bs3003 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 For those of you who read it all, thanks so much! A few weeks ago my husband was texting a coworker and her husband yelling at him to stop texting her. This ended turning into an argument because I said that I can see how some people don't like their spouses talking to people of the opposite sex, and he said I was taking the other guy's side. Personally, I didn't mind because I trusted him whole-heartedly and had no reason not to. He has a history of depression and anxiety after multiple deaths in the family (most recently 4 months ago), and it kills me to even think about divorce at this moment but I feel so sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed, like I can’t trust him, like I am not good enough a partner. The last few days, we have been off from work for the weekend. He has decided to drink heavily and drive. I have asked him in the past to please not drive, but he insists that nothing will ever happen. I am anxious as it is, and when he gets in this binge drinking state I cant help but to worry. Today is day 3 of the binge drinking. He came home around noon blasted out of his mind, so I hid his keys so at least he wouldn’t drive and possibly kill someone or himself. He fell asleep, I threw out all the alcohol in the houseand I never, ever snoop but something told me to look at his cell phone. He had texted someone a sexual message, and then I saw another thread of messages to another contact. This one included nudes of her, as well as him and some dirty talk. I was shaking, I didn’t know what to do. I looked at his browser, where he left up this site that he belongs to since for 10 years. We’ve been together for 9. Once he woke up in the afternoon, he seemed sober enough to talk to. I asked him if he was cheating and he said no. I asked him who ‘Paula’ is and why he’s been texting her. He just stared at me, his eyes got wide because he got caught. Then he said what’s the big deal? And I said would you like if I was sending nudes to other men? to which he replied that he would not mind. I asked him about the site he belonged to and how long he has been texting women and he said a year! We have only been married 9 months. WTF?! He has been doing this since before the wedding?! He then told me it’s because I don’t pay any attention to him and to stop giving him a hard time, that it’s not such a big deal. He went out again, after I had asked him not to and walked to a bar I guess. The police dropped him off at home, and again he was stumbling drunk. My curiosity got the best of me and I found his page on the adult website and found pictures in his album, all of his ex gf and himself in various sexual positions, and one which I believe is of me, but it is hard for me to tell. I never gave him permission to take any pictures during our times together. I feel so heartbroken, and lied to. I don’t know my husband anymore. I don’t know if this is even worth trying to fix. I have contacted a therapist to schedule an appointment, which hopefully I can do tomorrow. Right now he has gone out with a friend, and will probably come home stumbling drunk for the third time today. I’m so tired of this, how can I get him to move out? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Your husband is an unremorseful serial cheating alcoholic. Save yourself a lot of fruitless effort and just file for divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bs3003 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 I am going to contact him tomorrow, if anything just to stop wondering about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 there's not much more I can add that others have not already said except I'm really sorry about this. I hope you can find the strength to do the right thing. What he is doing is wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. I've recently lost several close family members, one very young & very suddenly. How one deals with these experiences can be very revealing however I don't believe that any of this is new or a result of traumatic loss! Everything you've spoken of is completely unacceptable on every level. Your husband is committing adultery! It IS a huge deal. It's utter betrayal & your feelings are entirely valid. Please NEVER allow anyone to belittle your feelings. He's your husband!! He should be incredibly remorseful, guilt ridden for causing you such pain, begging you for your foreignness & vowing to change. This marriage is very new. If he's behaving in this way now I fear things will only get worse for you. He's destroying his health & risking the lives of others every single time he gets behind the wheel of a car!! There's just too much going on here. Do you have a support system? Can you afford to stay in your home without him? The first consultation with a lawyer can be free. I'd make an appointment just to understand what your options are. Start making plans. I'd tell him to leave at this point. It's cruel to subject you to this kind of behavior. He has zero respect for you. It's all about him & his self indulgent ways. Even if he wanted to change....& from what you've written he doesn't even accept that he's doing anything wrong!!....it would take a very long time to deal with his many issues. I'm so sorry. This should be your honeymoon phase but he's made it a nightmare! You deserve so much more than this. Please be brave & move on with your life without this abusive, emotional vampire dragging you down. This is no way to live. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I am going to contact him tomorrow, if anything just to stop wondering about it. Wondering about what? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Your husband is an idiot if he thinks he can get fall down drunk and drive. He is clearly self distructive and so are you, if you stay with him. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I've been in a similar situation. My only advice is to get out while you still can. Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 That sounded a lot more dramatic than I intended lol. What I meant was to leave before he gives you another reason to stay. It turns into an endless cycle of pain and misery. It's always easier to get out before you get sucked into that cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I've been in a similar situation. My only advice is to get out while you still can. not overly dramatic at all. saying it exactly how it is. if he kills someone her life will also be irrecoverably affected too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bs3003 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) Wondering about what? That was a reply to a post that has been deleted..I was thinking of reaching out to the coworkers husband so I can stop wondering if my husband was texting inappropriate things to his wife. When the husband called my husband he said he was going to "tell me everything" but I thought the husband was full of it and a control freak. Now Im not so sure. Edited January 3, 2017 by bs3003 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) That was a reply to a post that has been deleted..I was thinking of reaching out to the coworkers husband so I can stop wondering if my husband was texting inappropriate things to his wife. When the husband called my husband he said he was going to "tell me everything" but I thought the husband was full of it and a control freak. Now Im not so sure. OK so it seems like a coworker's husband called your husband to warn him off his wife, is that right? And now it seems the co-worker's husband was not a jealous, controlling jerk but he had a good point. YOUR husband is out of control. I actually fear for your safety here. He has been caught cheating and he drinks too much to be in control of his emotions if he gets angry here. Be careful. Edited January 3, 2017 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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