I cheated on my wife and she wants to know every detail

[HereNorThere]

It's important to give her the details because she needs to know that man she thought she married was simply a figment of her imagination. You conned her into believe you were a good, worthy person and that wasn't true.

 

You will never be that person, but for once in your life, you could actually choose to do the right thing and take your mask off. I know it's asking a lot, but considering that you ruined this poor girl's life, it's probably the least you could do.

 

Well that, and buy her a plane ticket home. We all know that's where she's going to end up anyway. Do the right thing and let her go. There's no sense in continuing to torture her.

[turnera]

You want a chance at saving your marriage?

 

Here's what you do:

 

1) type out or write out a timeline of every single thing you've done to cheat on her. Step by step. As much as you can remember, day by day, from the first instance to the time you were caught (hopefully that's the last time you did). Put it in an envelope, seal it, and hand it to her.

 

2) Take her to your parents and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

3) Take her to her parents and/or siblings and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

4) Find a good marriage counselor and set up recurring appointments at least once a month for the next 12 months. Tell her about it and ask her to attend. When you go, sit there and TAKE IT when she unloads on how you've hurt her. This will take months, at least.

 

5) Find a good personal counselor and set up recurring appointments AT LEAST every two weeks. For you. To figure out how you grew up believing you had the right to USE people - no, use WOMEN - the way you do. It is part of who you are, so you sure as hell had better figure out what it is deep down inside of you that lets you pretend to love your wife while you put your own happiness first.

 

6) Offer to find a polygraph person and go and answer any questions she has, to prove you've told her the truth and are not hiding anything.

 

7) Offer to go together to a lawyer and set up a post-nup agreement stating that if she catches you cheating again, you WALK AWAY from the marriage and the home and the family with only what you came into the marriage with, and limited time with the kids.

 

8) If any of these women were people you had emotional attachments to, offer to write them letters saying you are dedicating yourself to your marriage and to never contact you again; hand them to her and let her send them.

 

If you are unwilling to do these things, you may as well just get divorced because you are not really remorseful, just sorry you got caught, and she WILL dump you eventually when she figures that out.

[ShatteredLady]

You want a chance at saving your marriage?

 

Here's what you do:

 

I'm sorry Turnera. I usually agree with you but for ME many of these things would have been very bad advise....

 

1) type out or write out a timeline of every single thing you've done to cheat on her. Step by step. As much as you can remember, day by day, from the first instance to the time you were caught (hopefully that's the last time you did). Put it in an envelope, seal it, and hand it to her.

 

I have (well had) some of my H's correspondence & I drove myself insane analyzing every single word. Writing out something he's going to use words & phrases that he doesn't exactly mean & she will get hung-up on them. It's better for him to verbally give her the details (asking if she wants him to continue & warning it will hurt) & let her make her own timeline. That's what I did. I could add what I was thinking, feeling & doing at the same time.

 

2) Take her to your parents and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

It's HER choice who knows. I would of HATED my H doing this!

 

3) Take her to her parents and/or siblings and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

Same as above.

 

4) Find a good marriage counselor and set up recurring appointments at least once a month for the next 12 months. Tell her about it and ask her to attend. When you go, sit there and TAKE IT when she unloads on how you've hurt her. This will take months, at least.

 

Great idea!

 

5) Find a good personal counselor and set up recurring appointments AT LEAST every two weeks. For you. To figure out how you grew up believing you had the right to USE people - no, use WOMEN - the way you do. It is part of who you are, so you sure as hell had better figure out what it is deep down inside of you that lets you pretend to love your wife while you put your own happiness first.

 

Couldn't agree more!

 

6) Offer to find a polygraph person and go and answer any questions she has, to prove you've told her the truth and are not hiding anything.

 

Yes!

 

7) Offer to go together to a lawyer and set up a post-nup agreement stating that if she catches you cheating again, you WALK AWAY from the marriage and the home and the family with only what you came into the marriage with, and limited time with the kids.

 

Agree BUT not about the kids. I felt that my H had betrayed his whole FAMILY. He didn't care about our children. Offering to deny THEM his time would not of gone over well with me.

 

8) If any of these women were people you had emotional attachments to, offer to write them letters saying you are dedicating yourself to your marriage and to never contact you again; hand them to her and let her send them.

 

Yes! But don't 'offer'. You MUST be doing this regardless. You need to have absolute NO CONTACT particularly with your long term mistress. Don't let her down gently. No "sorry" just the fact that you NEVER want anything to do with her EVER again & it was a monumental error.

 

If you are unwilling to do these things, you may as well just get divorced because you are not really remorseful, just sorry you got caught, and she WILL dump you eventually when she figures that out.

 

Also, order the recovery books, print out "How to Help Your Spouce Heal" & share them with her. You MUST start doing the hard work now. You are 100% in the wrong. Do not try to lesson your guilt by placing any of the blame onto your poor wife.

 

I know it's going to be incredibly hard for you but please remember that your wife is hurting more than you could even imagine. You have shattered her & if you want your marriage to survive you've got to work & fight harder for this than anything in your life.

 

PLEASE never be like my husband & tell her to "Stop picking the scab & get over it!" NEVER!! She will continue to have triggers for many, many years & it's your responsibility to shut-up & take it. It's your job to console her, hold her & work to understand what you've done & what inside of you allowed you to do this to the one person who you should have been loving & protecting from pain.

[Mrs. John Adams]

You want a chance at saving your marriage?

 

Here's what you do:

 

1) type out or write out a timeline of every single thing you've done to cheat on her. Step by step. As much as you can remember, day by day, from the first instance to the time you were caught (hopefully that's the last time you did). Put it in an envelope, seal it, and hand it to her.

 

2) Take her to your parents and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

3) Take her to her parents and/or siblings and tell them, in front of her, what you did and ask their forgiveness and another chance.

 

4) Find a good marriage counselor and set up recurring appointments at least once a month for the next 12 months. Tell her about it and ask her to attend. When you go, sit there and TAKE IT when she unloads on how you've hurt her. This will take months, at least.

 

5) Find a good personal counselor and set up recurring appointments AT LEAST every two weeks. For you. To figure out how you grew up believing you had the right to USE people - no, use WOMEN - the way you do. It is part of who you are, so you sure as hell had better figure out what it is deep down inside of you that lets you pretend to love your wife while you put your own happiness first.

 

6) Offer to find a polygraph person and go and answer any questions she has, to prove you've told her the truth and are not hiding anything.

 

7) Offer to go together to a lawyer and set up a post-nup agreement stating that if she catches you cheating again, you WALK AWAY from the marriage and the home and the family with only what you came into the marriage with, and limited time with the kids.

 

8) If any of these women were people you had emotional attachments to, offer to write them letters saying you are dedicating yourself to your marriage and to never contact you again; hand them to her and let her send them.

 

If you are unwilling to do these things, you may as well just get divorced because you are not really remorseful, just sorry you got caught, and she WILL dump you eventually when she figures that out.

 

one step at a time

 

Right now she is asking questions and details...IF and thats a very big IF....she can wrap her head around this information you might get to step two.

 

but first....give her what she wants....information

 

the next step she might ask for is your signature on a divorce decree....or your heart on a plate after she cuts it out of your chest....die sucker die

 

11 affairs is going to be a huge pill for her to swallow

 

I think you are smart enough to know the odds are stacked very highly against you.

 

you have so much crap to overcome...you could be digging yourself out of this hole for the rest of your life.

 

Question is....how much work are you willing to put in to convince her you are worth the effort?

 

I have been at this for 33 years...a one night one time affair. If i had done the things you have confessed to here...there would be no kind of reconciliation and i could very well be pushing daisies.

[Midwestmissy]

When everything falls apart, the only thing left standing in the room will be the truth. So you may as well start there since that's where you'll end.

 

Your lies are doing damage. The truth cannot do the damage that the lies can. My husband wishes he had started with the truth. Because it came out and it was the lying that crushed me.

[whichwayisup]

DO counseling. On your own and with her. Man, you need to unlearn some real bad selfish habits (entitlement, lying, cheating, no boundaries, no respect nor taking your marriage vows seriously to name a few) and learn how to be a husband. An honest, loving, kind, giving, NON CHEATING man who adores and respects his wife, a family man who will put his wife and family first before his own needs and NOT ever allow himself to be put in a situation where cheating could happen.

 

Can you be that man? If not, divorce your wife and allow her to grieve and find a man who can love and adore her, not cheat and break her precious heart.

[ladydesigner]

When everything falls apart, the only thing left standing in the room will be the truth. So you may as well start there since that's where you'll end.

 

Your lies are doing damage. The truth cannot do the damage that the lies can. My husband wishes he had started with the truth. Because it came out and it was the lying that crushed me.

 

Exactly the lying and gaslighting ruined me

[oldshirt]

12 women is not having a fling with your secretary that got out of hand. It is a lifestyle and a character issue. You are not traditional monogamous marriage material. Why are you even trying to remain married????

 

I don't see how telling her which toes of woman # 7 you deep-throated is going to benefit her at all.

 

She would be a fool to try to remain married to you if she knew what you are really like so why torment her with those details. Just be upfront that you aren't husband material and that you have cheated throughout your life and it is part of your being and that there is nothing she can do to make you into a suitable faithful husband and offer her a generous divorce settlement and an opportunity to divorce you with honor.

 

Some will argue that if she had full disclosure, that then she can make her own decision based on the truth. I get that and it has some merit.

 

However my concern is that she won't divorce you and that you will just capitalize on her weakness and destroy whatever shred of dignity she has left down the road some time.

 

Just do the humane thing and let her go so that she may be able to find someone that will treat her decently. You know darn well that it will just be a matter of time before some other cutie wiggles her butt at you and you will be right back to banging other chicks again, so free the both of you.

 

Free her so she can find a faithful man and free yourself so that you can bang chicks at will.

 

Yes there will be tears for both of you and the divorce will be a hassle. But in a year or two both of you will be happier and better off.

 

Do the right thing for once and let her go.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Exactly the lying and gaslighting ruined me

 

 

LD...maybe that was the one thing i did right huh? Gosh...I dont know....80 women and 11 affairs in 2 years?

 

I am the most compassionate understanding forgiving person I know....and this might send me over the edge...I cannot imagine this poor woman forgiving or even desiring to forgive this man for this kind of betrayal.

 

this is a truly serious serial cheater.....and i don't hear any remorse...I hear bragging about his achievements.

 

It makes one scratch their head and say...is this guy even for real? Could anyone be this cruel...and still expect the victim to be like...well yeah babe...no big deal...we can get over this in a week or two......

 

 

Geez...I dunno about this case....

 

I think if i knew i had done all this...I would go directly to a lawyer and sign over everything to my spouse and disappear from the face of the earth.

[BetrayedH]

...it was the lying that crushed me.

 

It's really hard to overstate this.

 

My wife continued to try to lie, deny, minimize, and hide stuff. It wasn't the affair that killed our marriage; it was the lying. She was supposed to be my partner for all things in life. But she kept lying. I could forgive someone for being broken and making really poor decisions. But I didn't need a partner that could continue to lie straight to my face after I'd tried so hard to forgive. Who needs that kind of partner? It's was the lying and refusal to be open with me that lead to our divorce.

 

You need to clear this hurdle, or let her go.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry, but 12 women over a period of two years isn't just an affair... you made a conscious decision to do something that would be extremely hurtful to your wife, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

 

I can't really believe that you would expect to stay married after this... Because I can't imagine that any self respecting woman would stay after learning the details.

 

You owe her the details, starting with how many women and how long. You owe her the truth so that she can make an informed decision of whether she wants to stay married to a serial cheater...

[benpom]

OP, I can definitely imagine that you are going through a difficult time.

 

This is not what you want to hear, but for your own good, I recommend you to think about these things:

 

When you say you love her, can you break down the 'love' part into details? Do you mean you enjoy her contribution to your life? Do you mean you want her to keep being nice to you? Or do you mean you want to make her happy? Or do you mean you care about her well-being? Have you really thought about what is love? If you never loved her much before, why do you think you are going to love her in future?

 

When you use words like 'fricking details', it sounds very much like you are annoyed by what she is going through. If you love her, you would be feeling guilty and remorseful, not being annoyed.

 

If you don't have children together, it's probably better for both of you to end the marriage.

 

Other than opportunities, people cheat because of lack of integrity. It is a character issue. How fast can you build your integrity? Days, months, years? I would say days is impossible. For strong-willed people, perhaps months, but first you need to know where did things start going wrong. Even then, you may not have the will and power to fix yourself. Even if you stop cheating, the underlying issues of yours is going to surface in other ugly ways.

 

She is not going to trust you unless you fix yourself. Of course she still may not be able to forgive you even if you fix yourself. That sweet girl you love is gone. Even if she stays with you, she is not the same sweet person anymore. Are you sure you love this new her?

 

You need to be first honest with yourself. If you are not attracted to her, you can't fix it. If you don't love her, you need to find out why not. Do you love yourself? I doubt so. People who have enough self-love rarely do thing that marks a lack of integrity. Who do you want yourself to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What is the purpose of your life?

Edited January 5, 2017 by benpom

[understand50]

kuiter,

The only thing you have left to give her, if you really love her, is a quick, clean divorce, with you disappearing completely out of her life.

 

True love is putting the other before your own needs. She needs you to be gone, and completely out of her life. You and only you can do this. File, give her everything, and leave forever. Never darken her door. Love can take make forms, and for you, this is the only thing left. Maybe someday, you can understand, just what you did to her, but not now. If you have any love and respect for her, get out of her life as soon as you can and as painlessly as you can. Time to man up and own your actions, and do the decent thing for her. Remember, this is for her, not you, and the only way you can begin to try and make this right at some level. Take what courage you have, and what love you have left, and do this.

 

I wish you courage, and luck.........

Edited January 5, 2017 by understand50

[Mr Blunt]

kuiter,

The only thing you have left to give her, if you really love her, is a quick, clean divorce, with you disappearing completely out of her life.

 

 

 

 

You have permanently damaged your marriage. If you have any integrity left you will do what is right for her for once. DO NOT take advantage of her weakened state; you have poisoned this marriage and you owe it to her to set her free from you.

[sandylee1]

somewhere in there is the man that I saw my future with. If he's still there, maybe we can get past this.

 

But I wonder if she knows the real you, who has cheated in every relationship bar one in your life. You're probably not the man she thought you were and this is the real you.

 

You've been in Germany 2.5 years and were cheating for most of that time. ... what is it about Germany? Irresistible women who loved your accent? There's a definite connection between the move and you cheating.

[Popsicle]

Google the PDF "Esther Perel After The Storm" and read that.

[waterwoman]

Google the PDF "Esther Perel After The Storm" and read that.

 

I liked that. In particular this:

 

" For those daring enough to try, they may find themselves having all of them with the same person. An affair may spell the end of a first marriage, as well as the beginning of a new one."

[Furious]

Why does she want to work through it? Because she's a better person than I am. She won't really talk to me. She texted me this:

 

"Part of me wants the satisfaction of booting you to the curb and to hurt you back. To watch your life fall apart the way mine is. At the end of the day that satisfaction would be short lived and replaced by dissatisfaction. Unlike you, I don't want to hurt my spouse or throw away my marriage like it is meaningless. When I took my vows, I meant them. You may not have, but I did. I promise nothing, but I will fight for this marriage because somewhere in there is the man that I saw my future with. If he's still there, maybe we can get past this. I respect our marriage enough to try before I walk away, I wish you would have granted it the same respect. You didn't, and now you have one last chance to be the man I married."

 

I want to be faithful to her. I will do whatever she wants to show her that I'm serious about this. I want to be the man that she married. I suggested moving back to the USA, the cheating started here in Germany, but she doesn't want to. In her words, she wants privacy to deal with this. I don't think she has told anyone.

 

I know that many marriages fail and reconciling after affairs isn't a great chance. That is no reason to just walk away. I have a wife who is willing to try and I want to as well. I know that I ****ed up, hard. I need to make that up to her and prove myself to her. As much as I cheated, I do still love my wife and want to be with her. It was never about finding someone else.

 

Of course I'd rather not tell her all of the details. I don't want to say it or admit to it, but for her I will. If that's what she needs then I will do it. I don't want to hurt her as much as this will, but I already have. Telling her everything is going to be extremely hard.

 

I'll look up that thread.

 

I've been with my wife for 10 years, married 8. I met her when I was 26. Before my wife I had 8 relationships and I cheated in all of them, except the last one. I blamed it on being a stupid teenager. My last relationship was from 20-23, we had issues but I didn't cheat. I thought it was something that I did as a teenager and wouldn't ever do again.

 

So am I suited to monogamy? I want to be.

 

Right now, my wife knows that it was more than one woman but doesn't know that it was 12 (11 purely sex, 1 relationship). She asked if it was more than one and I said yes. We haven't gone further than that. She doesn't want me to say, she said she wants to do 'one at a time'.

 

Do I just blurt it out even though she doesn't want that?

 

She has always been bothered by the amount of women I've had sex with. Her list is easy: Me. I stopped counting somewhere along the line. If I had to put a number to it, somewhere between 60-80. In my teens and 20's sex came easily to me and I took it. She has always been insecure and lacking confidence in the bedroom because of it. She use to say that she didn't care how many women I was with, as long as I was her last... Now it might be a bigger deal.

 

 

You know who you are and the "concern" you express for the pain your wife is going through was the cost benefit that best served you.

 

You are struggling with how much honesty you should give your wife is still about you.

 

My advice would be to not give her details but tell her the truth that it was over a dozen women over a two year period.

 

You may believe you love her but your actions show your idea of love is skewed.

Love without respect is only a four letter word.

 

Give her the basic facts, and if you do care about her as you claim be honest with yourself that you are not the man for her.

[Fugu]

I remember the main details. There was more than one woman and over a period of 2 years. It gets a bit foggy. It's not just the 'normal' details that she wants to know. It's what we ate and drank when we went out, where did we go out (every single time), where did we sit, what exactly did we talk about, were they 'hotter' than her, what features were better than hers, what exactly did we do during sex (ie, she wants to hear "we made out, then I went down on her until she reached orgasm, we had sex in XYZ position for 20 minutes, then we.....).

 

That can't be healthy... I'll try and tell her everything if I must but it doesn't seem like a good idea.

 

 

 

If she knew all of the details, honestly I don't know. Right now she doesn't know how many women, just that there was more than one. She bounces back and forth between telling me not to dump facts on her but then wanting to know every detail. She wants to learn it in a slow torturous way rather than quickly getting out the facts and trying to move on.

 

It went on for 2.5 years. I slept with 11 women, anywhere from once to 1-2x a month. I had a relationship with another woman on and off for 22 months. She knew that I was married.

 

Did the details help him or was it just unnecessary torture?

 

You seem concerned with salvaging your marriage, but I think that if you were truly being honest with yourself and looked at this objectively, you would have to acknowledge that your behavior over the past several years is not really consistent with someone who's concerned with maintaining a healthy relationship. This seems to be all about you fulfilling your own needs.

 

I'm not saying this to be harsh or judgmental -- we all have flaws and I think it's not that uncommon for individuals to have lusts and thoughts about other people over the course of a long relationship. The problem here is that you've actually crossed the line - multiple times - from fantasy to engaging in behavior that violates the spirit of the relationship.

 

Maybe you've fulfilled your needs, but what about *her* needs? Let's start with her need to know the truth about the person she's married to. You no longer control this situation - your secrets are out and you've been exposed. It would be better for both of you to just let it all out and let the chips fall where they may. Stop trying to control the flow of information in the marriage, which is really your way of trying to control the marriage on your terms and an attempt to control her. Stop controlling her. Tell her the truth. And let her make an informed decision for once.

[Furious]

You seem concerned with salvaging your marriage, but I think that if you were truly being honest with yourself and looked at this objectively, you would have to acknowledge that your behavior over the past several years is not really consistent with someone who's concerned with maintaining a healthy relationship. This seems to be all about you fulfilling your own needs.

 

I'm not saying this to be harsh or judgmental -- we all have flaws and I think it's not that uncommon for individuals to have lusts and thoughts about other people over the course of a long relationship. The problem here is that you've actually crossed the line - multiple times - from fantasy to engaging in behavior that violates the spirit of the relationship.

 

Maybe you've fulfilled your needs, but what about *her* needs? Let's start with her need to know the truth about the person she's married to. You no longer control this situation - your secrets are out and you've been exposed. It would be better for both of you to just let it all out and let the chips fall where they may. Stop trying to control the flow of information in the marriage, which is really your way of trying to control the marriage on your terms and an attempt to control her. Stop controlling her. Tell her the truth. And let her make an informed decision for once.

 

 

^^^^^ well said Fugu

[Fugu]

kuiter,

The only thing you have left to give her, if you really love her, is a quick, clean divorce, with you disappearing completely out of her life.

 

True love is putting the other before your own needs. She needs you to be gone, and completely out of her life.

 

I wouldn't say he has to get a divorce, but he needs to give her the full story so that she can have the freedom to make that decision if she chooses. I have a feeling that once she knows the scope of it, she will probably indeed go through with it. But let that be her choice.

[BetrayedH]

I wouldn't say he has to get a divorce, but he needs to give her the full story so that she can have the freedom to make that decision if she chooses. I have a feeling that once she knows the scope of it, she will probably indeed go through with it. But let that be her choice.

 

It's also the only way the marriage will "thrive" in the long term. This cannot be swept under the rug.

 

The other thing to consider is that even if she chooses to divorce, she deserves to know the truth. Betrayed spouses twist themselves into pretzels blaming themselves, thinking how inadequate they must have been to not be able to keep their spouse faithful. It deals a massive blow to our ego, fills us with self-doubt, makes us question our worth. We focus on what we must have done wrong. She needs to know how extensive this was so that she can truly see that this wasn't about her and was clearly to do with you.

[miltie1916]

Have you thought of suggesting to your wife that you and her seek professional counseling? There you can open up about the details of your infidelity with an independent trained third party.

[road]

The BS needs to get all the details that they want. Though the BS has to be told that whatever they ask think first do they need to ask because they will never be able to un-hear what their WS says.

 

 

Let the BS control the level of details told by the questions that they ask. Example if the BS asks was the sex good then the answer in one word is: yes.

 

 

If the sex with the AP was the best ever, that information was not asked for so the WS does not volunteer that information.

[dreamingoftigers]

I remember the main details. There was more than one woman and over a period of 2 years. It gets a bit foggy. It's not just the 'normal' details that she wants to know. It's what we ate and drank when we went out, where did we go out (every single time), where did we sit, what exactly did we talk about, were they 'hotter' than her, what features were better than hers, what exactly did we do during sex (ie, she wants to hear "we made out, then I went down on her until she reached orgasm, we had sex in XYZ position for 20 minutes, then we.....).

 

That can't be healthy... I'll try and tell her everything if I must but it doesn't seem like a good idea.

 

 

 

If she knew all of the details, honestly I don't know. Right now she doesn't know how many women, just that there was more than one. She bounces back and forth between telling me not to dump facts on her but then wanting to know every detail. She wants to learn it in a slow torturous way rather than quickly getting out the facts and trying to move on.

 

It went on for 2.5 years. I slept with 11 women, anywhere from once to 1-2x a month. I had a relationship with another woman on and off for 22 months. She knew that I was married.

 

Did the details help him or was it just unnecessary torture?

 

I was in that EXACT SAME POSITION.

 

Wanting to know details down to the minutiae. And him saying "blAh blah blah no, you're just torturing yourself blah blah blah."

 

If he didn't want torturous details to infect my life, he would have cheated on me and it wasn't his business to tell me "what I did or did not need to know" or "what I could handle."

 

If a relative of mine had been murdered, I would want details. I would want to understand every last thing I could about the act and the scene because the unanswered portions would haunt me more and those questions would traumatically cycle through my mind UNTIL I DIED. The answers are often the end of the equation, the pain they brings May last years but not UNTIL I DIE.

 

My husband tried to bury his details and paternalistically "spare me the pain."

 

It DID NOT. So began an absolute trauma for EIGHT YEARS of him lying, procrastinating, minimizing, demeaning, acting like I was crazy for fixating on it and wanting to know. It was absolutely EIGHT YEARS of daily torture where o knew he was lying to me to cover his arse and the only other way out was divorce and tearing up my family.

 

DO NOT be that guy. You've ALREADY DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. You don't get to tell her what she can and can't handle. It's you who can't handle her sobbing THAT YOU CAUSED. So steel yourself and do THR RIGHT THING and BE HONEST instead of trying to control her reaction to your betrayals.

 

After eight years, my husband FINALLY told me the full truth and that bubble of pain popped. It is the weirdest thing. It's like "it's finally over" I got the truth and NOW we can move on.

 

Btw, my husband was a serial cheater like yourself.

 

If you can't deliver the details blow-by-blow and watch her reaction then WRITE IT DOWN.

 

So she can TAKE THE TWO TO FIVE YEARS to process the grief over the marriage that she though she had with the husband she thought you were.