Your spouse wants to take a 2 day vacation with one person of the opposite sex...

January 11, 2017

The only reason why I didn't understand my ex gfs issue is because she also had an ex bf who she considered a *best* friend. So I mean I just kind of assumed we were on the same page in that manner. Had she not told me about her friendship with her ex, I probably would have talked to her about it first or maybe just not told her I guess (some things are just better not said, not because you don't respect her, but because sometimes knowing certain information will trigger unnecessary or inaccurate emotions/perceptions kinda like when you assumed I was a cake eater who was just trying to string my first ex along in my other post). I mean, say you went to the gym and ended up playing tennis or basketball with three girls and these 3 girls out of nowhere gave you their number. You more than likely would just tell them, "Uh...I have a gf/wife, sorry.", but maybe you just didn't want to be rude and perhaps just saw them as someone to play tennis or basketball with. Would you tell your significant other about that? You could...but why would you? What would be the point of that if you didn't even really want to call those girls or didn't have shady intentions in the first place (it'd be great to play tennis or basketball with them again, but no big deal if it's not them I'm playing with)? It would just create unnecessary insecurities in your partner which would likely lead them to wanting to check your phone etc even if in reality there would be no real reason to.

I had no problem with their platonic friendship. Like I said before there's a difference between a *close* friend and a *best* friend. If they were close friends that wouldn't be fair to me because as her significant other I should take first priority. That doesn't mean that they can't still talk or still be friends with each other. Just don't hang out or talk to him as much as she does with me. As long as I'm first priority there are no problems. So I guess you could say that me buying that gift for the 1st ex was crossing a boundary or maybe not making the 2nd ex a first priority, but that was only a one time thing and it's not like I haven't bought the 2nd ex gifts of that magnitude or even greater. If I had done it for the 1st ex maybe every holiday or for all her birthdays, then okay that wouldn't be fair at all and that would be a very legit reason to assume that there was something more going on. I have bought generous gifts for my friends in the past (gave one 'girl' friend one of my laptops that I didn't need for Christmas one year...would that have been crossing a boundary if I was in a relationship?), but it's not like I go out of my way to do that for her every year "because she's special". She really needed it at that time, so that's why I did it. The 1st ex was just going through some rough times and well I just felt like being a good friend at that moment. And her boyfriend was cool with it.

I had no way of knowing if she really put forth that boundary of "just a best friend and not a close friend" on her end, but I trusted her and its not like she kept their friendship a secret, so w/e. We were pretty close during the time so I didn't feel threatened even though it was very possible that she was cheating, but maybe she wasn't, too. You really never know if your partner is cheating no matter what circumstances you try to put forth to prevent it. Most people would feel uncomfortable with their partner around an ex partner, but I just didn't feel threatened...if our relationship is strong enough there shouldn't be much to worry about if you ask me. <--- this is something my 2ND EX TOLD AND TAUGHT ME) . That said...to answer your question that I bolded:

I personally don't believe it to be that simple. The human brain is a huge grey area when it comes to psychology, and this includes evolution as well (ever hear of evolutionary psychology?). Yes, there are certain predilections that are apparent in all humankind aka human nature. In my opinion human nature can be bottled down to 2 simple things: We all have universal emotions (which are influenced and *differentiated* by BOTH our life experience AND genetics) and we are all trying our best to survive in this crazy world. If there's anything I'm missing feel free to add it in. But the point is, just because human nature has certain expected tendencies doesn't mean that these tendencies don't have at least just the potential to change. No matter how many different studies you throw in, every human brain is situationally and genetically different.

So I don't accept the argument that we don't have free will. We most definitely do have free will. It doesn't matter what societal pressures are being put on you or what your situation is. No matter what your situation is, the only person who is responsible for their own behavior is the person themselves. Feelings themselves....might be another story, because feelings you essentially can't control. But you can control your actions on how you go about those feelings (some people know how to do it, and others just don't). Let's say someone shot and killed my mom...either I can go through and grieve the awful emotions of the fact that she's gone and I'll never see her again...or I can go on an angry tirade and plot my revenge to kill that person who so gave me the emotions that he caused me to have (while risking going to prison for getting caught). Or...let's say I went out to the bar, got drunk, and ended up cheating on my girlfriend. "Sorry babe. I cheated on you, but it was only because I was drunk. It was the alcohol's fault so no biggy, right?" The alcohol didn't tell you to cheat on your gf. Assuming you weren't black out drunk you had every opportunity to not cheat on her, despite your inhibitions being lowered. My 2nd ex believe it or not had taught me that. I originally felt that alcohol was to blame for why so many people end up cheating in that setting, and maybe alcohol does have a correlation with making people cheat more. But correlation does not imply causation. Her point was if the relationship is strong enough, you would not feel the need to cheat like I had mentioned earlier.Don't forget that humans as of now seem to be the only animal that is capable of using their intelligence to make decisions that other animals are incapable of doing. I know plenty of people who are in relationships and are still pretty good friends with their ex....and they're not polyamorous either. It's not like it's unheard of. It is very rare, so the fact that the majority of the population think that not talking to any exes period is the 'way it should be' isn't that irrational I guess, especially since so many people can't seem to control their temptations when it comes to cheating. But why does that mean that that's how everyone should think. If some people are comfortable and have very good and mature friendships with past lovers, I think that's very respectable, because *not many people can do that*.

If you're not comfortable with it, that is fine. Your emotions are your emotions. They are who you are and you should never stop being anyone other than what you believe in to be right for yourself. Just keep an open mind and be aware that some people are different in this regard and can actually make it work.

Reading this twice, I'm still not sure exactly what your point is. It seems you're saying that carrying on a relationships with ex's, or so-called platonic opposite sex friends, does not always result in extracurricular sexual liaisons... and therefore, you are completely justified in that regard if you so choose, and any objection by a spouse or partner is evidence of some kind of insecurity, trust issues, or unfounded jealousy. Is that about right?

All you have to do is google the term "misattributed paternity" and read a few of the 8,690 articles and research papers. Then refer to your extensive research in evolutionary psychology to connect the dots between motivation and behavior, regarding both cuckoldry and jealousy. Depending on the population tested and the methods, you'll find between one and thirty percent incidence of misattributed paternity. You can also find numerous threads on LS dealing with it, however they're probably not using the same terms. Perhaps try searching "not mine."

What I find even more interesting than the research on this topic is your persistent rationalization and denial that it should even be an item of concern for your partners... because you're so special, therefore the rules shouldn't apply to you.

But as special as you certainly are, after several threads on the same topic with no apparent shift in awareness... I'll just say to you, good luck with that.

January 11, 2017

My best friend from college is a gay guy, and I have travelled with him without any concerns from my SO's. I would never suggest going on vacation alone with a straight male friend, even a totally platonic one, however, out of respect and consideration for my SO. Why crrate problems where there aren't any? I don't want to spend my time worrying about what my SO is doing and don't see a good reason for adding stress to his life, either. To me it is a situation that is not worth it- all risk and no upside. If I want to go on vacation and can't go with my SO for some reason, I have plenty of other people in my life to choose from besides straight male friends. Ditto for him.

January 11, 2017

If DH wanted to go on vacation with his mother, sisters, or our daughters, I'd mis him and be very happy to see him when he returned.

If DH wanted to go on vacation with an unrelated female, I'd miss him and be very sad to present him with his copy of the divorce filing upon his return.

Back when we were dating, his exGf's parents offered to pay for a 2 person trip to Greece because she wanted to go and they didn't want her traveling alone. She asked DH if he wanted to go. He asked me my thoughts on the matter. I told him he was quite free to go if he wanted, but that I was also free to dump his azz as soon as he agreed to book the trip.

January 11, 2017

You sound very closed minded.

Because my husband had an affair.

There's no reason for a man to take a private vacation with a woman who is not his wife

That's not open minded. That's naive

January 11, 2017

changing the question slightly but what if you a re dating someone/ seeing someone for 3/4/5 months and you go away with another female friend or even female girl you barely know.

Does the person you are dating have a right to be mad?

think this is an interesting debate! i was in a similar situation and went away with a girl for 2 days and shared a bed and the person i was seeing at the time was really pissed off at me. I'm not sure she had any right to be though..

January 12, 2017

Changing the words but still asking questions till you get the answer that you want is not seeking the truth just the answer that you want to hear.

I don't expect anything from you guys. If you agree with me then great but it's not like I'm expecting that.

January 12, 2017

Because my husband had an affair.

There's no reason for a man to take a private vacation with a woman who is not his wife

That's not open minded. That's naive

You act as if every guy will take an opportunity to cheat if its provided. Sorry but that is not true.

January 12, 2017

changing the question slightly but what if you a re dating someone/ seeing someone for 3/4/5 months and you go away with another female friend or even female girl you barely know.

Does the person you are dating have a right to be mad?

think this is an interesting debate! i was in a similar situation and went away with a girl for 2 days and shared a bed and the person i was seeing at the time was really pissed off at me. I'm not sure she had any right to be though..

Eh it's gonna be really hard for anyone to understand why you shared a bed with someone else if you didn't have a romantic relationship with them. Not calling you out I'm just curious on why you felt the need to share a bed?

January 12, 2017

Reading this twice, I'm still not sure exactly what your point is. It seems you're saying that carrying on a relationships with ex's, or so-called platonic opposite sex friends, does not always result in extracurricular sexual liaisons... and therefore, you are completely justified in that regard if you so choose, and any objection by a spouse or partner is evidence of some kind of insecurity, trust issues, or unfounded jealousy. Is that about right?

All you have to do is google the term "misattributed paternity" and read a few of the 8,690 articles and research papers. Then refer to your extensive research in evolutionary psychology to connect the dots between motivation and behavior, regarding both cuckoldry and jealousy. Depending on the population tested and the methods, you'll find between one and thirty percent incidence of misattributed paternity. You can also find numerous threads on LS dealing with it, however they're probably not using the same terms. Perhaps try searching "not mine."

What I find even more interesting than the research on this topic is your persistent rationalization and denial that it should even be an item of concern for your partners... because you're so special, therefore the rules shouldn't apply to you.

But as special as you certainly are, after several threads on the same topic with no apparent shift in awareness... I'll just say to you, good luck with that.

If you truly believe in something why not advocate it? To be great is to be misunderstood.

January 12, 2017

Out of interest, in your theoretical scenario, what happens if your spouse says no to that?

Do you go anyway, do you try and guilt-trip them until you get the answer you want and sulk for months if you didn't get what you wanted, do you take it in your stride or do you leave your spouse for showing such distrust in you?

January 12, 2017

Out of interest, in your theoretical scenario, what happens if your spouse says no to that?

Do you go anyway, do you try and guilt-trip them until you get the answer you want and sulk for months if you didn't get what you wanted, do you take it in your stride or do you leave your spouse for showing such distrust in you?

Great question and thank you for asking. I'd probably be a little upset that they wouldn't trust me, but I guess when it comes down to it it's not so much ME that they don't trust but just the aspect/tradition of human nature. So many people cheat it's ridiculous so...eh I mean yeah in a perfect world I would prefer if my wife could see me and treat me as if I'm not like everyone else and actually wouldn't let my temptations get the best of me because in all honesty just because 2 people are alone together in a private setting and with alcohol doesn't automatically mean that they're gonna have sex....and I honestly find it pretty insulting how so many people think like that. It's as if they don't think that men and women can't treat each other as people and not as sex objects. I mean cmon. Have people forgotten that there are those few who won't engage in any sexual activity until they're married? Not everyone is controlled by sex. Look at it this way...back when I was still in college, I had done a semester abroad that lasted for 3 and a half months....there were over 600 students and we all lived on a boat for those 3 and a half months...it was like half the size of a cruise ship. The program was called Semester at Sea if you've heard of it? Basically if you're a college student you get an opportunity to take college classes while on this boat and you travel the world...visited around 12 countries in those 3 and a half months. There was no reception on the boat either so if you wanted to talk to someone you had to pay a ton of money to go on the internet and just email or Facebook them. That would be the PERFECT opportunity to cheat, right? But are you really gonna tell your boyfriend/girlfriend not to take this opportunity because there's a chance they'll cheat? If I had a gf at that time and she told me that, then absolutely I would leave her.

So yeah, I would be upset. Would I take it personally? Well...sadly I don't think I can answer that until I actually get put in that situation. So to answer your question if they were that uncomfortable with it I guess I'd suck it up and wouldn't go (if it was just a 2 day vacation). I would definitely not be happy about it, though, and I'm not gonna pretend like I was happy with it. I don't think I would leave them, but yeah, I would be hurt.

Edited January 12, 2017 by ZayKayWill

January 12, 2017

I've found that people that are in healthy, long term monogamous relationships often have an implicit understanding of healthy boundaries to maintain that relationship. What you're describing would not be a healthy boundary.

I think the problem OP, is that the only negative consequence you're considering in the scenario is having sex with the other person. Having sex with the other person is just one of the many possible negative consequences of unhealthy boundaries with the opposite sex. Others include, but are not limited to:

1. Falling in love with the other person.

2. Comparing your partner to the other person.

3. Emotional affairs.

4. Causing insecurities / uneasiness in your partner.

And so on...by far there are just way too many pitfalls to risk it. Your partner should be the number one person in your life, and your actions should continuously show that. That's if you want a long term, monogamous relationship of course.

The only two women I had relationships with that did not have healthy boundaries with the opposite, both not surprisingly had fairly traumatic childhoods and were not raised in healthy relationships. They tended to think that all relationships had a "shelf life" and expected them all to end. And turned out to be self-fulfilling prophecies...

January 12, 2017

I've found that people that are in healthy, long term monogamous relationships often have an implicit understanding of healthy boundaries to maintain that relationship. What you're describing would not be a healthy boundary.

I think the problem OP, is that the only negative consequence you're considering in the scenario is having sex with the other person. Having sex with the other person is just one of the many possible negative consequences of unhealthy boundaries with the opposite sex. Others include, but are not limited to:

1. Falling in love with the other person.
2. Comparing your partner to the other person.
3. Emotional affairs.
4. Causing insecurities / uneasiness in your partner.

And so on...by far there are just way too many pitfalls to risk it. Your partner should be the number one person in your life, and your actions should continuously show that. That's if you want a long term, monogamous relationship of course.

The only two women I had relationships with that did not have healthy boundaries with the opposite, both not surprisingly had fairly traumatic childhoods and were not raised in healthy relationships. They tended to think that all relationships had a "shelf life" and expected them all to end. And turned out to be self-fulfilling prophecies...

You have the potential to fall in love and compare with any one of your platonic friends in any scenario. A vacation setting would provide a higher chance of that happening, I guess. As long as you're still talking and maintaining a relationship with your partner, there should be no problem. And well if you do end up falling for the other person...then clearly you and your partner weren't meant to be. All is fair in love and war....as far as I see it.

January 12, 2017

Great question and thank you for asking. I'd probably be a little upset that they wouldn't trust me, but I guess when it comes down to it it's not so much ME that they don't trust but just the aspect/tradition of human nature. So many people cheat it's ridiculous so...eh I mean yeah in a perfect world I would prefer if my wife could see me and treat me as if I'm not like everyone else and actually wouldn't let my temptations get the best of me because in all honesty just because 2 people are alone together in a private setting and with alcohol doesn't automatically mean that they're gonna have sex....and I honestly find it pretty insulting how so many people think like that. It's as if they don't think that men and women can't treat each other as people and not as sex objects. I mean cmon. Have people forgotten that there are those few who won't engage in any sexual activity until they're married? Not everyone is controlled by sex. Look at it this way...back when I was still in college, I had done a semester abroad that lasted for 3 and a half months....there were over 600 students and we all lived on a boat for those 3 and a half months...it was like half the size of a cruise ship. The program was called Semester at Sea if you've heard of it? Basically if you're a college student you get an opportunity to take college classes while on this boat and you travel the world...visited around 12 countries in those 3 and a half months. There was no reception on the boat either so if you wanted to talk to someone you had to pay a ton of money to go on the internet and just email or Facebook them. That would be the PERFECT opportunity to cheat, right? But are you really gonna tell your boyfriend/girlfriend not to take this opportunity because there's a chance they'll cheat? If I had a gf at that time and she told me that, then absolutely I would leave her.

So yeah, I would be upset. Would I take it personally? Well...sadly I don't think I can answer that until I actually get put in that situation. So to answer your question if they were that uncomfortable with it I guess I'd suck it up and wouldn't go (if it was just a 2 day vacation). I would definitely not be happy about it, though, and I'm not gonna pretend like I was happy with it. I don't think I would leave them, but yeah, I would be hurt.

In theory, I get your point - it is a little insulting to assume that just because you are one on one with someone from the opposite sex for an extended period of time, something will happen automatically.

It's a risk however, and in general people in relationships don't like to take that sort of unnecessary gamble because they like to feel safe, which I think is also a valid argument.

As long you find a like-minded partner, what you do and the boundaries you set as a couple within the confines of your relationship are totally up to you, so if your theoretical spouse is fine with you going, if you trust yourself enough not succumb to temptation and if you trust your opposite sex friend to behave in the same way, and if it's all worth it, then go for it.

It's just a lot of ifs for only 2 days, though...

January 12, 2017

It is a gamble for sure, but what's life without gambling a little bit every now and then? Life is boring without a little risk taking if you ask me. And if you 2 are actually able to trust each other to that level and not let anything happen, that to me is just a truly beautiful thing, especially since so few people are able to do that.

January 13, 2017

I'm not married but I'll add my thoughts anyway.

I view having opposite sex friends as a good thing. If those friends are selected wisely (e.g. they aren't orbiters) and boundaries are respected, then that's a strong sign of maturity and self-control.

However, I'd be concerned about her taking a vacation with an opposite-sex friend, and I'd express that concern. It's a red flag. People that love and respect their partners and relationships simply don't do that. Period. It doesn't even need to be articulated; it's usually an implicit understanding. If it's the friend that brings it up, then any decent taken woman would decline his offer. If he's persistent, then the friendship would quickly be put on thin ice, and possibly terminated.

I'd be OK with her grabbing a quick lunch with a male coworker in the middle of a demanding work day, particularly if both people are good at maintaining professionalism. People do that all the time; it's pretty normal. Likewise with meeting an opposite-sex colleague at a coffee shop to discuss a potential deal or something. I'd be OK with her and a male coworker going on a business trip together (but, it depends on the guy...and plus any competent manager/HR would take this into consideration when planning the trip in the first place to minimize risk of issues and tension). Taking a trip with her father or brother? That's fine too...I'd wish her a great trip. But a vacation for pleasure with an opposite-sex friend? That would give me serious pause, and there's a good chance that the future health of the relationship will be in serious jeopardy.

But at the end of the day, she's an adult and can make her own decisions. It's one thing to communicate concerns, and most guys and women will do so. But it would be a huge mistake for the guy to react (via actions or words) in a controlling way.

Actions have consequences...both for the person wanting to take the trip, and for his or her S.O.'s response to that.

Lastly, whether you like it or not, unless you live/work out in the middle of nowhere, there WILL be occasions where you'll be alone with someone of the opposite sex that isn't your spouse/GF/BF...even if it's only for a few minutes. Thus, it's essential that you know how to handle such encounters in an appropriate way. Any person that doesn't probably isn't ready for a committed long-term relationship...he or she lacks the maturity.

January 13, 2017

You act as if every guy will take an opportunity to cheat if its provided. Sorry but that is not true.

Doesn't matter if it's true or not it's disrespectful to your partner and opens the door for cheating.

Every man who gets married thinks he isn't the type to cheat. And not every man Will but it happens a lot. Why would you put yourself in a situation where you're even have the opportunity to not cheat?

It is completely disrespectful to your partner.

January 14, 2017

Doesn't matter if it's true or not it's disrespectful to your partner and opens the door for cheating.

Every man who gets married thinks he isn't the type to cheat. And not every man Will but it happens a lot. Why would you put yourself in a situation where you're even have the opportunity to not cheat?

It is completely disrespectful to your partner.

I think it's disrespectful to say its disrespectful. You are literally screaming to your partner that you don't trust them. And that is not healthy or secure.

January 14, 2017

It is a gamble for sure, but what's life without gambling a little bit every now and then? Life is boring without a little risk taking if you ask me. And if you 2 are actually able to trust each other to that level and not let anything happen, that to me is just a truly beautiful thing, especially since so few people are able to do that.

Buy a lottery ticket, start a new business, take up sky diving....

Its not about trust.....Its about consideration,,,

TFY

January 14, 2017

Buy a lottery ticket, start a new business, take up sky diving....

Its not about trust.....Its about consideration,,,

TFY

Not quite sure what you're getting at but mk.

February 1, 2017

Bumpy bump.

February 4, 2017

Hi Zay, is this a hypothetical question or based on some real life situation? Any way to answer your question, if a husband wants to go on such a trip his wife could put him in a cage and if a wife wants to go her husband could put a chastity belt on her(Grin).

Seriously, it would require a tremendous amount of trust on the part of a spouse to allow his or her SO to go off on a vacation with a member of the opposite sex. I would think that the spouse who asked for something like this would be pretty naive or had inappropriate intentions. I think we have had a similar thread on here but it was about a newly married woman wanting to go off with a couple of her girl friends to Mexico or some place and her husband was not OK with it. Even though it was an all girls trip the husband probably felt that there was scope for some extra marital fun on a trip like that. I do not know what conclusion the OP in that case came to finally.Warm wishe.

February 5, 2017

Hi Zay, is this a hypothetical question or based on some real life situation? Any way to answer your question, if a husband wants to go on such a trip his wife could put him in a cage and if a wife wants to go her husband could put a chastity belt on her(Grin).

Seriously, it would require a tremendous amount of trust on the part of a spouse to allow his or her SO to go off on a vacation with a member of the opposite sex. I would think that the spouse who asked for something like this would be pretty naive or had inappropriate intentions. I think we have had a similar thread on here but it was about a newly married woman wanting to go off with a couple of her girl friends to Mexico or some place and her husband was not OK with it. Even though it was an all girls trip the husband probably felt that there was scope for some extra marital fun on a trip like that. I do not know what conclusion the OP in that case came to finally.Warm wishe.

Finally someone that has the decency to not assume and ask me if I'm just asking hypothetically. Itnwas a situation that somebody on Quora was going through and so I brought it here. A lot of the people responded the same way the people on here did. Most of them wouldn't be okay with it. Honestly I gotta say it saddens me how so many people think this way. Just because someone is going on vacation with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean they have shady intentions. Ugh. The world is full of insecure people. I can't stand it. I have a friend visiting me and she's of the opposite sex and her husband almost couldn't come but he didn't stop her. It's not like it's impossible ro remain platonic. Man. Makes me sick.

I mean I get it. There's no way for the parter not to know what's going on, but that's essentially because you don't trust that they'll be faithful. If they cheat on you then clearly it just wasn't meant to be. If they do cheat on you like that chances are theres something going wrong in the relationship in the first place. I feel if the relationship was happy and stable something like that wouldn't be happening in the first place. And if it does happen, well then they'll probably leave you in the future anyway. Idk. It just saddens me how so many people have this kind of ultimatum. You are literally screaming to your partner that you don't trust their behavior. And I'm sure there are many out there that are saying that I'm not being 'realistic' or 'relationships are about compromise', and yeah sure, but there's a difference between compromise and just giving into someones demands or manipulation. My wife can do whatever she wants. Relationships aren't prisons.

Edited February 5, 2017 by ZayKayWill

February 5, 2017

I used to work at a job where every now and again it required that 2 people went on an expenses paid trip for 3 days, that involved working for a few hours a day, with the rest of the time pretty free, no preparation for work needed. It was like a vacation really. Lunches, dinners, pubs, sight seeing and because there is only the two of you in a far flung place, you spend all the time mainly together.

Of the 6 married men I could have potentially went on those trips with, only one was not allowed to go by his wife, he went instead with male colleagues when it was his turn to go, but each of the other 5 men propositioned me at some point on one of the trips we went on.

I was never into much older married guys and I had a bf at home, so I swiftly turned them down and I just made sure my room was locked...

I guess their wives had complete trust in their men, "Its work, its purely platonic, he knows his boundaries", but I know a different story...

It is all very well saying a man or a woman can cheat at home if they want to, but "the out of sight out of mind" situation tends to lend itself to inappropriate behaviour.

Not one of those five men had ever crossed the line at home, I had worked with them for years, but with some Dutch courage and a "no-one will ever know" attitude anything was possible obviously...

February 5, 2017

I used to work at a job where every now and again it required that 2 people went on an expenses paid trip for 3 days, that involved working for a few hours a day, with the rest of the time pretty free, no preparation for work needed. It was like a vacation really. Lunches, dinners, pubs, sight seeing and because there is only the two of you in a far flung place, you spend all the time mainly together.
Of the 6 married men I could have potentially went on those trips with, only one was not allowed to go by his wife, he went instead with male colleagues when it was his turn to go, but each of the other 5 men propositioned me at some point on one of the trips we went on.

I was never into much older married guys and I had a bf at home, so I swiftly turned them down and I just made sure my room was locked...

I guess their wives had complete trust in their men, "Its work, its purely platonic, he knows his boundaries", but I know a different story...

It is all very well saying a man or a woman can cheat at home if they want to, but "the out of sight out of mind" situation tends to lend itself to inappropriate behaviour.
Not one of those five men had ever crossed the line at home, I had worked with them for years, but with some Dutch courage and a "no-one will ever know" attitude anything was possible obviously...

All 5 of them tried to put the moves on you? Meh...I guess when it comes to guys we tend to be pretty promiscuous because that's a part of our nature whereas women tend to be more reserved on that kind of thing. But hey at least your bf trusted you enough (and rightly so since you didn't cheat!).

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