I'm a complete mess. me. [UPDATE: Ran into my ex-girlfriend]

[kevinjinha]

I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years. She had a really bad family situation so as soon as we started dating, she lived with me.

 

It was really rough at first, because I was not used to it, but eventually I did get used to it and she became very dependable on me.

 

I did everything for her, from helping her from academics, introducing her to new hobbies, and the final stage where I restored her relationship with her family.

 

After restoring her relationship with her family 3 years later, she slowly started changing. She wanted this independence, and told me that she has relied on me way too much. I told her I didn't mind, and that she can still learn to be independent while being with me. She told me she wanted to move out, to learn how it like to be independent.

 

Later on, we would get in fights about how I'm too critical of a person, and that she fell out of love for me. That was extremely painful to here.

 

3 days ago, we broke up. She broke up with me, and I tried to beg her and plead her to take me back but she wouldn't budge. She told me we can still be friends and that she still cares about me. But she doesn't love me anymore. I told her i'd wait for her and if she can see us together in the future again, and she said "I can't predict the future" and I told her i'd wait, and she said " I don't want to give you false hope".

 

It has been 3 days since our breakup, and I have stayed at home and have lost 6 pounds and not eaten a single thing. I want her back, and I am currently trying the NO CONTACT method but apparently that is supposed to be for ME to get over HER. I don't want to get over her, I want things to work again. My friend is telling me she is trying to move forward with her life and she doesn't seem to be mentally affected at all. What do I do to win her back? Please help.

 

I was thinking that I would wait around 1-2 weeks, and hit her up casually and ask her how life is going for her. I would then maybe try to meet her up, and NOT sound desperate and just hang out with her.

[JohnnyStreet]

Female perspective on getting your Ex back and moving on.

Found this nugget of gold on a pua board. Read and learn. Hope this gives you some insight

 

 

“This just isn’t working for me” I told him. He shook his head; “Why?”, “Just tell me what I did wrong, I can fix it”, “I love you”, “we can figure this out”. These things stirred a strange mix of emotion within- a side of me felt bad that I was hurting this boy; in turn I felt anger towards myself. Another side felt pity for him… I felt embarrassment on his part, a sense of shame. Pull yourself together, I wanted to tell him.

 

I didn’t feel any desire to take him back. Hearing him plea didn’t move me in the slightest... in fact, the more he contacted me, the more I wanted to get away. He gave me a sense of power, running after me the way he did… but this power I held over him made him all the less attractive.

 

Guys… if and when she ends it, the best thing you can do is walk away. She tells you it’s over? You say “ok” and you walk away; walk away from her, the phone, the computer, whatever mode of communication she used to dump you. Walk away with your dignity, because the minute you lose that, you’ve lost all hope of ever getting her back.

 

The smart guys say “ok” and pretend they’ve moved on; I’ve seen it work to their advantage numerous times- this is because the less affected they appear after the break-up, the more it bothers her. Women are sadic in a way- we may not intentionally want to hurt you, but the truth is that when we see you’re not the least bit damaged by our departure, it gets to us… it makes us question ourselves: “What!? Just “ok”? But I just broke up with him… doesn’t he care?”

 

It bothers us when we see the break-up hasn’t left any impact on you.

It bothers us even more when we see that you’ve moved on.

 

Act unfazed and move on. Nothing you say to her right then will convince her to give this another go- you can’t win her back with words and promises. Stop texting her, running into her, complaining to other people about her, putting depressing quotes in your Facebook status, coming up with excuses to call or see her (like the fact that you really, REALLY need your Usher CD back…). Just stop. Stop doing anything that has to do with her and start the process of moving on.

 

Also, don’t delude yourself with her excuses: “I like you, but my parents don’t want me seeing you anymore”, “I like you, but I need time to think”, “It’s not you, it’s me” etc. The answer to all of these should be “ok”, because all of these are just a sugar coated “I’m just not into you... anymore”.

 

Tell her “ok” and move on. Actually do it- move on. Get out of the house, go out, find yourself another girl (btw, there's no need to go out of your way here to make sure she knows you're getting over her and under someone else... don't tag her in a picture of you and another chick; she'll find out, don't worry... news travels).

 

This is the only good shot you’ll have at getting the girl to want you back.

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote box ~6

[basil67]

The two of you were unequal. She needed help and you came to her rescue as a father figure. However, now that she's feeling stronger, she wants an equal - not a father figure.

 

What were you doing which made her say that you were too critical? Why were you fighting about it?

 

Lastly, if she's not mentally affected at all, then she truly is out of love for you. Sometimes when we leave a relationship, all we feel is relief and freedom - not sadness. This appears to be what she's feeling.

[kevinjinha]

The reason why she fell out of love for me is because I acted like I was always right when we argued. I never gave her a voice, and she didn't like that. I understand what you're saying when I was being too much of a father figure for her.

 

I just wanted to care for her, I didn't want to see her in pain. I am willing to change that aspect and become an equal with her. I can give her space and all the time she needs to become independent. I don't know if she's pulling a face or if shes actually completely over me. How can you be completely over someone who restored your life and was with you 24/7? In a matter of days?

[kevinjinha]

Female perspective on getting your Ex back and moving on.

Found this nugget of gold on a pua board. Read and learn. Hope this gives you some insight

 

 

[]

 

I should of atleast tried that when she broke up with me. But it was too painful for me, I was losing the love of my life of 3 years. My world. My everything. I couldn't bear to see her go so I broke down and begged for her back. She didn't budge or cry at all.

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shortened quoted text ~6

[kevinjinha]

The two of you were unequal. She needed help and you came to her rescue as a father figure. However, now that she's feeling stronger, she wants an equal - not a father figure.

 

What were you doing which made her say that you were too critical? Why were you fighting about it?

 

Lastly, if she's not mentally affected at all, then she truly is out of love for you. Sometimes when we leave a relationship, all we feel is relief and freedom - not sadness. This appears to be what she's feeling.

 

Do you have any advice as to how I could possibly get her back? She told me she's still extremely attracted to me physically, can that potentially help at all? I can change as a person, I've been trying to cleanse myself.

[basil67]

The reason why she fell out of love for me is because I acted like I was always right when we argued. I never gave her a voice, and she didn't like that. I understand what you're saying when I was being too much of a father figure for her.

 

I just wanted to care for her, I didn't want to see her in pain. I am willing to change that aspect and become an equal with her. I can give her space and all the time she needs to become independent. I don't know if she's pulling a face or if shes actually completely over me. How can you be completely over someone who restored your life and was with you 24/7? In a matter of days?

 

It wasn't just a matter of days - it was the entire time you spent dismissing her views and thinking that you knew better than her.

 

You may have restored her life. But in restoring her faith in herself, you gave her the strength to walk away from you when you treated her poorly.

 

Had you stopped being right all the time when she first started alerting you to the issues, you'd probably still be together now. But as the fights were recurrent, it would appear that you repeatedly refused to see that you were behaving badly. It's too late to fix it now. Her love has gone.

 

She is over you. Your previous behaviour pretty much guaranteed it would happen.

[JohnnyStreet]

I should of atleast tried that when she broke up with me. But it was too painful for me, I was losing the love of my life of 3 years. My world. My everything. I couldn't bear to see her go so I broke down and begged for her back. She didn't budge or cry at all.

I hear you man. We've all begged and pleaded at some point in our lives. Truth is: You did it and it's over, so don't beat yourself up over it. Just be good to yourself and let things settle down for a while. It'll be a lot easier to have a convo with her once you've re-structured and have become more rational. Go full NINJA NC for now.

[BlkVelvet]

Do you have any advice as to how I could possibly get her back? She told me she's still extremely attracted to me physically, can that potentially help at all? I can change as a person, I've been trying to cleanse myself.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it now; I know the pain is excruciating. We've all been there, trust me. But you WILL BE OKAY. Just take it one day at a time, DO NOT CONTACT HER, feel your grief, cry, pray, EAT whatever the hell you want, watch good movies, get plenty of rest. . .and remember the old adage: And this, too, shall pass.

 

Its gonna be alright, sweetheart. I promise you this.

[umirano]

There's no method or set of steps to get her back. Any sort of contact before you've become a better, bigger human being will eliminate whatever respect she still has for you. You need to walk, and work on your own personality.

[kevinjinha]

Thank you all. You guys made me realize a lot of things. I need to work on myself and move forward, and if we are meant to be then we will be together. I need to work on myself!

[kevinjinha]

Before I start, I don't really want to hear people telling me to "move on". I get that eventually I have to move on, but I want to try before I wonder "what could've been" If I hadn't.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up around 3 weeks ago. It was because she fell out of love for me due to my personality, etc. 1 week ago, I met up with her to go eat. It was nice, we talked and laughed. We mentioned a lot about old times and she even brought up some romantic things that we used to do. We both have a cat that we adopted but I take care of her now. We went to the vet together to get the cat checked up, and we spent 2 hours in the waiting room just talking about old times together. It felt nice as we caught up. I also told her what i've been working on as a person, and that she could notice change in me. I then dropped her off at night, and she gave me a nice hug.

 

My ex-girlfriend lives with my friend, so he gave me insight of how she felt that night. She misses the feeling of being with me and the cats, and for a moment she thought about being together with me. However, my friend said that she just couldn't force love though. She felt happy through hanging out with me, but just did not feel as much as she used to. She also told my friend how physically attracted she was to me, because I dressed in completely new clothes and looked different. But in the end, she said she couldn't force love.

 

Before this "hangout" she told my friend she didn't want to see me at all. But she kind of had a change of heart idk. What do you guys think my next approach should be? Should I give her time to think and ask her to hang out again? We don't talk a lot through text anymore actually. She's more responsive in person. I really DO want her back, and I understand that I must improve myself as well. I have already taken the necessary steps into improving myself and I am only getting better everyday.

 

But what I know is: I still love her and I still want her back. How can I re-gain the love she felt for me once before without being too persistent and annoying? Does it take multiple hang outs? Or should I wait? Im afraid if I wait she'll think I'm not interested anymore and force herself even more to forget about me. PLEASE don't tell me to move on, I already understand that concept.

[divegrl]

Wait.... your ex girlfriend lives with a guy?

[kevinjinha]

That guy is her cousin so no worries (I hope LOL)

[frigginlost]

Before I start, I don't really want to hear people telling me to "move on". I get that eventually I have to move on, but I want to try before I wonder "what could've been" If I hadn't.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up around 3 weeks ago. It was because she fell out of love for me due to my personality, etc. 1 week ago, I met up with her to go eat. It was nice, we talked and laughed. We mentioned a lot about old times and she even brought up some romantic things that we used to do. We both have a cat that we adopted but I take care of her now. We went to the vet together to get the cat checked up, and we spent 2 hours in the waiting room just talking about old times together. It felt nice as we caught up. I also told her what i've been working on as a person, and that she could notice change in me. I then dropped her off at night, and she gave me a nice hug.

 

My ex-girlfriend lives with my friend, so he gave me insight of how she felt that night. She misses the feeling of being with me and the cats, and for a moment she thought about being together with me. However, my friend said that she just couldn't force love though. She felt happy through hanging out with me, but just did not feel as much as she used to. She also told my friend how physically attracted she was to me, because I dressed in completely new clothes and looked different. But in the end, she said she couldn't force love.

 

Before this "hangout" she told my friend she didn't want to see me at all. But she kind of had a change of heart idk. What do you guys think my next approach should be? Should I give her time to think and ask her to hang out again? We don't talk a lot through text anymore actually. She's more responsive in person. I really DO want her back, and I understand that I must improve myself as well. I have already taken the necessary steps into improving myself and I am only getting better everyday.

 

But what I know is: I still love her and I still want her back. How can I re-gain the love she felt for me once before without being too persistent and annoying? Does it take multiple hang outs? Or should I wait? Im afraid if I wait she'll think I'm not interested anymore and force herself even more to forget about me. PLEASE don't tell me to move on, I already understand that concept.

 

Dead giveaway.

 

Do you want to know how to get her back? You're not going to like it, but it's really the only option you have. Do the opposite of everything you want to do. It's that simple. A woman knows if a guy is still interested whether you think they do or not. She's not going to forget about you. You need to NC. A person never knows what they have until they don't have it anymore...

[kevinjinha]

Dead giveaway.

 

Do you want to know how to get her back? You're not going to like it, but it's really the only option you have. Do the opposite of everything you want to do. It's that simple. A woman knows if a guy is still interested whether you think they do or not. She's not going to forget about you. You need to NC. A person never knows what they have until they don't have it anymore...

 

Yeah... That's what I was afraid of..... I guess the feeling of having me around and "willingly" being to hang out with her gives her like the power to be with me whenever she wants. I guess if I NC she can finally see that I might be gone forever. But I don't know, NC is risky because she might feel like im done with her and she'll just force herself to move on too. Shes a very stubborn and prideful person.

[frigginlost]

Yeah... That's what I was afraid of..... I guess the feeling of having me around and "willingly" being to hang out with her gives her like the power to be with me whenever she wants. I guess if I NC she can finally see that I might be gone forever. But I don't know, NC is risky because she might feel like im done with her and she'll just force herself to move on too. Shes a very stubborn and prideful person.

 

It's completely normal to feel that way, but you need to look at it backwards because that is what has taken place:

 

She has already said she does not want to be in a relationship, nor can she love you. Her mind is not going to think "He's done with me" because in her mind there is nothing to be done with. Yes, she will force herself to move on regardless if you keep in contact with her or not. Your only option in getting her back is to show her the repercussions of the decision she has made...

[jamili]

It's completely normal to feel that way, but you need to look at it backwards because that is what has taken place:

 

She has already said she does not want to be in a relationship, nor can she love you. Her mind is not going to think "He's done with me" because in her mind there is nothing to be done with. Yes, she will force herself to move on regardless if you keep in contact with her or not. Your only option in getting her back is to show her the repercussions of the decision she has made...

 

I am in the same boat as OP, im afraid my ex will move on since im such strict NC. But i trust in it, and know it's my only chance. Mine already sent me a couple emails full of photos, no words, so i ignored. Might not have gotten that email if it hadn't been for the NC. But im still waiting to reply until i get something more substantial with actual words in it.

 

You all should try this - go ask all of your female friends how many guys they dumped disappeared after/went NC? Go ahead, ask them. I asked all mine, and got the same answer: Zero. They all kept in contact, pleaded for longer, became doormats, tried to be friendly, showed they were still interested, etc. And guess how many of these women went back to them - zero.

 

Be the one guy in their life to be strong and go NC. It will definitely make her think, and throw her head for a spin. I think that's why it works, because its so unexpected and different from the typial dumpee guy.

[frigginlost]

I am in the same boat as OP, im afraid my ex will move on since im such strict NC. But i trust in it, and know it's my only chance. Mine already sent me a couple emails full of photos, no words, so i ignored. Might not have gotten that email if it hadn't been for the NC. But im still waiting to reply until i get something more substantial with actual words in it.

 

You all should try this - go ask all of your female friends how many guys they dumped disappeared after/went NC? Go ahead, ask them. I asked all mine, and got the same answer: Zero. They all kept in contact, pleaded for longer, became doormats, tried to be friendly, showed they were still interested, etc. And guess how many of these women went back to them - zero.

 

Be the one guy in their life to be strong and go NC. It will definitely make her think, and throw her head for a spin. I think that's why it works, because its so unexpected and different from the typial dumpee guy.

 

Yup. Be that. If there is any chance, that is the only way to get it.

[jamili]

Yup. Be that. If there is any chance, that is the only way to get it.

 

For the record i did my share of pleading to reconsider, arguing, trying to talk/work things out, and fix the relationship. I think we all do it, its almost impossible to avoid showing some neediness immediately after being dumped, unlews you are already full-on dark triad mode to begin with before the breakup. I think the only thing to do after that is go NC asap, to do damage control on the neediness. OP i dont think the begging you did has totally killed all chances, maybe just delayed it for a bit... but at least you go NC soon after and don't beg and plead for months like some guys do. Could be worse. NC asap, the sooner the better!

[MeadowFlower]

I probably should've gone NC sooner than I did... oh well it's done now, can't go back and change it.

[jamili]

I probably should've gone NC sooner than I did... oh well it's done now, can't go back and change it.

 

I think its very logical and natrual (and healthy) to try to fix the problems in the relationship and repair it during a breakup, thats why its so instinctual. The problem is logic doesnt apply during breakups, for whatever reason its doing the opposite of logic and instinct that works. Its reverse psychology, and capitalizing on insecurities of the dumper in a way, but its all you can do. Think about that Seinfeld episode where George does the oppsite of everything his instincts tell him . Unfortunately, you gotta go through a breakup or two to learn this "trick". Even then, most never learn it. The people on this website are a tiny sample of the general population. Go ask anyone you know irl who dumped someone ever, i can almost guarantee the dumpee didnt go nc. NC is common on loveshack.org but super rare irl. Pull it off and you could potentially show the dumper strength they've never even witnessed before.

[SevenCity]

I think its very logical and natrual (and healthy) to try to fix the problems in the relationship and repair it during a breakup, thats why its so instinctual. The problem is logic doesnt apply during breakups, for whatever reason its doing the opposite of logic and instinct that works. Its reverse psychology, and capitalizing on insecurities of the dumper in a way, but its all you can do. Think about that Seinfeld episode where George does the oppsite of everything his instincts tell him . Unfortunately, you gotta go through a breakup or two to learn this "trick". Even then, most never learn it. The people on this website are a tiny sample of the general population. Go ask anyone you know irl who dumped someone ever, i can almost guarantee the dumpee didnt go nc. NC is common on loveshack.org but super rare irl. Pull it off and you could potentially show the dumper strength they've never even witnessed before.

 

Right on!

 

But to the OP, there is no guarantee that she will ever come back and you have to live as if that is the case. Chances are not in your favor. Going no contact isn't an option....it's your ONLY option.

 

Think of it like this. If you get fired from your job are you going to show up Monday and ask if they reconsidered? That would be crazy. The same logic applies to a girl when they dump you.

 

Trying to use reason and logic with a woman will get you no where. As men, we feel that every problem has a solution and if only I could change this or that or if I find the right combination of words she will reconsider. Truth is, her emotions have made the decision. The harsher truth is the decision was made long before you were informed about it. She has had time to process the breakup and come to terms with it. You got punched in the nuts with no warning. It sucks. It's the worst pain you will feel.

 

I'm speaking from personal experience. My live in ex of 7 years dumped me and I had planned to ask her to marry me. I tried for three months to work things out. She would come over and we would have sex like 3 times within an 8 hour period (I'm in my 40s so that's impressive to me lol), bring me food, say how she loves me, send me care packages in the mail, etc. My issue was I tried to force the RL by saying "Either make up your mind or let me go" because honesty it was torture living in limbo.

 

4 months of NC went by and a couple of my friends convinced me to reach out because she might be too afraid. I did so after Christmas by sending a simple text stating that I had been thinking about her and let me know if she wanted to catch up. No response. Could be she's with another guy, she no longer cares, feels guilty for hurting me, or is still so messed up she can't face it. Point is, she didn't respond because she didn't want to. I should note that when she moved out she was hysterical all day and said no less than 15 times how "maybe we'll get back together" and we fooled around the entire day (fingering her and making her squirt and a bj for me as well) and made a point to tell me how good looking I was and I was the best looking guy she's ever dated. She even went as far to bring me my favorite cookies from her state (I refused them).

 

So with all this I didn't hear a peep from her. If a woman wants to reconcile it HAS to be her idea.

 

These past four months have not been fun. If not for the responsibility of caring for my dog I would have shot myself in the head - not kidding as my pistol is within arms reach of my bed. I don't recall a time where I have felt so low. I lost 40 lbs in 3 months because I had no appetite and would only find peace when I was sleeping. I held in my tears until I got home from work where I would be a zombie all day. I'm still seeing a therapist weekly which has helped a bit.

 

But it's gotten better. And it will for you as well. I started dating about a month into NC and started to apply what I learned from reading Corey Wayne's book how to be a 3% man. I've had sex with 3 women so far (first two turned out to have serious emotional issues lol). The one I'm with now is likely the hottest girl I've had sex with in my life - makes my ex look like a 15 year old boy lol. Helps a lot with the pain but when you really love someone it won't fix it by itself.

 

If I would go back in time I would have done things differently. But I can't. And neither can you.

 

My point is you are not alone but you will get through this. I'm not healed but I'm on my way. The other day I had a feeling of indifference towards her. It was fleeting, and just for a moment but it was there. Eventually that's where I will be. And that's where you will be as well.

 

Learn what you did to drive her away and never make those mistakes again. Read Corey's book, do the work, and get out there and start dating. You will make mistakes....practice so you are ready when the right girl comes along (or in the slim chance your ex comes back).

 

Best of luck brother.

[kevinjinha]

Right on!

 

But to the OP, there is no guarantee that she will ever come back and you have to live as if that is the case. Chances are not in your favor. Going no contact isn't an option....it's your ONLY option.

 

Think of it like this. If you get fired from your job are you going to show up Monday and ask if they reconsidered? That would be crazy. The same logic applies to a girl when they dump you.

 

Trying to use reason and logic with a woman will get you no where. As men, we feel that every problem has a solution and if only I could change this or that or if I find the right combination of words she will reconsider. Truth is, her emotions have made the decision. The harsher truth is the decision was made long before you were informed about it. She has had time to process the breakup and come to terms with it. You got punched in the nuts with no warning. It sucks. It's the worst pain you will feel.

 

I'm speaking from personal experience. My live in ex of 7 years dumped me and I had planned to ask her to marry me. I tried for three months to work things out. She would come over and we would have sex like 3 times within an 8 hour period (I'm in my 40s so that's impressive to me lol), bring me food, say how she loves me, send me care packages in the mail, etc. My issue was I tried to force the RL by saying "Either make up your mind or let me go" because honesty it was torture living in limbo.

 

4 months of NC went by and a couple of my friends convinced me to reach out because she might be too afraid. I did so after Christmas by sending a simple text stating that I had been thinking about her and let me know if she wanted to catch up. No response. Could be she's with another guy, she no longer cares, feels guilty for hurting me, or is still so messed up she can't face it. Point is, she didn't respond because she didn't want to. I should note that when she moved out she was hysterical all day and said no less than 15 times how "maybe we'll get back together" and we fooled around the entire day (fingering her and making her squirt and a bj for me as well) and made a point to tell me how good looking I was and I was the best looking guy she's ever dated. She even went as far to bring me my favorite cookies from her state (I refused them).

 

So with all this I didn't hear a peep from her. If a woman wants to reconcile it HAS to be her idea.

 

These past four months have not been fun. If not for the responsibility of caring for my dog I would have shot myself in the head - not kidding as my pistol is within arms reach of my bed. I don't recall a time where I have felt so low. I lost 40 lbs in 3 months because I had no appetite and would only find peace when I was sleeping. I held in my tears until I got home from work where I would be a zombie all day. I'm still seeing a therapist weekly which has helped a bit.

 

But it's gotten better. And it will for you as well. I started dating about a month into NC and started to apply what I learned from reading Corey Wayne's book how to be a 3% man. I've had sex with 3 women so far (first two turned out to have serious emotional issues lol). The one I'm with now is likely the hottest girl I've had sex with in my life - makes my ex look like a 15 year old boy lol. Helps a lot with the pain but when you really love someone it won't fix it by itself.

 

If I would go back in time I would have done things differently. But I can't. And neither can you.

 

My point is you are not alone but you will get through this. I'm not healed but I'm on my way. The other day I had a feeling of indifference towards her. It was fleeting, and just for a moment but it was there. Eventually that's where I will be. And that's where you will be as well.

 

Learn what you did to drive her away and never make those mistakes again. Read Corey's book, do the work, and get out there and start dating. You will make mistakes....practice so you are ready when the right girl comes along (or in the slim chance your ex comes back).

 

Best of luck brother.

 

This post really really helped me. I thought my ex-girlfriend was the most beautiful girl in the world. My insecurities got to me, but she always re-assured me that I was the most handsome guy she's ever been with as well.

 

She is gorgeous, and my biggest insecurities is imagining her having sex with someone else. Which is bound to happen, and I must forget it. But you are right, I will eventually move on. But for now, it is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with ever. I have not been single since I was 13 years old. I am 23 years old now, and I don't know what it means to have "time for myself" It's a really strange concept to me. I've always jumped into relationships because I think I might be co-dependent or something.

 

I am heartbroken, but I actually don't think she has any interest in coming back to me. It's really hard to not resent her, but I must be mature and not hate her. Thank you for the advice. I will definitely try to just.. move on. Any advice on how to manage those thoughts though? I always think about her ****ing another guy and it BOTHERS the living **** out of me.

[SevenCity]

This post really really helped me. I thought my ex-girlfriend was the most beautiful girl in the world. My insecurities got to me, but she always re-assured me that I was the most handsome guy she's ever been with as well.

 

She is gorgeous, and my biggest insecurities is imagining her having sex with someone else. Which is bound to happen, and I must forget it. But you are right, I will eventually move on. But for now, it is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with ever. I have not been single since I was 13 years old. I am 23 years old now, and I don't know what it means to have "time for myself" It's a really strange concept to me. I've always jumped into relationships because I think I might be co-dependent or something.

 

I am heartbroken, but I actually don't think she has any interest in coming back to me. It's really hard to not resent her, but I must be mature and not hate her. Thank you for the advice. I will definitely try to just.. move on. Any advice on how to manage those thoughts though? I always think about her ****ing another guy and it BOTHERS the living **** out of me.

 

Glad I could help brother. We seem to be similar with relationships. This is the first time I've been officially single in 17 years. Before that I cannot recall a time when I did not have a woman in my life.

 

Don't try to stop your emotions. Be authentic with them. If you are sad, cry. If you are angry, scream. If you are happy, laugh. But keep the sadness and anger for when you are alone - and don't do anything stupid / illegal! Be ok with not being ok. The more you try to not experience your emotions the longer they will linger. As Corey says "You have to feel it to heal it".

 

Corey's books and YouTube videos really helped me. The down side is you learn what you did wrong to push them away - that really stings. You'll say "If I only found his work a year ago I could have prevented this". But he also points out that most of your pain is not the loss of them but the hit to your ego. That if you were truly happy you would not have stopped putting your best foot forward (in the case of taking them for granted) or how your needy insecure behavior pushed them away. He's not a pick up artist. What he teaches will bring the best out of the best women and the worst out of the worst women. It's about finding the right girl who had a healthy childhood, who is not needy and insecure, who is faithful, and supports you in your purpose.

 

Ultimately you have to be happy with yourself. No one else can make you happy. They can add to your happiness but they cannot be responsible for it. You have to build a life that makes you the best version of you you can be.

 

On the bright side you are young - that will help tremendously. At my age, the pickings are slim. Women either have kids and an ex husband they hate (I don't want to deal with either) or they want to have kids yesterday. Oh and most of them are overweight. In your 20's you've got TONS of single, available, HOT women from which to choose. Oh how I envy thee.

 

So how to deal? Get out and start dating ASAP. Most people here will say you have to heal, it's not fair to women, etc. I say BS. See what your ex was capable of? They will ALL do that to you. In my life I have NEVER expressed undying love to a woman then chucked her to the side the next day. I've had it happen to me though...more than once.

 

Your first date will be awkward and you'll probably feel worse. As time goes on you'll start to get better at selecting women you are interested in and practicing the stuff you've learned. Then you'll see them blowing up your phone and wanting to lock you down - it puts you in the driver's seat and makes you feel great. The good news about still healing is you will now be completely objective with these women. You'll not be so ready to jump in unless you meet a girl who is truly deserving - and that will take time and repetition of your skills.

 

As you date more and more you'll realize what it is you really want in a woman and keep searching until you find her.

 

Unfortunately time is your salvation. As more time passes you'll begin to become more and more ok with the situation until one day you'll be completely indifferent. The amount of time varies per person and relationship. There is no set time anyone can give you.

 

I'm a different person than I was 4 months ago when it ended. Even from the holidays until now. I have my ups and downs but directionally it is getting better. I am able to laugh and enjoy being alone (with my dog of course!). Having a super hot chick to look forward to banging this weekend doesn't hurt either . And if it ends with her I'm ok with it. I'll find another!