Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I just don't understand though, if I thought those things about someone i'd want to be with them. Its not often that i'd think a person is 'amazing'. So, every man you meet or see who is handsome and amazing, you want to attach yourself to them???? That isn't how things work at least in the real world of finding a partner. And, a woman can very well be amazing but just not the right one for a particular guy. You are amazing but perhaps not in every area that's important for him to have a satisfying relationship with you. In the end with this guy, he may simply have been embellishing a little to make you feel better about it all. But, he doesn't understand that it doesn't make you feel better about it, it's made it confusing for you. Amazing is actually a little vague . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 Words < actions You really need to stop analyzing everything this guy says because what he has done is chosen to not have a relationship with you. I've lost something very dear to me for no good enough reason. The only time this will end is if I find better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I've lost something very dear to me for no good enough reason. The only time this will end is if I find better. What's good enough? It wasn't working for him PERIOD. And, if it's not working for him, it won't work for you. Do you want him to tell you he doesn't want you because a) you're terrible in bed, b) you aren't financially sound c) he doesn't like how you chew your food? What exactly would be a satisfactory reason to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 It seems like you might expect a relationship to give you self-worth. But expecting to find such an intrinsic thing from an outside source is a fool's errand, much like expecting cosmetic surgery to give it to you. I do not know you or this guy, so I can only speak in abstracts: He realized the relationship was not something that was going to meet his needs long-term, and so he disengaged. It might seem selfish and nonsensical, but if he felt that way, then he also spared you, because a relationship with someone who feels lukewarm is less than any of us should accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 What's good enough? It wasn't working for him PERIOD. And, if it's not working for him, it won't work for you. Do you want him to tell you he doesn't want you because a) you're terrible in bed, b) you aren't financially sound c) he doesn't like how you chew your food? What exactly would be a satisfactory reason to you? Yes, i'd like to know what he considers 'wrong' or 'not good enough' about me. He has flaws too but I never made them a 'dumpable offence'. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Yes, i'd like to know what he considers 'wrong' or 'not good enough' about me. He has flaws too but I never made them a 'dumpable offence'. A person doesn't need to be bad to be dumped and a relationship doesn't need to be bad for someone to want out. There's a point where maybe the person just can't be grateful for what they have, but I don't think it's wrong if a person concludes that a particular relationship, while not bad, isn't something that suits them long-term. Six months is a standard amount of time to get a good read on a relationship's potential and it sounds like he decided that it did not really have enough to keep him engaged. Your flaw is taking that as an indictment of you as a person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 8 Months and I still wake up with that heaviness in my chest. I just feel like this will never end. Im in pain everyday. I sometimes feel like unblocking him and suggesting to meet up one final time... and if he doesn't respond with enthusiasm then block him for good. :/ I feel like I decided to block and message him thinking that would be for the best, and theres been no attempt to reconnect despite it... he has my number for example im sure. Why get in touch out of the blue if you aren't missing that person? Link to post Share on other sites
BryanSmiley Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Yes, i'd like to know what he considers 'wrong' or 'not good enough' about me. He has flaws too but I never made them a 'dumpable offence'. There's questionable benefit in getting further insight. Could be helpful but someones view is largely subjective and sometimes peoples characteristics just don't blend as-well as it might seem. I pushed my ex for an insight, and I think it encouraged her to portray me negatively. She ended up saying I was very 'calm' which sometimes she liked, sometimes not. Well, I was going through a stressful house move and 2 week period of enjoying down time in the evenings to un-wind. For her to say this really cut to the core because often she'd be in a quiet mood and not up going doing something fun. So as much as it hurt and forced me to assess some things, she was also projecting, it's definitely truer of her, not that she realises. It's hard but try to create your own closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 I messaged my dumper ex a few weeks ago. I decided rather than act rash and block him with a passive aggressive message, to re open the lines of communcation with an 'I apologise for being like that' and a 'Hope you're well' kind of message. He replied straight away and said it was really nice to hear from me and that he had been thinking about me a few days ago. (Don't know why he admitted that). We had a friendly conversation until I ended it to go to bed. He saw my message straight away, but didn't respond until the next day. (Which I ignored as he gave me nothing to reply to.) A week later, he randomly messages me to tell me about something he saw which he thought i'd like. I responded with enthusiasm saying i've seen it already, but not too long a message/no questions. His replies afterwards were cold and distant, with nothing to respond to. So i've left him on read. Why bother messaging me like that randomly if you actually don't really want a conversation with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 It can also be seen as you breadcrumbed him... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 It isn't exactly breadcrumbs because you initiated contact first which indicated your desire to keep in touch. Although he doesn't appear to be apposed to the idea of being friends on some level, it can be a bit of an awkward situation to adapt to. You are more than acquaintances, but your not really close friends either because of your history, so conversations may feel a bit disjointed, filled with polite yet slightly uninterested messages when things don't flow naturally. The messages will either tapper off until you stop communicating all together, or a true friendship will develop. It really depends if you are on the same page about your motives for staying in touch. I suspect this may be a lot more difficult for you to deal with if you haven't had a chance to heal from the breakup yet. There is no shame in admitting that you weren't ready to start talking again as friends. You may never feel comfortable being in the friend-zone, which is understandable, it may feel like rejection all over again. The last thing you want to do is get stuck in a confusing situation where you will always read into what he says and does, hoping it means more. Many of us have made that mistake and learnt the hard way. All I can advise you is to think carefully if platonic friendship is what you really want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 I got in touch in the hope that he would feel more comfortable talking to me. Because I had previously told him to Ne Not contact me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 Stttttttttttttop. You will never get over this guy if you insist on reopening the lines of communication. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 (edited) I got in touch in the hope that he would feel more comfortable talking to me. Because I had previously told him to Ne Not contact me again. Well it seems like you got your wish. He randomly messaged you, after you randomly messaged him. Now you're upset because the content of his message wasn't up to your expectations. Sorry but this one is on you. Back to nc (hopefully) so you can get over this. Edited August 13, 2017 by springy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 I had another message this week. Along the same lines as before. Nothing exactly important, just light hearted chat about something that reminded him of me. He ended the convo to go to bed, I replied saying 'Night x' and he never even opened that message. Although he has been online since. Thinking back to when he told me it was a coincidence to hear from me cause he had been thinking about me the other day.... Bit of an insult? Proves he doesn't think of me very much right? Link to post Share on other sites
breadbin Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I know it's tough but this is exactly why no contact is a good idea. No reading between the lines coming up with reasons why he said this and that. You are torturing yourself. I've done it too. It only prolongs the pain. The outcome is the same. It's not possible to be friends with him yet. You need time to heal which means time away from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I had another message this week. Along the same lines as before. Nothing exactly important, just light hearted chat about something that reminded him of me. He ended the convo to go to bed, I replied saying 'Night x' and he never even opened that message. Although he has been online since. Thinking back to when he told me it was a coincidence to hear from me cause he had been thinking about me the other day.... Bit of an insult? Proves he doesn't think of me very much right? You are seriously overthinking this. If you choose to ignore the advice you are being given then you can expect to remain "Heartbrokenandhurt" for a very long time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Why bother messaging me like that randomly if you actually don't really want a conversation with me? Sending a person a link to something which may interest them doesn't mean you necessarily want a conversation with them. He simply shared info which he thought you'd like. Nothing more, nothing less. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 He's just trying to be friends. You know, like you claimed you wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 I never claimed I wanted to be friends. I just apologised about the way I acted previously. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Oh, well in that case, the answer is simple: Tell him you wish him well, but you aren't in a place where you can be friends or chit-chat with him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I had another message this week. Along the same lines as before. Nothing exactly important, just light hearted chat about something that reminded him of me. He ended the convo to go to bed, I replied saying 'Night x' and he never even opened that message. Although he has been online since. Thinking back to when he told me it was a coincidence to hear from me cause he had been thinking about me the other day.... Bit of an insult? Proves he doesn't think of me very much right? You have been friend zoned if he is not even interested enough to read your messages right away. He probably has his eyes on someone else. He actually was trying to do what you asked which was not to contact you anymore. You should go back to strict NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 You have been friend zoned if he is not even interested enough to read your messages right away. He probably has his eyes on someone else. He actually was trying to do what you asked which was not to contact you anymore. You should go back to strict NC. I'm presuming he only read the preview... as the message was literally 'Night x'. Would of thought he would of opened it though... he started the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I'm presuming he only read the preview... as the message was literally 'Night x'. Would of thought he would of opened it though... he started the conversation. I'm not even sure what you're looking for from your ex. You opened the lines of communication to apologize for you behavior. You both then exchanged idle chit chat. Now you're reading into every bit of it. Are you looking to rekindle or gauge his interest? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 I still have feelings for him. Though I believe he probably doesn't for me, based on the break up and since. We were NC for 6 months... he was the one to orignally reach out, which I guess gave me false hope. I guess i'm looking for signs he still cares because im still hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
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