of the sadness we let go on the final piece of the relationship and that's why we hold on for dear life. I never looked at it that way but it is very true

 

I feel as if this post is commentary on the majority of users on loveshack and how they need to let go (for a lack of better words.) And if that's the case, you're right. But here's what I would add.

 

People need to talk about their BU in order to heal. Even though people would give me wonderful advice and I knew exactly what I needed to do to heal, I always came to loveshack in order to talk to people in the same situation as myself (but it was usually when I was having a bad day.)

 

For a while I used to find myself getting frustrated at coming across the same post 100 times from different people. Then I realized when I first joined and for quite some time after I did the same thing.

 

Now that you have had over a year plus to reflect on everything that has happened and now that you have had plenty of time to talk to people on loveshack, you are able to think clearly and write insightful posts such as this one.