katty Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 my bf broke up with me because I am not Catholic. We got along great and we both admit that we miss each other. I know that lately he has been attending mass more frequently with his mother. I am so upset over the break up. I could understand it if we were planning marriage or something but we were just beginning to get serious. I would like to fix this problem but don't know how. Any help or advice would be appreciated. I dated another guy that is Catholic for 6 years and he never had a problem with this. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by katty my bf broke up with me because I am not Catholic. We got along great and we both admit that we miss each other. I know that lately he has been attending mass more frequently with his mother. It happens .. You sound like you never attended with him . I had a girlfriend break up with once because she decided that premarital sex was against her religion.. this was of course after 3 months of having sex everyday.. What it really came down to was my beliefs were not the same as hers and she decided that her beliefs were so important to her that she needed to find someone more compatible with her.. She did and married him within 6 months of breaking up with me Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Is he momma's boy? If yes then he did a big favor to you by leaving you on time. Don't worry, you'll get back together or it just wasn't meant to be. You'll get over, hun. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 my vote is with RP -- as much as you miss him, that's rotten thing to do when a relationship is going so smoothly. It almost sounds like a false reason, to me. Now, if you guys had been marriage-bound and you weren't able to find a happy middle ground, then yeah, regrettably, I can imagine religion would be a factor in a break-up. Sounds like he's been listening to what someone has been whispering in his ear (most likely his mom) about you not being good dating material becuase you're non-Catholic! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Well, if his religion is important to him and it comes first, then I can understand it ending it now before it gets too serious. If religion is important then it becomes important to a relationship that both parties have the same religion. Don't people have to convert to catholisism {sp} in order for the marriage to be accepted in the Catholic church? Or is that old-school? Better now than later and risk years of love and worse heart-break. The other guy you dated might not have been as devout where it would not have been a big deal to him. I'm not a religious person, but I think that is one IS practicing a religion then it should come first. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by katty I would like to fix this problem but don't know how. Any help or advice would be appreciated. What's your religion? Is there potential for a compromise? One of my best friends is a (non-practising) Protestant guy with a (very practising) Catholic girl... caused a lot of strain for her family. But they've managed to work out a compromise. Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall I had a girlfriend break up with once because she decided that premarital sex was against her religion.. this was of course after 3 months of having sex everyday.. Sounds pretty feeble to me. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hi Romeo, Good that you are back,I was worried cause you didnt show up after London attack Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hi Greenie, Thanks for your concern - I was visiting London, so went offline. I'm back now Shocking stuff though Romeo Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Indeed it was shocking, but good that you weren't affected. I hope all your friends, families and relatives are safe as well. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Indeed it was shocking, but good that you weren't affected. I hope all your friends, families and relatives are safe as well. They are, thanks. I was so relieved - spent a good hour locating them on the fateful day... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 most major faiths preach tolerance of other religions. unfortunately, in reality, many people don't practice this basic tenet. the problem is that emotions get in the way and practicality and understanding gets thrown out the window Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Thanks for all of the helpful replies. I am non-practicing Baptist, kind of deserted the church after my minister insisted I stay in an abusive marriage and I come to realize that if I didn't get out and stop listening to my minister than I would be in the ground soon with my minister preaching at my funeral. So religion has not been a huge part of my life since that time but I do understand my ex bfs devotion to his. The thing is that had our relationship progressed I would have no problem learning more about the Catholic beliefs and maybe take the classes to convert. I know that my last bf and his family had alot of my friends including my God son are all Catholic and I have always enjoyed the mass when I attended with my best friend. I don't know if it is just an excuse of his or if he is that devoted. I do know that he does go alot with his mother. I just wish he had not even called me yesterday because now I feel worse than I did the day before when he broke up with me. Thank you all for all of your help. I couldn't make it without you. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by katty The thing is that had our relationship progressed I would have no problem learning more about the Catholic beliefs and maybe take the classes to convert. I know that my last bf and his family had alot of my friends including my God son are all Catholic and I have always enjoyed the mass when I attended with my best friend. I don't know if it is just an excuse of his or if he is that devoted. I do know that he does go alot with his mother. I just wish he had not even called me yesterday because now I feel worse than I did the day before when he broke up with me. Thank you all for all of your help. I couldn't make it without you. Does he know that you would consider conversion? Although, if his mother is a big problem you might be better off without him. He would need to put you before his mother if you two ever married. If you want closure or an explanation ask him and tell him that if his faith means so much to him, then he sholdn't lie and should be straight-forward with you. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 glad we can bring a smile to your face by just being here, Katty – LoveShack rocks Don't people have to convert to Catholicism in order for the marriage to be accepted in the Catholic church? Or is that old-school? back in the old days, mixed-faith marriages were pretty much discouraged, but accepted. The non-Catholic had to agree to raise any offspring from the marriage in the Catholic Church, which holds true now. I think the difference today is that the Church recognized other Christian churches as having a valid belief in Christ, but do not a full understanding. (to give a bad analogy, Catholic religion is the "full meal deal," because it embraces all components of Christian belief, while Protestants, while still Christian, pick and chose the beliefs they embrace. A huge difference is seen in the Eucharist, which Catholics consider the true Body and the true Blood of Christ; it is Christ among us, right here, right now, and it's the whole reason for Mass. A majority of Prots feel differently about the Eucharist because they consider it symbolic of the Last Supper, nothing more.) however, mixed-faith marriages are something a couple must really think about because the spirituality of both affects the family. From what Katty shares (The thing is that had our relationship progressed I would have no problem learning more about the Catholic beliefs and maybe take the classes to convert), it doesn't sound like SHE is the one with the problem about wanting to share as she is able in her BF's faith, but rather that the BF is getting advice to dump her because she's not of the same religious persuasion, regardless of how openly she supports her man in practicing his own faith. to me, it sounds like someone (most likely the parent) is the one throwing the monkey wrench into the relationship. But that's just my take on things ... Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Yes, I have seen the light so to speak, I have realized that he is probably letting his momma rule his world. I don't have the energy to deal with another momma's boy. I guess I am better off, doesn't make me miss him any less but I have to remember that this would have been the first of many choices momma makes for him and I am to independent to play by his mommas rules. I really like his family and they seem so cool and are like no other parents I have ever met. I guess there is more to them than the show they put on. Thanks everyone for all of your help. Kat Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by katty I really like his family and they seem so cool and are like no other parents I have ever met. I guess there is more to them than the show they put on. Don't judge them too harshly - they're probably decent people who are getting emotional about their son's love choices. The official position of the catholic church on this subject is pretty reasonable, but individual catholics can get very anxious about such things. Give him time and space. Pull away. Stop contacting him and be less available. If he comes back, see if you can find out what an acceptable compromise would be. Btw Katty, if you want well-informed advice, you need to be open with us and give us all the relevant facts. In this case, the fact that you're a divorcee was not just a minor detail. Any other "details" you want to tell us? Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I am unsure of what you mean about information, I didn't want to repeat myself and since I had put that in a earlier post I just assumed it was known. Sorry, no Reluctant Romeo I don't think there is anything more to add and I guess my being a divorcee didn't seem to matter that much considering it was over 12 years ago and he knew about it. However to answer your question I don't think there is anything more I need to add. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by katty I didn't want to repeat myself and since I had put that in a earlier post I just assumed it was known. No problem... I don't have the pleasure of knowing you yet so I was going only on what you put in this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
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