Second Chance Stories When Ex Was NOT Interested

[MeadowFlower]

Hey guys,

I know this is bad to do this, I should not be hoping at all, but anyway, does anyone have any experiences of their boyfriend who dumped them and had NO interest in them when he broke it off, and who went back to the girl he liked before going in a relationship with you, and who showed NO interest months after BU, coming back to be in a relationship with you again?

Yea I know wishful thinking. I know it's over but anyone???

[dumbass2]

It happens all that time where the dumper comes back. It's called being lonely or GIGS and you can look that up and see where it never works. your ex may come back out of the blue when things aren't going so well with the one they are seeing. It rarely if ever works out when that is the reason they come back. Now if they come back many months down the road after NC and have not been in a relationship recently, then maybe there could be something there. Mine came back after just a few months and nothing came of it. I know the dumpee always wants the ex to at least come back once so they know they mattered, but honestly, it was a worse feeling afterwards than the original break up. Be careful what you wish for. It's just never the same.

[MeadowFlower]

Thanks for replying.

It's been 5+ months and he still likes the girl he liked before getting in a relationship with me, lame feeling. I work with both of them.

A thought, not that were can know, but do you think him going back to her could be GIGS?

[dumbass2]

Thanks for replying.

It's been 5+ months and he still likes the girl he liked before getting in a relationship with me, lame feeling. I work with both of them.

A thought, not that were can know, but do you think him going back to her could be GIGS?

 

Could be. He went back to her because things just weren't as good with you. Someone that is bouncing back and forth between lovers is not going to be someone to settle down any time soon and might be hard to tie down into a long term committed relationship at this point. Or he could end up marrying this girl. Never know and you need to try and not care about things out of your control. Thinking and wondering like you are will drive you bonkers.

[MeadowFlower]

What is GIGS in more depth?

[LargoLagg]

it stands for "Grass Is Greener Syndrome"

 

it's what people who get dumped tell themselves about the dumper to heap the blame for the failure of the relationship onto the dumper; that the dumper stupidly thinks it will be better with the next person or with somebody else. they can't admit that it just might be.

 

"we were ok, not perfect, but there was no reason for him/her to leave"

 

the truth is that the reason, 99 times out of 100, is that the dumper is not feeling it for that person anymore. sometimes, a lot actually, the dumper has someone else, and it looks like they think it will be better with this new person

 

but that's not it. it's about interest. the dumper is interested in the new person, and/or not interested in the old one. there's not always a reason, although sometimes there is. either way, it doesn't matter. it's the dumper's choice, whether you think it's a good move or not.

 

the story you're looking for is rare.

[MeadowFlower]

I know it's the dumpers choice.

[kztar]

Mine came back and we are together.

 

He dated someone else because he was "lonely".

 

Simply a blah relationship now.

 

I love him but im no longer in love with him. Im trying lol

 

If this doesn't work out forever. I will learn that ONE chance per person.

Edited January 4, 2017 by kztar

[MeadowFlower]

Mine came back and we are together.

 

He dated someone else because he was "lonely".

 

Simply a blah relationship now.

 

I love him but im no longer in love with him. Im trying lol

 

If this doesn't work out forever. I will learn that ONE chance per person.

 

So was it he who did the dumping? And who initiated contact and reconciliation?

Also are you referring to the your relationship with him that is 'blah'?

[jorgeg3d]

There's nothing worse than hoping an ex will get back with you, especially if you're the dumpee. I know because I've been going through it for 3 months. My advice, move on, don't think about it anymore, it consumes your thoughts and all you're doing is reliving all the good times instead of realizing why it didn't work out in the first place and how they don't deserve you.

 

Someone else will value you, for who you are, without having to prove yourself to anyone. This, is what I tell myself and my advice to you.

[jamili]

 

Someone else will value you, for who you are, without having to prove yourself to anyone. This, is what I tell myself and my advice to you.

 

Well said. I think the "right" person wouldn't ever dream of breaking up with you, they would value you far too much and it would be a nightmare for them to lose you. That's the goal when looking for the "right" person.

 

If you think about it... do you really want to be with a person who threw you out like a bag of old trash, risking never seeing you again for the rest of their lives... just to decide in the future "mehhh, I guess X wasn't so bad afterall... I guess I'll go back to him/her". Pretty demeaning isn't it? Sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

[MeadowFlower]

Just because he dumped me doesn't mean I wouldn't take him back.

Edited January 5, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[kztar]

So was it he who did the dumping? And who initiated contact and reconciliation?

Also are you referring to the your relationship with him that is 'blah'?

 

He dumped

 

He initiated and begged for a second chance. (We had an amazing relationship and I was blindly in love with him therefore I was devastated when he dumped me)

 

Yes I'm referring to my current relationship. It's not the same. My tolerance level went from 1000 to 10 percent. After going through this experience, I suggest people to STOP hoping for the ex to come back. I've learned my lesson, you grieve your loss and move on.

 

I've seen some people who let it all go. Props to them. But I agree the "one" will never ever see themselves without you if they do that simply means you're not the "one.

[maxalton]

Well, as a fellow dumpee that would like to reconcile one day (Im a male, I see you're a female), I'll tell you this. If you come on here (or even other dating forums for that matter) you're going to be told by plenty of people to "move on" (as if thats helpful. They might as well say "Chin up") or "it's never going to work." Which confuses me as to why people who are so hard-pressed on moving on would be on a Second Chances forum anyway. I've recently had a theory that dating forums largely consist of (1)dumpees, and (2)people who have had negative experiences in their past and so they project their own personal negative experiences onto the dumpees asking questions. Lets be honest, most people with successful relationships or successful reconcilations aren't going to be on these forums. Unless of course, their relationship goes south again. And even so, not everybody with relationship problems posts on forums looking for answers. Some people do give good advice on these forums, I wont knock that. At the same time, I think it's worth being aware of what I just said.

Edited January 5, 2017 by maxalton

[jorgeg3d]

Well, as a fellow dumpee that would like to reconcile one day (Im a male, I see you're a female), I'll tell you this. If you come on here (or even other dating forums for that matter) you're going to be told by plenty of people to "move on" (as if thats helpful. They might as well say "Chin up") or "it's never going to work." Which confuses me as to why people who are so hard-pressed on moving on would be on a Second Chances forum anyway. I've recently had a theory that dating forums largely consist of (1)dumpees, and (2)people who have had negative experiences in their past and so they project their own personal negative experiences onto the dumpees asking questions. Lets be honest, most people with successful relationships or successful reconcilations aren't going to be on these forums. Unless of course, their relationship goes south again. And even so, not everybody with relationship problems posts on forums looking for answers. Some people do give good advice on these forums, I wont knock that. At the same time, I think it's worth being aware of what I just said.

 

Let me ask you this, what are you waiting for if you're thinking of reconciling?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, if he does come back someday, be cautious: a lot of these types don't return for the right reasons. They may be lonely, want some attention, need some affection - but they still often don't have the genuine interest needed to sustain a long-term relationship . If they did, they wouldn't have left an otherwise strong relationship in the first place.

 

How long were you together, and how old are you both? Had he and his crush kept in contact while you were together?

 

Unfortunately, a happy and successful reconciliation is not very likely based on the circumstances you describe here. You would be wise to continue on your healing journey without holding out hope. That way, regardless of what happens with him in the future, you will be in a better place.

[Leigh 87]

No he will never come back for the right reasons.

 

Men only come back for real if they were head over heels in love with you to begin with.

 

The ONLY type of relationships that have legitimately joyful and strong second chances are the relationships where two people were super into each other and very much in love.Sometimes being in love isn't enough and things like addiction or bad personality traits or personality clashes ruin the relationship and turn it toxic with loads of fights and the like.

 

So when the feelings were there and the right chemistry is there, but the relationship ends for other reasons.....yes, second chances do occur.

 

I have had a few break ups. I never wanted a second chance. Well with one guy I did but I soon lost that drive and never looked back. He was never enamoured with me.

 

The last guy.... however, is the ONLY man I believe I may one day get a second chance with. Because we had great chemistry and laughed a lot and had similar views on marriage and kids. But even that is unlikely . It is a break up because it's broken. It rarely lends itself and people only really try super hard to re visit old wounds when kids are involved.

 

And it only usually happens within a month post break up or. 2 months maybe... or else you both need to move on, date other people, and come full circle where you really DO realise how special your bond was with this person and believe that based on your years dating or in new relationships, that that one person is a rare connection you have to re visit.

 

Second chances are rare. But men often do come back and suffer doubts. It is called chemistry... there is no other force like it. It makes you feel in love feelings and bonds you to a person in spite of great personal differences that render you super incompatible......

 

So while many men come back initially, almost all of them do so on account of feeling lonely, honey or desperate for a relationship. And the true love coupled who had a genuinely rare connection? Well that lot rarely lasts after they're second chances; they come together due to intense feelings and are repelled, once again, by the same incompatibilities that caused them to fight and make them miserable in the first place.

The more passionate couples are the ones who try again and again and have second and even third chances. They have to get to the point of virtually hating each other to finally conclude they need to stay away.

 

 

 

 

So no. No men in your predicament actually come back and genuinely have an epiphany that you are the love of their lives. They weren't into you the first time around which means they never will be. Men fall in love hard and fast or they never fall in love but can still grow to love you deeply. If he wasn't into the relationship at all then he surely won't cole back unless he's desperate.