GuessWho36 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I adore my EA partner to pieces .... She is close to 15 years my senior and we have been knowing one another for about 3.5 years.... She is single and in her late 20s.. I am married (for 15 years now) and in my early 40s. I'm distraught, not only is she my EA partner but a true & close friend...I'm starting to feel like she is going to ghost me soon. what should I do? we have never been physically intimate but the feelings run deep... In my heart I feel she is mine.... and always will be. Should I set her free or should I continue to fight for what we have? Please no judgmental comments. I do love and take care of my wife and family however this woman drives me wild. I so adore this woman and am intrigued by her. She is very beautiful and mysterious. She is also kind and smart. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Of course she would try and find a man who is completely available to her. IF you love her and consider her a friend then keep your distance so she can find a real life partner. You've been selfish and self serving and greedy. None of those qualities are attractive. Focus on your wife...you know you've short changed her by being so close to this OW. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 I meant that she is 15 YEARS MY JUNIOR.* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I meant that she is 15 YEARS MY JUNIOR.* You gave ages and I can read. You are playing with fire by being so selfish...risking your marriage for an ego stroke. Is that what you want...because your actions prove that you are totally willing to hurt your wife and risk her divorcing you. If you care about this very young gal - you will leave her alone so she can build a life of her own. Stop holding the place that's meant for her future husband. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 She's single in and in her late 20's. I'd say she's realised that this is going nowhere and wants to find herself a proper relationship. To want anything less for her would be extremely selfish on your part. Also, you don't need to set her free - she's more than capable of setting herself free. And it looks like she's doing exactly that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Sounds like this single gal is more important than your wife/marriage. Have you considered divorcing so you can offer marriage to your OW? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 You are being selfish and self centred. She is yours? Well maybe she wants to find someone who can be hers. That is not you because you are married. She deserves to have everything you have. A committed fulltime partner, marriage, children. How unbelievably cruel it is of you to expect this young woman to spend her life settling for the little you offer while you get everything. A wife, children, extended family, stability, status, and a mistress on the side. You must see yourself as quite the special prize if you really expect this young woman to sacrafice so much for you. I hope she sets herself free and never looks back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Sounds like this single gal is more important than your wife/marriage. Have you considered divorcing so you can offer marriage to your OW? That is not an option...however she would definitely be my type if I weren't married...but I still want her apartt of my life....I adore her...she has even told me she was in love with me before....she is such a beautiful woman...inside, as well as out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 You are being selfish and self centred. She is yours? Well maybe she wants to find someone who can be hers. That is not you because you are married. She deserves to have everything you have. A committed fulltime partner, marriage, children. How unbelievably cruel it is of you to expect this young woman to spend her life settling for the little you offer while you get everything. A wife, children, extended family, stability, status, and a mistress on the side. You must see yourself as quite the special prize if you really expect this young woman to sacrafice so much for you. I hope she sets herself free and never looks back. I just don't understand the adoration I feel for her is at all selfish. Never did I say she was unable to date others. Do I like it or am I fond of it?....of course not, but I learned to deal with it and even help her through whenever she would mention a love interest or potential to me....but she is still mine, and I have told her this.....Love is complex. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 That is not an option...however she would definitely be my type if I weren't married...but I still want her apartt of my life....I adore her...she has even told me she was in love with me before....she is such a beautiful woman...inside, as well as out... It really is cruel of you. You know it is. You asked years ago and posters told you to end it. When do you think you might become an unselfish friend to her? When do you think you may treat your wife with love and respect by being ONLY deeply connected to your wife? When? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 It really is cruel of you. You know it is. You asked years ago and posters told you to end it. When do you think you might become an unselfish friend to her? When do you think you may treat your wife with love and respect by being ONLY deeply connected to your wife? When? In what world is love and adoration a crime? So I am a bad guy for loving another woman for her soul and mind? at least I am not disrespecting her nor my wife by physically pursuing her or giving in to physical desires.....is love and adoration a crime? married or not.....love and attraction is not something we can control. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 It's interesting the way you convince yourself by justifying a boundary you know is inappropriate. Think about it - IF you were completely honest with your wife about how you lust after this gal - your wife would divorce you. There's nothing innocent about this "friendship" and you know it. And you're selfish by keeping this gal from finding a single guy to have as a partner. Quit holding that space in her life! If she were my daughter I'd beat the crap out of you for holding her back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I just don't understand the adoration I feel for her is at all selfish. Never did I say she was unable to date others. Do I like it or am I fond of it?....of course not, but I learned to deal with it and even help her through whenever she would mention a love interest or potential to me....but she is still mine, and I have told her this.....Love is complex. When she finds her own man and starts to put appropriate boundaries in place, you will find that you no longer have a place in her life. As you have not married her, you cannot expect any other outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I adore my EA partner to pieces .... She is close to 15 years my senior and we have been knowing one another for about 3.5 years.... She is single and in her late 20s.. I am married (for 15 years now) and in my early 40s. I'm distraught, not only is she my EA partner but a true & close friend...I'm starting to feel like she is going to ghost me soon. what should I do? we have never been physically intimate but the feelings run deep... In my heart I feel she is mine.... and always will be. Should I set her free or should I continue to fight for what we have? Please no judgmental comments. I do love and take care of my wife and family however this woman drives me wild. I so adore this woman and am intrigued by her. She is very beautiful and mysterious. She is also kind and smart. YOU should do nothing. Why should she be there for you, when you can't totally be there for her. You are holding her back. You are stopping her from finding her own happiness. Someone she can share all of her life with, not just bits and pieces. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 That is not an option...however she would definitely be my type if I weren't married...but I still want her apartt of my life....I adore her...she has even told me she was in love with me before....she is such a beautiful woman...inside, as well as out... But an affair is an option? Tell your wife about the affair and ask her if it's cruel or a crime to love another woman? Gauge her reaction then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 This beautiful woman, both inside and out, is getting older and probably tired of the sappy double talk that does nothing for her- maybe she realized that only getting part of "some old guy" is not what she wants for her life and she is moving on- let her... you have nothing to offer he that she can't find with a single, available guy- You may not feel loving two people is a crime, but perhaps she does- 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 You've got nothing to offer her, of course she's getting distant. She's 3.5 years too late, but better late than never. You need to grow up and stop being such a self centred human being. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I just don't understand the adoration I feel for her is at all selfish. Never did I say she was unable to date others. Do I like it or am I fond of it?....of course not, but I learned to deal with it and even help her through whenever she would mention a love interest or potential to me....but she is still mine, and I have told her this.....Love is complex. How could you possibly help her when she has dating issues?... you don't want her to find a man. And she is not yours! Women aren't objects to own. Now it's just creepy that you think you own her. Get some help, professional help. Your views of women are off track. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Why is divorce not an option? This is so unbalanced for your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 In what world is love and adoration a crime? So I am a bad guy for loving another woman for her soul and mind? at least I am not disrespecting her nor my wife by physically pursuing her or giving in to physical desires.....is love and adoration a crime? married or not.....love and attraction is not something we can control. These were the exact same thoughts i had while in EA. I respect the feeling of love. But the affair fog is real. I dispensed real affection in a wrong place. Then I realised that love is also respecting other people who LOVE YOU. My husband loved me and I could not hurt him by getting emotionally attached to this OM. Also my OM was not all that deserving, he never did anything which could put him in spot, while I was stupidly brave ( thus I got caught, thank god). I am sticking to bigger love this time ( my husband's). You are right. You cant guarentee that you wont fall in love after marriage, you keep falling in love with new things BUT if it hurts people who love you, whats the point in persuing it?. People who you love are nice to have but people who love you are precious. Your affair will hurt your wife in bad ways. Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 If you love this woman, you need to let her go. I'll mirror others when I say, as an xOW, that you are being selfish in trying to keep her hooked on you. It was excruciatingly painful to be in love with a married man. As the OW, you go into it full of love and excitement and passion, and when the fog begins to clear, you see where really are. Second-best, loved but not loved enough to be a man's one and only, relegated to the sidelines. Love is simply not enough to survive on. A person also has to have their dignity and self-respect. Keeping her as an emotional mistress allows her neither of these. Let her move on to a man that can give her the world, and not just texts and phone calls fit in between family obligations. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 In what world is love and adoration a crime? Really? Are you serious? IN THIS WORLD! There are some countries that stone adulterers (the females only). People get shot by other spouses. It is a crime in the military. Children's homes are imploded. Several Muslim countries and almost half of all US states still consider adultery a criminal offence. Adultery remains illegal in 21 states across the US. Just because you (say) didn't have intercourse, you state in an earlier post that "you both agree what you are doing is wrong". You know it is. You just don't want to admit it. Yum, you just like cake and having it. Why not let you W in on it, see if she is ok with your EA? I think we all know why. Greed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 You still here OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm still here.... Again having feelings and acting on them are 2 totally different things...people are attracted to others besides their spouses and have crushes everyday...I have not acted on it.....I'll never stop loving this woman...but I do love my wife too.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuessWho36 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Even when I don't communicate this woman I can feel her energy....we are connected and possibly even soul mates..... Link to post Share on other sites
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