Amazin Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I don't have any females in my life I can truly call friends and I'm being brutal honest. what are the benefits of having platonic female friends for a healthy straight man like me? Most of my friends are men but I recently made female friends and I really enjoy their company. I would like more but I'm aware of the potential dramas that might come with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 The point of people who are just friends is that hopefully you are able to appreciate other qualities in a person and like them as a person instead of just sexualizing them. I realize some men just don't seek any type of very deep friendship connection even with men, so I guess they just don't need a friend. When I meet someone who can't be friends with any women they're not sexually attracted to, it always makes me assume that they also are not really friends with their partner and she isn't appreciated for anything but sex. It's not normal to only like someone for sex. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I think it's good to have a mix of male and female friends. I don't think you should think of having female friends as leading to drama. It should be judged on personality and common interests. It's good for character development to mix with both sexes. Plus you can ask them for advice about the opposite sex and dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 The benefit would be enjoying their company. To avoid drama, just don't get too close. Treat them in the same way as you would your mates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) While I am not perfect, Ive lived a normal and healthy male life....And for the most part, its been good...I have a good selection of male friends, and the key with my male friends is that aside from basic common interests, we all have things we can do for another if the need arises...I need a backhoe? No problem.. Want to talk about investments or my taxes? No problem,..etc... Ive had normal and relatively active life with the opposite sex, yet can't say I ever had a woman that I considered a "friend"..Most of what I am into would bore most women to tears and vice/versa..Of the few times I have tried it, all it did was turn into a one sided situation where they always needed me for something(move or fix something, lend money, threaten a guy that she was having a problem with, etc), and I never could get anything in return..If I want a female perspective or something, I have plenty of female family members to look to for that. or Ill pay a female therapist.. No thanks... Really don't know too many guys either that have female friends, if they do, they are just playing along until the potential comes that they may get laid.....Id never hang around like some puppy dog hoping something falls off the table...That's just ridiculous, IMO. Id still be open to it I suppose, just never worked for me..*shrug*...If I was a guy. Id be somewhat leery...Not all. but its been my experience that women just love the idea of a bunch of male orbiters to stroke their ego...If that suits you, then fine, but id consider that hideously lame.. TFY Edited January 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 what are the benefits of having platonic female friends for a healthy straight man like me? Well, what are the benefits of having male friends for a healthy straight male like yourself? If you can answer that then I can tell you the benefits of having female friends. According to the Mayo clinic: Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose Boost your happiness and reduce your stress Improve your self-confidence and self-worth Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise Friends also play a significant role in promoting your overall health. Adults with strong social support have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). Studies have even found that older adults with a rich social life are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections. None of that is gender specific. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 OP, what's the point of having male friends (I'm assuming those are platonic, too)? When you take sex and romantic attraction out of the picture, there is no difference. A friend brings something intangible to your life that you enjoy and value, and may be there for you when you need help or support. Different people bring different things to friendship: perspectives, interests, personalities, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) I don't have any females in my life I can truly call friends and I'm being brutal honest. what are the benefits of having platonic female friends for a healthy straight man like me? Most of my friends are men but I recently made female friends and I really enjoy their company. I would like more but I'm aware of the potential dramas that might come with it. The benefits are the same as with male friends, plus enjoying the alternate perspective and female energy. But, heterosexual, opposite-sex friends is often a difficult relationship to manage. Most of the time at least one of the individuals is oblivious to their actual motivation as we're biologically predisposed to relate in an entirely different way than same sex friends. Boundaries have to be firm, and a certain distance has to be maintained. They often progress to non-platonic or have to end because they weren't actually platonic to begin with. I think it's interesting how people transmute the term friend to obfuscate the intricacies of such relationships when boundaries are being crossed, or one or both are in primary relationships with others. These friendships are often nothing more or less than secondary mating strategies where the term friend is conveniently ambiguous to support plausible deniability. Edited January 3, 2017 by salparadise 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 There is a big difference between being friendly with women and being friends with women. The latter will get you nowhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I have a good selection of male friends, and the key with my male friends is that aside from basic common interests, we all have things we can do for another if the need arises...I need a backhoe? No problem.. Want to talk about investments or my taxes? No problem,..etc...Of the few times I have tried it, all it did was turn into a one sided situation where they always needed me for something(move or fix something, lend money, threaten a guy that she was having a problem with, etc), and I never could get anything in return.This was my experience for a good portion of my life until I learned to screen potential female friends better. I've met plenty of women who wanted to be friends so they could benefit from my friendship and offer nothing in return. Those women are no longer my friends. I now have a smaller circle of female friends who bring positive things to my life, just like my male friends. These women tend to be the progressive type though, so I imagine its less common with the older / more traditional women you would have interacted with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 This was my experience for a good portion of my life until I learned to screen potential female friends better. I've met plenty of women who wanted to be friends so they could benefit from my friendship and offer nothing in return. Those women are no longer my friends. i'm glad someone's got some balls around here 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I don't have any females in my life I can truly call friends and I'm being brutal honest. what are the benefits of having platonic female friends for a healthy straight man like me? Most of my friends are men but I recently made female friends and I really enjoy their company. There's your benefit. You enjoy their company. Sometimes that's all a friendship is. When you look for something beyond that, it can get into the realms of perceiving friendship in a very utilitarian sort of a way. "What can this person do for me?" If you like a person, have a reasonable amount of trust in them and enjoy spending time with them then that's a pretty decent combination of ingredients for a good, social friendship. Deeper friendships of that "burying the body together" variety tend to be a bit more intense and familial in their quality. They tend to require a lot of emotional investment, and I think it's probably wise for most guys not to invest to that extent in an opposite sex friendship unless it's one that has strong potential to turn into an intimate, romantic relationship. Unless they're the kind of men who naturally gravitate towards the kind of "lots of sharing and analysing of thoughts and feelings" chats that women like. I think a lot of men either aren't comfortable with those conversations at all, or will only have them with wives/close female relatives/long term romantic partners. I have a few male friends who I would definitely class as friends, but I only have the kind of in depth chats (similar to the ones I would have with women friends - or, now and again, with my brother) with men who are either gay or who I feel pretty certain have no romantic interest in me. I wonder if it's easier for people who have an opposite sex sibling to handle opposite sex friendships? Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Read the infidelity forum before going this path. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) This was my experience for a good portion of my life until I learned to screen potential female friends better. I've met plenty of women who wanted to be friends so they could benefit from my friendship and offer nothing in return. Those women are no longer my friends. I now have a smaller circle of female friends who bring positive things to my life, just like my male friends. These women tend to be the progressive type though, so I imagine its less common with the older / more traditional women you would have interacted with. Please tell me what a typical outing would be like with you and your female friends and what would you do/talk about?? Not trying to be snide, I really want to know.. I'm curious, because I think being older really has nothing to do with it.... I know a lot of progressive type women....While many of them are great, they couldn't really offer much in the context of a "friend" type of relationship as I have maintained with male friends..Like previously stated, I don't ever really need a shoulder to cry on, nor do I need a specific female perspective....If I did, then I could get it from other sources.. I guess if I wanted a drinking buddy or someone to get stoned with, then it would be great, but I don't do either.. Just trying to understand where there is some great common ground like male/male female/female friendships have....Im not really seeing it, quite frankly.. I dunno...Like I said, id be open to it....but its just been a one way street in the past, and at this age, a cute smile or playful flirting wont cut it....It has to be a two way street,, TFY Edited January 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Please tell me what a typical outing would be like with you and your female friends and what would you do/talk about?? Not trying to be snide, I really want to know.There's one friend I go drinking and dancing with several times a year. It used to be more frequent, but she lives out of state now. There another woman I work out with and we sometimes have a bite to eat afterwards. I'm friends with a few gamer girls, so we have that shared hobby. There's also all of the normal things: Movies, drinks, meals, etc. As for conversation, we have enough shared topics to keep us busy. I discuss classical antiquity with one of them and cooking with another.Just trying to understand where there is some great common ground like male/male female/female friendships have....Im not really seeing it, quite frankly.What are your topics of interest? I've met a diverse group of women who have plenty of interest in typically male hobbies and interests. Video games are the most common. There's a woman I go paintballing with now and then.I dunno...Like I said, id be open to it....but its just been a one way street in the past, and at this age, a cute smile or playful flirting wont cut it....It has to be a two way street,,This is where I feel the progressive mindset comes into play. The women within my inner circle believe in actually doing things for their friends. For example, one of them recently called me and offered to help me if my knee was acting up (which happens when the temperature shifts drastically). I didn't need the help, but it's good knowing its there. I trade favors with my female friends the same way I trade with my male friends. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) What are your topics of interest? . Thanks for the reply... The type of stuff I am into are construction, business, equities/investing/finance, drag racing and other car stuff, welding/fabrication, inventing..fitness/powerlifting, conservation and nature..etc.. Y'know....just what all women go wild about... I dunno...I get where you are coming from..I mean, I can speak of many diverse topics and i've even had some great back and forth with some awesome female posters on here,, but Id think we would run out of things to do or talk about pretty quickly, in the context of a "friend" type of relationship..And because I don't drink or do drugs, that's another thing..I know a guy that has a woman friend he gets high with....but they are only friends..*shrug*... I'm still open minded...but no more one way deals for me....I don't need any friends that just need to keep me around because they are afraid their water heater may take a shyt and they want someone to call to help... TFY Edited January 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 You know what I never hear. I don't hear my attached male friends. Fretting over not having a woman friend. Not that your whinng. Its just that for the most part. Male/Female friends are mostly by default. I am single. Once I woman becomes my GF or even Wife. I doubt that I will go seeking out a woman friend to hang with. I have 6 already. 3 are married, 1 is in Common Law the other 2 are single. I want all 6 of them to remain friends. Any other new woman I meet is going to be a dating proscpect if the cards permit/GF/Fiance/Wife. Thats it. If she wants to be a new friend she will have to state it from the get go. I really don't need another real life female friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 The point is if you cannot find a date some female attention is better than none at all. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 The point is if you cannot find a date some female attention is better than none at all. That's kinda like saying if you can't afford to eat at the fancy steakhouse, you might as well just pace back and forth past it and smell the steaks that the people inside are enjoying... Nope....not for me, anyway.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Ha, they buy me some pretty cool stuff and the hugs are great. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Straight, taken guy here. I have lots of women friends. They're just that - friends. I have them as friends because I enjoy their company - as friends. Some are married. Some are dating. Some are single. The fact that I am a guy and they're women makes no difference. In some ways, I find them to be better friends than my male friends. They put more effort into the friendship. The key to having female friends as a guy to is to immediately put them in the friendzone and treat them only as friends. Most women, once they've formed a good friendship bond with a guy, are very good about tending to the friendship boundaries. It is usually we men that screw that up. LOL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amazin Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 I feel this thread is going off the rail a bit. The purpose is to find out what are the actual benefits of having platonic female friends in terms of helping your dating life When I meet someone who can't be friends with any women they're not sexually attracted to, it always makes me assume that they also are not really friends with their partner and she isn't appreciated for anything but sex. It's not normal to only like someone for sex. that's the problem right there, the male ego doesn't think being in the friend zone is a cool thing and it want more. I find myself tend to fall into that category where my intention is not pure. I always kinda hoping it will escalate into something bit more. I think it boils down to this: you need to have the emotional discipline to build up a network of female friendships. Boundries need to be set. I have to admit, its very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Oh! Well if you can curb your instinct to bang your female friends, here is why they can be great for your dating life. 1. Referrals: female friends love to make referrals/play cupid. A referral from a female friend can be huge in terms of securing dates with women you don't even know about. 2. Counsel: Holysmokes, as a dude nothing beats a good female friend to counsel you on some dating or relationship matter. Nothing. 3. Tips: Whether it be your OLD profile, text game or date tips, female friends rock at helping you be more successful dating. Link to post Share on other sites
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