Kkristine Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I was cheated on back in June by my boyfriend of 4 years. I've come such a long way since then, and around September is when I started "letting go." Someone new came into my life, but it didn't work out. I'm now longing for my cheating ex again, when a couple of weeks ago, he was out of my mind. I'm a teacher, so I don't know if its being off of work, the holidays, or a little bit of both. I'm just tired of feeling this way, and I feel like the only way to get over it is to, as they say, get under someone new. Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Six months really isn't that much time to fully feel over a relationship that lasted four years and ended with cheating. For an emotionally present person, four years is a pretty big chunk of time to invest in a relationship. Moving on from that can be challenging enough. Add in all of the emotions and barriers that come with recovering from being cheated on, and it's not surprising that you are still feeling a bit stuck on this dead relationship. It's quite possible that this new guy was a rebound, though not the most textbook example of one. It's pretty normal for the next romantic interest after the end of a long relationship to fail, especially if it comes relatively soon after. Good job trying to explore new options, but don't be afraid to take your time recovering from this. More love interests aren't necessarily the solution. Sometimes, it's just a matter of giving things enough time and staying active in building a new life that is free of the ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 It's a combination of all the factors you mentioned. I have been feeling the same after being cheated on, and then letting go, starting to date, only to fall down again when the dates led to nothing concrete. That's when I missed the familiarity of being with my ex. Suddenly, emotions that were fading away resurfaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Raina314 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 It can happen. Though my ex never cheated, I definitely sympathize with the feeling of falling back down hard when you meet someone new that doesn't lead you anywhere. People always say not to compare others with your ex, but it's human nature to do so because our brains/hearts are trying to gather information to determine who and what is best for us constantly. It's like anything else. If you have a favorite Mexican restaurant for example, you might be comparing all the new Mexican restaurants you try to your favorite one, even if it shuts down, and you might think of it, at least in passing, when you go somewhere else, until you find one that's genuinely better. Of course, in the case of the restaurant you hopefully didn't have a super-strong emotional attachment that would cause you to break down when you think about it not being there anymore. But relationships are inherently emotionally charged, and even though this guy cheated on you you were in fact, with him for four years so there must've been something that really worked well with him and that something is definitely hard to find with other people. It's natural to think of it when you try, and it's natural to hurt when said new people don't work out. I tried dating about 8 months after my breakup and it was a disaster that left me crying almost as much as I did at the beginning of the breakup. I felt a lot better once I just dropped it and decided that I'd wait until I met someone organically that genuinely interested me more than my lingering ex feelings did. Of course, that's not to say no one should ever go out and try to date after a relationship ends, but I definitely think that within the first year it can be really hard to find success that way, and it's easier and less anxiety-inducing to just chill by yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I have a few questions 1. Why didn't this new interest work out ? 2. Do you miss or still love your ex ? 3. How many times did your ex cheat on you ? 4. Did your ex contact you or you contact him ? I'd like to know more to get a clear idea Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kkristine Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I have a few questions 1. Why didn't this new interest work out ? I was the one who ended it. I wasn't feeling those feelings I should've been and I realized I was still too scared. 2. Do you miss or still love your ex ? It's a weird thing to describe. I think about our times together, but I feel like I was never even with him. I miss him in how he made me feel safe, secure, loved, etc. But, I don't love him anymore. 3. How many times did your ex cheat on you ? He cheated on me once, but something was in the works for a while. We broke up, and he is still with the same woman. 4. Did your ex contact you or you contact him ? We have not spoken since our confrontation about the cheating/break up in June. I'd like to know more to get a clear idea I wonder if I were to see him again if my feelings would come back. So, I don't really know why I long for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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