How long can a man put up with a controlling, co-dependent wife?

[basil67]

Road, that's a ridiculous thing to say. So when any of my male friends get married, I should immediately stop talking to them and delete myself out of their lives?

 

I think there's a mid line. While neither hubby and I have dumped our opposite sex friends, we aren't close to them either. It's about staying friendly, but not too friendly.

 

My closest friends - the ones I confide in - are all female.

[independentwoman]

What you're saying just doesn't add up and it sounds like he's grooming you. (Many MM do this) On the one hand she does nothing, goes nowhere doesn't take care of herself. On the other they have all these friends and family that just love her and think she is wonderful. But...if she doesn't go anywhere or do anything, how is that possible.

 

On the one hand he says that she never allows him to be by himself and on the other hand he manages to find time to talk to you, without her there. Doesn't add up at all.

[angel.eyes]

Yup! Sadly, tinydancer has become so emotionally involved in his tale of marital woe that she's blind to the many inconsistencies and contradictions in his story.

[S2B]

You should stop listening to his crappy life and only tell him if he's so willing to complain then he should take every last complaint to his wife directly!

 

Think about it - he's totally disrespecting her by telling you his complaints instead of her.

 

You can't fix this for him - she can work on things with him - but not if she doesn't know!

 

It's not fair of HIM to disrespect her - and it's not fair that he considers you his emotional dumping ground!

 

Why would YOU ALLOW him to dump all his emotional baggage ONTO YOU? That's not right!

 

Teach him by telling him this isn't right.

 

Think about IF your boyfriend had another gal he told all the things to that he disliked about YOU? That other woman wouldn't be capable of fixing it for you when you didn't even know.

 

HE is talking to the wrong woman - tell him to tell his wife, not you!

 

This will help you work on your boundaries - they need work.

[LargoLagg]

Apparently, she can eagerly and willingly suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

 

That's why.

[Whodatdog]

Ah yes, the old "my wife is horrible and controlling and Im so pitiful" story.

 

They buy it every time.

[Dolfin80]

Ah yes, the old "my wife is horrible and controlling and Im so pitiful" story.

 

They buy it every time.

 

OP i think your friend is manipulating you. Prob to get you into bed. He is being very disrespectful to his wife

 

He is definately not your friend.

[whichwayisup]

@whichwayisup, of course I have invested interest in my friend's wellbeing - we've been friends for about 5 years, and he's always been there for me, so of course I'm going to be there for him. I would not be a potential gf because I am already in a relationship. As for him having feelings for me, perhaps he does, but he wouldn't act on them - or at least, he knows that I wouldn't allow anything.

 

At the end of the day, I'm just trying to be there for a friend. I'm not egging him on to make one decision or another, I'm just trying to be a supporting presence. Just because I am female and he is male, does not mean something sinister is going on. I wouldn't want him romantically anyway because as much as I care for him, I think he is a bit of a coward and too much of a doormat.

 

then what's who he is. Seems he's venting and getting stuff out but has no intention of doing anything to make things better or even to make a change.

 

Many people are 'happy enough' with the status quo and will just go on until the other person makes the big change, then they are forced to do something.

 

I'm glad your intentions are pure. Sorry that I implied there could be more going on.

 

Suggest to him one last time if he is unhappy then to communicate with her and do couples counseling or at least for him to go talk to a professional. It's good you listen and give advice but after a while if the friend keeps complaining about the same stuff and nothing is ever resolved, it can be really frustrating (for you).

[CaliforniaGirl]

This sounds much like my boyfriends first marriage... She didn't change, he divorced her... She is still the same, struggling to get through life. He is much happier and does not regret his decision.

 

It's hard, but you live the life you create. At the end of the day, he has to decide when it's enough and he has to create a better life for himself. Hopefully, he doesn't waste too many years before he realizes this...

 

So what you're saying is that he divorced the wife *first*...*then* tried to do women other than the wife. Right?

 

Yeah, that's the way it's done when the guy is not a dog trying to get into other women's pants while married.