Does she care?

[Dookie_Dont]

The way it seems to me, my girlfriend has lost complete interest in me man! Its like were always arguing and when I try to be really sensual and express myself about how I feel about her, she either just acts like its no biggie, or just repeats what I says:

 

"your so beautiful, I love these shoulder"

 

^she'll repeat that I swear in a suiting way of her context. But I can't get anything out of her!

 

She won't tell me how she feels about me, she just uses the "love" word.

 

And when we get in arguements it majority of the time falls on me, and I'm like sitting here trying to explain to her that she dosen't care about me.

 

And then she goes ape sh*t with I don't want to lose you and crap like that.

 

So I mean to me it seems she dosen't care, she just dosen't want to admit it. And shes just scared to let me go. And me being the older of the 2 of us, I'm starting to think I gotta be more mature than this ****, shes 15 I'm 18.

 

Yee haw.

 

What do you all think, I don't think she could give 2 F**ks about me.

[Zaira]

Actions speak louder than words.

[Heavenlyflower9]

First of all, yall are still young. You have the rest of your lives ahead of yall. I made the same mistakes when i was younger.

I know how it feels to be in love and to only want and need that special someone with no care in the world.

 

Try talking to her again....but this time really talk. Give her a ultimatum. I know it'll be hard...hang in there.

If she really cares and loves you she'll be back.

 

Take it easy! There has to be an explaination. Good luck!

[Dookie_Dont]

I know!! I've even been so blunt to the point of breaking up with her. But it never seems to work. I just don't know what the crap I'm doing anymore.

 

Its like I really don't want to lose her, but all that runs through my head all the time is the she dosen't care about me, shes going to find somebody else, and I'm wasting my time.

 

So here I am, thinking all this, telling her my concerns and I just make things worse.

 

Its nearly hell.

[Heavenlyflower9]

Speaking from my experience....

My husband and I have been together since highschool.... yup about 12 years now. We've been through a whole lot of crap.

 

We could never really talk to one another. I think that's what is important! COMMUNICATION!

Ask her how she really feels about yalls relationship. Where does she see it going? What are her plans in life? Are you in the picture?

 

You're still young and i'm sure you'll be able to find another, if this does'nt work out.

 

Be strong! If she does'nt give in, then she does'nt care.

 

Take care! Good luck!

[Dookie_Dont]

But you gotta understand I have so many times I've tried this. And I get no response out of her. NONE!

 

She alwasy acts all depressed like, like your going to find somebody else and stuff like that to me. ANd I mean I just graduated high school, I was going to join the Marine Corps. but I cast that aside when I met her. I mean does that mean a damn thing? To her it dosen't.

 

She just dosen't see the relationship the way I do I guess.

[Heavenlyflower9]

Sorry!

 

Just let her go. You need to be happy!

[Marshbear]

You are probably being to serious for her and she is trying to dispel your emotions by saying and acting like she does. You are both young so take your time and don't rush the love thing. have fun with each other and don't be to clingy. Just enjoy each other and time will tell if you are a match or not.

[Dookie_Dont]

I'm pretty sure I want rid of her, but unfortunately its so damn hard. Especially considering I was her 1st. eh......and theres no easy way to go about it. Just seems everything is changing and I don't know what to do.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

I'm pretty sure I want rid of her, but unfortunately its so damn hard.

 

Hmmm.. is it possible that it isn't that you really feel so much that she doesn't care about you, or is it more that things are changing and this is your "out" so to speak on ending the relationship?

 

It seems that in some ways you don't want her to really care all that much as it would make it easier to end the relationship without so much guilt..

 

I could be wrong...

[Dookie_Dont]

Originally posted by Merin

Hmmm.. is it possible that it isn't that you really feel so much that she doesn't care about you, or is it more that things are changing and this is your "out" so to speak on ending the relationship?

 

It seems that in some ways you don't want her to really care all that much as it would make it easier to end the relationship without so much guilt..

 

I could be wrong...

 

You could be right but still I don't know what the hell I'm doing, seems its all in vain sometimes.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

You could be right but still I don't know what the hell I'm doing, seems its all in vain sometimes.

 

Well, for starters, there's this:

 

And when we get in arguements it majority of the time falls on me, and I'm like sitting here trying to explain to her that she dosen't care about me.

 

You can't tell someone how they feel. While you can explain to her that her actions make you feel as though she doesn't care, you have no way of knowing how she feels. Only she does. If she says she cares about you and doesn't want to lose you, you have to take her word on that. But if she refuses to make an effort to show you she cares, then you can choose to walk.

 

It's possible that your doubt about her feelings for you started out from something else, but now she won't share her feelings with you and you continue not to get anything out of her because you don't believe what she does tell you.

 

Don't argue with her about how she feels. There's no way to win that arguement. Believe her and let her know you do, then ask her to work with you to help you both feel loved.

[RecordProducer]

When I was a teenager I was with a guy who was soooo not right for me. I argued with him a lot although I loved him. But at the end I left him, cuz I grew up and realized that he was not for me. I stayed with this guy since age 16 to 21. he was 6 years older than me and wanted to marry me.

The two of you probably experience hostile feelings due to huge differences and gaps between you. You're both very young.

[stillgrowing]

Dude,

 

If you told her that you love her, then you've told her. But for some women, being told with words holds little to no significance, as (you'd have to admit) guys like a puppy learning new tricks, will say anything to get laid!

 

Okay, so she's 15... she's a kid! She hasn't learned to love and accept herself let alone another person at this time in her life. Could you be scaring her away? Trust me, whether this lipstick sporting teen admits it or not, she likely continues to own a favorite barbie doll! This is the time of her life where she doesn't quite look like a little girl, but doesn't understand much more than one would! At school, work, sporting events, etc. she feels pressured into looking and acting a certain way and strives to belong to a crowd of people offering false acceptance (as it is most certainly conditional). At home and among other adults, she might feel looked down on for her efforts to 'fit in' (as they know too well that the, yes, child, just needs the guidance and support she'll deny wanting). What she does want now, and for the rest of her life, is to be allowed to grow (not just 'grow up' to a certain age, by the way, all you've ever thought about being 'grown up = gauranteed freedoms is false) as a person and to discover new things about herself and the world around her without being judged because it's 'diffren't' or not 'what the popular kids are doing/did', but because she used to dream of doing those things as a little girl. (FYI for all you teens out there, 'popular' does NOT mean well liked, only well known, and thats almost never a good thing in highschool. You'll know what I mean in a few years)

 

Constantly accusing anyone in a relationship of not loving you enough will eventually back fire into a self fullfilling prophecy, makes you look insecure...

 

Bottom line, relationships come and go for a reason. To learn, and eventually gain all the REAL 'experience' to make THE relationship work, as well as teach you more about yourself. And I promise you, sex has very little to do with it!

 

When in doubt about a relationship, talking about issues can be a great start, but leave accusations and insecurites somewhere else. They make matters MUCH worse.

 

If for some reason your efforts to nurture the relationship continue to leave you feel empty, move on.

[Dookie_Dont]

I just read in one of her little live journals (which I hate with a passion) about how "my acting like this pushes her away" or some **** like that. And I'm like....

 

Eh it makes me somewhat upset, I mean, eh....its kind of like shes hinting to me that shes thinking about leaving and shes doing it through something people can read?

 

I mean how blunt can it be.

 

So everyone else can read it, try to hit on her, make things better for her? Its like asking for **** really am I right?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66163/

 

^also about the same girl, give it a read might give you an idea of the **** I've been through.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

I just read in one of her little live journals (which I hate with a passion) about how "my acting like this pushes her away" or some **** like that. And I'm like....

 

Eh it makes me somewhat upset, I mean, eh....its kind of like shes hinting to me that shes thinking about leaving and shes doing it through something people can read?

 

I mean how blunt can it be.

 

So everyone else can read it, try to hit on her, make things better for her? Its like asking for **** really am I right?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66163/

 

^also about the same girl, give it a read might give you an idea of the **** I've been through.

 

Well, after reading that, I see that you didn't mention a single thing about her not opening up to you then. It was all about how you thought she was trying to make you jealous and you not trusting her. Don't you think that maybe it's exactly as I said above: "It's possible that your doubt about her feelings for you started out from something else, but now she won't share her feelings with you and you continue not to get anything out of her because you don't believe what she does tell you." You started to doubt her because of some gossip from a guy who says he did her, and now she's stopped opening up to you because you don't believe her anyway. Why should she waste her breath?

 

Reading everything you say about her, it really sounds like you dislike her a lot. If that's the way you talk to her when you're in a arguement, I can understand why she'd stop wanting to talk to you. And yes, you are pushing her away. And maybe what she wrote in her journal isn't hinting to others that she wants to leave you, but hinting to you that she wants you to stop pushing her away. Why do you assume the worst from her?

 

Sounds like you're super insecure and you accuse her of being childish, when, surprise, she is still a child. And you're also being childish and very self-centered, so you're in no position to accuse. I don't think I've read a single statement of yours where you consider her feelings or trust her or don't think she has a dirty ulterior motive for something she's done. You also belittle her criticisms of you and only focus on your criticism of her, as if your complaints are the only ones that are justified. You are pushing her away.

 

Take what she does and says at face value, don't get mad at her because you read into something she does like posting in her LJ, trust her, stop accusing her, and consider her feelings. If you can't do that, then there's no point in continuing the relationship.

 

Really, you should have ended it the moment you found yourself more able to take some guy's word over hers about whether he'd slept with her. Whether she was lying or not, at that point, the trust was gone and, from what you've said, it's only gone downhill from there.

[my_manda]

MOVE ON! For now at least........

 

Good luck to you in the future. Please remember something, and yes this is only my opinion, but once you have given too much (you know you have given too much when you feel ill at ease all the time, you fret about them not calling you, where they are/what they are doing, etc) it is very had to go back. This girl is not a bad person it seems. She is telling you your behavior pushes you away in the only way she may know how. PLEASE DO NOT HEED THE ADVICE TELLING YOU TO FORCE HER TO COMMUNICATE! IT WILL BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU PUSHING HER AWAY FOR AWHILE AND PUSHING HER AWAY FOR GOOD! Leave her alone, let her miss you, I mean for awhile not just a few days. She does not know if she loves you because you are not giving her a chance to find out. Let her sort through her feelings, miss you and see how she feels then. With you giving yourself to her 100% you are just loving her, instead of giving her a chance to love in return. Back off and she will likely be back, if not, then backing off will be your first step to moving on.

 

I do not want you to hurt, and please do not be offended but think of this.......if her mom, sister, etc. all know you are calling like you are, you are not shining yourself in a good light to her family, and may be making yourself look overly aggressive. There is no parent who would take kindly to someone having this kind of behavior towards their child, and at fifteen she is still someone's baby girl. Just please think of this before you dial. I do not want to be mean, but maybe this will give you some ammo to not pick up the phone and let her fingers do the walking next time.

[Dookie_Dont]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

Well, after reading that, I see that you didn't mention a single thing about her not opening up to you then. It was all about how you thought she was trying to make you jealous and you not trusting her. Don't you think that maybe it's exactly as I said above: "It's possible that your doubt about her feelings for you started out from something else, but now she won't share her feelings with you and you continue not to get anything out of her because you don't believe what she does tell you." You started to doubt her because of some gossip from a guy who says he did her, and now she's stopped opening up to you because you don't believe her anyway. Why should she waste her breath?

 

Reading everything you say about her, it really sounds like you dislike her a lot. If that's the way you talk to her when you're in a arguement, I can understand why she'd stop wanting to talk to you. And yes, you are pushing her away. And maybe what she wrote in her journal isn't hinting to others that she wants to leave you, but hinting to you that she wants you to stop pushing her away. Why do you assume the worst from her?

 

Sounds like you're super insecure and you accuse her of being childish, when, surprise, she is still a child. And you're also being childish and very self-centered, so you're in no position to accuse. I don't think I've read a single statement of yours where you consider her feelings or trust her or don't think she has a dirty ulterior motive for something she's done. You also belittle her criticisms of you and only focus on your criticism of her, as if your complaints are the only ones that are justified. You are pushing her away.

 

Take what she does and says at face value, don't get mad at her because you read into something she does like posting in her LJ, trust her, stop accusing her, and consider her feelings. If you can't do that, then there's no point in continuing the relationship.

 

Really, you should have ended it the moment you found yourself more able to take some guy's word over hers about whether he'd slept with her. Whether she was lying or not, at that point, the trust was gone and, from what you've said, it's only gone downhill from there.

 

I love how you have a strong point or something, but the problem is here, Nobody has slept with her? Hello where are you reading this? I didn't write that anywhere in that forum. Maybe you misunderstood. What I said in that post was the she was always talking about other guys all the time, which is not exactly what I enjoy to hear about all the time. So if thats childish, excuse me.

 

And considering i'm coming to this forum board to get advice on whether she cares about me or not. It is your opinion, and yes your opinion is important especially considering how much you went on to declare that I am childish. Which is also fine, I asked for opinions and I got them. but as far as the situation goes, your not me, you don't know my personality, your not in my shoes when I'm with her.

 

As far as the LJ goes, I don't like them, I never did, but it wasn't something I would like to hear spread across the internet, she gets enough childish messages from others telling her I'm giong to cheat on her. So there is alot in the mix.

 

But as for today I had a good time with her, we played cards watched some tv, ate pizza and ice cream overall a good day.

 

But thank you for your opinion.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

I love how you have a strong point or something, .

 

Yes "or something". I love how you belittle my potential criticisms of you in the same way you belittle hers.

 

but the problem is here, Nobody has slept with her? Hello where are you reading this? I didn't write that anywhere in that forum. Maybe you misunderstood. What I said in that post was the she was always talking about other guys all the time, which is not exactly what I enjoy to hear about all the time. So if thats childish, excuse me.

 

Really, you didn't say anything about anyone else sleeping with her?

 

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

Ok check it out: she talked so happy about this one guy and just reassured me alot their just friends, and it turns out a guy I work with says they dated, when she says they never did, I was like "wow" and he wouldn't lie because he had no idea I was dating her untill today, and he mentioned it to me.

 

It was a whole bunch of crazy, she lied man, and I hate liars.

 

So should I bring it up to her, I don't think I will, and also he told me she wasn't a virgin when she says she was. So um..... wa la?

 

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

Well she denied everything that the guy said, and said it was a different girl with the same name as hers, who almost looks the same, long brown hair, etc. things like that. So I mean that was the excuse she put out. But how likely is that, also considering he was talking about how the guy did go to her school before he graduated, and he also talked about my girlfriend like he knew she was young.

 

I'll just have to ask him if hes sure its the same person. Shew now thats a big boat load of sketchy, I was so mad a work yesterday. I was so determined to come home and break it off with her, but my day got better because I got a raise, so I wasn't as mad.

 

But she says it isn't true, shew sketchy.

 

Didn't you write those statements? Or did someone hack your account to get them there??? You said the guy told you she wasn't a virgin when she says she is, and you seemed to believe that guy more than you believed her. You even called her a liar. I was under the impression that he said he'd slept with her, because otherwise he wouldn't know. He'd only be repeating rumors if he hadn't done so himself, and I can't believe that anyone would place more value on a rumor that some guy spread than on what their SO told them.

 

And considering i'm coming to this forum board to get advice on whether she cares about me or not. It is your opinion, and yes your opinion is important especially considering how much you went on to declare that I am childish. Which is also fine, I asked for opinions and I got them. but as far as the situation goes, your not me, you don't know my personality, your not in my shoes when I'm with her.

 

I declared you childish because you were giving her that label while declaring yourself the "mature one" when it appears that if she deserves to be called childish, so do you. The main difference is that she's supposed to be someone you care about, and you're demeaning her like that. I don't know you or anything about you other than what you've stated about yourself. I'd like you to be happy, but I have no personal investment in it like you should with your girlfriend. So if you feel insulted that I called you childish, think about how your girlfriend would feel having someone who's supposed to care about her do the same thing.

 

Yes, you're right it is my opinion, my opinion based on your own words. Much of it also seems to be your girlfriend's opinion and you seem to be dismissing her concerns just as you're doing mine. Case in point:

 

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

But from what she says here is what the problem is:

1. I don't trust her

2. I drink

3. I don't listen

Wow.

And I was like, I'm not going to kill myself over this crap.

 

You stated that she says she has a problem, but then talked about how little you were really willing to commit to try to change your behavior to work with her. At the same time, you were complaining about simple things like her wearing tight jeans and tank tops, expecting her change for you. That's selfish. I think her points that you don't trust her and that you don't listen are exactly what's driving her away, which is what I said before I even read your other thread. She told you this already, but you didn't listen.

 

As far as the LJ goes, I don't like them, I never did, but it wasn't something I would like to hear spread across the internet, she gets enough childish messages from others telling her I'm giong to cheat on her. So there is alot in the mix.

 

And it's all about you and how you don't like LJ or the possibility of other people knowing what's going on. Yes, that could be a problem, but maybe you should focus on the bigger problem of how she must be feeling to be writing that on there. You're on the internet airing out your problems too, and if someone knows either of you, they could potentially figure out who you are. Do you think she'd be right to get angry at you just because she doesn't like LoveShack or relationship forums? A loving and mature person wouldn't get angry because their partner posted that, they'd mostly be saddened and attempt to remedy the situation and make their partner feel better.

But as for today I had a good time with her, we played cards watched some tv, ate pizza and ice cream overall a good day.

That sounds like a nice day. Sadly, it doesn't mean your problems are fixed though. Your complaint was that she wasn't opening up to you, not that you weren't having fun together. Ignoring something never makes it go away. You have to talk about it eventually. And by talk, I mean a civil discussion where nobody calls anybody else names or accuses anyone, not an arguement.

But thank you for your opinion.

You're welcome. And if you're not going to listen to me, please at least listen to your girlfriend.

 

Hope you work it out.

[crazy_grl]

Just wanted to add, Dookie_Dont, that I'm not trying to attack you. I do think you're well intentioned, but I just don't think that you're seeing what you might be doing wrong. I think you're spending too much time getting angry about the things you think she's doing, but not listening to her complaints. And you're making your relationship adversarial.

 

Most people who come here seeking advice at least sympathize with their partners. I didn't see one bit of sympathy from you.

[Dookie_Dont]

I read some of that, but the one thing i for sure read was the sleeping part.

 

My friend Jeremy told me that, she didn't. He was asking "are you sure she was a virgin" I said yes, and then he went on to say that for some reason he didn't remember her being one when he was hanging around with his friend who was at the time, 'talking' to his friend.

 

So pretty much, I was bothered by the fact that she had recently went on about how important her virginity was. Even to a point of saying she hated the fact I'm not a virgin when we actually did it, criticized my previous relationship, and made a big deal of it all.

 

Turns out he was wrong though, and no I didn't attack my g/f I didn't call her a liar, I told her what happened and she understood. I do care about her sympathetically, I just hate the fact of being lied to considering its all I've had in previous relationships.

 

I'm not angry, I just wanted to see if anybody else thought that maybe just maybe she dosen't care about me. Well apparently I don't care about her? No i was fine with the tank tops, I was fine with the tight jeans. What I wasn't fine about is all the times she was bringing up guys, all the time, and how much she enjoyed their time. I became more worried about these types of clothing when she went into full detail one evening how exposed she was. yea ok...... if thats not a blunt attempt to get me jealous, then I don't know what is.

 

But thanks for your opinion.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

I read some of that

 

LOL. You're unbelievable.

 

Well, you don't seem to be here looking for advice, but for people to feed your ego and tell you how right you are and how unbelievable, childish, and unworthy your gf is.

 

Okay. So your relationship is perfect except for your girlfriend who lies, tries to make you jealous, won't open up to you, posts online about your relationship solely in an effort to pick up guys and piss you off, and is making you argue all the time. You should dump her because she's so unworthy of your overly-mature self. There's nothing you could possibly be doing to encourage it.

 

She's just a worthless girlfriend like all your other lying girlfriends. She's no different than any of them, and you should treat her just like she's one of your lying exes. Only take her word when it can be corroborated by one of your friends. And until you can get her story backed-up, go online and badmouth her to strangers.

 

You should dump her childish a$$ now. Or better yet, stay in it and let her keep making you miserable so that you can keep declaring yourself the mature one.

[Dookie_Dont]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

LOL. You're unbelievable.

 

Well, you don't seem to be here looking for advice, but for people to feed your ego and tell you how right you are and how unbelievable, childish, and unworthy your gf is.

 

Okay. So your relationship is perfect except for your girlfriend who lies, tries to make you jealous, won't open up to you, posts online about your relationship solely in an effort to pick up guys and piss you off, and is making you argue all the time. You should dump her because she's so unworthy of your overly-mature self. There's nothing you could possibly be doing to encourage it.

 

She's just a worthless girlfriend like all your other lying girlfriends. She's no different than any of them, and you should treat her just like she's one of your lying exes. Only take her word when it can be corroborated by one of your friends. And until you can get her story backed-up, go online and badmouth her to strangers.

 

You should dump her childish a$$ now. Or better yet, stay in it and let her keep making you miserable so that you can keep declaring yourself the mature one.

 

Well actually I read all of it.