confella Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 (edited) Hi there, I've been dating this girl for a few months, she's 21 and I'm 22. Things have been going great so far, and I love her. Only problem is her complicated sexual history which really bothers me, I found out a few weeks into dating her that she used to be a cam model just a few months before we met, se said she regrets it and felt she needed to tell me as soon as possible and I didn't mind that much. Then we had the history talk, and it turns out she has been with more than 20 guys, she says she doesn't know the exact number but it's somewhere between 20 and 30, which really boggles me, when I asked how come she has been with so many guys, she said she always got tricked by guys that said they were serious and then dumped her after sex. I just can't make myself believe this, how can she be tricked every time for dozens of times ? And all of this happened recently and was still happening just a few months before she met me. And today she told me that a few months ago she had sex with married guy, she had been on a few dates with him, then the night they had sex he told her he was married and she had sex with him anyway which contradicts her explaination about the high number. Every time this topic comes up, it makes me really sad and I feel like I can't get over it, but then every time she seems so regretful and feels so bad that I feel guilty for making her feel bad over her past. I don't know what to think and desperately need some advice! Edited January 1, 2017 by confella Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 Go with your gut. If she's the one for you, you'll know it. If she's not, your roiling gut will let you know that. Remember .... To thine own self be true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 My man there are things that are called red flags. These maybe iffy behavioral issues, questionable acts of morality, lying etc etc Her history is not complicated at all. She banged a married man when she knew he was married. She didn't sleep with 20 guys by mistake those are choices and her going on cam is not an error either, again a choice. Seems she makes bad decisions. And you Mr Nice Guy will convince yourself you're the exception and that you'll treat her differently from the others etc etc Unfortunately later down the road she'll make another bad choice and you'll regret not paying heed to all those red flags earlier in the relationship. But personally I'd dump her for this. she always got tricked by guys that said they were serious and then dumped her after sex 20-30 guys tricked her right..including the married man she still banged even though she knew he was married? Red Flags dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 She gets validated through meaningless sex and degrading one night stands. She feels bad about it, but not bad enough to break the cycle. She'll either move on from you quickly or get her literal fill, as soon as you don't validate her enough. I suggest you leave her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 Every time this topic comes up...... What do you mean every time it comes up? It should have only come up once. and I mean ONCE! I understand you are here for advice, and it is a good thing you came here. However, being you came here in the first place, you already know the answer. Some guys can handle dating strippers, Cam Girls, etc. I am one of them. But only because I also know not to get seriously involved with them and have fun and move along when the time comes. You need to move this girl along just for the sake of your sanity and nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 If this is for real , then this girl has deep seated issues. Stay with her and land into therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I disagree with some of the comments as I think people can do that kind of stuff and move on from it and not do it again or have any desire to. It could be she wants to settle down now. She did say she regrets it and it would have been hard to mention it to you but she wanted to be honest with you. She's probably saving face by saying some of the guys tricked her into it. You have to decide whether you can handle it, and if not let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confella Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 ok Maybe I am just giving myself reasons to stay , but I really feel like she genuinely is ashamed and regrets her past and wants to move on, and she has been honest and open from day one and never tried to hide anything from me. She has shared many stories of guys who went out with her then dumped her after sex, but has also since told me about 'mistakes' where she was just drunk or other misguided adventures, one of them was the married episode. The thing is she has had a very tough childhood, stories that she tells me are truly chilling, and thought for long that sex will help her gain affection from people. Camming was rock bottom for her from what she told me, last time she did it was in early june, and was after that very depressed and suicidal, but she met a more balanced and mature friend at that same period who kinda acted as a mentor/therapist for her. She truly has been nothing but loyal and caring with me, she's one of the most kind and selfless people I have ever met, and other than this history stuff it is by far the best relationship I ever had. I really want to overcome this issue, and so far I hadn't given it much consideration, but that married guy story was like a tipping point, and after some of the comments heard here, and some lurking of other threads, I have been thinking about it a lot, and am afraid she might suddently change (or is that just paranoia) Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Well, like I said, your gut will tell you. Listen to it. If it feels genuine then go for it. Give her a hug, and some time to get to know each other. There are really no one-size-fits-all answers in life. That's what life is, right? Oh, and another old saying ... Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Ewwww my stomach just churned....dude if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. What's going to come to the surface later?? she worked as a prostitute for a couple of months?? I can see if she was desperate to feed her child, but she chose to do something like that just because. This fails. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 My friend, You are single & have no children and are not financial encumbered with this woman - right? Her past promiscuity bothered you enough to find an online forum and post your question, right? Do you see where I'm going here? To put yourself through all of this drama for no good reason is ridicules - stop it! You are searching for a partner - you get to be judgemental about the woman you are dating. That's the point of dating. Save yourself the drama now and the future agony of finding out there is a lot of things she hasn't told you - and you can bet there is a lot - and go find another girl... Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 ok Maybe I am just giving myself reasons to stay , but I really feel like she genuinely is ashamed and regrets her past and wants to move on, and she has been honest and open from day one and never tried to hide anything from me. She has shared many stories of guys who went out with her then dumped her after sex, but has also since told me about 'mistakes' where she was just drunk or other misguided adventures, one of them was the married episode. The thing is she has had a very tough childhood, stories that she tells me are truly chilling, and thought for long that sex will help her gain affection from people. Camming was rock bottom for her from what she told me, last time she did it was in early june, and was after that very depressed and suicidal, but she met a more balanced and mature friend at that same period who kinda acted as a mentor/therapist for her. She truly has been nothing but loyal and caring with me, she's one of the most kind and selfless people I have ever met, and other than this history stuff it is by far the best relationship I ever had. I really want to overcome this issue, and so far I hadn't given it much consideration, but that married guy story was like a tipping point, and after some of the comments heard here, and some lurking of other threads, I have been thinking about it a lot, and am afraid she might suddently change (or is that just paranoia) First off all those guys didn't trick her. I mean if she asked "If I have sex with you will you be my boyfriend?" And the guy said sure, then afterwards jumped out the bed shouting "Yoink" before jumping out the window..yes then she was tricked. Again we talked about choices, if what she says was true then surely after say guy 10 or 13 should would have caught on that guys are using her for sex and guess what..here's an astounding idea..wait for it.. She could have just not had sex with them. Choices. She chose to do what she did. Wasn't forced to, and yes if these villainous guys lied to her then she still chose to have sex knowing that the guy might jump out the window anyway. As for this shame and regret, she shamed and regretted 30 times and still kept doing it, even doing it with a married man. Again, you think you are the exception. Good luck to you, maybe you might change her and this is the new road to a lasting relationship but then again you wouldn't be posting in a forum. Hope it works out for you dude. Link to post Share on other sites
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