Can't forget that one girl

[wislo]

I've known this girl (we'll call her Lisa for explanation purposes) for 6 years now. We went to the same high school. At first she was the one after me but she had a lot of work to do on her personality (she was young), so I didn't want her in my life. I got my first official girlfriend when I was 16. After we broke up, I realized that Lisa was finally maturing and went on a date. We didn't go further than that. I can't recall what happened but I think I pushed her away. She then got a boyfriend. They broke up and we went on 2-3 dates. We also had sex for the first time on one of those dates. She then told me she didn't want to continue seeing me as she wanted to concentrate on studies and didn't want anything interfering with it. I then got a new girlfriend. A horrible one. Towards the end of our relationship, Lisa and I exchanged a few messages where she was telling me she made a mistake by pushing me away and I told her that I couldn't forget her. I broke up with my girlfriend at the time, thinking that I would have Lisa. But I was so hurt by that breakup that I wasn't even interested in any women. I just wanted to be alone. A few months later she invited me to her birthday at this club. I realized how shy I am around her because she is so beautiful. She is the only girl I feel this way around. We talked maybe 10 minutes and just partied our separate ways. The next day I asked her if she would want to go on a date and her response was not what I was expecting. She told me I pushed her aside for months and was expecting she would still be there. I told her that I didn't want to date her while I was heartbroken. She told me she had a sex partner. Basically the same story happening all over again where the timing was just not right. I then forgot about her and found a new girlfriend. She is amazing. She's my best friend and partner. The only worry is that physically, she's not usually my type. I'm sure I can get used to it but from past experiences with my ex, I know that one day I might just look at her differently and no longer be attracted. Lisa is perfect to my eyes, but I know she's more of a princess. I can't forget her because we never finished what we started. I feel like the mystery isn't solved. I feel like I need to go back and try again to be over with it. In 6 years the timing was always wrong and it bothers me.

 

I don't know what to do because my heart tells me I still have feelings for that girl. I just can't seem to forget her. I even think about her when having sex with my girlfriend. I feel horrible.

 

I love my current girlfriend. I really do. I just always have something in the back of my mind telling me she isn't the one.

 

Any suggestions on how I should deal with this? Should I talk to Lisa? Should I talk to my girlfriend about it? I either lose my girlfriend forever to try again or keep this thought in the back of my mind my entire life.

[umirano]

You're not over your ex and your dating someone else. You'll eventually lose both if you continue this way.

[jamili]

I think the guy above me is correct - You aren't over your ex. If you break up with this girl over it, you might be making a stupid choice that you will regret later whenever you do get over your ex. However, it seems like this isn't fair to either person right now, so to avoid destroying hearts I think the responsible thing to do is break it off with this current girl, be alone for a while and work on moving on past this previous ex. You must determine within yourself if you truly think this new girl is going to satisfy your needs or not, because right now it seems like you believe she won't be able to... and that is a problem.

[wislo]

I think the guy above me is correct - You aren't over your ex. If you break up with this girl over it, you might be making a stupid choice that you will regret later whenever you do get over your ex. However, it seems like this isn't fair to either person right now, so to avoid destroying hearts I think the responsible thing to do is break it off with this current girl, be alone for a while and work on moving on past this previous ex. You must determine within yourself if you truly think this new girl is going to satisfy your needs or not, because right now it seems like you believe she won't be able to... and that is a problem.

 

Thank you for the replies. I wouldn't consider her an ex, it feels more like a date that went super good but didn't go any further. All I hear in my head is "what if." I already love absolutely everything about her physical appearance. What if her personality has become to my liking? I know she would fulfill me physically, while my current girl doesn't, and I don't know how she thinks, while I love how my current girl thinks. The body of my girlfriend is very important to me. I don't perform too well in bed if I am not physically attracted. I also know she has an eye on me and would probably give this another, new, more mature chance.

[LargoLagg]

Your "perfect" girl Lisa seems to have the one quality that almost all "perfect" girls have. She's a real pain in the *ss with all her quirky rules. I never did read about the time you guys went out and it was so nice, and natural and easy. Like you've known her all your life. No, you never said that.

 

So go find yourself a hot looking girlfriend that you actually like just as much as the girl you're with now. It will take some time, but you can find her, and it will be a lot of fun looking for her. That's all you need to do.