Sorry posted topic twice.. but feel free to read!

[Heavenlyflower9]

Husband cheated twice.......thinking of another man........I'm confused Post: 1 | Quote:

 

hi! i'm new to loveshack. Well, my husband and I are highschool sweethearts and we've been married for 9 years, together for 12 . We have two children. I thought we were living a happy life. Everything seemed to be going the way i expected it to.

 

About six years ago, after our son was born he confessed that he cheated on me while i was pregnant. He said he was confused and that i was'nt giving him any attention (sexually). Well i'm sorry but i just was'nt in the mood, plus my hormones were all out of wack. I wanted to kick him out right then and there. But i still loved him , plus i could'nt stop thinking about our newborn. He and I work things out and went to counseling. Everything was fine, things got better. I mean there were times that i would start thinking about it. Okay I forgave him but i will never ever forget. Again happiness was there, we even had another child.

 

Financially we were'nt doing so good. I was working full time and he was working nights. NO TIME for our kids. We then decided to move overseas, so we can be near my family and start new. He found a great job and i'm able to stay home with the kids. Things were really looking up for us. I felt our marriage was getting stronger and we were happier too.

 

Well about a month ago, doing the normal things i do. While checking our emails in the morning i came across some emails from another women to him. I heard of her before, but never met her until that day. I decided to reply as if i was him. She then replied saying things i did not want to hear or expected. I then replied and told her that it was me. She knew things about me that he only knew. Well we spent an hour on the phone talking. I could'nt hear anymore.

 

I confronted him when he came home from work. HE DENIED EVERYTHING! I had proof too, he sent her emails too. Still denied it. I started thinking.... Once a cheater...always a cheater? Is that why he decided to move overseas? Because he knew what was going to happen if we stayed and i found out. He would never see our children and me again.

 

Now he does'nt understand why I'm not the same. HELLO!!! You can never forget! I know he lied. But this time he won't confess. What should i do?

 

I don't love him like i used to. I'm constantly thinking! I can't stop thinking. I love him because he's the father of our children. But i'm not in love with him anymore. It's like i want it to really work! Not only for us but for our kids. But what if it happens again? Should i give him one more chance? Three strikes you're out! I'm really changing things around here. He needs to prove his innocense.

 

I've been thinking about this guy i worked and we REALLY got along. Nothing more then harmless hugs and kisses on the cheek. He was also in a relationship and had problems. We somehow wanted to connect. Unfornately i live overseas now and he's in Texas. I've been dreaming about him.

 

Is it wrong to think like that? I feel that my husband really does'nt love me either but is hanging around because of our kids. Communication is our problem. I mean it has gotten better, I tell him exactly what i am thinking. Straight foward! But we seem to have a wall between us when it comes to spliting up. I don't know! I'm confused!

 

 

Confused... Heavenlyflower

[Samantha2005]

"While checking our emails in the morning"

 

You mean she was dumb enough to send something personal to your SHARED email ?? Hmmm....

 

Well, another problem with cheaters, or drinkers, etc, they will lie about what they've done. You WILL not get the truth from them, so there's really no need in wasting your breath. Additionally, you will never secure a sincere commitment from them to stop.

 

My opinion.... you've got two alternatives.

 

1. Accept it and live with it.

 

2. Don't accept it and DON'T accept his word that he will quit !! Make your plans and leave once you have the situation worked out.

 

Needless to say, if you chose option two you dont want to discuss it with him because he will lie and tell you how he'll change and well, blah blah blah. Plenty of time for discussion (by email or cell phone) after you've carried through with your departure.

 

Those are the only two options I'm afraid. Good luck to you.

[Heavenlyflower9]

thanks Samantha!

 

I'm going to try to get through this. I can't forget about it though.

 

12 years is a long time to throw away, plus our children really

need me to be strong.

 

I'll keep you updated.

 

Again thanks!

 

Heavenlyflower

[jacquelyn]

Frankly, I think you shouldn't stay in the relationship for the sake of your children. They'll grow up and understand eventually. By the way, how old are they? But then again, if they're vulnerably young, then I guess it wouldn't be toooooo bad to stick around until they're older but just talk to him about it. And just live together but separated, you know what I mean? I knew people who did that. The husband and wife lived under the same roof, same room, and bed, but they both were able to date other people.

 

 

Why be faithful to him when he can't do the same for you especially since you forgave him the first time?

 

Why be with him if you're going to be miserable and not start a new life with someone else who can help father your children?

[Heavenlyflower9]

Hi Jacquelyn,

 

They are 6 and 1 1/2 years old. They mean the world to me.

 

I don't know about that still live together and date other people thing.

 

I've heard about other couples doing that also. But i just could'nt,

plus i don't think H would either.

 

We had a long talk yesterday..... and we decided that if things did'nt

change for the better then he would leave. So i guess we'll just

take it day by day.

 

The love is kinda still there, we just both have to really work at it.

Not only for the kids, but for us.

 

Thanks again! And i'll keep you updated!

 

Heavenylflower