Not sure what my ex truly wants

[TN24]

Brief history of our breakup: I am 24, my ex boyfriend is almost 30 and broke up with me end of September. It was a messy split. He had a history of wanting to call it quits anytime we argued. He came out of a bad past relationship prior to me that I believe contributed to this.

 

We went back and forth on him wanting nothing to do with me to wanting me back from October-middle of December. Usually every couple weeks, he'd reach out saying he missed me, still loved me, and "wanted what we had back." I'd go visit him, he'd be all affectionate, apologize, almost like the break up never happened in the first place, then a few days/weeks later, he'd talk himself out of it or he'd talk to one of his family members who would talk him out of it.

 

This drove me crazy. He'd go from "I love you," to "leave me alone" just like that, and would snap if I questioned why he did that. We'd fight, stop contacting each other, then he'd come back later on. Repeat.

 

So, middle of December, I get a call from him, he's crying/hysterical saying he had sat down with his counselor, he was so sorry, could we meet in person (urgently) to lay everything out on the table and see if we can reconcile. I agree to meeting up with him. He said his counselor had explained that he couldn't just walk away anytime something came up, told him he was a jerk to me for the hot and cold cycle, stop trying to rationalize why you shouldn't be with this girl and make it happen. All sounded good, but I was also a little skeptical knowing his history and figured he'd change his mind in a few weeks again.

 

We left it at continuing this talk after the holidays. He wanted to be back together, and I (though skeptical) wanted to as well. I didn't hear from him at all from middle of December-day after Christmas when he sent a picture of him hunting. Then few days later, literally minutes after his family left after Christmas, got a "you'll have to come down and show off your new gaming skills" and a "nice body, because I haven't told you in a while."

 

I finally called him the next day, mainly because I was still worried he had changed his mind, and straight up asked if he still wanted to talk. "Yes, as long as you still do." I asked if he had talked to his family about it and if they were on board. "We need to save that for in person."

 

On New Years day, I sent him a text asking if he had ever got the deer he's been watching. "No, happy new year." I responded a few hours later when I got finished seeing my family, and he immediately replied "Did you get laid for new years?" I asked him if it really worried him that I was out partying and meeting other people. "No, not really worried. Just hope you'll actually tell me when it actually does." I've never gone out like that before and made it clear in our last conversation that I wasn't seeing anybody, so it frustrated me that he was questioning it.

 

I may be taking it too personally, but I can't help but feel like he doesn't really know what he wants. He says he wants to reconcile, followed by weeks of NC, no checking in, no Merry Christmas, and then those comments he makes about me moving on, it just confuses me. Normally when he comes back, he's super affectionate, loving, and this time is just awkward. The last time we talked in person was awkward as well. Normally i'm a hot mess when we talk, crying, upset, please take me back, and I was very composed and somewhat withdrawn. He even asked if that meant that meant I was over it already. I'd love any insight as to what is happening and how to approach this moving forward! The suspense is killing me!