CaliforniaGirl Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 It's not the same thing as "mental retardation" though. My cousin has aspergers and she's very smart and functional. I'm the same way. I don't know why you have brought up "mental retardation" (intellectual delay) twice. Did someone accuse you of having below-average intelligence? We can't know that. You seem more or less average to me based on your writing, which doesn't tell us much but that's all anybody has to go on, on a forum. Now...as for the diagnosis formerly known as Asperger Syndrome, AFAIK, one of the criteria was that no significant intellectual delay was present. That doesn't mean genius-level intelligence, though, or even above-average intelligence. I read a peer-reviewed paper at one point stating that there is no higher (or lower) percentage of above-average intelligence in the (then) Asperger community than in the neurotypical community. It's just that intellectual delay could not be present. However, again, I am not sure where you're getting that people are accusing you of intellectual delay, unless there's some other reason you're bringing this up. BTW, my posts are still being moderated (I think because I have posted infrequently and not in years?) so if other replies just like this one pop up before this one does, I am sorry to anyone who thinks I'm just repeating what they say. The delay has been from a few hours to a full day so far. Just putting that in so people don't think I'm reading their posts in the meantime or something. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Let's leave the specifics of any psychological diagnosis to professionals, and none are allowed to post here in a professional capacity, and return to the relationship aspects of women dating jerks, or not, and why or why not. Thanks! I am sorry! I suggested the OP get a DX or update his DX if he already had/has one so he can seek further help so I hope he does so. I apologize for going OT with that but it seemed a focus for the OP. OP: to answer the above, no, I do not believe women date jerks overall. I said it before but really...that's your perception and it's inaccurate. Most people have faults and are not perfect. You have faults, too, yet you expect (or hope for) love. We all have faults yet expect (or hope for) love. The average person is...well, average. Whether or not you seek relationships is up to you but I feel like your view of women this way, and of men, isn't very healthy and will only make you feel more, not less, unhappy. Give your fellow man and woman more credit than that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 It will take more than being nice to keep up a relationship. I've been called nice plenty of times and dumped also...And i'm a girl. Well, I hope you don't blame me for just getting an escort and not waste my time in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Well, I hope you don't blame me for just getting an escort and not waste my time in a relationship. That's a choice, who could blame you? As long as you're happy and within the boundaries of the law, it's all good. (IMO.) Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I will also stand by my statement, women don't like the good guys and they only go out with jerks. I'm not wasting my time anymore with relationships. Eh, this is a proven fallacy. Was your dad a D bag? Grandpas are horrible jerks? Every guy who has had a chance to reproduce is a grade A a**hole? No, that is not the reality. Women do not only go for jerks and D bags. SOME women, usually those with damaged self esteem etc will pursue unhealthy relationships with jerks – but those are not the majority. Dating – relationships, success is often about COMMUNICATION. The ability to communicate what you are about, how you feel about someone else, what you desire, what you have to offer – and to be able to read someone else, to be able to understand their desires, their wants and needs, and how to fulfill those. If you have Asperger’s unfortunately you are at a disadvantage because you most likely lack some of these communication skills, which will make it much more difficult to interact with women. “Swagger” isn’t about partying. Its about confidence – and I will tie that back to communication. It’s a powerful non-verbal communication. If a man walks into a room, and extrudes cool confidence (aka Swagger), he is saying something. He is saying that he has a high self-worth. He is saying he is confident and knows what he wants. He is saying he is not easily intimidated – these are all characteristics women tend to be attracted to. On a basic primordial level – with his body language he is saying he is a dominate male, which is attractive to females. Just like how the mares flock to the lead stallion, while ignoring the bachelor band as they squabble amongst themselves. Someone with swagger isn’t going to sit back and hope to get noticed – with that confidence, they are going to go after what they want, and they aren’t scared of rejection – they already think too much of themselves to let their ego get damaged so easily. So, they try more. They ask more girls out. They get more experience, and more confidence, and get even better at reading and responding to girls because they interact with them more. So – tell me – what is it about guys that are successful with women that you perceive to be “jerk” like? I am married and have dated a fair bit, I don’t think a single guy I have dated has been a jerk or a dbag – so tell me why they are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 As dear Amy Alkon has advised us, women go out with jerks because jerks ask. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Well, I hope you don't blame me for just getting an escort and not waste my time in a relationship. I don't "blame" you. Do as you wish. But don't blame other people for choices you make. You're making nasty damning generalizations about huge groups of people and that's not nice or even rational. RecentChange's post is very good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 I don't "blame" you. Do as you wish. But don't blame other people for choices you make. You're making nasty damning generalizations about huge groups of people and that's not nice or even rational. RecentChange's post is very good. I think having sex for the first time would actually boost my confidence in approaching a real relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 If I do get an escort, I would use protection of course. I'm just interested to see how my first time having sex is like. Can any of you blame me? I mean come on, I'm a guy who wants to have sex. Every guy likes sex lol. I don't think I'm that different. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 But I thought you gave up on dating because women only date jerks and last guys finish last I don't care if you go to an escort. But please take some measures to assure you are not supporting human trafficking or other types of hideous exploitation that often is inflicted upon women in this line of work. I don't think getting your Willy wet will really bring you confidence with the ladies, or more importantly the social skills to interact with them. Remember, a prostitute isn't there to teach you how to date, or really how to have sex or "make love". They are there to get it over with as quickly as possible and to get paid. I understand wanting to lose your V card, but I don't think it's going to improve your dating prospects. I have a motto "attitude affects everything". So if you have a bad attitude, if you believe it's only the jerks that get ladies, and your downfall is being a "nice guy" then you are going to reap what you sow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 But I thought you gave up on dating because women only date jerks and last guys finish last I don't care if you go to an escort. But please take some measures to assure you are not supporting human trafficking or other types of hideous exploitation that often is inflicted upon women in this line of work. I don't think getting your Willy wet will really bring you confidence with the ladies, or more importantly the social skills to interact with them. Remember, a prostitute isn't there to teach you how to date, or really how to have sex or "make love". They are there to get it over with as quickly as possible and to get paid. I understand wanting to lose your V card, but I don't think it's going to improve your dating prospects. I have a motto "attitude affects everything". So if you have a bad attitude, if you believe it's only the jerks that get ladies, and your downfall is being a "nice guy" then you are going to reap what you sow. Hey, me and the prostitute could feel a connection between us lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Brad, you can't meet women sitting at home and no one wants to just sit with you at home. You have to be social to get friends or girlfriends. So better push your comfort zone a lot and get used to it. If you can't make friends, you can't get a girlfriend either. So be friendly and social and build a social circle and that's how you meet and get to know someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Brad, you can't meet women sitting at home and no one wants to just sit with you at home. You have to be social to get friends or girlfriends. So better push your comfort zone a lot and get used to it. If you can't make friends, you can't get a girlfriend either. So be friendly and social and build a social circle and that's how you meet and get to know someone. I'm going to try to meet people at college this semester, I don't know how though, because I won't be living on campus, I'll only be a commuter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Their is this one girl I like, I went to middle school with her. I want to friend her on facebook, her name is Brooke and I'm nervous talking to her. She's a party's and I don't. She drinks, I don't. She smokes, I don't. I'm attracted to Brooke though, but I don't know if I should pursue her or not. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 She parties and I don't. She drinks, I don't. She smokes, I don't. Not a lot in common there I see. Would it be your intention to thus use Brooke to start partying and drinking to improve your social life perhaps or were you planning on staying home whilst she is out partying till the wee small hours? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I'm going to try to meet people at college this semester, I don't know how though, because I won't be living on campus, I'll only be a commuter. Is there any way you could arrange to live on campus? It would do you some good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Not a lot in common there I see. Would it be your intention to thus use Brooke to start partying and drinking to improve your social life perhaps or were you planning on staying home whilst she is out partying till the wee small hours? Well, I once saw her at a restaurant and she was my waitress, either she recognized me or she didn't, but I didn't tip her LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Well, I once saw her at a restaurant and she was my waitress, either she recognized me or she didn't, but I didn't tip her LOL. Why do you find that funny? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Why do you find that funny? Well, why didn't she take a break and talk to me? made me upset. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I agree, if you could live on campus, or very close to it that would be a great idea. As for meeting people at college - well you are going to have classes with hundreds of students. There will be group projects, study groups, in my college we had "labs" where smaller classes discuss topics in more depth, all are opportunities to meet people. But for me, parties, going out with friends, yes, drinking and socializing where how I met the most people. I graduated college 15 years ago (yikes!!) And my closest friends today are the ones I met in college. I met my husband in college (at a Halloween party!). Unless you get out there, it's not gonna happen. I think Brooke will probably find you a bit boring. What are your interests and hobbies? What would you do on a date? How would you show her a good time? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Well, why didn't she take a break and talk to me? made me upset. Annnnnd communication failure. And not tipping? Gees, that's always a no no. Safe to say you wouldn't be in her good graces. You recognized her. Did you SAY anything? Attempt to be friendly and nice? Or did you just stiff her after she didn't read your mind? I thought you were a nice guy, and not a jerk? Not tipping is pretty jerkish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Annnnnd communication failure. And not tipping? Gees, that's always a no no. Safe to say you wouldn't be in her good graces. You recognized her. Did you SAY anything? Attempt to be friendly and nice? Or did you just stiff her after she didn't read your mind? I thought you were a nice guy, and not a jerk? Not tipping is pretty jerkish. Maybe I should've asked Brooke to come sit and chat with me, but her boss probably wouldn't of liked it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Why would you want the type of women who are attracted to men who treat them bad? Why would anybody of either gender want somebody who enjoys being mistreated? There are plenty of guys who seem to enjoy being abused as well. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 A reasonable thing to do would have been something like Hey, your name is Brooke right? I think we went to middle school together. How are you doing? How's life treating you? You are right, asking her to come sit would have been wrong, because you need to respect that she is at work, and waitresses are expected to hustle. Btw, tips are often split with the bus boys and other kitchen staff. So you didn't just stiff Brooke rudely, you stiff everyone working that shift. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Maybe I should've asked Brooke to come sit and chat with me, but her boss probably wouldn't of liked it. So what DID you say to her? Link to post Share on other sites
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