What does exes actions mean? Am I making something out of nothing?

[ilovecamaros]

Hi everyone!

I am having trouble understanding what my ex is doing and looking for some input.

Try and make this short and sweet, but we have 11 years of history, I could write a novel.

 

Basically, we dated 8 years, broke up 3 years ago, 6 weeks before our wedding date.

 

As much as it hurt, calling off our wedding was the best thing to do at the time. We had too many problems at the time and getting married would have been a mistake without fixing them. I wanted to try and solve our differences, which werent anything serious, but he didnt want too. My ex-felt it was too late and that we should move on. I tried to get him back for a while but finally moved on over time.

 

In the last 3 years, we both have dated others, we even both became involved in long term relationships, each lasting about a year and 1/2. Neither of us are in a serious relationship right now.

 

Over the last 3 years, we have kept in contact. Sometimes on a regular basis and others we may not speak or see each other for months. My ex, girlfriend or not, has always called me on birthdays and holidays. Whenever births, weddings, deaths happened he called me. Also, sometimes he was just having a tough time and would call me to talk. At times, he was having problems with his relationship and I would talk to him about it. I wasnt thrilled hearing about new women but I do want him happy. We would discuss where we went wrong and how not to repeat the same mistakes.

In the last 3 years we always would sometimes just talk on the phone to see how the other is doing, meet up for a drink and appetizers, etc... Sometimes, wrong or right (i dont know) we would end up being initmate but it felt nice at the time and that was it. I didnt think, expect or want more.

 

Once I came to terms with that I will always love him but we would never have a relationship again it was easier.

 

My friends have always said that his calls to me to announce important events in his life, to talk about nothing, wanting to see me, etc.....all mean he wants and misses me. I kept telling them and believed at the time, that it was nothing, just that we have known each other a long time and like to share those things together as friends.

 

Now Im starting to change thoughts. For a few months now, our type of contact has changed some. My ex has initiated all of this also. It started as lets meet for a drink and catch up havent seen you in a while but the last 2 weeks have been excessive. We speak about 3-4 times a week on the phone and have spent 4-5 nights together at one anothers houses. I kept telling myself it was just that we are both not involved in anything at the moment and its a lonely phase that will pass. The last 2 events are really confusing me though. First, the other day I talked to him and had to go to an evening work program. In the 8 years together he never attended one, but for some reason I blurted out an invitation to him, which he not only accepted, but changed his plans to go with me. After the program, a friend of mine was there too, she asked if we wanted to back to her place and hang out. Before I could answer, he was all gung-ho, yeah sounds good. So we went and had a good time. Then yesterday morning, he calls me out of the blue and asks if I wanted to go to the movies with him and another couple. I went and we had a great afternoon, after movies and dinner he comes back to my place, we pop in another movie and hang out all night, he left this morning to go to work.

 

Im really confused about what all this means. My ex has never said anything to mean he wants to get involved again. I can feel myself getting too involved again and dont want to end up hurt again. I want to bring up with him where this going but am afraid that if he is not feeling the same thing, I might ruin a great friendship, and put some distance between us. Its alot easier to fall back in love with him than falling out.

 

Does anyone have opinions on this. Am I wrong to think the contact over the years isnt anything more than friendly keeping in touch? The last 2 months or so, could he be questioning the same thing? Should I bring the topic up with him or just let sleeping dogs lie? Just confused and not sure where to turn now. I cant get involved too much to be hurt again by the same person but dont want whats been going on to end.

[totallyconfused]

11 years is a long time as I am only 22 and the longest relationship I've been in is 4. So it sounds like u guys are very complicated...and it depends on how honest he was with you during the relationship.

 

It sounds like there may be a possibility of re-interest with him. It could also mean he is trying to put that old comfort back in his life b/c he knew being with you was secure. It could also mean he is using you b/c he feels lonely. BUT DO NOT jump ahead to conclusions. How about this, try just living your life perhaps not answering all his calls and just doing YOUR own thing. You will notice persistence the moment you pull out. When he continues to persist then simply ask him his intentions and nothing else.

 

Good luck. Now with all your experience want to help a sista out? I'm in the BreakUp section of this forum...lol and I've been through h*ell and back.