Broken up - trying to recover, no contact and it gets messier...

[positivethoughts]

Hi,

 

I have been reading a lot of the post on here over the last few weeks and though they have been helpful I haven't found one that is too similar to mine... So here it goes, thanks for reading and your input in advance.

 

I met this girl back in May while walking on the beach and sparks were flying from the moment we made eye contact. I approached her talked about living in the area etc, got her number and we went on a date 2 days later.

 

Things were great for 2 months, no fights, no issues, we went on trips, camped, hiked, kayaked, went out with friends, cooked great meals together, had a blast. We had an amazing sex life etc.

 

Then it happened....**** hit the fan...she had some vaginal irritation that went from maybe im just im chaffed from being in a wet bathing suit all day to the next morning being in pain and knowing something wasn't right. Anyways, it turned out to be a herpes outbreak...a really ****ty situation - she went to the Dr. , they swabbed the sore and it came back positive.

 

She was in a lot of pain and had to take a few days off work to recover. She stayed at my house so she didn't have to be around her sister who she lives with...I work from home so I was able to be there for her and cook etc. She recovered, I went and got tested about 2-3 weeks later, as I had to wait for my insurance to kick in. I never had any symptoms so they had to do a blood test which came back inconclusive. The Dr. said I should retest in 6-8 weeks.

 

We continued to date but things were different...when we had sex it was with condoms and very carefully. It wasn't the carefree sex that we had before, which really sucked, and it put a damper on things....when sex slows down in a relationship its usually a red flag. She wasn't as interested in sex due to the friction being the cause for the potential of another outbreak.

 

I got tested again and the blood test came back positive...I still haven't had any sort of outbreak...The Dr. said this is the case with most people who have herpes, they don't know they have it. Here is some info on herpes that you probably didn't know...it's super common and most dont know they have it....

 

https://herpesopportunity.com/downlo...re-handout.pdf

 

 

About 3 weeks later we were going on a date to dinner at a nice restaurant and she was supposed be come to my house at 7:30, she texted and said she was going to be a few mins late. She showed up at around 7:40, crying and not dressed to go...she said she wanted to breakup - that I was a great guy but didn't see things going forever and that she was super stressed out and was too busy for a relationship etc. I was pretty devastated and tried to convince her to stay.

 

We continued to talk/hangout and have sex about 2x a month for the next 3 months. It was always on her terms, if I called her after having a fun night with her she perceived it as me being needy and wanting more...

 

Christmas day she contacted me via text wishing me a Merry Xmas and filled me in on the gifts she received, the inlaw drama and what her dog did etc.

I was surprised she had reached out, but happy to hear from her.

 

Dec 29th I saw her while riding my bike home from a friends house, she was on her bike. She stopped gave me a hug and kiss, we talked, this was the first time I had seen her in person in 3 weeks. She then proceeded to invite me out to trivia with her and her friends. All of whom I know pretty well, from the 7 months of us dating. We had a fun night at trivia, I then went home alone and she did as well. She then proceeded to text me and say she wanted to live an independent life etc. I texted her back lets talk in person, it was late I ended up going to her house and she really didnt want to talk. She basically layed in bed looking away from me, I tried to cuddle which she was ok with, but it didn't feel right. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't so after about 1 hour I said I was going home, so she could get some rest...

 

The next day she texted me and said I don't think this going back and fourth is working for either of us. I feel really bad about the way I treat you because you dont deserve it, you havent done anything wrong, I just dont feel like youre the person I am going to marry? She couldnt give me reasons why, we have tons in common, dont fight, enjoy most of the same things etc. For one reason or another she lost interest in me....

 

Now I am wondering how to move on...I think if I didn't have herpes and have to go into every new relationship with this baggage and have to tell potential partners my situation I think I would be able to move on alot faster but with this diagnoses, it makes it really hard....

 

It seems like she would want to work things out with me given her herpes status? I know she isn't going out and hooking up with other guys at this point. She is in the same boat as I am, newly diagnosed and having to cope with the stigma of having herpes. I think she may have it a little worse than I do given that she does get outbreaks.

 

We haven't spoke or texted in a week now, and though I want to reach out I know I shouldn't. I should respect her decision and try to move on. She has my number and knows how to get in contact with me.

 

Thanks for listening to me rant

[positivethoughts]

Anyone have any insight?

[Logo]

Perhaps she feels that she got it from you and you've been more than a few times around the block, sexually speaking, so she drew all kinds of conclusions about you and your character, your previous partners, and so on.

 

She might also be thinking that you're an irresponsible person who should have tested mote often.

 

She might be wondering if you knew you had it and simply didn't tell her. That would destroy whatever trust you had between you two.

 

Either way, if it's you who has passed it on to her and she's convinced of that, she's got it for a lifetime. There's no going back.

 

I think you're going to have to move on. it sounds she feels fragile and distant, if not uninterested anymore.

[Simple Logic]

Anyone have any insight?

 

I think it is on you to call her, not the other way.

[positivethoughts]

Truthfully, we have had long conversations about where we thought it came from etc. She was "raped" about a month before we started talking. I use that term loosely, but that is the term she used when she told me the story.

 

She met a guy on bumble met up with him for a drink she said she felt weird after a drink or two and asked him to take her home. He took her home and she said he was in bed with her and she remembers telling him multiple time no to sex. She said they were making out or something -anyways the guy ended up on top of her and having sex with without a condom. She was crying and screamed for him to leave. He got scared, got his clothes on and left. The next morning she tried calling him, no answer. She texted with him and said he raped her etc...he said no and im so sorry it seemed like you wanted i etc.

 

Anyways, she told this guy to get tested but he refuses. Deep down I think she thinks this is where it came from.

 

We still share a large group of mutual friends so if I get a hint that she wants to talk to me I will reach out. It has just been multiple times that I have tried to rekindle things with her and it always ends the same way...She is truly an amazing person but for one reason or another she doesnt see things going long term. Most of the time we get together we end up having sex and having a good time.

 

Do you really think I should reachout again? Today is day 8 of no contact. Should I wait certain amount of time and the try to contact her or say screw it and see if she ever contacts me?

 

She said she always wants us to be there for eachother in regards to herpes and what we are dealing with. I am the only person that knows that she has herpes and she doesnt have anyone she trust enough to tell. I have only told her and my parents my status.