crisspy Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Straight to the point, I came back 2 days earlier from my short holidays and when I entered the house I saw it, saw my husband having sex with her, in my house, in MY bed!!! It happened few days ago, now I'm looking for the answers. I know they have been meeting for at least two years... he moved out and I'm all alone in our big house, also 22 weeks pregnant... I am so hurt, so disgusted. The man I loved did something like this and I had no idea what he's doing behind my back... why??? I thought we are made for each other, we barely argued... in June it will be our 2 wedding anniversary, I still love him but hate him at the same damn time! We were happy and we really were a good couple, I love him so much, he was my first love. Did he pretend to love me for all those years? He was probably cheating on me long before our marriage, what do I do now? I can't even look at him, I am not sure if I will ever be able to forgive him. I can't remember when he last told me that he loves me. Was I blind? I really don't know what to do now Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 This is not your fault. Go talk to an attorney now, put yourself first and take care of yourself. What he did to you was awful. He stole your time and your love and you'll never get that back. Take what you can and start your life over. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I'm sorry. Hire an attorney and move forward to make the best life you can, for you and your child. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 This is not your fault. Go talk to an attorney now, put yourself first and take care of yourself. What he did to you was awful. He stole your time and your love and you'll never get that back. Take what you can and start your life over. This is what every smart woman would do right...? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 The fact that he moves out instead of staying with you and working it out, shows to me that he's done with his marriage. Unfortunately I think its time to lawyer up. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I do not think this is salvageable. This is not a drunken ONS or a "fling" after decades in a sexless marriage, or even "I am not getting enough sex/attention now you are pregnant", this was "at least" 2 years of seeing another women behind your back and even sleeping with her in YOUR bed. This was no mistake this was deliberate disrespect. YES, you can decide to put this behind you and live for years in misery wondering if he is cheating again or waiting for him to leave you. Too many come on this forum saying "He cheated I forgave him as he was sooo sorry and I looove him" to find 2-3 kids later and he is cheating on her again, if he ever really stopped. Did you kick him out or has he left to be with her? Either way you can do better than a man like this. Attorney ASAP. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Call your mother and let her know or any other close relative. You are pregnant and need support. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Call your mother and let her know or any other close relative. You are pregnant and need support. I've got only my dad and step sisters (the eldest is 18), I don't really want to involve them. The first thing I've done was going to my dad's house... I know he went to find him just to mess his face up, I didn't want him to do it because I don't like violence but I just could not stop him. I know he said to him to stay away from me and our family... I am his first born and he always tried to protect me. He could not believe that my husband did what he did, he said he trusted him and he would never expect that. He basically hates him right now and calls him a piece of sh*t, he will never forgive him and that worries me because he is the father of my child. I've got support from my friends and everyone are shocked, they just want me to move on... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 I do not think this is salvageable. This is not a drunken ONS or a "fling" after decades in a sexless marriage, or even "I am not getting enough sex/attention now you are pregnant", this was "at least" 2 years of seeing another women behind your back and even sleeping with her in YOUR bed. This was no mistake this was deliberate disrespect. YES, you can decide to put this behind you and live for years in misery wondering if he is cheating again or waiting for him to leave you. Too many come on this forum saying "He cheated I forgave him as he was sooo sorry and I looove him" to find 2-3 kids later and he is cheating on her again, if he ever really stopped. Did you kick him out or has he left to be with her? Either way you can do better than a man like this. Attorney ASAP. Unfortunately I know that, I personally know one person who gave her husband the second chance and after 5 years she found out that apparently he was cheating again. I know what I have to do, but it's hard, I need time to digest it. My life just changed in one second... that girl, she's totally opposite of me, light skin, blonde hair... he always liked dark skin women with black hair, she's very pretty and curvy, I'm skinny with no butt and boobs... I can't stop comparing myself to her. She was probably better in bed than me and gave him what I wasn't able to... But he said it wasn't just about sex. He said he wants to be with her, but still cares of me and he will support me financially and give anything I need. He apologized, she did too. And she tried to contact me to give me an explanation... She looks like a really nice girl, though. She said she loves him like no one before.... Why did it happened to me? Why.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 And do you know guys what I can't stop thinking about? If I haven't caught him that day, he would still doing that without telling mem keep me in the dark for I don't know how many more years.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Sorry for the grammar mistakes guys... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 She looks like a really nice girl, though. She said she loves him like no one before.... Why did it happened to me? Why.... Not so nice if she was having sex with YOUR husband in YOUR marital bed, was she? She was also prepared to cheat with him whilst you were carrying his child... It takes a special kind of person to do that to a pregnant woman. Make sure you are well lawyered up and you get all you deserve, I think they owe you that at least. Hugs. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 And do you know guys what I can't stop thinking about? If I haven't caught him that day, he would still doing that without telling mem keep me in the dark for I don't know how many more years.... As hard as it is it, it's better to know this sooner than later. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 You need to check out the "Chumplady" website. This is beyond repair. He is not remorseful. He doesn't want to work to save the marriage. He isn't going to stop seeing her. There is nothing for you to do here but get a good divorce attorney and try to get the best settlement and the best child support that you can and move on with your own life. He may smile warmly and be charming around your friends and family, but have faith that he is a bad person and that you will not be able to have a happy and healthy life with him. ...so don't waste your time, energy and money into trying. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 It takes a special kind of evil person to cheat on his wife while she's pregnant. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. BaileyB is right; it is better that you found out now. You will need to be tested for STIs if you haven't already. Find a great lawyer and go for the jugular. Be just as vicious as your husband is. Refuse to speak to him except through your legal counsel. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 additionally, many BS's spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out all the 'whys' and 'hows' and then ask a couple dozen people what they think and what they think they should do etc etc And they take a lot of time and effort in an attempt to be 100% convinced that divorce and moving is the "right" course of action before they take any action to leave the toxic situation. But the reality is you will realize that leaving and moving on with your own life was the 100% correct thing to do AFTER you have done it. In a period of time whether it be a matter a matter of months or a year or so, you will have no doubt that it was the right course of action. That is why I say have faith that he is a crud. Have faith this is irreconcilable. Have faith you already know all you need to know (you know he's been involved with someone behind your back, banged her in your bed over the holidays, has no remorse, hasn't tried to save the marriage, has moved out to be with her etc) What more info would you need????? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 additionally, many BS's spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out all the 'whys' and 'hows' and then ask a couple dozen people what they think and what they think they should do etc etc And they take a lot of time and effort in an attempt to be 100% convinced that divorce and moving is the "right" course of action before they take any action to leave the toxic situation. But the reality is you will realize that leaving and moving on with your own life was the 100% correct thing to do AFTER you have done it. In a period of time whether it be a matter a matter of months or a year or so, you will have no doubt that it was the right course of action. That is why I say have faith that he is a crud. Have faith this is irreconcilable. Have faith you already know all you need to know (you know he's been involved with someone behind your back, banged her in your bed over the holidays, has no remorse, hasn't tried to save the marriage, has moved out to be with her etc) What more info would you need????? I understand. It's just my feelings, I loved this guy with my whole heart, I felt so lucky to have him... It hurts a lot :( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I understand. It's just my feelings, I loved this guy with my whole heart, I felt so lucky to have him... It hurts a lot :( (((HUGS))) You loved the person you thought he was. Unfortunately, that was just a facade he put up. It will take your heart a while to catch up to what your brain already realizes--i.e. he's a slime bag who cheated on his pregnant wife for two years. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 (((HUGS))) You loved the person you thought he was. And this hurts the most.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I understand. It's just my feelings, I loved this guy with my whole heart, I felt so lucky to have him... It hurts a lot :( No he was lucky to have you. You got a rotten deal when you got him. He's trash. Of all the places he could have taken his ho hum to have sex he chose the home where his wife and kids live to do it. This man does not love or respect you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Oh honey, I'm so sorry I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. You are lucky though, to have found this sooner rather than later. Sending positive thoughts into the universe for you <3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 You're in shock at the moment. It's truly awful. I know what it's like to be completely blindsided by the man you thought you loved. He's not who you believed him to be. This isn't about 'true luv' or her appearance or what she does in bed. It's all about him & his lack of moral character. He hid his true self from you. You are completely innocent in this situation. PLEASE don't beat yourself-up. PLEASE!! You're a mother. That's fantastic! Give all of your love, compassion & care to YOU & your baby. A man of any moral fiber wouldn't even consider cheating on the mother of his unborn child & exposing her to possible STI's! It's disgusting!! A trash woman who would do that does not compare to you in the slightest!! The first legal consultation is often free. Take action. Knowing your options & where you will stand financially will give you some peace of mind. Take care of yourself & your baby. I know that it's hard to sleep, eat, even function under the shock & stress. See your doctor. Explain the situation. He/she will be able to help you if needed. Force yourself to eat & drink plenty of water. Do you journal? Do you have any hobbies, arts & crafts? Having an outlet for your emotions & staying busy can be a tremendous help. I'm so so very sorry that this has happened to you. Please stay strong & lean on your friends & family. These horrendous feelings will pass. One day you will look back & realize that you needed to know. Kicking him out of your life will open so many new opportunities. It doesn't seem like it now but learning the truth is a gift. Eventually your instincts would have told you that he wasn't right & It's terrible to have doubts & be searching for evidence. I wish you & your baby all the best. You have your whole life ahead of you now. Try to focus on what's important & it's not a lying, cheating scumbag like your soon to be ex husband! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 You're in shock at the moment. It's truly awful. I know what it's like to be completely blindsided by the man you thought you loved. He's not who you believed him to be. This isn't about 'true luv' or her appearance or what she does in bed. It's all about him & his lack of moral character. He hid his true self from you. You are completely innocent in this situation. PLEASE don't beat yourself-up. PLEASE!! You're a mother. That's fantastic! Give all of your love, compassion & care to YOU & your baby. A man of any moral fiber wouldn't even consider cheating on the mother of his unborn child & exposing her to possible STI's! It's disgusting!! A trash woman who would do that does not compare to you in the slightest!! The first legal consultation is often free. Take action. Knowing your options & where you will stand financially will give you some peace of mind. Take care of yourself & your baby. I know that it's hard to sleep, eat, even function under the shock & stress. See your doctor. Explain the situation. He/she will be able to help you if needed. Force yourself to eat & drink plenty of water. Do you journal? Do you have any hobbies, arts & crafts? Having an outlet for your emotions & staying busy can be a tremendous help. I'm so so very sorry that this has happened to you. Please stay strong & lean on your friends & family. These horrendous feelings will pass. One day you will look back & realize that you needed to know. Kicking him out of your life will open so many new opportunities. It doesn't seem like it now but learning the truth is a gift. Eventually your instincts would have told you that he wasn't right & It's terrible to have doubts & be searching for evidence. I wish you & your baby all the best. You have your whole life ahead of you now. Try to focus on what's important & it's not a lying, cheating scumbag like your soon to be ex husband! Thank you for kind words Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Everyone is telling the op to leave and those are just opinions I would like to know what the op actually wants to do Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Everyone is telling the op to leave and those are just opinions I would like to know what the op actually wants to do Well, this is a hard one, but my husband didn't show any interest to work on our marriage, he doesn't want me anymore... I miss him, but I know it's over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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