Why don't don't people call when they say they will?

[Pamela]

What has become of our society? Why do people say they'll call you back and don't?

 

In my case males are usually call me back more than female friends.

 

It just makes me so mad that a friend I've known since grade school hasn't returned any of my messages. I don't understand why. She just became a lawyer last year and is doing very well. We've always kept in touch, but these past two months I've left about four messages on her machine and she's never returned my calls.

 

I called her work to see if she was still in town a month ago and her secretary told me she had gone on vacation for two weeks, but she would be back the next day. Still no reply.

 

I left it for a month. A few days ago I called her again and said that this was the last time I was going to call her, and if she didn't return my call this time I wouldn't bother anymore because I don't want to humiliate myself all the time. It is just too unpleasant for me to be in that position.

 

It just doesn't make sense why she wouldn't even return one call, even if it was just to explain that she was really busy.

 

I don't know what you guys think, but I've had it with people like that! So people are busy! Big deal! It doesn't mean they have to ignore you.

 

For myslef and my friend, not returning an occasional call is not such a big deal, but not returning a few? As friends we have never argued or fought, but now I am putting her on my "black list" and if she ever does contact me we will have something to argue about.

 

Am I being too emotional here? Too sensitive?

 

Help!! Why am I alone in this jungle of an "everyone-for-themselves" world?

 

The buses have been on strike for almost a month now. At the beginning of the strike it was easy to hitch-hike, but now less and less cars pick people people up because they assume we've all gone out and bought ourselves a car! Why is it looked down upon over here to not have a car? Not have a Visa Gold Card? I'm beginning to have mixed feelings about this country (Canada). Almost everyone in Poland is poor compared to here, yet people are more "humane" over there. I'm beginning to seriously consider moving back to the old country..

[Tony T]

1. "What has become of our society?"

 

Depends on which country you're in. In the United States, to varying degrees, manners, consideration, respect, kindness, courtesy, etc. have diminished substantially in the past 30 or 40 years. This is partially because of the emergence of females into the workplace so children are left to their own devices. Parents are too tired when they get home to teach children these things. Day care workers don't care either. This is a very long discussion but those are the basics.

 

A lot of people you'd be quite surprised to hear are on drugs, illegal drugs, even at work. They hide it well most of the time. When they get off work, they shoot up cocaine, smoke marijuana, etc. or they go out and get blasted at some bar. Yes, even some of your dear friends probably do it. It's hard to remember returning phone calls when you're on drugs or polluted in alcohol. It's a real serious problem.

 

2. "Why do people say they'll call you back and don't?"

 

Many do call back. Some mean to and it slips there mind because you have nothing they want or need or they don't anticipate any use for you in the near future. As for the ones who don't, people basically do what they want to do. Busy people make time to do what's important to them. People are very much caught up in their own lives, doing their own thing, and some things just aren't important to them.

 

Many people refuse to leave messages on answering machines because they just don't want to start an endless phone tag chain. When you leave a message, give a good time period to return your call...when you are usually around.

 

3. "Am I being too emotional here? Too sensitive?

 

I think it's absolutely normal to hope that your phone calls to friends will be returned. But it is wrong to demand or expect anything. Don't place that kind of burden on others or yourself. Benjamin Franklin said, "Blessed is he who expects nothing for he will never be disappointed."

 

The world doesn't really care whether or not your phone calls are returned. I don't think what hurts is actually your phone calls not being returned as much as the strong messages your "friends" send by not doing so. It sort of makes you feel unimportant to your friends...and yes, this hurts pretty bad. But sometimes you just have to get strong, get mad, say screw 'em and find new friends.

 

4. "Why am I alone in this jungle of an "everyone-for-themselves" world?"

 

No, you're not alone at all. A lot of people have this problem but they just get used to it. They write off the people who don't return their calls. Business people often get hundreds of calls a day and they can't possibly return all of them. In today's world, we simply have to prioritize. For some people, you are a low priority...so make THEM a low or, better yet, NO priority as well.

 

As you get older, more and more friends that you had things in common with in the past will fall by the wayside. You will one day count your truly good friends with the fingers on your right hand. That's just the way it works.

 

And don't fool yourself into thinking you have a lot more friends that you really have. You'd be surprised how many stick around just because you fulfill some kind of psychological or other need...and when need that ceases they are gone.

 

Your true friends don't just call you when they need something. Maybe a lot of your "friends" are thinking you are like them and aren't returning your calls because they think you want something. Who knows?

[WGirl]

I know it is aggravating sometimes when you keep making an effort to be friends with somebody and they don't make any. It sounds like your friend has changed. Her life may be different or her interests may have changed. Sometimes friends grow apart. Maybe she can't tell you that. She may be afraid of hurting your feelings by taking a more direct approach. She may be busy, she may have a lot on her mind. It could be a lot of things. It sounds like you have extended yourself. The next move should be hers if she wants to continue the friendship. She may just need a little space right now to sort things out.

What has become of our society? Why do people say they'll call you back and don't? In my case males are usually call me back more than female friends. It just makes me so mad that a friend I've known since grade school hasn't returned any of my messages. I don't understand why. She just became a lawyer last year and is doing very well. We've always kept in touch, but these past two months I've left about four messages on her machine and she's never returned my calls. I called her work to see if she was still in town a month ago and her secretary told me she had gone on vacation for two weeks, but she would be back the next day. Still no reply. I left it for a month. A few days ago I called her again and said that this was the last time I was going to call her, and if she didn't return my call this time I wouldn't bother anymore because I don't want to humiliate myself all the time. It is just too unpleasant for me to be in that position. It just doesn't make sense why she wouldn't even return one call, even if it was just to explain that she was really busy. I don't know what you guys think, but I've had it with people like that! So people are busy! Big deal! It doesn't mean they have to ignore you. For myslef and my friend, not returning an occasional call is not such a big deal, but not returning a few? As friends we have never argued or fought, but now I am putting her on my "black list" and if she ever does contact me we will have something to argue about. Am I being too emotional here? Too sensitive?

 

Help!! Why am I alone in this jungle of an "everyone-for-themselves" world? The buses have been on strike for almost a month now. At the beginning of the strike it was easy to hitch-hike, but now less and less cars pick people people up because they assume we've all gone out and bought ourselves a car! Why is it looked down upon over here to not have a car? Not have a Visa Gold Card? I'm beginning to have mixed feelings about this country (Canada). Almost everyone in Poland is poor compared to here, yet people are more "humane" over there. I'm beginning to seriously consider moving back to the old country..